In local news...

(The following story won’t make much sense unless you are really familiar with Kansas City, so it is probably meaningless to ninety percent of the people who read this. Of course, that percentage assumes that there are ten people who are actually reading this and that might be a bit of overconfidence on my part. On to the story…)

It’s sweeps month in KC and that can mean only one thing: the hard hitting expose. Yes, it’s that time when the local reporters try to make a name for themselves and find a way out of this town. Last night had what has to be one of the funniest ones that I’ve ever seen. “Outrageous actions at bar closing time” from my local NBC affiliate.

The segment starts in a midtown neighborhood with a camera shot that clearly shows the Westport post office. So it is not technically midtown (which is about a half mile north) but Westport, which is never mentioned during the entire segment. Which is only slightly important since Westport is the entertainment center for Kansas City (meaning: it’s where all the bars and clubs are). They took a hidden camera and walked around Westport (I mean “Midtown”) and showed what it was like at 3 AM when the bars close. What does that mean.

Drunk people staggering around. People throwing up. Bachelorette parties lurching out of control. Loud music from cars. Basically what you have in every single town that has a bar with a closing time (New Orleans nicely avoids this problem by simply never closing). And of course you have the upset neighbors complaining about the noise and disorderly conduct. Which in some sense is true, especially when the drunk people are on your lawn. But this went well beyond just people complaining.

The reporter went to the regulatory board wondering why these places hadn’t been shut down given the complaints and was shocked to learn that the tax revenue that they generate just might have something to do with it. The reporter then did another hidden camera expose in a bar where you got to see: people showing IDs, people buying beer and people dancing. I was shocked and outraged. Well, more because they were showing Cactus Café and I can’t believe that anyone would want it on the public record that they were ever in that place. The reporter ended the segment with what has to be the best piece of unintentional comedy that I’ve seen all year.

They’re at the Missouri courthouse. The reporter confronts the owner of one of the clubs in an elevator:

Reporter: “What do you have to say about all of the neighbor’s complaints?”
Club Owner: “Are club complies with all the regulations.”
Report: “But don’t you feel that the neighbors have a right to a quiet neighborhood.”
Club Owner (as the elevator doors close): “The club’s been open since 1977.”

Yeah, I would’ve edited that last line out of the report. When you do the report on airport noise you can’t really show the people complaining who moved in after the airport was built. Can’t wait to see what other shocking discovery we examine tonight.