Working on my pitch for "Sugar Daddy"

Have a couple of completely unrelated points to make tonight so I will just go about them in no particular order.

Point # 1: Let’s say for a moment that you are pitching a new reality television dating show. On this show you will have a number of young men compete for the love of an ox attractive older woman. You set it up in much the same way as The Bachelor allowing the older woman to say things like “I have a son who is older than you” and “I feel like a kid in a candy store.” Now your first big question is what will you call this show?

For all of you who said, “The Cougar”, congratulations. You are qualified to be a reality television producer. If you answered “Milf on the Prowl” I’ll give you points for creativity.

Now comes the tougher question. What network do you air “The Cougar” on?

VH1? Wrong. Spike TV? Incorrect. Fox Reality Channel? No, you want people to actually watch the show.

If you answered “TV Land” then feel free to move to Los Angeles.

Yes, I am making none of this up. Starting in a few weeks “The Cougar” will be airing on TV Land. Now I can understand the idea behind the show. Yes it makes me die a little inside but every dating show outside of The Pick Up Artist makes me feel that way. No, I am just baffled as to how TV Land, previously your home for Green Acres reruns, is considered to be the best home for this programming. And you know what, I guarantee it will be the highest rated show they’ve ever had.

Point # 2: I would like to wish everyone a Happy Dyngus Day while I still have time. For those who are wondering: no, I did not start the day by following the tradition of sneaking into the bedroom of the woman I fancy, pouring water on her head, and then hit her across the shins with a willow branch. Mainly because I would like the woman I fancy to refrain from filing a restraining order or seeking revenge of a higher order.

(I’m not making that up. Look it up in Wikipedia. Courting rituals take many shapes and forms. I just don’t know many that involve buckets of water.)

Point # 3: We had another deaths come in threes today. We lost Harry Kallas, the voice of your Philadelphia Phillies, Mark “The Bird” Fydrich, the legenday free spirit / pitcher for the Detroit Tigers and Marilyn Chambers, the former Ivory Snow girl who became well known for, uh, movies that you could rent in the back room of the video store. Somehow I have a feeling that St. Peter is having a long day sorting this group out.