Sunday, May 09, 2010

Saying goodbye much too soon

I’d like to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts and prayers for myself and my family over this past week. You do not know how much I appreciate the gesture. This past week has been incredibly difficult for my family as we have dealt with a tragedy that has shaken us to our core but the support that we have received has just been amazing. Kim has been a rock for me; holding me together when all I wanted to do was roll in a ball and cry. And while we hurt now and wish that this would never have happened and would give anything to change the events we know that as a family we will come through closer than ever.

I’m not sure what lies for us in the world beyond this one. I know what I hope and believe in and pray for but will never know for sure. But part of me wonders if maybe, just maybe, this following theory of mine will come true. It’s scientific and touching and if Stephen Hawking is right, maybe even possible. And after a week like this I really hope that it will come true.

There are few things in life that only go in one direction. We view the world in three dimensions and there is a left and a right, an up and a down, a forward and a back. But we live in four dimensions and that fourth dimension of time only goes forward. There is no reverse on time.

There are two other physical states I know of right now that are only going one way. One is entropy, the fact that the world goes towards disorder. A plate will fall off a table into a thousand pieces but the thousand pieces will never independently recombine into a plate. The other is that the universe is ever expanding. In my mind, time and entropy and the expansion of the universe are all aspects of the same thing. They are all different views of this forward motion.

But there is one thing to keep in mind: the universe doesn’t have to keep on expanding.

Mathematically speaking the universe can at some point start to contract. If it does no one is quite sure what happens to time and entropy. It’s my hope that time will start flowing backwards and we will live life in reverse. The pieces of the plate will recombine and jump back onto the table and most importantly, everyone you have lost in your life will be seen again.

With life in reverse a funeral becomes a celebration of all of the moments that we will have. All of the joys of life are known and ahead of us. We know that we will be able to say things like I love you or give hugs or just spend those moments of joy together. And we will all end up back as babies, happy and full of wonder and peace.

I know that there is something out there after this world. I know that I will one day get to see my little buddy again and give him a big hug and tell him how much I love him. And I know that as long as I am alive I will remember his smile and his laugh and his joy. And I take comfort in that. No one ever truly leaves us as long as we hold them in our hearts.

“A short life – even a very short life – can be full of meaning” Anne Frank

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