Reviewing the library...

(Before I get started I would just like to remind everyone to get out and vote and kick those bums out of power. Unless of course you would prefer to keep the bastards in charge of this country, in which case I still encourage you to vote but I also then ask that you start working on getting me a housewarming gift for my inevitable move to Sydney. Seriously, can we please inform the worst administration since Millard Fillmore that we think they shouldn’t be allowed to run a little league team, much less a country?)

Anyway, since I’m thinking of updating my DVD library I thought that I might as well list some of the discs that I do have along with my typical cynical comments. It’s not a complete list, but it will give you some insight into some deeper aspect of my personality that you may not have noticed before.

Baseketball: Or maybe not. I still find this movie to be hilarious. That makes me the only one.

Beautiful Girls: Natalie Portman’s incredible portrayal of the insanely intelligent schoolgirl almost makes up for the fact that Rosie O’Donnell plays a major role in this movie. Sadly, Natalie wasn’t a miracle worker at 14.

Glory: This is the first DVD that I ever bought. When you want to test out a new technology always go with a war film. You get explosions, bright lights and great amounts of sound and fury. It helps that this is an incredible movie, especially for a civil war buff.

Star Wars Episodes 1-6: For the record, I didn’t buy the new editions of the original films, which are actually the original films. This means that I own the “Greedo shoots first and there is a completely unnecessary scene with Jabba the Hutt included” version of the films. You know, if Lucas was half as good a filmmaker as he is a businessman the prequels may have been, oh I don’t know, interesting.

The Whit Stillman Trilogy (Metropolitan, Barcelona, and…): Ok, I don’t own Last Days of Disco on DVD yet, even though I have the movie poster hanging in my dining room. It was only vaguely released on DVD and they want like 80 bucks for it and I’m waiting for a rerelease that may never happen. Still, these films contain some of the best dialogue I’ve ever seen in a film. I wish I could write the way these characters talk.

Spider Man 1 and 2: Some say it’s a great comic book movie. I say that any film that features Kirsten Dunst with red hair is a candidate for best film ever.

Bring It On: Ok, or Kirsten Dunst as a cheerleader

The Virgin Suicides: Or Kirsten Dunst as a depressed teenager. But since I also own Lost in Translation, this is more of a case of my being a fan of Sofia Coppola than anything else.

Picnic at Hanging Rock: This is an odd little Australian film that is like Blair Witch long before that flick was even thought of. It’s spellbinding and you never know quite what is going on. The landscape becomes one of the characters as the movie progresses. Quite possibly the best film you have never heard of.

The Richard Linklatter Collection (Slacker, Dazed and Confused, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Waking Life): Obviously, I’m a huge fan of Linklatter’s work in all of its idiosyncratic glory. Whether the plotless Slacker or the pick the future star Dazed and Confused, he seems to be the one director who speaks to my generation. Waking Life is easily one of my favorite films, an animated piece about the nature of dreams (just don’t use it as a date movie. Long story. La Femme Nikita worked out better for me.)

Exotica: Within six months there were three strip club movies released. In one, Jesse from Saved by the Bell tried to dance and look sexy and failed miserably. In another, Demi Moore showed that with enough plastic surgery even an older actress can have an opportunity to portray a character with absolutely no acting skills. In Exotica, Mia Kirshner dances to a Leonard Cohen song. Yeah, this movie is pretty freaking cool. (And you can get it at Target for like 8 bucks.)

The Player: I wish I could write here about Altman’s portrayal of the vanity of the movie industry, or his eight minute, no cut, opening shot or even Lyle Lovett’s incredible role as the creepy detective. But mainly I just want to point out that Tim Robbins wears really good suits throughout the entire movie. In a lot of films I’m scouring the credits to see who is on the soundtrack. In this one I’m trying to figure out who was the tailor.

Rudy: I am required by law to own this film. If I don’t, they take back my diploma.