When you live my life, even getting up in the morning is an adventure. Today might have been one of the most off the wall experiences that I’ve had in a while. Alarm goes off this morning and I am wide awake and feeling good. I’m up early and it doesn’t even bother me that my local morning news decides that it is vitally important that I know that there is a Crate and Barrel opening this week. (This somehow counts as news out here). But I’m upbeat and positive, get to work early (listening to a little R.E.M. along the way) and you might have well have been playing some jaunty, walking music as I made my way to the office. Go to get some coffee and pick up my copy of the Wall Street Journal. Start flipping through the headlines and in big bold letters on the front page of the second section I see, “Everybody Hates Chris”
Well, that’s a bit of a buzzkill…
I mean, yes I know that it is in reference to the new Chris Rock show but wow, if you ever want to question your self worth read that no less an authority than the Wall Street Journal feels that everyone hates you. For the numerous lawyers reading this (including those prepping the outstanding plagiarism cases against me) can I sue for damages? I was greatly distressed by this event. I mean, if major national news magazines are proliferating the opinion that everyone hates me can’t I ask for some sort of settlement. Did the guy whose last name was Noid win his suit against Domino’s “Avoid the Noid” campaign? I really need to know.
So anyway, I have to talk about the greatest development to occur in my neighborhood since I moved here. After two years of complaining someone finally took up my idea and has opened up a hot dog stand a few blocks from my apartment. This makes my life so much better. See, it’s a Chicago thing. When you need something cheap and fast and good you look for some hole in the wall place with a Vienna Beef sign in the window and you know that there is good food waiting for you. To finally have this within walking distance is a joy to behold. Along with the killer Creole bistro in the neighborhood, I may have to rethink my belief that KC just doesn’t understand what you need to have in a city. Ten bucks that I single handedly keep these people in business.
And to reply to a comment, I am not making up the traveling pants movie. It stars the girl from Joan of Arcadia and the girl from the Gilmore Girls. You know, I’d like to think that I can relate to any movie. I mean, I’ve watched weird-ass German art films that didn’t make sense no matter what substances I was on but at least on some level I related to it. This movie could be the greatest movie ever made and I just wouldn’t get it. A magical pair of jeans? I will readily accept the fact that being bitten by a radioactive spider will give you the ability to crawl walls but I just cannot understand a magical pair of jeans.
2 comments:
What do you mean "just opened"? By my recollection there's a hot dog cart parked not two blocks from your place on Friday and Saturday nights waiting for the Lush Rush.
They taste like shit and can't hold a candle to a Chicago dog but...
So if they can make movie about a magical pair of jeans and actually get a studio to bite, it shouldn't be too much trouble to pitch Hollywood a script about three magical bar stools and their friend the conveniently located popcorn machine. The story is about how these bar stools could transport three friends to a magical land called Ripped City. The role of evil genius can be played by Dr. Wang and the sultry temptress who's siren song the three can't resist can be played by a red headed slut.
who do we get to play the red-headed slut? someone get the agents for Scarlett Johannsen, Laura Prepon, Alicia Witt on the phone.
a good (authentic) Chicago dog is comforting, but I'm still partial to italian beef. with hot giardinera, dipped.
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