Best. Episodes. Ever.

Here it is, my list of the top 20 Simpsons episodes of all time. I compiled it mainly by going though the episode guides that I have available. Technically those only make it through Season 12 but to be honest, I don’t know if there is an episode after that season that deserves consideration. Well, maybe the one where Bart answers the question of whether he understands girls with “Girls are easy, state capitals are hard.” Anyway, here is the list, with my vaguely witty comments and explanations


#20: Day of the Jacknape: Just because “I too was at the flower shop. Yep, getting drunk at the good old flower shop” is part of my daily conversation. Good Sideshow Bob episode with a brainwashed Bart trying to kill Krusty.

#19: There’s No Disgrace Like Home: The best of the early episodes. It’s the one where the family goes into counseling and all they end up doing is shocking each other to the point that the electrical grid fails. The first example of this show being way different than any other cartoon.

#18: Last Exit to Springfield: Homer takes over the union at the power plant after they choose to take a keg of beer over a dental plan, which would be useful since Lisa needs braces. Not the funniest episode of the series but probably the best in terms of social satire. I’ve seen a master’s thesis written on this episode and you can’t say that about Voltron. Well, not until I get my professor to sign off on it.

#17: Brother from the Same Planet: Bart gets a Big Brother because he is sick of his dad and Homer gets a son as well. Best remembered for the end exchange

Bart: “Dad, remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed “I’m a hemophiliac” and when he let you go you kicked him in the back?”
Homer: “Yeah?”
Bart: “Will you teach me how to do that?”
Homer: “Sure boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing til he turns away in disgust. That’s when it’s time to kick some back.”

Still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

#16: Deep Space Homer: Homer is an astronaut. Gets included only because the Inanimate Carbon Rod always gets my vote for favorite Simpsons character. “Don’t thank me. Thank this inanimate carbon rod.”

#15: Mr. Plow: Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow

#14: Saturdays of Thunder: The soapbox derby episode and probably my favorite Martin episode. “Deploy, damn you, deploy” has also entered my lexicon along with Martin having to warn Bart not to drive into the crowd or he’ll kill innocent bystanders and Bart replying “Yes, kill innocent bystanders.”

#13: Homer’s Barbershop Quartet: I don’t think anyone would have expected this episode to hold up as well as it has. It’s the best of the flashback episodes and has a heart as well as a shot at Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

#12: Radioactive Man: “The goggles! They do nothing!”

#11: Itchy and Scratchy Land: Sure, it’s a Jurassic Park parody. But the “land where nothing could possib-lie go wrong” has its moments. Especially the Bort license plates.

#10: Whacking Day: Homer’s ninja training to attack snakes is only topped by the appearance of Barry White.

#9: Homer at the Bat: The fabled softball team episode. One of those awesome guest star episodes where you wonder who thought up the idea of “Wade Boggs and Barney getting into a bar brawl around who was the greatest prime minister of England?”

#8: The Mysterious Voyage of Homer: The chili episode featuring the most freaked out, trippy section the series has ever had. Also the only time spirit animals have ever been discussed on television where the laughter invoked was intentional.

#7: Homer the Great: Stonecutters. Don’t have to say anything more.

#6: I Love Lisa: The best Ralph Wiggum episode and filled with great lines. The mediocre presidents song, Sideshow Raheem, “I’m married to the sea”, “I Choo-Choo-Choose You”, “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” All of the wonder of Ralph along with some heartbreak as well.

#5: Cape Feare: Always try to watch the original version of this episode over the syndicated version. You need to see the entire Sideshow Bob versus the rake scene for it to make sense. The best example of a joke being funny, then boring, then unbearable and finally the funniest thing you’ve ever seen by just repeating the punchline.

#4: Rosebud: Mr. Burns yearns to be reunited with his childhood toy Bobo. Also famous for being the episode with the line “Have the Rolling Stones killed.”

#3: Bart the Lover: Bart creates a fictional boyfriend for Mrs. Krabappel. Somehow the use of Gordie Howe as the picture of the boyfriend makes the entire episode

#2: Marge Versus the Monorail: Perfect episode all around with the best song they ever did. Apu: “Is there any chance the track might bend?” “Not on your life my Hindu friend.” Best episode written by Conan O’Brien.

#1: You Only Move Twice: Homer moves the family to work for Globex Corporation, which is just slightly trying to take over the world. Has about three dozen of the funniest lines ever including the motivational properties of Tom Landry’s hat and where to buy a hammock. I’d honestly like to work for Globex


I could probably write twenty pages about all of this. But this is a good shot at my favorites. Which one did I miss? Other than Frank Grimes. How the hell did that not make the list?

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Sarah McLachlan “Solace
2) Jeff Buckley “Live at Sin-E”
3) Leonard Cohen “The Essential Leonard Cohen”
4) The Police “Live”
5) Peter Gabriel “Us”