I’ve decided to start a new recurring series tonight. Let’s say you have a time machine which, given the note I found on my kitchen table this morning, I will be in possession of on March 27, 2012 at 2:57 P.M. When you inevitably travel back in time you will be faced with the obvious question of “What should I watch on TV tonight?” That is where I come in. I am going to go through past television seasons and figure out what you should have watched / watch / will watch depending on your location in the space time continuum.
I’ll start with the 1980 – 1981 season when I was a second grader full of joy and wonder. My recommendations will be based on a combination of a) what I actually watched, b) what I wish I had watched now that I am an adult and c) shows that I am now searching for DVD compilation sets. I’ll go in five year increments every week until I’m to the present. Got it? Let’s have fun with this.
(Tip of the hat to The Onion, which is doing a similar thing with the So This is What I Call Music CD series.)
(All times central since I am a Chicago boy)
Sunday:
ABC: 6: Those Amazing Animals, 7: Charlie’s Angels, 8: The Sunday Night Movie
CBS: 6: 60 Minutes, 7: Archie Bunker’s Place, 7:30: One Day at a Time, 8: Alice, 8:30 The Jeffersons, 9: Trapper John, M.D.
NBC: 6: Disney’s Wonderful World, 7: CHiPs, 8: The Big Event
Recommendations: You have to start off with 60 Minutes for news and information and as a kid I didn’t have control over the remote anyway. Besides, I didn’t really grow up as a Disney fan (I swear I haven’t seen Bambi, Snow White or Cinderella in my entire life.) 7 o’clock is a real toss up here. Archie Bunker’s Place was the follow up to All in the Family in which they kept the main character and removed everything that was actually funny. One Day at a Time was by this point losing much of their cast to rehab and people slowly beginning to wonder why no one had an issue with the building maintenance guy just randomly walking into an apartment that happened to house two teenage girls. I’d say go with Charlie’s Angels over CHiPs in a really close call, due mainly to the presence of Tom Bosley. Rest of the night is all CBS as you’ve got classic comedy in Alice and The Jeffersons followed by your medical drama in Trapper John. TV movies are boring and I have no clue what the hell The Big Event was.
Monday:
ABC: 7: That’s Incredible!, 8: Monday Night Football
CBS: 7: Flo, 7:30: Ladies’ Man, 8: MASH, 8:30 House Calls, 9: Lou Grant
NBC: 7: Little House on the Prairie, 8: Monday Night Movie
Recommendations: Real easy choices here. You have to start with That’s Incredible! I mean, the show was freaking incredible! It says so right in the title. Mainly you have to appreciate any show that provides you with footage of stunts, world records, funny animals and Cathy Lee Crosby. MASH is simply a requirement and to be honest I am about to look to see what cable channel is showing it in reruns right now. Then it is over to the Howard Cosell era of Monday Night Football. Quality night of television.
Tuesday:
ABC: 7: Happy Days, 7:30: Laverne and Shirley, 8: Three’s Company, 8:30 Too Close for Comfort, 9: Hart to Hart
CBS: 7: The White Shadow, 8: Tuesday Night Movie
NBC: 7: Lobo, 8: Local Broadcasting, 9: The Steve Allen Comedy Hour
Recommendation: The White Shadow just gets the nod over the double bill of Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley. I mean you can go either way but based off of what DVDs I want to own The White Shadow wins by a mile. A story about a high school basketball team coached by someone reminiscent of Bobby Knight is still one of my favorite shows of all time. Potsy, Lenny and Squiggy just can’t live up to that. You can tell it was a different world back in 1980 given that NBC didn’t even have programming scheduled for a portion of the day. Given the choices I’m going to have to say Three’s Company and Too Close for Comfort provide you with good comedy and Jim J. Bullock respectively and Hart to Hart provides you with, well, people named Hart. Still better than Steve Allen.
Wednesday:
ABC: 7: Eight is Enough: 8: Taxi, 8:30: Soap, 9: Vega$
CBS: 7: Enos, 8: The Wednesday Night Movie
NBC: 7: Real People, 8: Diff’rent Strokes, 8:30 The Facts of Life, 9: Quincy, M.E.
Recommendation: There was no better show as a kid than Real People. You had Sarah Purcell and Skip Stephenson and, well, real people. I swear to god that at one point in time this was like the most popular show on television and everyone was expecting Skip Stephenson to become a major star. Now I’m the only one who remembers who he is. The 8 o’clock hour shows the difference between what you’d watch as a kid and an adult. The kid choice is easy: Gary Coleman and Mrs. Garrett rule the day. But as an adult I’ve realized that Taxi and Soap are probably two of the greatest sitcoms of all time. When Andy Kaufman is your third or fourth best character on a show you are doing something right and Soap was just hysterical. Nothing beats Quincy, even though no one ever bothered to explain why the medical examiner took it upon himself to become a detective in his spare time.
Thursday:
ABC: 7: Mork and Mindy, 7:30: Bosom Buddies, 8: Barney Miller, 8:30: It’s a Living, 9: 20/20
CBS: 7: The Waltons, 8: Magnum, P.I., 9: Knots Landing
NBC: 7: Games People Play, 8: Thursday Night Movie
Recommendations: Seriously, did every night have a movie associated with it? This is what life was like in the days before cable. Anyway, I don’t think I ever missed an episode of Games People Play. The three things I remember most about it 1) the ongoing mechanical bull riding tournament, 2) the belly flop contest and 3) the world’s toughest bouncer competition (featuring Mr. T before he was famous) in which the contestants at one point have to run through a wooden door. Yep, I watched that over Robin Williams at his funniest and the surprisingly attractive Pam Dawber as well as a young Tom Hanks in drag. That said, I was seven years old. Barney Miller beats out Magnum P.I. (a show I never really liked) and I’ll probably try to find an episode of Benny Hill on somewhere in the land of syndication at 9.
Friday:
ABC: 7: Benson, 7:30: I’m a Big Girl Now, 8: The Friday Night Movie
CBS: 7: The Incredible Hulk, 8: The Dukes of Hazzard, 9: Dallas
NBC: 7: Marie, 8: Number 96, 9: NBC Magazine with David Brinkley
Recommendations: Outside of Benson you should just watch CBS all night. Problem is I found Benson funny as a kid and would probably still find it funny today. I’d say watch that for the first half hour and then switch over to the Hulk because a) Lou Ferrigno never showed up until the second half anyway and b) that way you still get to hear the piano theme. Then it is simply an hour of southern boys in cars with explosions followed by people talking about oil for an hour.
Saturday:
ABC: 7: Breaking Away, 8: The Love Boat, 9: Fantasy Island
CBS: 7: WKRP in Cincinnati, 7:30 The Tim Conway Show, 8: Freebie and the Bean, 9: Secrets of Midland Heights
NBC: 7: Brabara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters, 8: Saturday Night Movie
Recommendations: Sigh. This was seriously the golden age of sitcoms. You could grab any random episode of WKRP and it would be better than anything on television today. The fact that 30 years later if you mention Les Nessman, Dr. Johnny Fever or Venus Flytrap that people will know precisely who you are referring to speaks wonders. I don’t know what Freebie and the Bean is and to be honest I am scared to click on the Wikipedia link to find out just what I was missing. You have to go for the classic Saturday night twin bill of The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. I mean you had exotic locations, special guest stars, little people and rich Corinthian leather. No better way to spend a Saturday night.
Thoughts? Did I miss someone’s favorite show?
Wednesday Night Music Club: Josh Rouse hanging out and playing in Paris on a February night. In a perfect world everyone buys his albums and we all live happier lives as a result.
No comments:
Post a Comment