Aargh, me's a genius

Lots of points to make today…

1) Apologies for last night’s post not being as cohesive and insightful as the material deserved. I made the mistake of trying to write something intelligent while simultaneously keeping an eye on my fantasy football ticker as Cobra Kai held on to a one point victory. Yes, even with Peyton Manning having a horrible week I was able to ensure that no one enters the dojo and lives to tell the tale. And for once I get to thank Clinton Portis for winning me a game, by being on the other team. Seriously, they should make a fantasy football rule about this guy. Like, if you are going to draft him you should punch yourself in the groin a half dozen times because that is what it is like to have him as your starting running back.

2) Yes, and I also failed to note that yesterday was “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. In lieu of a full entry written in pirate I’ll just pass along the following joke. A pirate walks into a bar with a captain’s wheel in his pants. Bartender goes “What’s with the wheel?” and the pirate replies “Aargh…it’s driving me nuts.”

3) Yeah, I stole the joke. Look, you try to be creative every night for a year.

4) Here’s a website to check out if you were a computer geek at some point in your life: http://www.the-underdogs.org/. (Thanks to my brother for the site) These guys have basically made it possible to download every old PC game imaginable. I’m not sure what it means that I look and see the Battle of Midway game (the first Commodore 64 game I ever played) and immediately go “I need to download that.” That game is at least 22 years old and I feel that my life will not be complete without owning a copy. Is that wrong? Or the fact that I recognize most of the games on the site? This might explain a lot of things.

5) Once again, I was screwed out of a Macarthur Foundation genius grant. Here I am, inventing a new form of writing in which simple grammar and spelling are nonexistent and do I get recognized for it? No. They say things like “But what have you done for society” and “It’s not art if no one has actually seen it” and “If you don’t leave the premises were calling the police.”

6) Best news of the week is that Jennifer Aniston is now ready to date again. And I for one want to be the first to volunteer to welcome Jennifer back into the dating world. I know that it will be a difficult challenge for me but I feel that I am willing to take on the extra effort of buying her dinner and taking her to a movie. If her agent, oh let’s be honest, Jennifer, if you’re reading this, consider it an open invitation. I mean, Brad Pitt or me, it’s not really much of a contest, is it?

7) Ok, it’s audience participation time once again. I’ve realized that at times people read this without having any idea who I am. And I thank them for reading. But, to help out the newcomers I’m looking for my own version of an Infrequently Asked Questions list. Like: “Ginger or Mary Anne”, “What television character do you most identify with” and “If you could be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, which one would you be?” Just post the most interesting questions that you can come up with and I’ll do a post where you will probably learn a little more about me than you would ever want to know.