(It's the end of the month and that means that I've spent most of the night writing a multi-page email. Since I'm at the end of my creative rope, here is an old piece from Life in Hell. Fresh content tomorrow)
Teacher: Now, class, who can tell me the purpose of what we have learned today? Anyone?
Binky (to himself): To be dull obedient sheep. To knuckle under to petty authority. To avoid all bundamental criticism of the powers that be. To regard those who are different with suspicion and contempt. To go along with every prevailing belief.
Teacher: I'm waiting
Binky (to himself): To fill our brains with facts without stimulating mental activity. To make us get used to meaningless busywork om preparation for our boring adult jobs. To keep us off the streets till we're eighteen. Well, here goes.
Teacher: Yes, you there in the back
Binky: Today we learned the importance of good citizenship, civic pride and keeping our desks tidy.
Teacher: Thank you, that was very good.
Binky (to himslef): And to be devious little weasels
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
Commercial time
I’ve been subject to a couple of interesting commercials recently. Mainly coming from the Kansas lottery who have come up with a brand new scheme to separate citizens from their wallets. First of all, I am a firm believer that state lotteries are simply a tax on people who are bad at math. It’s a less than zero sum game, there is no strategy involved, and all it does is sell false hope. Sure, you can make the argument that it provides entertainment and a ray of light into humanity’s otherwise bleak lives but after watching C-SPAN I have no desire to receive either entertainment or inspiration from my elected officials.
The new Kansas lottery commercial focuses on the fact that they are now online. Yes, I can now legally gamble without having to leave my living room. Even better I have twenty action filled games to choose from. Which is interesting because that implies that there is some level of strategy or skilled involved in the games. There’s a slight problem with that since it is actually illegal for lotteries to be anything but random. If not it is unfair, it’s a game of skill, and it has to be regulated differently (this is why for a while you actually couldn’t play blackjack on Illinois riverboats since with skilled play you could actually make a profit). It just bothers me that we are making it easier and easier for people to waste money on lotteries and that we go to the point of actually promoting it. You know, when we don’t promote that maybe it’s not a good idea to be fifty grand in debt just out of college. That sort of thing.
In a good sign, I actually saw a McDonald’s commercial that was encouraging me to drink water. Yes, I can’t believe it either. Sure, we are a long way away from Shamrock Shake season but this was a pretty socially conscious commercial. Grimace must be rolling over in his grave over this one. (By the way, what the hell was Grimace? I mean, Mayor McCheese was a chesseburger. The Hamburglar was obsessive compulsive. The Chicken McNuggets were, well, anthropomorphic McNuggets who probably unleashed high pitched screams as they were lowered into boiling oil. But what the hell was Grimace? A purple blob representing cholesterol?) Still, I’m happy to see that we might be slowly moving away from the super size for everyone society.
Otherwise today has just been a quiet holiday. Went out, did a little shopping, and finally cleaned my apartment. Did try to watch a little daytime television, just to see what is out there. I feel bad for kids growing up today. I mean, sure they have three hundred channel cable systems but they really can’t experience the joy of daytime television. I mean, back in my day we watched The Brady Bunch (which taught me that in retrospect my family was normal), The Monkees (which made me a music fan), Gilligan’s Island (which taught me to go for the down to earth girl over the actress), and Emergency (because any show that centered around firefighters was cool). Plus, we had real game shows. Now all you get is Jerry Springer and Judge Judy. I’m sorry, future leaders of this great country, we have let you down in the mindless entertainment department.
The new Kansas lottery commercial focuses on the fact that they are now online. Yes, I can now legally gamble without having to leave my living room. Even better I have twenty action filled games to choose from. Which is interesting because that implies that there is some level of strategy or skilled involved in the games. There’s a slight problem with that since it is actually illegal for lotteries to be anything but random. If not it is unfair, it’s a game of skill, and it has to be regulated differently (this is why for a while you actually couldn’t play blackjack on Illinois riverboats since with skilled play you could actually make a profit). It just bothers me that we are making it easier and easier for people to waste money on lotteries and that we go to the point of actually promoting it. You know, when we don’t promote that maybe it’s not a good idea to be fifty grand in debt just out of college. That sort of thing.
In a good sign, I actually saw a McDonald’s commercial that was encouraging me to drink water. Yes, I can’t believe it either. Sure, we are a long way away from Shamrock Shake season but this was a pretty socially conscious commercial. Grimace must be rolling over in his grave over this one. (By the way, what the hell was Grimace? I mean, Mayor McCheese was a chesseburger. The Hamburglar was obsessive compulsive. The Chicken McNuggets were, well, anthropomorphic McNuggets who probably unleashed high pitched screams as they were lowered into boiling oil. But what the hell was Grimace? A purple blob representing cholesterol?) Still, I’m happy to see that we might be slowly moving away from the super size for everyone society.
Otherwise today has just been a quiet holiday. Went out, did a little shopping, and finally cleaned my apartment. Did try to watch a little daytime television, just to see what is out there. I feel bad for kids growing up today. I mean, sure they have three hundred channel cable systems but they really can’t experience the joy of daytime television. I mean, back in my day we watched The Brady Bunch (which taught me that in retrospect my family was normal), The Monkees (which made me a music fan), Gilligan’s Island (which taught me to go for the down to earth girl over the actress), and Emergency (because any show that centered around firefighters was cool). Plus, we had real game shows. Now all you get is Jerry Springer and Judge Judy. I’m sorry, future leaders of this great country, we have let you down in the mindless entertainment department.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Indy notes
Quick entry tonight because, well, it is a holiday weekend and I’m not in that much of a mood to write tonight. Spent today the way I believe that I have spent nearly every Memorial Day weekend Sunday for the past ten years, half asleep on my couch watching the Indy 500. It doesn’t matter how many things I had hoped to accomplish today, I knew that once I lied down on my couch you weren’t going to be able to move me without a forklift.
First off, a comment from qualifying that I forgot to discuss last week. One of the best stories of the year is Felippe Giaffone getting the last qualifying spot at Indy. See, he didn’t have a ride for the entire month so he basically hung around the track, did some networking and hoped that someone would give him a chance. It’s the last day and knowing that he didn’t have a car to drive he decides to go shopping at Babies R Us with his wife. Where he gets a call at 1:30 in the afternoon to make his way to the racetrack because A.J. Foyt wants him in a car. Four hours later he is driving nearly two hundred and twenty miles an hour and gets the last spot. And today he ended up racing well and had a really strong finish. That’s what I dig about race car drivers, anyone who can go from being at Babies R Us to pulling five G’s in a turn without even blinking is a pretty cool customer.
Of course, the big story was Danica Patrick (who was referred to as just Danica throughout the entire race today, which struck me as odd.) I’ll say it this way, she did extremely well for a rookie, much less for being the first woman to ever lead a lap at Indy. Though she made two rookie mistakes (stalling her car in the pits and taking out a significant portion of the field in a restart) she really showed that she belonged on the racetrack. She ran strong all day and at the end there it looked like she might actually have had a chance to win it. Really impressive. It was a good race and I’ll be honest, this is the most excited I’ve been for Indy in a long time. As an old school auto racing fan, I’ll be really happy to see open wheel racing regain some popularity in the States. Given that hockey, much like the revolution, will not be televised I have to have something to watch.
Holiday tomorrow so I’ll be either shopping or watching my Blue Devils go for the men’s lacrosse championship. Have a nice day off everyone.
The five random CDs of the week
1) Chris Mills “The Silver Line”
2) Kasey Chambers “Wayward Angel”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Hooray for the Moon”
4) Robbie Fulks “13 Hillbilly Giants”
5) Paul Simon “Graceland”
First off, a comment from qualifying that I forgot to discuss last week. One of the best stories of the year is Felippe Giaffone getting the last qualifying spot at Indy. See, he didn’t have a ride for the entire month so he basically hung around the track, did some networking and hoped that someone would give him a chance. It’s the last day and knowing that he didn’t have a car to drive he decides to go shopping at Babies R Us with his wife. Where he gets a call at 1:30 in the afternoon to make his way to the racetrack because A.J. Foyt wants him in a car. Four hours later he is driving nearly two hundred and twenty miles an hour and gets the last spot. And today he ended up racing well and had a really strong finish. That’s what I dig about race car drivers, anyone who can go from being at Babies R Us to pulling five G’s in a turn without even blinking is a pretty cool customer.
Of course, the big story was Danica Patrick (who was referred to as just Danica throughout the entire race today, which struck me as odd.) I’ll say it this way, she did extremely well for a rookie, much less for being the first woman to ever lead a lap at Indy. Though she made two rookie mistakes (stalling her car in the pits and taking out a significant portion of the field in a restart) she really showed that she belonged on the racetrack. She ran strong all day and at the end there it looked like she might actually have had a chance to win it. Really impressive. It was a good race and I’ll be honest, this is the most excited I’ve been for Indy in a long time. As an old school auto racing fan, I’ll be really happy to see open wheel racing regain some popularity in the States. Given that hockey, much like the revolution, will not be televised I have to have something to watch.
Holiday tomorrow so I’ll be either shopping or watching my Blue Devils go for the men’s lacrosse championship. Have a nice day off everyone.
The five random CDs of the week
1) Chris Mills “The Silver Line”
2) Kasey Chambers “Wayward Angel”
3) Jon Dee Graham “Hooray for the Moon”
4) Robbie Fulks “13 Hillbilly Giants”
5) Paul Simon “Graceland”
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Summer reality TV schedule
Thanks to my good friends at Reality News Online I now have the upcoming summer reality TV schedule. Here are some of the highlights (and no, I am not making any of these up)
Dancing with the Stars: Six celebrities (including Rachel Hunter and one of the guys from New Kids on the Block) are paired with a professional dance partner and compete in a dance competition where one couple is eliminated each week. Best case scenario: It’s Dance Fever with celebrities. Worst case scenario: it’s Dance Fever with celebrities
Beauty and the Geek (Executive Producer: Ashton Kutcher): Seven beautiful but “academically impaired” women are paired with seven brilliant but “socially challenged me. Contests are along the lines of “Men have to compete in a fashion show, women need to build a working rocket”. All I can say is “Why the hell was I not made aware of the open casting call?” Talk about having your fifteen minutes of fame handed to you on a silver platter.
Hit Me Baby One More Time: Past artists like Loverboy and A Flock of Seagulls compete in an American Idol style competition. Again, I’m not making this up. Apparently the viewing public is dying to hear “Working for the Weekend” live one more time. I’m only watching this if the guy from Loverboy is still wearing the same headband from the video in 1981.
Big Brother 6: This will probably be my reality show addiction for the summer. I started watching it last year and at some point it begins to grow on you. Stick a bunch of people in a house with no contact with the outside world, nothing to read, no television, nothing to do but interact and then have it be a contest for a half mil. If there are cool people on the show it is fascinating. If not, it is just awful.
Rock Star: INXS: Ok, many of the people who read the blog are already part of an email chain dedicated to analyzing this show. It’s American Idol where the winner will get to be the new lead singer for INXS. First of all, I wonder if they’ll ever mention what happened to the old singer, since the story probably wouldn’t be considered fit for prime time consumption (and is depressing as hell). Second, yeah it pretty much strikes me as being completely against everything I hold dear about music but remember who is at fault here. No one is making the guys in INXS whore out their musical legacy. It’s their call, that’s the frightening thing.
The Biggest Loser 2: This show is the ultimate guilty pleasure. First of all, the concept is actually noble: several severely overweight contestants are placed on the show and are coached on diet and exercise plans and the one that loses the most weight at the end of the competition is the winner. Of course, what happens during the show can be some of the most disturbing contests ever. Like “Let’s put all of the contestants in a room filled with desserts that they’re not supposed to eat and see what happens.” Or my favorite from last year: “Ok, today’s contest is to run to the top of this fifty story skyscraper. First one to get there is guaranteed not to be eliminated.” I still can’t believe that contest. I’ve never imagined that I would watch a game show where the entire goal is to see if someone will actually suffer a heart attack while on camera.
There are more (including Tommy Lee goes to College) but these are the highlights. And when you think about it all this does is make me even more pissed that they didn’t pick up my pilot.
Dancing with the Stars: Six celebrities (including Rachel Hunter and one of the guys from New Kids on the Block) are paired with a professional dance partner and compete in a dance competition where one couple is eliminated each week. Best case scenario: It’s Dance Fever with celebrities. Worst case scenario: it’s Dance Fever with celebrities
Beauty and the Geek (Executive Producer: Ashton Kutcher): Seven beautiful but “academically impaired” women are paired with seven brilliant but “socially challenged me. Contests are along the lines of “Men have to compete in a fashion show, women need to build a working rocket”. All I can say is “Why the hell was I not made aware of the open casting call?” Talk about having your fifteen minutes of fame handed to you on a silver platter.
Hit Me Baby One More Time: Past artists like Loverboy and A Flock of Seagulls compete in an American Idol style competition. Again, I’m not making this up. Apparently the viewing public is dying to hear “Working for the Weekend” live one more time. I’m only watching this if the guy from Loverboy is still wearing the same headband from the video in 1981.
Big Brother 6: This will probably be my reality show addiction for the summer. I started watching it last year and at some point it begins to grow on you. Stick a bunch of people in a house with no contact with the outside world, nothing to read, no television, nothing to do but interact and then have it be a contest for a half mil. If there are cool people on the show it is fascinating. If not, it is just awful.
Rock Star: INXS: Ok, many of the people who read the blog are already part of an email chain dedicated to analyzing this show. It’s American Idol where the winner will get to be the new lead singer for INXS. First of all, I wonder if they’ll ever mention what happened to the old singer, since the story probably wouldn’t be considered fit for prime time consumption (and is depressing as hell). Second, yeah it pretty much strikes me as being completely against everything I hold dear about music but remember who is at fault here. No one is making the guys in INXS whore out their musical legacy. It’s their call, that’s the frightening thing.
The Biggest Loser 2: This show is the ultimate guilty pleasure. First of all, the concept is actually noble: several severely overweight contestants are placed on the show and are coached on diet and exercise plans and the one that loses the most weight at the end of the competition is the winner. Of course, what happens during the show can be some of the most disturbing contests ever. Like “Let’s put all of the contestants in a room filled with desserts that they’re not supposed to eat and see what happens.” Or my favorite from last year: “Ok, today’s contest is to run to the top of this fifty story skyscraper. First one to get there is guaranteed not to be eliminated.” I still can’t believe that contest. I’ve never imagined that I would watch a game show where the entire goal is to see if someone will actually suffer a heart attack while on camera.
There are more (including Tommy Lee goes to College) but these are the highlights. And when you think about it all this does is make me even more pissed that they didn’t pick up my pilot.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Star Wars...nothing but Star Wars....
(A comment on a comment. Please understand that there is a difference between a hot dog stand a hot dog cart. I certainly respect the hot dog cart vendor, who cares for me as I stumble my way back to my apartment and helps it my valiant effort to make myself somewhat less drunk. But what I’ve been looking for is a hot dog stand, which is best in the “it’s Saturday afternoon, there’s no way in hell I’m going to make anything to eat” sort of life. The place where you feel good in getting fast food since at least you’re not supporting a soulless corporation. I mean as opposed to every other moment of your life.)
Ok, my fun Kansas City news of the day. They are apparently filming a movie in Kelly’s tonight. Which means that Kelly’s is closed for the first time in well, possibly fifty years. Which means that tonight you have a lot of people standing around a building looking really confused. That look that says, “What do you mean the bar is closed? It’s never closed.” I swear to God, you could just sit and watch people look and stare in disbelief and then walk into the doorway or a wall because it has to be open. It just has to be. Trust me, for the ND crowd, imagine the look on my face if I walked over to the Backer and found that it was closed. Imagine that, just a thousand times over.
In other news, it will probably surprise people that I haven’t seen the new Star Wars movie yet. I know, my geekdom is now being taken into question. (Ok, my geekdom will never be questioned but a guy can hope, can’t he?) I’ve got a couple of Star Wars thoughts that I do have to share. I was thinking of great jokes to play on people outside the theater the first night. Like walking out of the theater and telling the people in line that “I can’t believe that C3PO killed all those people. It was like he was the terminator or something” or “Wow, I never expected that Lando was really Luke’s father.” Just to have some fun with the fanboys.
The second thing is based on a Wall Street Journal article on a Star Wars theme wedding. I think this is a great idea and that it should be used more often. Even if the bride and groom don’t know about it. Think about it, how awesome would it be for you and a couple of friends to show up at a wedding wearing stormtrooper outfits. Just because the bride and groom don’t want a theme wedding doesn’t mean that the rest of the crowd won’t be appreciative. I know I have some buddies out there who are nodding in agreement. As someone who has been photographed wearing a wrestling mask during a wedding reception, this just sounds like perfect sense.
Finally, I’ve mentioned G4TV before, which is the cable channel dedicated to video games. I think I am like one of four people in the country who get it and I am addicted to it. Or more specifically, I’m fascinated by Morgan Webb, the incredibly good looking host of Xplay. I’m sorry but an attractive woman talking about video games is insanely appealing. But she topped it by dressing up in a Star Wars outfit in an episode earlier this week. Ok, you know how there are row after row of books for women on how to meet men and how to get the right man and how to get married in 45 days and all of those. Here’s all you need to know. Dress up like a Star Wars character. I can guarantee you that you will receive a dozen marriage proposals before the day is over. Or at least one from me. I’m not sure I’m proud of that fact but damn, does Morgan Webb know her way around a lightsaber.
Ok, my fun Kansas City news of the day. They are apparently filming a movie in Kelly’s tonight. Which means that Kelly’s is closed for the first time in well, possibly fifty years. Which means that tonight you have a lot of people standing around a building looking really confused. That look that says, “What do you mean the bar is closed? It’s never closed.” I swear to God, you could just sit and watch people look and stare in disbelief and then walk into the doorway or a wall because it has to be open. It just has to be. Trust me, for the ND crowd, imagine the look on my face if I walked over to the Backer and found that it was closed. Imagine that, just a thousand times over.
In other news, it will probably surprise people that I haven’t seen the new Star Wars movie yet. I know, my geekdom is now being taken into question. (Ok, my geekdom will never be questioned but a guy can hope, can’t he?) I’ve got a couple of Star Wars thoughts that I do have to share. I was thinking of great jokes to play on people outside the theater the first night. Like walking out of the theater and telling the people in line that “I can’t believe that C3PO killed all those people. It was like he was the terminator or something” or “Wow, I never expected that Lando was really Luke’s father.” Just to have some fun with the fanboys.
The second thing is based on a Wall Street Journal article on a Star Wars theme wedding. I think this is a great idea and that it should be used more often. Even if the bride and groom don’t know about it. Think about it, how awesome would it be for you and a couple of friends to show up at a wedding wearing stormtrooper outfits. Just because the bride and groom don’t want a theme wedding doesn’t mean that the rest of the crowd won’t be appreciative. I know I have some buddies out there who are nodding in agreement. As someone who has been photographed wearing a wrestling mask during a wedding reception, this just sounds like perfect sense.
Finally, I’ve mentioned G4TV before, which is the cable channel dedicated to video games. I think I am like one of four people in the country who get it and I am addicted to it. Or more specifically, I’m fascinated by Morgan Webb, the incredibly good looking host of Xplay. I’m sorry but an attractive woman talking about video games is insanely appealing. But she topped it by dressing up in a Star Wars outfit in an episode earlier this week. Ok, you know how there are row after row of books for women on how to meet men and how to get the right man and how to get married in 45 days and all of those. Here’s all you need to know. Dress up like a Star Wars character. I can guarantee you that you will receive a dozen marriage proposals before the day is over. Or at least one from me. I’m not sure I’m proud of that fact but damn, does Morgan Webb know her way around a lightsaber.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Workout blues
There are a lot of things that I like about living in an apartment. Not having to worry about a lawn, for instance. The ability to feel free to blaze a path of pure destruction because you know that security deposit is a lost cause. But the joint workout room is a source of great anguish for me. I’ll explain…
See, there are a core group of us who work out at our apartment who have created a great set of unspoken rules, rule one of which is no speaking. We’re all just here to suffer through a workout and we’ve all got our headphones on and we mean business. The television set can be placed on either Seinfeld, Friends, a sporting event, or on rare occasions, the news. And if your done with the workout and you have the remote you give the remote to the person who has been there the longest.
You don’t do what someone did to me last week, which was walk out and leave the television on Wheel of Fortune. Because being stuck on a treadmill like a hamster is degrading enough, I really don’t want to be forced to spend the half hour watching Wheel of Fortune as well. No excuse that it was Kansas City week, if I’m trying to improve my body I shouldn’t have to watch something that ruins my mind.
Tonight was even worse. Was on the treadmill and grooving to a John Dee Graham CD. The girl with the remote puts on Everybody Loves Raymond. Ok, not my first choice but nothing for me to rant about. She then turns the volume to as loud as the television could possibly go. I’m not kidding, she maxed out the volume. Let’s put it this way, I had headphones on and I couldn’t hear the music that I was listening to. There is no way that it is that important to listen to Everybody Loves Raymond. You know that it is bad when you cut a workout short because if you don’t you are going to just go berserk on a complete stranger.
So, I’ve decided that I’ll need a little new inspiration to work out. Specifically, I need new music to listen to so that I can ignore all of the people that are around me. If anyone has any great songs or CDs (preferably around 45 minutes in length), let me know. They need to be upbeat and interesting. No Cat Power CDs, I can’t be falling asleep (or becoming unbelievably depressed) while I’m running laps. Post some ideas everyone.
See, there are a core group of us who work out at our apartment who have created a great set of unspoken rules, rule one of which is no speaking. We’re all just here to suffer through a workout and we’ve all got our headphones on and we mean business. The television set can be placed on either Seinfeld, Friends, a sporting event, or on rare occasions, the news. And if your done with the workout and you have the remote you give the remote to the person who has been there the longest.
You don’t do what someone did to me last week, which was walk out and leave the television on Wheel of Fortune. Because being stuck on a treadmill like a hamster is degrading enough, I really don’t want to be forced to spend the half hour watching Wheel of Fortune as well. No excuse that it was Kansas City week, if I’m trying to improve my body I shouldn’t have to watch something that ruins my mind.
Tonight was even worse. Was on the treadmill and grooving to a John Dee Graham CD. The girl with the remote puts on Everybody Loves Raymond. Ok, not my first choice but nothing for me to rant about. She then turns the volume to as loud as the television could possibly go. I’m not kidding, she maxed out the volume. Let’s put it this way, I had headphones on and I couldn’t hear the music that I was listening to. There is no way that it is that important to listen to Everybody Loves Raymond. You know that it is bad when you cut a workout short because if you don’t you are going to just go berserk on a complete stranger.
So, I’ve decided that I’ll need a little new inspiration to work out. Specifically, I need new music to listen to so that I can ignore all of the people that are around me. If anyone has any great songs or CDs (preferably around 45 minutes in length), let me know. They need to be upbeat and interesting. No Cat Power CDs, I can’t be falling asleep (or becoming unbelievably depressed) while I’m running laps. Post some ideas everyone.
Monday, May 23, 2005
It's not paranoia if the entire world really is against you...
When you live my life, even getting up in the morning is an adventure. Today might have been one of the most off the wall experiences that I’ve had in a while. Alarm goes off this morning and I am wide awake and feeling good. I’m up early and it doesn’t even bother me that my local morning news decides that it is vitally important that I know that there is a Crate and Barrel opening this week. (This somehow counts as news out here). But I’m upbeat and positive, get to work early (listening to a little R.E.M. along the way) and you might have well have been playing some jaunty, walking music as I made my way to the office. Go to get some coffee and pick up my copy of the Wall Street Journal. Start flipping through the headlines and in big bold letters on the front page of the second section I see, “Everybody Hates Chris”
Well, that’s a bit of a buzzkill…
I mean, yes I know that it is in reference to the new Chris Rock show but wow, if you ever want to question your self worth read that no less an authority than the Wall Street Journal feels that everyone hates you. For the numerous lawyers reading this (including those prepping the outstanding plagiarism cases against me) can I sue for damages? I was greatly distressed by this event. I mean, if major national news magazines are proliferating the opinion that everyone hates me can’t I ask for some sort of settlement. Did the guy whose last name was Noid win his suit against Domino’s “Avoid the Noid” campaign? I really need to know.
So anyway, I have to talk about the greatest development to occur in my neighborhood since I moved here. After two years of complaining someone finally took up my idea and has opened up a hot dog stand a few blocks from my apartment. This makes my life so much better. See, it’s a Chicago thing. When you need something cheap and fast and good you look for some hole in the wall place with a Vienna Beef sign in the window and you know that there is good food waiting for you. To finally have this within walking distance is a joy to behold. Along with the killer Creole bistro in the neighborhood, I may have to rethink my belief that KC just doesn’t understand what you need to have in a city. Ten bucks that I single handedly keep these people in business.
And to reply to a comment, I am not making up the traveling pants movie. It stars the girl from Joan of Arcadia and the girl from the Gilmore Girls. You know, I’d like to think that I can relate to any movie. I mean, I’ve watched weird-ass German art films that didn’t make sense no matter what substances I was on but at least on some level I related to it. This movie could be the greatest movie ever made and I just wouldn’t get it. A magical pair of jeans? I will readily accept the fact that being bitten by a radioactive spider will give you the ability to crawl walls but I just cannot understand a magical pair of jeans.
Well, that’s a bit of a buzzkill…
I mean, yes I know that it is in reference to the new Chris Rock show but wow, if you ever want to question your self worth read that no less an authority than the Wall Street Journal feels that everyone hates you. For the numerous lawyers reading this (including those prepping the outstanding plagiarism cases against me) can I sue for damages? I was greatly distressed by this event. I mean, if major national news magazines are proliferating the opinion that everyone hates me can’t I ask for some sort of settlement. Did the guy whose last name was Noid win his suit against Domino’s “Avoid the Noid” campaign? I really need to know.
So anyway, I have to talk about the greatest development to occur in my neighborhood since I moved here. After two years of complaining someone finally took up my idea and has opened up a hot dog stand a few blocks from my apartment. This makes my life so much better. See, it’s a Chicago thing. When you need something cheap and fast and good you look for some hole in the wall place with a Vienna Beef sign in the window and you know that there is good food waiting for you. To finally have this within walking distance is a joy to behold. Along with the killer Creole bistro in the neighborhood, I may have to rethink my belief that KC just doesn’t understand what you need to have in a city. Ten bucks that I single handedly keep these people in business.
And to reply to a comment, I am not making up the traveling pants movie. It stars the girl from Joan of Arcadia and the girl from the Gilmore Girls. You know, I’d like to think that I can relate to any movie. I mean, I’ve watched weird-ass German art films that didn’t make sense no matter what substances I was on but at least on some level I related to it. This movie could be the greatest movie ever made and I just wouldn’t get it. A magical pair of jeans? I will readily accept the fact that being bitten by a radioactive spider will give you the ability to crawl walls but I just cannot understand a magical pair of jeans.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Saturday night stories
I’ve got a couple of interesting stories from this weekend that I feel like passing along. I’ll skip my Friday night adventure where I should have just mentioned that I knew that the average human head weighed fifteen pounds because in all honesty, it couldn’t have made things any worse. Anyway, some thoughts from the weekend…
1) Did anyone catch Lindsey Lohan on Saturday Night Live? My god, what has she done to herself? She has turned herself into the least attractive person imaginable. I mean, put this side by side with the Harry Potter sketch she was in on SNL last year and you’ll be amazed that it is the same person. First of all, going from a redhead to a blonde is a horrible move. She was intriguing as a redhead, as a blonde she is indistinguishable from all of the other nineteen year old actresses out there. Plus, she seems to be going for that heroin chic look, which didn’t work a decade ago when it was popular. Lost way too much weight. There is something to be said about having a positive body image after all.
2) Had the first sign that summer is upon us as the guy carrying the cross up and down Westport Road has made his first appearance. No kidding, every weekend over the summer there are a group of people who will carry a cross in front of all of the bars in Westport. I always contrast this with New Orleans, where I have passed people on Bourbon Street with nametags that read, “Hello, my name is Satan”
3) An old story of being confronted by evangelicals on my way to a bar. Once I had these guys come up to me as I’m walking to the bar and asking “Do you know where you’re going to go when you die?” I answered that “Heaven”, which I think really confused the guy because he then went into a spiel about how I could be so sure when I was going into places of sin. Which amazes me because all I wanted to do was have a beer. I’m pretty sure that on the list of evil sitting at a bar, having a beer and watching the game doesn’t rank so high on the list.
4) Made a real effort to clean and reorganize parts of my apartment. Which means that I discovered that not only did I pack up all of my school notebooks and folders when I moved out here, I also have all of my day planners from college. Which I still haven’t thrown out. I can’t really explain it, I’m not sure why I have such a great need to hold onto my calendar from 1994. Sure, my future biographers are going to be really happy that I’ve kept it but part of me wonders what it says about my personality that things like that never go away. That said, I also found about fifty dollars worth of Irish punts, which would be good except they’ve converted to the euro so they are actually worthless right now. Oops.
5) A music note. It is really good to see The Frames getting a ton of press recently. They were written up in Esquire as one of the best bands that you haven’t heard of and everyone has picked up on the incredible energy that they have in their live shows. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a band that has been so happy to just be onstage playing. On their album “The Roads Outgrown” they have a live version of Fitzcarraldo, this sprawling nine minute epic version of the song. After it ends the lead singer simply states “This is the best life a man could ever want.” All I know is I want to find a way to say that with regards to my own life. If there is anything to strive for it is the ability to stand in front of a crowd of people and honestly express that feeling.
The five random CDs of the week
1) R.E.M. “Green”
2) The Corn Sisters “The Other Women”
3) Robbie Fulks “The Very Best of Robbie Fulks”
4) Steve Earle “Transcendental Blues”
5) Coldplay “Live 2003”
1) Did anyone catch Lindsey Lohan on Saturday Night Live? My god, what has she done to herself? She has turned herself into the least attractive person imaginable. I mean, put this side by side with the Harry Potter sketch she was in on SNL last year and you’ll be amazed that it is the same person. First of all, going from a redhead to a blonde is a horrible move. She was intriguing as a redhead, as a blonde she is indistinguishable from all of the other nineteen year old actresses out there. Plus, she seems to be going for that heroin chic look, which didn’t work a decade ago when it was popular. Lost way too much weight. There is something to be said about having a positive body image after all.
2) Had the first sign that summer is upon us as the guy carrying the cross up and down Westport Road has made his first appearance. No kidding, every weekend over the summer there are a group of people who will carry a cross in front of all of the bars in Westport. I always contrast this with New Orleans, where I have passed people on Bourbon Street with nametags that read, “Hello, my name is Satan”
3) An old story of being confronted by evangelicals on my way to a bar. Once I had these guys come up to me as I’m walking to the bar and asking “Do you know where you’re going to go when you die?” I answered that “Heaven”, which I think really confused the guy because he then went into a spiel about how I could be so sure when I was going into places of sin. Which amazes me because all I wanted to do was have a beer. I’m pretty sure that on the list of evil sitting at a bar, having a beer and watching the game doesn’t rank so high on the list.
4) Made a real effort to clean and reorganize parts of my apartment. Which means that I discovered that not only did I pack up all of my school notebooks and folders when I moved out here, I also have all of my day planners from college. Which I still haven’t thrown out. I can’t really explain it, I’m not sure why I have such a great need to hold onto my calendar from 1994. Sure, my future biographers are going to be really happy that I’ve kept it but part of me wonders what it says about my personality that things like that never go away. That said, I also found about fifty dollars worth of Irish punts, which would be good except they’ve converted to the euro so they are actually worthless right now. Oops.
5) A music note. It is really good to see The Frames getting a ton of press recently. They were written up in Esquire as one of the best bands that you haven’t heard of and everyone has picked up on the incredible energy that they have in their live shows. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a band that has been so happy to just be onstage playing. On their album “The Roads Outgrown” they have a live version of Fitzcarraldo, this sprawling nine minute epic version of the song. After it ends the lead singer simply states “This is the best life a man could ever want.” All I know is I want to find a way to say that with regards to my own life. If there is anything to strive for it is the ability to stand in front of a crowd of people and honestly express that feeling.
The five random CDs of the week
1) R.E.M. “Green”
2) The Corn Sisters “The Other Women”
3) Robbie Fulks “The Very Best of Robbie Fulks”
4) Steve Earle “Transcendental Blues”
5) Coldplay “Live 2003”
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Another week older
Some comments on last night’s comments and some other news and notes
1) Actually, the weight of a human head is in the fifteen to twenty pound range. Jonathan Lipnicki did have it wrong in Jerry Maguire. This should teach you one thing: Tom Cruise is a liar and can never be trusted. Are you listening to me Katie? I want you to realize this when you come crying back to me.
2) No, I have not read the latest Ya-Ya sisterhood book. I am much more psyched about the upcoming film “The sisterhood of the traveling pants.” Which is about a miraculous pair of jeans shared amongst a group of friends. And they said there are no new ideas any more. How do you pitch this movie, “It’s about a pair of jeans and its incredible journey.” What is the male equivalent of this? My guess is “The brotherhood of the Girls Gone Wild DVD.”
3) I would like to thank George Lucas for the following. Natalie Portman attended the premiere of Star Wars sporting a shaved head, which she did for her latest movie. When asked why in the world she shaved her head instead of using some special effects she replied, “After some of the hairstyles that I’ve had to sport in movies shaving my head was kind of liberating.” Thanks George, only you could inspire one of the most beautiful women on the planet to shave her head.
4) Caught the end of the Pistons-Pacers game tonight (in a bar, naturally). The Pistons were the better team and deserved to win but it is tough to see Reggie Miller go. He may not have been the most complete player ever but he was a gunner extraordinaire. You have to give a lot of credit who can make a living in the NBA based on his ability to hit three pointers for nearly twenty years. He was one of those guys who, if your life was hanging in the balance, that you would want to take the shot.
5) So, my neck of the woods made the news yesterday due to a bank robbery. First of all, the guy came from Wichita to rob the bank, which makes sense given that a Wichita bank has maybe a hundred dollars stored in it. Second, he had a sense of style in wearing a “Show me the money” t-shirt while robbing the bank. You know, if you’re going to go out, you might as well go out in style.
6) Last item, for those looking for an interesting read on society from an economist’s point of view, check out the book “Freakonomics.” Just finished reading it and it will make you think. I’m pretty sure it correctly answered why crack dealers lived with their mothers (and showed a great deal of similarity between street gangs and McDonald’s). The section on why the crime rate fell in the 90’s is still controversial but I think the math is right. Interesting book to check out.
1) Actually, the weight of a human head is in the fifteen to twenty pound range. Jonathan Lipnicki did have it wrong in Jerry Maguire. This should teach you one thing: Tom Cruise is a liar and can never be trusted. Are you listening to me Katie? I want you to realize this when you come crying back to me.
2) No, I have not read the latest Ya-Ya sisterhood book. I am much more psyched about the upcoming film “The sisterhood of the traveling pants.” Which is about a miraculous pair of jeans shared amongst a group of friends. And they said there are no new ideas any more. How do you pitch this movie, “It’s about a pair of jeans and its incredible journey.” What is the male equivalent of this? My guess is “The brotherhood of the Girls Gone Wild DVD.”
3) I would like to thank George Lucas for the following. Natalie Portman attended the premiere of Star Wars sporting a shaved head, which she did for her latest movie. When asked why in the world she shaved her head instead of using some special effects she replied, “After some of the hairstyles that I’ve had to sport in movies shaving my head was kind of liberating.” Thanks George, only you could inspire one of the most beautiful women on the planet to shave her head.
4) Caught the end of the Pistons-Pacers game tonight (in a bar, naturally). The Pistons were the better team and deserved to win but it is tough to see Reggie Miller go. He may not have been the most complete player ever but he was a gunner extraordinaire. You have to give a lot of credit who can make a living in the NBA based on his ability to hit three pointers for nearly twenty years. He was one of those guys who, if your life was hanging in the balance, that you would want to take the shot.
5) So, my neck of the woods made the news yesterday due to a bank robbery. First of all, the guy came from Wichita to rob the bank, which makes sense given that a Wichita bank has maybe a hundred dollars stored in it. Second, he had a sense of style in wearing a “Show me the money” t-shirt while robbing the bank. You know, if you’re going to go out, you might as well go out in style.
6) Last item, for those looking for an interesting read on society from an economist’s point of view, check out the book “Freakonomics.” Just finished reading it and it will make you think. I’m pretty sure it correctly answered why crack dealers lived with their mothers (and showed a great deal of similarity between street gangs and McDonald’s). The section on why the crime rate fell in the 90’s is still controversial but I think the math is right. Interesting book to check out.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Top 10 things to know on a first date
First of all, the phrase “Kudzu is for quitters” needs to be placed on a t-shirt. I really feel that it has the chance of becoming this year’s “Vote for Pedro.” Along with my NCAA licensed beer pong t-shirt I think I sense a money making opportunity here.
Anyway, when you’re like me you’ll find yourself on more email lists than you would care to mention, all of which are trying to improve your life in one way or another. Do to my once looking at getting an emode account I get fun relationship spam. I swear, this was sent to me a week ago. Here are the top 10 things to know on a first date (along with my helpful analysis)
1) Current events… and we’re not talking celebrity stuff
Oh, so the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes relationship isn’t proper first date conversation? He’s dating a girl who had a poster of him on her wall, how can that not be a conversation starter. Plus, I’ve been reminded repeatedly to never get into a discussion of current events since I turn it into a political discussion and say things like “How could we have elected the worst president since Millard Fillmore and then reelected him?” or “You know, since Kansas has decided not to teach evolution in its schools I really feel that they should cut out sex ed and just tell the students that babies are delivered by storks and dropped down chimneys. And if you don’t have a chimney then tough luck.”
2) Know what sport is in season and know the name of your team
Let’s see, football is over. College basketball is done and pro basketball is boring. Hockey no longer exists. Baseball is in season but this is Kansas City so that doesn’t really count. I guess this means I’ll start the topic with “How about that Jeff Gordon? He sure knows how to turn left, doesn’t he?”
3) Have at least heard of three of the New York Times Bestsellers
Love the fact that you just had to have heard of them. Lord knows you wouldn’t want to show someone that you are literate or something. For most women the three books would be The Da Vinci Code, He’s Just Not That Into You and whatever the chick lit book of the month is (this month: the Ya-Ya sisterhood). For guys it will be the latest Stephen King novel, the latest John Grisham novel, and the latest pro wrestler autobiography.
4) Know how to correctly pronounce the last place you traveled
I love the fact that this implies that you can vacation somewhere and have no idea how to pronounce it. Especially when it will most likely be some exotic location like “Orlando” or “Las Vegas”. Wouldn’t you much rather have a really good story about where you’d like to visit or the cool story about when you were lost in a foreign country? Just seems like a much better thing to talk about on a first date.
5) Know the difference between a Cabernet and a Chardonnay
About five bucks a glass. They’re also two things I don’t drink. However, this does lead to the possibility of just turning a first date into the ultimate quiz. “Quick, what are the ingredients in a Red Headed Slut?” If the person sitting across from me can answer that (or will at least be willing to down a few with me) I’ll definitely be interested. Also on the list “Name the three years that Duke won national championships”, “Name the colors of all of the lions in Voltron” and “If you had a choice of listening to Brittney Spears next album or sticking your hand in a blender, which would you choose?”
6) Have at least one interesting piece of trivia to talk about (e.g., the human adult head weighs 15-20 lbs).
What?
What?
What?
Ok, I’m a trivia maven. I have the high score in bar trivia in four states. I’ve actually been barred from contests. It has never, ever helped me to pick up chicks. I can tell you exactly how this conversation would go.
EC: “Did you know the average human head weighs 20 lbs but I bet yours is only 15.”
Woman at bar: “Uh, ok. Are you like, a serial killer or something?”
Knowledge is nice. It can sometimes be useful. When you know something about a topic the other person is passionate about trivia can be wonderful common ground. The quoted example, that’s just frightening.
7) Know how to tell one joke well
However try to avoid prop comedy. You really shouldn’t remind your date of Carrot Top in any way, shape or form. Or break out the sledge-o-matic (even though that would be a night that she would never forget). Again, it’s good to have a sense of humor but do you really need to get into a stand up routine?
8) Know the big art scene (music, theatre, movies) in your area
It’s Kansas City so I’m basically screwed here. It’s like, “Hey did you see the new Jennifer Lopez movie at the Enormo-Plex?” (Did you know that some theaters weren’t showing that film because Jane Fonda was in it and they were still upset about the Vietnam stuff. How about not showing it because it is another crappy Jennifer Lopez movie?) Plus, since I’ve got such alternative tastes I have to be careful not to get into discussions on bands that no one outside of the subscribers of No Depression have ever heard of.
9) If the restaurant menu is stumping you – just point
Also, if the restaurant menu is stumping you the mating process is also going to present you with a number of challenges. You might as well take a step back and learn to read before you attempt to propagate the species.
10) Where you parked your car
And how to make your cel phone ring without anybody calling you…
Again, I didn’t make any of these up. This is the advice I get. If anyone has anything better, please let me know.
Anyway, when you’re like me you’ll find yourself on more email lists than you would care to mention, all of which are trying to improve your life in one way or another. Do to my once looking at getting an emode account I get fun relationship spam. I swear, this was sent to me a week ago. Here are the top 10 things to know on a first date (along with my helpful analysis)
1) Current events… and we’re not talking celebrity stuff
Oh, so the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes relationship isn’t proper first date conversation? He’s dating a girl who had a poster of him on her wall, how can that not be a conversation starter. Plus, I’ve been reminded repeatedly to never get into a discussion of current events since I turn it into a political discussion and say things like “How could we have elected the worst president since Millard Fillmore and then reelected him?” or “You know, since Kansas has decided not to teach evolution in its schools I really feel that they should cut out sex ed and just tell the students that babies are delivered by storks and dropped down chimneys. And if you don’t have a chimney then tough luck.”
2) Know what sport is in season and know the name of your team
Let’s see, football is over. College basketball is done and pro basketball is boring. Hockey no longer exists. Baseball is in season but this is Kansas City so that doesn’t really count. I guess this means I’ll start the topic with “How about that Jeff Gordon? He sure knows how to turn left, doesn’t he?”
3) Have at least heard of three of the New York Times Bestsellers
Love the fact that you just had to have heard of them. Lord knows you wouldn’t want to show someone that you are literate or something. For most women the three books would be The Da Vinci Code, He’s Just Not That Into You and whatever the chick lit book of the month is (this month: the Ya-Ya sisterhood). For guys it will be the latest Stephen King novel, the latest John Grisham novel, and the latest pro wrestler autobiography.
4) Know how to correctly pronounce the last place you traveled
I love the fact that this implies that you can vacation somewhere and have no idea how to pronounce it. Especially when it will most likely be some exotic location like “Orlando” or “Las Vegas”. Wouldn’t you much rather have a really good story about where you’d like to visit or the cool story about when you were lost in a foreign country? Just seems like a much better thing to talk about on a first date.
5) Know the difference between a Cabernet and a Chardonnay
About five bucks a glass. They’re also two things I don’t drink. However, this does lead to the possibility of just turning a first date into the ultimate quiz. “Quick, what are the ingredients in a Red Headed Slut?” If the person sitting across from me can answer that (or will at least be willing to down a few with me) I’ll definitely be interested. Also on the list “Name the three years that Duke won national championships”, “Name the colors of all of the lions in Voltron” and “If you had a choice of listening to Brittney Spears next album or sticking your hand in a blender, which would you choose?”
6) Have at least one interesting piece of trivia to talk about (e.g., the human adult head weighs 15-20 lbs).
What?
What?
What?
Ok, I’m a trivia maven. I have the high score in bar trivia in four states. I’ve actually been barred from contests. It has never, ever helped me to pick up chicks. I can tell you exactly how this conversation would go.
EC: “Did you know the average human head weighs 20 lbs but I bet yours is only 15.”
Woman at bar: “Uh, ok. Are you like, a serial killer or something?”
Knowledge is nice. It can sometimes be useful. When you know something about a topic the other person is passionate about trivia can be wonderful common ground. The quoted example, that’s just frightening.
7) Know how to tell one joke well
However try to avoid prop comedy. You really shouldn’t remind your date of Carrot Top in any way, shape or form. Or break out the sledge-o-matic (even though that would be a night that she would never forget). Again, it’s good to have a sense of humor but do you really need to get into a stand up routine?
8) Know the big art scene (music, theatre, movies) in your area
It’s Kansas City so I’m basically screwed here. It’s like, “Hey did you see the new Jennifer Lopez movie at the Enormo-Plex?” (Did you know that some theaters weren’t showing that film because Jane Fonda was in it and they were still upset about the Vietnam stuff. How about not showing it because it is another crappy Jennifer Lopez movie?) Plus, since I’ve got such alternative tastes I have to be careful not to get into discussions on bands that no one outside of the subscribers of No Depression have ever heard of.
9) If the restaurant menu is stumping you – just point
Also, if the restaurant menu is stumping you the mating process is also going to present you with a number of challenges. You might as well take a step back and learn to read before you attempt to propagate the species.
10) Where you parked your car
And how to make your cel phone ring without anybody calling you…
Again, I didn’t make any of these up. This is the advice I get. If anyone has anything better, please let me know.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Branson strikes back
I think that I watched the latest sign of the apocalypse this morning. It was a commercial for “Dolly Parton’s Dixieland Stampede”. Trust me, I couldn’t make the following up if I tried. It’s located in Branson, Missouri (what a surprise). Here’s the details. Imagine Medieval Times. Exact same setup, crowd in this arena bowl, big dirt arena floor, food being lovingly thrown in your vague direction. But instead of seeing knights on horseback you see, well, you see the wonders of southern culture. Which includes: 1) bulls trying to stampede except that they can only run about twenty feet before needing to turn around, 2) chickens scampering around the floor, 3) guys chasing pigs and 4) people riding ostriches. I swear, every single one of those was shown in the commercial. It’s the ostriches that are confusing me. Maybe it’s some form of rural transportation that I’m just not aware of. Like when you’re fourteen and not old enough to drive they hand you the ostrich and you use that to get to school.
Surprisingly, my first reaction is not “Oh my God, I can’t believe that I’m in the target audience for this.” For Yakov that reaction still holds but for Dolly Parton I have a different reaction. See, I’m an alternative country guy. I read No Depression religiously and I’ve been told repeatedly that Dolly Parton is a classic artist that we need to revere like Johnny Cash and Hank Williams. I even like some of her songs, though I feel that Mindy Smith’s version of Jolene beats Dolly’s by a mile. Given that, I really don’t want to see her name tied to a bad rip off of Medieval Times. I wouldn’t want to wish that on anybody. Unless the money was really good.
Did see online a news story that shows that science is becoming more and more useful every day. In what will easily win my award for scientific research of the year, a couple of scientists have discovered a use for kudzu, the vine that has taken over much of the south. Apparently, the kudzu extract heightens the effects of alcohol. The study, which I so wish I was a part of, had people sitting on a couch in a makeshift apartment watching tv and drinking beer. Half the participants got the kudzu, the other half the placebo. Those taking the kudzu drank half as much as the placebo. The scientists state that they are hoping this will provide a method to help reduce binge drinking.
Of course, I’m a little more forward thinking than that. I see this as one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind. From my viewpoint, this means that I can drink less, save money, still get buzzed, all while reducing the hangover since I ingested less alcohol. It’s the classic hangover cure (just drink less) without any of the nasty social issues. I would like to volunteer to be a part of the first trial of this wonder drug. Sure, it will probably cause me to grow gills but think of the long term benefits.
I do want to know who they got to agree to foot the funding bill for their experiment. Especially the apartment setup. I’ve worked on some experiments in my time and funding meetings are the most serious and hence, boring things that you can ever be a part of. I don’t know how you get through this one with a straight face: “Ok, we want to have people sit around and watch football while we keep track of how much they drink. Can we have five million dollars?” Can I ask for funding to see if hand eye coordination in adults can be improved through the use of a Playstation 2?
Surprisingly, my first reaction is not “Oh my God, I can’t believe that I’m in the target audience for this.” For Yakov that reaction still holds but for Dolly Parton I have a different reaction. See, I’m an alternative country guy. I read No Depression religiously and I’ve been told repeatedly that Dolly Parton is a classic artist that we need to revere like Johnny Cash and Hank Williams. I even like some of her songs, though I feel that Mindy Smith’s version of Jolene beats Dolly’s by a mile. Given that, I really don’t want to see her name tied to a bad rip off of Medieval Times. I wouldn’t want to wish that on anybody. Unless the money was really good.
Did see online a news story that shows that science is becoming more and more useful every day. In what will easily win my award for scientific research of the year, a couple of scientists have discovered a use for kudzu, the vine that has taken over much of the south. Apparently, the kudzu extract heightens the effects of alcohol. The study, which I so wish I was a part of, had people sitting on a couch in a makeshift apartment watching tv and drinking beer. Half the participants got the kudzu, the other half the placebo. Those taking the kudzu drank half as much as the placebo. The scientists state that they are hoping this will provide a method to help reduce binge drinking.
Of course, I’m a little more forward thinking than that. I see this as one of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind. From my viewpoint, this means that I can drink less, save money, still get buzzed, all while reducing the hangover since I ingested less alcohol. It’s the classic hangover cure (just drink less) without any of the nasty social issues. I would like to volunteer to be a part of the first trial of this wonder drug. Sure, it will probably cause me to grow gills but think of the long term benefits.
I do want to know who they got to agree to foot the funding bill for their experiment. Especially the apartment setup. I’ve worked on some experiments in my time and funding meetings are the most serious and hence, boring things that you can ever be a part of. I don’t know how you get through this one with a straight face: “Ok, we want to have people sit around and watch football while we keep track of how much they drink. Can we have five million dollars?” Can I ask for funding to see if hand eye coordination in adults can be improved through the use of a Playstation 2?
Monday, May 16, 2005
Star Wars countdown...
Ok, I’ve just seen the Burger King commercial. You know the one. With the Darth Vader-freaky Burger King costume dude staredown. I’m disturbed by all of this. First of all, I have no idea how the scariest mascot ever presented is supposed to encourage me to purchase fast food. Seriously, is there a more frightening sight than that Burger King mask? I mean, it makes you long for the days of the Jolly Green Giant walking around, flattening whole villages, and having biological functions that really, really screw up the environment. But I digress.
The real thing that bothers me is the complete whoring out of Star Wars. Sure, it is a pure pop culture phenomenon and I grew up with it. Had the action figures and the lunch box. Avoided the sheets and bedspreads and the pajamas though. I even remember watching the Star Wars Christmas Special the day it was broadcast. (If you ever want to be freaked out of your mind, search Ebay for a copy of it. It may be one of the most bizarre things ever shown on broadcast television). But even with all that, even given that the entire thing is basically one big marketing campaign, you don’t want to see Darth Vader selling hamburgers. Here is one of the iconic images of the last thirty years, one of those few movie characters who really seems to strike a universal chord in an audience. Doesn’t it cheapen the character to just turn it into a shill?
For those wondering, I am not going to be one of the first in line to see the new movie. I will see it, maybe this weekend, maybe not. Part of me wants to skip the opening weekend in a silent protest to George Lucas. He’s going to end up with my money anyway, might as well make him wait a little while. Plus, I really need more than twenty four hours to finish off my Boba Fett costume. (I’m kidding. Though it would be pretty sweet).
Another update on my life, I did finish Mike Gayle’s “Dinner for Two” and my life didn’t turn upside down. At least that I know of. I have to say, I am still walking on eggshells, wondering when I am going to open my email and discover a message that makes me question my entire life once again. Does anyone else have coincidences like this? I mean, where a book or a song or some random event seems to signal a turn of events in your life. My other one is that there is this no name brass band out of Madison, Wisconsin of all places who seem to be the bearer of bad news for me. I’ve seen them twice in my life and both times within a week I was in the hospital. I might fear no man but I definitely fear this band.
Pretty much it for a Monday night. We need some new pop culture news fast. Come on, there has to be a teen diva just dying to do something stupid. This is America, we need popular people to fail. It makes us all feel better about our own lives. Wow, how cynical is that?
The real thing that bothers me is the complete whoring out of Star Wars. Sure, it is a pure pop culture phenomenon and I grew up with it. Had the action figures and the lunch box. Avoided the sheets and bedspreads and the pajamas though. I even remember watching the Star Wars Christmas Special the day it was broadcast. (If you ever want to be freaked out of your mind, search Ebay for a copy of it. It may be one of the most bizarre things ever shown on broadcast television). But even with all that, even given that the entire thing is basically one big marketing campaign, you don’t want to see Darth Vader selling hamburgers. Here is one of the iconic images of the last thirty years, one of those few movie characters who really seems to strike a universal chord in an audience. Doesn’t it cheapen the character to just turn it into a shill?
For those wondering, I am not going to be one of the first in line to see the new movie. I will see it, maybe this weekend, maybe not. Part of me wants to skip the opening weekend in a silent protest to George Lucas. He’s going to end up with my money anyway, might as well make him wait a little while. Plus, I really need more than twenty four hours to finish off my Boba Fett costume. (I’m kidding. Though it would be pretty sweet).
Another update on my life, I did finish Mike Gayle’s “Dinner for Two” and my life didn’t turn upside down. At least that I know of. I have to say, I am still walking on eggshells, wondering when I am going to open my email and discover a message that makes me question my entire life once again. Does anyone else have coincidences like this? I mean, where a book or a song or some random event seems to signal a turn of events in your life. My other one is that there is this no name brass band out of Madison, Wisconsin of all places who seem to be the bearer of bad news for me. I’ve seen them twice in my life and both times within a week I was in the hospital. I might fear no man but I definitely fear this band.
Pretty much it for a Monday night. We need some new pop culture news fast. Come on, there has to be a teen diva just dying to do something stupid. This is America, we need popular people to fail. It makes us all feel better about our own lives. Wow, how cynical is that?
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Survivor recap
Just finished watching the Survivor finale and wow, that was different. First of all, congrats to Tom for becoming the first player to win by being a strong competitor since Ethan in Survivor: Africa. I mean, the guy was just a challenge machine. No matter what the competition, this dude could do it. Need to run with eighty pounds of weight on your back, he’s your man. Need to digest a large number of partially developed chicken eggs? You can count on him. Need someone to lie and break alliances at will? The fireman from New York will do it with style. I’m really happy that he won.
The more interesting thing is Ian sacrificing himself in the final three challenge. After standing on a buoy clutching a pole for eleven hours, he decided that his integrity mattered more to him than a million dollars and he volunteered to step down in order to secure his friendship with Tom. That may be the first time in the history of reality television that someone made a noble move. I’m happy that he doesn’t regret his decision and that he realized that, at some point, there is more to life than winning a game. He also put together a heck of a game. I mean, when they do All-Stars 2 look for Tom, Ian, and Stephanie to make the cut.
Otherwise, not much is really going on. Spent a good portion of the weekend cleaning up the apartment. You know there isn’t much going on with your life when you decide to take a few hours to reorganize your bookshelves. It’s actually a pretty challenging situation. See, I’m the type of person who has an alphabetized CD collection, lovingly documented in a spreadsheet including breakdowns by genre and year of release so if I want to listen to Alt Rock from 1993 I can use filters to select the exact disc that I’m looking for. But my book collection is a scattershot affair.
Plus, I’ve got bookcases in every room and some books, well, aren’t of the highest quality. I mean, you can’t put Ulysses next to your collection of Dilbert cartoons. So I have to organize the collection by author, by hardcover and make sure that people will see a copy of The Da Vinci Code so that when they look at my collection there is at least one title that they recognize. There is one thing that I like about doing this, I’m proud of the fact that I have such a large library that this is actually an issue. So few people read anymore and I’m happy that I’m one of the few people left who has numerous floor to ceiling bookshelves.
That’s about it. Congratulations to all of the grads out there. This weekend marked the tenth anniversary of my college graduation. Yes, ten years ago someone actually signed a piece of paper saying that I was qualified to be an electrical engineer. I don’t know what they were thinking. That said, I don’t know what I was thinking either. I really wonder how many people actually end up doing what they went into college thinking they were going to be. I always knew that I was going to change my mind a half dozen times in the process. To me, that is what makes life fun. There is so much to learn, why confine yourself to one field.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Gram Parsons “GP / Grievous Angel”
2) Steve Earle and the Del McCoury Band “The Mountain”
3) Kelly Hogan “Because It Feel Good”
4) The Handsome Family “Live At Shuba’s Tavern”
5) Kelly Willis “Reason To Believe”
The more interesting thing is Ian sacrificing himself in the final three challenge. After standing on a buoy clutching a pole for eleven hours, he decided that his integrity mattered more to him than a million dollars and he volunteered to step down in order to secure his friendship with Tom. That may be the first time in the history of reality television that someone made a noble move. I’m happy that he doesn’t regret his decision and that he realized that, at some point, there is more to life than winning a game. He also put together a heck of a game. I mean, when they do All-Stars 2 look for Tom, Ian, and Stephanie to make the cut.
Otherwise, not much is really going on. Spent a good portion of the weekend cleaning up the apartment. You know there isn’t much going on with your life when you decide to take a few hours to reorganize your bookshelves. It’s actually a pretty challenging situation. See, I’m the type of person who has an alphabetized CD collection, lovingly documented in a spreadsheet including breakdowns by genre and year of release so if I want to listen to Alt Rock from 1993 I can use filters to select the exact disc that I’m looking for. But my book collection is a scattershot affair.
Plus, I’ve got bookcases in every room and some books, well, aren’t of the highest quality. I mean, you can’t put Ulysses next to your collection of Dilbert cartoons. So I have to organize the collection by author, by hardcover and make sure that people will see a copy of The Da Vinci Code so that when they look at my collection there is at least one title that they recognize. There is one thing that I like about doing this, I’m proud of the fact that I have such a large library that this is actually an issue. So few people read anymore and I’m happy that I’m one of the few people left who has numerous floor to ceiling bookshelves.
That’s about it. Congratulations to all of the grads out there. This weekend marked the tenth anniversary of my college graduation. Yes, ten years ago someone actually signed a piece of paper saying that I was qualified to be an electrical engineer. I don’t know what they were thinking. That said, I don’t know what I was thinking either. I really wonder how many people actually end up doing what they went into college thinking they were going to be. I always knew that I was going to change my mind a half dozen times in the process. To me, that is what makes life fun. There is so much to learn, why confine yourself to one field.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Gram Parsons “GP / Grievous Angel”
2) Steve Earle and the Del McCoury Band “The Mountain”
3) Kelly Hogan “Because It Feel Good”
4) The Handsome Family “Live At Shuba’s Tavern”
5) Kelly Willis “Reason To Believe”
Friday, May 13, 2005
Hitting the archives...
Ok, it's really late so I'm just going to post one of my old travel journal entries once again. But a quick note on something that has been bugging me: Renee Zelwigger broke up with Damien Rice to marry Kenny Chesney. Wow. If you ever needed absolute proof that she doesn't have a brain in her head, that basically is it.
Anyway, more reflections on Ireland...
St. Stephen’s Green:
When we finally got to the hotel in Dublin that Monday we had maybe two hours before we needed to get together for dinner and the play. I was full of energy so I decided to take a walk around. My goal was to walk to St. Stephen’s Green for two reasons: 1) I really wanted to spend some time walking around the place and 2) if I could find the place then I could walk around Dublin by memory, if not I knew I was going to be lost beyond belief. I found it without having any real problems. Plus, it was maybe ten minutes from my hotel and it was a fifteen minute walk to the foot of Grafton Street.
The first thing I saw when I walked through the gates to the park was this statue of the three fates. There they were, the kindly ones, with the green patina forming over the figures as they held the string of human life in their hands. It is one of the neatest statues I have ever seen, especially if you have a understanding of what the figures represent. To compound my fascination with this statue is who donated it. It was a gift from the German government, to give thanks for the help of the Irish people in the aftermath of World War II. The fates being presented after the ravages of war. Every time I walked past this statue I just wondered on how many ways one can interpret this, if the fates would be kind or not, and if the hope is that the cord of life will be long.
The Green itself is like Grant Park just more enclosed and more beautiful. Wonderful open spaces and flowers and a wonderful feel of nature. One of the odd things about Ireland is the difference between rural Ireland and Urban Ireland. Since so much of Ireland is rural when driving around you really seem to be attached to nature. There are no skyscrapers, no urban sprawl, just rolling fields glowing green. The cities, on the other hand, are your standard mass of concrete built on a scale that was correct hundreds of years ago but seem out of place today. A place like St. Stephen’s Green is an oasis in the mist of an aged city. The streets have history, but there is a place beyond stone and concrete.
Like Grant Park, and all urban parks, it was filled to the brim with people. Mainly young, many in full make out mode. And I do mean full. Another one of those things that I have forgotten about, haven’t really encountered that in the years since college. For all I make of the fact that I notice details, I seem to ignore life every once in a while. These are the things that I take from this place, beauty and life. It is a wonderful peaceful place in a city that has been racked by struggle through most of its history. Plus, it is a place that now belongs to the people, where as before it was always locked and only the rich could enjoy it.
Anyway, more reflections on Ireland...
St. Stephen’s Green:
When we finally got to the hotel in Dublin that Monday we had maybe two hours before we needed to get together for dinner and the play. I was full of energy so I decided to take a walk around. My goal was to walk to St. Stephen’s Green for two reasons: 1) I really wanted to spend some time walking around the place and 2) if I could find the place then I could walk around Dublin by memory, if not I knew I was going to be lost beyond belief. I found it without having any real problems. Plus, it was maybe ten minutes from my hotel and it was a fifteen minute walk to the foot of Grafton Street.
The first thing I saw when I walked through the gates to the park was this statue of the three fates. There they were, the kindly ones, with the green patina forming over the figures as they held the string of human life in their hands. It is one of the neatest statues I have ever seen, especially if you have a understanding of what the figures represent. To compound my fascination with this statue is who donated it. It was a gift from the German government, to give thanks for the help of the Irish people in the aftermath of World War II. The fates being presented after the ravages of war. Every time I walked past this statue I just wondered on how many ways one can interpret this, if the fates would be kind or not, and if the hope is that the cord of life will be long.
The Green itself is like Grant Park just more enclosed and more beautiful. Wonderful open spaces and flowers and a wonderful feel of nature. One of the odd things about Ireland is the difference between rural Ireland and Urban Ireland. Since so much of Ireland is rural when driving around you really seem to be attached to nature. There are no skyscrapers, no urban sprawl, just rolling fields glowing green. The cities, on the other hand, are your standard mass of concrete built on a scale that was correct hundreds of years ago but seem out of place today. A place like St. Stephen’s Green is an oasis in the mist of an aged city. The streets have history, but there is a place beyond stone and concrete.
Like Grant Park, and all urban parks, it was filled to the brim with people. Mainly young, many in full make out mode. And I do mean full. Another one of those things that I have forgotten about, haven’t really encountered that in the years since college. For all I make of the fact that I notice details, I seem to ignore life every once in a while. These are the things that I take from this place, beauty and life. It is a wonderful peaceful place in a city that has been racked by struggle through most of its history. Plus, it is a place that now belongs to the people, where as before it was always locked and only the rich could enjoy it.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Gen X movies...
Ok, time to examine the quintessential Gen X movie list…
St. Elmo’s Fire: I have a problem with this one because I just don’t identify with it. Which when I think about it doesn’t make any sense at all because I don’t have any problem with The Breakfast Club (starring Ally Sheedy) but I have a problem with St. Elmo’s Fire (starring Ally Sheedy). I guess it’s the fact that when I was in grade school I could understand movies about high school but movies about post-college kids just didn’t seem to make much sense.
Red Dawn: Now that is a classic Gen X movie. I still remember seeing the trailer before watching The Last Starfighter. What a great Reagan era flick. The commies sneak attack the U.S. by invading various cities and it is up to the residents to repel the invasion. And this was considered a pretty sensible plot at the time. For those people who don’t believe that I grew up in a time where the thought that the world would end in a nuclear holocaust was viewed as reasonable, watch this movie.
Say Anything: First of all, any flick with John Cusack makes the list. (I mean, when I attended my high school reunion the first thing that I thought of was Grosse Point Blank). But I’ll take this movie over the John Hughes high school films any day of the week. It felt a lot more like what I remembered high school to be. Even if it ruined my life by making me think that I could change the way a girl felt about me simply by playing the right song. (Sixteen years later and I still think that it should work. That probably explains a lot of things)
Gleaming the Cube: The first super cool skateboarding movie. I’m pretty sure they’ve changed the title of this one when they released it to video/cable because no one understood what Gleaming the Cube meant. But us thrashers knew and we respected Hollywood for three seconds for it.
And a trilogy that should be added to the list…
Whit Stillman’s Metropolitan, Barcelona and The Last Days of Disco: These movies head my list of “Films that I am incredibly pissed aren’t out on DVD”. Even though they refer to a social circle that I wasn’t a part of (the young upper class who go to things like debutante balls and attend east coast prep schools and go on to the Ivy League) I find these to be some of the best films of the decade. You have all of these characters talking about philosophy and deep subject matter but knowing that much of it is just for show. In the end they have the same neuroses and problems as everyone else. These are three films that just capture what it is like to be young and have great friends and to believe that the world was created for you and you alone.
St. Elmo’s Fire: I have a problem with this one because I just don’t identify with it. Which when I think about it doesn’t make any sense at all because I don’t have any problem with The Breakfast Club (starring Ally Sheedy) but I have a problem with St. Elmo’s Fire (starring Ally Sheedy). I guess it’s the fact that when I was in grade school I could understand movies about high school but movies about post-college kids just didn’t seem to make much sense.
Red Dawn: Now that is a classic Gen X movie. I still remember seeing the trailer before watching The Last Starfighter. What a great Reagan era flick. The commies sneak attack the U.S. by invading various cities and it is up to the residents to repel the invasion. And this was considered a pretty sensible plot at the time. For those people who don’t believe that I grew up in a time where the thought that the world would end in a nuclear holocaust was viewed as reasonable, watch this movie.
Say Anything: First of all, any flick with John Cusack makes the list. (I mean, when I attended my high school reunion the first thing that I thought of was Grosse Point Blank). But I’ll take this movie over the John Hughes high school films any day of the week. It felt a lot more like what I remembered high school to be. Even if it ruined my life by making me think that I could change the way a girl felt about me simply by playing the right song. (Sixteen years later and I still think that it should work. That probably explains a lot of things)
Gleaming the Cube: The first super cool skateboarding movie. I’m pretty sure they’ve changed the title of this one when they released it to video/cable because no one understood what Gleaming the Cube meant. But us thrashers knew and we respected Hollywood for three seconds for it.
And a trilogy that should be added to the list…
Whit Stillman’s Metropolitan, Barcelona and The Last Days of Disco: These movies head my list of “Films that I am incredibly pissed aren’t out on DVD”. Even though they refer to a social circle that I wasn’t a part of (the young upper class who go to things like debutante balls and attend east coast prep schools and go on to the Ivy League) I find these to be some of the best films of the decade. You have all of these characters talking about philosophy and deep subject matter but knowing that much of it is just for show. In the end they have the same neuroses and problems as everyone else. These are three films that just capture what it is like to be young and have great friends and to believe that the world was created for you and you alone.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Heaven is a stranger place...
Time to breakdown modern life…
1) I can’t believe that Boston Rob choked when the money was on the line tonight in The Amazing Race. He had the thing won and then he lost it. Unbelievable. I thought Boston had ended all of its curses. However, Boston Rob and Amber due pull off the greatest back to back performances in reality television history: finishing 1-2 in Survivor and in second place in The Amazing Race. (Though the fact that The Miz has been able to make an entire career out of Real World/Road Rules challenges definitely needs to be taken into consideration.)
2) First comment on the Gen X film list. I’m a little torn as to the John Hughes movies. They are quintessential and part of my youth but for some reason I want to distance myself from them. Probably because the less I remind myself about high school the better. Plus there is something inherently unrealistic about those films, it’s the reason why Jay and Silent Bob are searching for the city in Dogma. Still, if you’re talking about films that everyone in Gen X knows about, those definitely have to be on the list.
3) Props for including Real Genius, which is infinitely better than Weird Science in terms of capturing what all of us science geeks were hoping our lives to turn out. I really wanted to be Val Kilmer, the smartest guy who also happened to be the coolest person on campus. Of course, everyone knew that I was essentially Anthony Michael Hall, which is quite possibly the most depressing thing that I have ever written.
4) Anyway, the reason I still remember Real Genius is an incredibly minor plot point. The character of Lazlo was another person who I really resembled: the insanely intelligent science guy with no social skills but in possession of a warped view of the world. He came up with the brilliant plan of mass producing contest entries to some bad promotion (I almost want to say it was a Frito-Lay giveaway or something). He had set up his entire dorm room to be dedicated to continually printing out the forms so that (by his calculations) he would win seventy three percent of the total prizes, including the motor home. And the movie ends with him driving off in a motor home filled with stuff with his last lines being, “I must have miscalculated, I ended up with eighty four percent.” I still don’t know why I haven’t tried a stunt like that, I’m one of the few people who actually think that I can pull something like that off.
5) I’ve seen a news item floating around where a guy whose apparent legal name is Jesus Christ is having a hard time getting a driver’s license with his name on it. I so want to meet this guy and hang out with him. Just think of all the fun that you can have with him. “Dude, you’ll never guess who I drank with last night? Jesus Christ.” “Hey Jesus, who do you like in the Pistons game tonight?” “Jesus, I need you to be my wingman tonight.” The possibilities are endless.
1) I can’t believe that Boston Rob choked when the money was on the line tonight in The Amazing Race. He had the thing won and then he lost it. Unbelievable. I thought Boston had ended all of its curses. However, Boston Rob and Amber due pull off the greatest back to back performances in reality television history: finishing 1-2 in Survivor and in second place in The Amazing Race. (Though the fact that The Miz has been able to make an entire career out of Real World/Road Rules challenges definitely needs to be taken into consideration.)
2) First comment on the Gen X film list. I’m a little torn as to the John Hughes movies. They are quintessential and part of my youth but for some reason I want to distance myself from them. Probably because the less I remind myself about high school the better. Plus there is something inherently unrealistic about those films, it’s the reason why Jay and Silent Bob are searching for the city in Dogma. Still, if you’re talking about films that everyone in Gen X knows about, those definitely have to be on the list.
3) Props for including Real Genius, which is infinitely better than Weird Science in terms of capturing what all of us science geeks were hoping our lives to turn out. I really wanted to be Val Kilmer, the smartest guy who also happened to be the coolest person on campus. Of course, everyone knew that I was essentially Anthony Michael Hall, which is quite possibly the most depressing thing that I have ever written.
4) Anyway, the reason I still remember Real Genius is an incredibly minor plot point. The character of Lazlo was another person who I really resembled: the insanely intelligent science guy with no social skills but in possession of a warped view of the world. He came up with the brilliant plan of mass producing contest entries to some bad promotion (I almost want to say it was a Frito-Lay giveaway or something). He had set up his entire dorm room to be dedicated to continually printing out the forms so that (by his calculations) he would win seventy three percent of the total prizes, including the motor home. And the movie ends with him driving off in a motor home filled with stuff with his last lines being, “I must have miscalculated, I ended up with eighty four percent.” I still don’t know why I haven’t tried a stunt like that, I’m one of the few people who actually think that I can pull something like that off.
5) I’ve seen a news item floating around where a guy whose apparent legal name is Jesus Christ is having a hard time getting a driver’s license with his name on it. I so want to meet this guy and hang out with him. Just think of all the fun that you can have with him. “Dude, you’ll never guess who I drank with last night? Jesus Christ.” “Hey Jesus, who do you like in the Pistons game tonight?” “Jesus, I need you to be my wingman tonight.” The possibilities are endless.
Monday, May 09, 2005
The Shins: Concert Review
Went to see The Shins in Lawrence last night and had my best concert experience of the year. Which is kind of surprising given the fact that when I walked into Liberty Hall I really felt like I had shown up at the wrong show. See, I know of The Shins through Garden State, a film made for a) music geeks, b) people who identify with characters in their twenties who have no idea what to do with their lives and c) Natalie Portman fans. I qualify on all three counts. So I went to the show expecting to run into my usual aging music hipster crowd.
And instead I ran into what seemed like every junior high kid in the state of Kansas. Seriously, I may have been one of the ten oldest people there who technically was not a parent of one of the younger people there. It took a while to realize that The Shins had been on The O.C. recently and as a result have picked up a much younger fanbase. Part of me was happy for this since my faith in the future of mankind was strengthened but on the other hand I also wanted to go “Don’t you kids have school tomorrow?”
I was even more nervous when the opening act (The Brunettes) came on stage looking around as if this was the first time that they had ever seen their instruments. You know, the look where the guitarist looks at the ground and goes “What are all these pedals for?” That fear went away in the first song as this unknown band from New Zealand put on the best opening set that I’ve seen in months. Six people on stage, all singing, playing every instrument known to man. It was like The Polyphonic Spree except with less people and they didn’t have the freaky Technicolor choir gowns. I’m not making this up: one guy played trumpet, banjo, and slide guitar during the same song. Had two women who played saxophone, clarinet, keyboards, xylophone and more various percussion instruments than you could imagine. And to top it all off, the last song was a tribute to Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, which concluded with the band putting on Mary Kate and Ashley masks (circa end of Full House) and playing the song while The Shins (also wearing Mary Kate and Ashley masks) came out on stage and danced. This was the best stage show since Rufus Wainwright’s entire band came out dressed like the wicked witch of the west.
The Shins just came out and rocked and really tried their best to match what they put on their albums. That is a real challenge since there are so many layers to their music and it is really tough to accomplish with just four people (it’s like Wilco, who has songs that they can’t even perform live because it’s impossible to duplicate what they did in the studio). You’ve got to like the style of the band. Their music is introspective and emoish but looking at the band you’d think the exact opposite. It’s just four guys who look completely unlike musicians on stage having the time of their lives. I’m not sure there is such a thing as high energy emo but that’s what they try to do.
It was a pretty quick set, an hour and a half, but that is probably the length of their two albums put together. Plus, you could tell the lead singer was straining by the end of the set and rightfully so. He’s got a unique voice and all of their songs are really passionate and aggressive. He’s got to sing hard while being melodic and it’s not the type of band that has a five minute guitar solo where the guy can catch his breath. They don’t even have those Bono “I’m just going to talk to the audience for the next five minutes during the song while The Edge plays the same chord over and over again” moments. All in all, just a killer show. Crowd was completely into both acts (I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a crowd so into an opening act that they had never heard of before).
Here’s the really interesting part to me. When I woke up this morning I felt, well, better. Like I was a different person. You ever get that feeling when you wake up and it seems like all of the things that had been bothering you are now meaningless, you feel healthier than ever before, and for the life of you you don’t know how this happened? That was me this morning. Somehow I have a feeling that the music had something to do with it. And I’m not sure if there is any bigger compliment that I could give a band than that.
And instead I ran into what seemed like every junior high kid in the state of Kansas. Seriously, I may have been one of the ten oldest people there who technically was not a parent of one of the younger people there. It took a while to realize that The Shins had been on The O.C. recently and as a result have picked up a much younger fanbase. Part of me was happy for this since my faith in the future of mankind was strengthened but on the other hand I also wanted to go “Don’t you kids have school tomorrow?”
I was even more nervous when the opening act (The Brunettes) came on stage looking around as if this was the first time that they had ever seen their instruments. You know, the look where the guitarist looks at the ground and goes “What are all these pedals for?” That fear went away in the first song as this unknown band from New Zealand put on the best opening set that I’ve seen in months. Six people on stage, all singing, playing every instrument known to man. It was like The Polyphonic Spree except with less people and they didn’t have the freaky Technicolor choir gowns. I’m not making this up: one guy played trumpet, banjo, and slide guitar during the same song. Had two women who played saxophone, clarinet, keyboards, xylophone and more various percussion instruments than you could imagine. And to top it all off, the last song was a tribute to Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, which concluded with the band putting on Mary Kate and Ashley masks (circa end of Full House) and playing the song while The Shins (also wearing Mary Kate and Ashley masks) came out on stage and danced. This was the best stage show since Rufus Wainwright’s entire band came out dressed like the wicked witch of the west.
The Shins just came out and rocked and really tried their best to match what they put on their albums. That is a real challenge since there are so many layers to their music and it is really tough to accomplish with just four people (it’s like Wilco, who has songs that they can’t even perform live because it’s impossible to duplicate what they did in the studio). You’ve got to like the style of the band. Their music is introspective and emoish but looking at the band you’d think the exact opposite. It’s just four guys who look completely unlike musicians on stage having the time of their lives. I’m not sure there is such a thing as high energy emo but that’s what they try to do.
It was a pretty quick set, an hour and a half, but that is probably the length of their two albums put together. Plus, you could tell the lead singer was straining by the end of the set and rightfully so. He’s got a unique voice and all of their songs are really passionate and aggressive. He’s got to sing hard while being melodic and it’s not the type of band that has a five minute guitar solo where the guy can catch his breath. They don’t even have those Bono “I’m just going to talk to the audience for the next five minutes during the song while The Edge plays the same chord over and over again” moments. All in all, just a killer show. Crowd was completely into both acts (I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a crowd so into an opening act that they had never heard of before).
Here’s the really interesting part to me. When I woke up this morning I felt, well, better. Like I was a different person. You ever get that feeling when you wake up and it seems like all of the things that had been bothering you are now meaningless, you feel healthier than ever before, and for the life of you you don’t know how this happened? That was me this morning. Somehow I have a feeling that the music had something to do with it. And I’m not sure if there is any bigger compliment that I could give a band than that.
Living on a plane
Some quick hits from someone who has spent the majority of the past few days on airplanes…
1) I know I make fun of this area a lot and sometimes it is not warranted. Then something like the following happens. Had lunch with some coworkers on Friday and while we were leaving the restaurant I spotted someone wearing a football jersey. Specifically, an XFL team jersey. I’m not even sure how to respond to that one. I just want to understand that thought process: “Well, I’m going out. Better dress up and put on the XFL jersey.” Maybe it’s a postmodern statement on the inanity of modern sports, I don’t know.
2) When I’m in airports I always find myself in bookstores (which two years resulted in my being the only person on the planet who paid full price for the Harry Potter novel). My question from perusing the magazine rack is who purchases the porno mags at the airport? They’re always there, so obviously someone is making this purchase. Can you get on a flight and just sit down and relax with the latest issue of Swank? Maybe this country is a bit more liberal than I thought.
3) So I listened to the John Mayer live album last week, which despite the fact that I bought it two years ago this was the first time that I actually listened to the entire thing. (Yes, I had a reason behind the purchase. It’s one that puts the Canadian girlfriend excuse to shame). I’m still not sure what to make of John Mayer. He’s a good guitarist and song writer and I’ve been impressed by his column in Esquire, it’s no where near the level of crap that I originally expected it to be. But what struck me is what you hear when you listen to his live disc. Which is when each song starts you hear the high pitch squeal of fifteen year old girls going insane. And I’ve got to wonder what John thinks about the whole deal. I mean, getting fifteen year old girls to swoon over you is why you pick up a guitar when you’re thirteen, I’m not sure it is his goal when he wants to be a serious musician. I know part of him must be happy that he is selling so many albums but at some point does he look in the mirror and go “Oh no, I just turned into David Cassidy!”
4) Oh, and I’ve figured out that my Gen X film collection won’t be complete until I pick up Heathers and Pump Up the Volume (which I need to do to play my part in the resurgence of Christian Slater’s career). A question for the blogsphere: What other films are must own Gen X flicks? What are the films that those of us who were in high school and college in the late 80’s/early 90’s feel define us as a generation?
5) Finished Douglas Coupland’s “Eleanor Rigby”, which is easily his best book in a decade. You might argue that it is unrealistic at times but it is the first time in ages in which he has written a book with a plot that I want to follow and where he isn’t hitting you over the head with sociological insights. A very interesting read. I read about half of Mike Gayle’s “Dinner for Two” on the plane today. Mike Gayle writes a guy’s version of Bridget Jones, in the vein of Nick Hornby but probably more realistically. I mean, I want to be the guy in High Fidelity, where as the character in My Legendary Girlfriend may possibly be the most accurate description of a guy who cannot get over the fact that his girlfriend broke up with him that I’ve ever read. Anyway, the reason that I am mentioning this is that the last two times I read a Mike Gayle novel my life went insane. So, I’m expecting the world to spin out of control once again now that I dared to open his book. Oh well, I need the excitement.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Jay Bennett “Bigger than Blue”
2) Sarah McLachlan “Solace”
3) Mary Chapin Carpenter “Come On Come On”
4) Neko Case & Her Boyfriends “The Virginian”
5) The Sundays “reading, writing and arithmetic”
1) I know I make fun of this area a lot and sometimes it is not warranted. Then something like the following happens. Had lunch with some coworkers on Friday and while we were leaving the restaurant I spotted someone wearing a football jersey. Specifically, an XFL team jersey. I’m not even sure how to respond to that one. I just want to understand that thought process: “Well, I’m going out. Better dress up and put on the XFL jersey.” Maybe it’s a postmodern statement on the inanity of modern sports, I don’t know.
2) When I’m in airports I always find myself in bookstores (which two years resulted in my being the only person on the planet who paid full price for the Harry Potter novel). My question from perusing the magazine rack is who purchases the porno mags at the airport? They’re always there, so obviously someone is making this purchase. Can you get on a flight and just sit down and relax with the latest issue of Swank? Maybe this country is a bit more liberal than I thought.
3) So I listened to the John Mayer live album last week, which despite the fact that I bought it two years ago this was the first time that I actually listened to the entire thing. (Yes, I had a reason behind the purchase. It’s one that puts the Canadian girlfriend excuse to shame). I’m still not sure what to make of John Mayer. He’s a good guitarist and song writer and I’ve been impressed by his column in Esquire, it’s no where near the level of crap that I originally expected it to be. But what struck me is what you hear when you listen to his live disc. Which is when each song starts you hear the high pitch squeal of fifteen year old girls going insane. And I’ve got to wonder what John thinks about the whole deal. I mean, getting fifteen year old girls to swoon over you is why you pick up a guitar when you’re thirteen, I’m not sure it is his goal when he wants to be a serious musician. I know part of him must be happy that he is selling so many albums but at some point does he look in the mirror and go “Oh no, I just turned into David Cassidy!”
4) Oh, and I’ve figured out that my Gen X film collection won’t be complete until I pick up Heathers and Pump Up the Volume (which I need to do to play my part in the resurgence of Christian Slater’s career). A question for the blogsphere: What other films are must own Gen X flicks? What are the films that those of us who were in high school and college in the late 80’s/early 90’s feel define us as a generation?
5) Finished Douglas Coupland’s “Eleanor Rigby”, which is easily his best book in a decade. You might argue that it is unrealistic at times but it is the first time in ages in which he has written a book with a plot that I want to follow and where he isn’t hitting you over the head with sociological insights. A very interesting read. I read about half of Mike Gayle’s “Dinner for Two” on the plane today. Mike Gayle writes a guy’s version of Bridget Jones, in the vein of Nick Hornby but probably more realistically. I mean, I want to be the guy in High Fidelity, where as the character in My Legendary Girlfriend may possibly be the most accurate description of a guy who cannot get over the fact that his girlfriend broke up with him that I’ve ever read. Anyway, the reason that I am mentioning this is that the last two times I read a Mike Gayle novel my life went insane. So, I’m expecting the world to spin out of control once again now that I dared to open his book. Oh well, I need the excitement.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Jay Bennett “Bigger than Blue”
2) Sarah McLachlan “Solace”
3) Mary Chapin Carpenter “Come On Come On”
4) Neko Case & Her Boyfriends “The Virginian”
5) The Sundays “reading, writing and arithmetic”
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Cooking tips
(Cheating tonight due to a lack of creativity. Courtesy of The Onion (please don't sue me))
- To ensure that you always use the freshest ingredients, keep a live pig on hand.
- There is an elusive yet distinctive quality that separates the great cooks from the merely average ones. That quality is "Wessonality"
- Do not thaw frozen fish in milk or do anything else the Julia Child says. She high.
- If you are a man, you deserved to be gushed over just for reading these cooking tips. That's so great!
- Cooking can be very dangerous, due to the use of fire, knives and electrical appliances. Only cook under the careful supervision of your Living Skills coach
- Remember this oft-overlooked cooking secret: The toaster lever can be pushed down again if your bread is not sufficiently brown.
- McDonald's is the world's most popular restaurant chain, so it's food must be the best. Study McDonald's food as a template for your own.
- Remember: With passion and the right attitude, anyone can cook. Wait, that's "play punk rock". Never mind.
Have a good weekend everybody.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
But it's an homage...
More confessions from a dangerous mind…
1) I’d like to thank Ticketmaster for informing me that the Elvis Costello concert was cancelled last night… a half hour after the concert was scheduled to begin. And then have the nerve to tell me that if I wanted a refund I could mail them my tickets but they would keep all of the processing charges. I’m pretty sure we are all in agreement as to who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.
2) No, I haven’t seen the Hitchhiker’s movie yet. Well, I was in line on Friday and apparently the theaters in this town won’t let me see the movie while wearing a bathrobe even if I claim it is an homage. But the guys in the stormtrooper costumes are good to go. This is discrimination of the highest order (ok, maybe of the second highest order).
3) For those of you who are keeping an eye on the news: yes, the Kansas school board is holding a debate on evolution this week. And since I work in Kansas it is my tax dollars at work and boy does that make me proud. Apparently we are debating an issued that was settled I don’t know, seventy or eighty years ago. Kansas: where even though the horse has left the barn and the barn is on fire we hold a spirited debate as to whether or not now is the proper time to close the barn door.
4) As always, walking through Best Buy makes you wonder about the world. Found that they have now released Highway to Heaven on DVD, which I know that people must have be clamoring for. Again, I can’t get Night Court or Voltron but the five fans of Highway to Heaven are satisfied. On the plus side I did pick up the movie “singles” for something like six bucks. This pretty much completes my Gen X collection along with Reality Bites and Slacker. Well, if I could ever find Suburbia I’d pick that up as well.
5) A few Amazing Race comments from last night. First, it is fun to see the contestants in London making a really dumb mistake in assuming that a cab would be faster than the tube. Especially to head out to a place like the Millennium Dome. That just shows how thinking for five minutes can save you in that game. My other comment is that Boston Rob and Amber really do seem to make a great couple. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen them argue throughout the entire series and if there is any experience that will make you start to bicker it is a highly intense race throughout the world. (And if DJ is reading this, I’m still upset that you didn’t score me an invite to their wedding. Come on, everyone in Boston knows each other, right?)
6) No new Runaway Bride stories, but you do have to wonder what the guy was thinking when the guest list hit 600. You’d think that at some point he’d speak up and say “Do we have to invite literally the entire town?” Or at least raise the point that maybe this is getting a little out of control? Just a thought.
1) I’d like to thank Ticketmaster for informing me that the Elvis Costello concert was cancelled last night… a half hour after the concert was scheduled to begin. And then have the nerve to tell me that if I wanted a refund I could mail them my tickets but they would keep all of the processing charges. I’m pretty sure we are all in agreement as to who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.
2) No, I haven’t seen the Hitchhiker’s movie yet. Well, I was in line on Friday and apparently the theaters in this town won’t let me see the movie while wearing a bathrobe even if I claim it is an homage. But the guys in the stormtrooper costumes are good to go. This is discrimination of the highest order (ok, maybe of the second highest order).
3) For those of you who are keeping an eye on the news: yes, the Kansas school board is holding a debate on evolution this week. And since I work in Kansas it is my tax dollars at work and boy does that make me proud. Apparently we are debating an issued that was settled I don’t know, seventy or eighty years ago. Kansas: where even though the horse has left the barn and the barn is on fire we hold a spirited debate as to whether or not now is the proper time to close the barn door.
4) As always, walking through Best Buy makes you wonder about the world. Found that they have now released Highway to Heaven on DVD, which I know that people must have be clamoring for. Again, I can’t get Night Court or Voltron but the five fans of Highway to Heaven are satisfied. On the plus side I did pick up the movie “singles” for something like six bucks. This pretty much completes my Gen X collection along with Reality Bites and Slacker. Well, if I could ever find Suburbia I’d pick that up as well.
5) A few Amazing Race comments from last night. First, it is fun to see the contestants in London making a really dumb mistake in assuming that a cab would be faster than the tube. Especially to head out to a place like the Millennium Dome. That just shows how thinking for five minutes can save you in that game. My other comment is that Boston Rob and Amber really do seem to make a great couple. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen them argue throughout the entire series and if there is any experience that will make you start to bicker it is a highly intense race throughout the world. (And if DJ is reading this, I’m still upset that you didn’t score me an invite to their wedding. Come on, everyone in Boston knows each other, right?)
6) No new Runaway Bride stories, but you do have to wonder what the guy was thinking when the guest list hit 600. You’d think that at some point he’d speak up and say “Do we have to invite literally the entire town?” Or at least raise the point that maybe this is getting a little out of control? Just a thought.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Ruanway Bride Redux
I have to admit, I am fascinated by the Runaway Bride story, or as I like to call it “Erin Brockavich, a very Pretty Woman, stops by My Best Friend’s Wedding only to meet Michael Collins on Notting Hill” or something to that effect. Anyway, there are some very important details of this story that must be addressed.
1) The bride to be originally purchased a bus ticket to Austin, TX, which really raises her coolness factor in my mind. Because when most people think about getting away from the world they don’t think of Austin but it is really a good choice. Of course, she gets off the bus in Dallas and goes to Las Vegas, which is a more typical escape destination. She then hangs around the Vegas bus terminal (I don’t get it either) and heads out to Albuquerque, a nice scenic refuge. All in all, a nice walkabout itinerary, which would only have been improved if she did hang around bars in Austin for a couple of nights listening to music.
2) Her fiancée has said that he still wants to go through with the wedding and has stated this on national television, which makes me question his sanity more than hers. Dude, at least say that this obviously means that we have to reconsider things and talk things through but that your feelings for her are unchanged. If the girl you were planning on marrying takes off on a cross country road trip the week of your wedding it is probably not a good idea to start pushing the commitment card while they are still wondering whether to press felony charges.
3) Of course, this is coming from me, the guy who people have made cash wagers on regarding when he will ever get married. Trust me, you really don’t want to know.
4) This is the most incredible part of the story to me. At her wedding she was to have 600 guests and 14 bridesmaids. 14 bridesmaids? How the hell do you have 14 bridesmaids? I can’t imagine the groom’s side on this trying to figure out how to get 14 guys to stand up at the wedding. See, the typical guy doesn’t have 14 friends who he would feel comfortable asking to stand up at his wedding. In fact, I’ve figured out the typical breakdown of a guy’s buddies. Here it is.
Level 1: The Best Buddy. This is your Al Cowlings type friend. The type of guy who when you are facing a murder charge and are trying to flee the country will say, “I’ll drive.” You only have one friend like this.
Level 2: The really good friends: Each guy has three of these. These are the people who if you call at four in the morning and go “Dude, I’m in jail”, will immediately bail you out. And then call you in the same situation the next week.
Level 3: Your drinking buddies: This often consists of the Level 1 and 2 friends of your Level 1 and 2 friends. The guys you hang out with all the time, know well but not that well. These are guys who will help you move if you offer free beer but will still most likely break some stuff in the move just because they can.
Level 4: Acquaintances: Pretty much everyone else that you know their first name falls into this category. Could be someone you’ve known for twenty years, could be that bartender who calls you Bill, they all fall into this big pile called “People I know”
For the typical guy, finding 14 groomsmen means you are going to be going deep into Level 4 territory. I mean, these are people you might not have invited to the wedding in the first place. If the Runaway Bride had a reason to take off, it was having the wedding planner from hell for allowing such a gargantuan situation to develop in the first place.
1) The bride to be originally purchased a bus ticket to Austin, TX, which really raises her coolness factor in my mind. Because when most people think about getting away from the world they don’t think of Austin but it is really a good choice. Of course, she gets off the bus in Dallas and goes to Las Vegas, which is a more typical escape destination. She then hangs around the Vegas bus terminal (I don’t get it either) and heads out to Albuquerque, a nice scenic refuge. All in all, a nice walkabout itinerary, which would only have been improved if she did hang around bars in Austin for a couple of nights listening to music.
2) Her fiancée has said that he still wants to go through with the wedding and has stated this on national television, which makes me question his sanity more than hers. Dude, at least say that this obviously means that we have to reconsider things and talk things through but that your feelings for her are unchanged. If the girl you were planning on marrying takes off on a cross country road trip the week of your wedding it is probably not a good idea to start pushing the commitment card while they are still wondering whether to press felony charges.
3) Of course, this is coming from me, the guy who people have made cash wagers on regarding when he will ever get married. Trust me, you really don’t want to know.
4) This is the most incredible part of the story to me. At her wedding she was to have 600 guests and 14 bridesmaids. 14 bridesmaids? How the hell do you have 14 bridesmaids? I can’t imagine the groom’s side on this trying to figure out how to get 14 guys to stand up at the wedding. See, the typical guy doesn’t have 14 friends who he would feel comfortable asking to stand up at his wedding. In fact, I’ve figured out the typical breakdown of a guy’s buddies. Here it is.
Level 1: The Best Buddy. This is your Al Cowlings type friend. The type of guy who when you are facing a murder charge and are trying to flee the country will say, “I’ll drive.” You only have one friend like this.
Level 2: The really good friends: Each guy has three of these. These are the people who if you call at four in the morning and go “Dude, I’m in jail”, will immediately bail you out. And then call you in the same situation the next week.
Level 3: Your drinking buddies: This often consists of the Level 1 and 2 friends of your Level 1 and 2 friends. The guys you hang out with all the time, know well but not that well. These are guys who will help you move if you offer free beer but will still most likely break some stuff in the move just because they can.
Level 4: Acquaintances: Pretty much everyone else that you know their first name falls into this category. Could be someone you’ve known for twenty years, could be that bartender who calls you Bill, they all fall into this big pile called “People I know”
For the typical guy, finding 14 groomsmen means you are going to be going deep into Level 4 territory. I mean, these are people you might not have invited to the wedding in the first place. If the Runaway Bride had a reason to take off, it was having the wedding planner from hell for allowing such a gargantuan situation to develop in the first place.
Monday, May 02, 2005
In local news...
(The following story won’t make much sense unless you are really familiar with Kansas City, so it is probably meaningless to ninety percent of the people who read this. Of course, that percentage assumes that there are ten people who are actually reading this and that might be a bit of overconfidence on my part. On to the story…)
It’s sweeps month in KC and that can mean only one thing: the hard hitting expose. Yes, it’s that time when the local reporters try to make a name for themselves and find a way out of this town. Last night had what has to be one of the funniest ones that I’ve ever seen. “Outrageous actions at bar closing time” from my local NBC affiliate.
The segment starts in a midtown neighborhood with a camera shot that clearly shows the Westport post office. So it is not technically midtown (which is about a half mile north) but Westport, which is never mentioned during the entire segment. Which is only slightly important since Westport is the entertainment center for Kansas City (meaning: it’s where all the bars and clubs are). They took a hidden camera and walked around Westport (I mean “Midtown”) and showed what it was like at 3 AM when the bars close. What does that mean.
Drunk people staggering around. People throwing up. Bachelorette parties lurching out of control. Loud music from cars. Basically what you have in every single town that has a bar with a closing time (New Orleans nicely avoids this problem by simply never closing). And of course you have the upset neighbors complaining about the noise and disorderly conduct. Which in some sense is true, especially when the drunk people are on your lawn. But this went well beyond just people complaining.
The reporter went to the regulatory board wondering why these places hadn’t been shut down given the complaints and was shocked to learn that the tax revenue that they generate just might have something to do with it. The reporter then did another hidden camera expose in a bar where you got to see: people showing IDs, people buying beer and people dancing. I was shocked and outraged. Well, more because they were showing Cactus Café and I can’t believe that anyone would want it on the public record that they were ever in that place. The reporter ended the segment with what has to be the best piece of unintentional comedy that I’ve seen all year.
They’re at the Missouri courthouse. The reporter confronts the owner of one of the clubs in an elevator:
Reporter: “What do you have to say about all of the neighbor’s complaints?”
Club Owner: “Are club complies with all the regulations.”
Report: “But don’t you feel that the neighbors have a right to a quiet neighborhood.”
Club Owner (as the elevator doors close): “The club’s been open since 1977.”
Yeah, I would’ve edited that last line out of the report. When you do the report on airport noise you can’t really show the people complaining who moved in after the airport was built. Can’t wait to see what other shocking discovery we examine tonight.
It’s sweeps month in KC and that can mean only one thing: the hard hitting expose. Yes, it’s that time when the local reporters try to make a name for themselves and find a way out of this town. Last night had what has to be one of the funniest ones that I’ve ever seen. “Outrageous actions at bar closing time” from my local NBC affiliate.
The segment starts in a midtown neighborhood with a camera shot that clearly shows the Westport post office. So it is not technically midtown (which is about a half mile north) but Westport, which is never mentioned during the entire segment. Which is only slightly important since Westport is the entertainment center for Kansas City (meaning: it’s where all the bars and clubs are). They took a hidden camera and walked around Westport (I mean “Midtown”) and showed what it was like at 3 AM when the bars close. What does that mean.
Drunk people staggering around. People throwing up. Bachelorette parties lurching out of control. Loud music from cars. Basically what you have in every single town that has a bar with a closing time (New Orleans nicely avoids this problem by simply never closing). And of course you have the upset neighbors complaining about the noise and disorderly conduct. Which in some sense is true, especially when the drunk people are on your lawn. But this went well beyond just people complaining.
The reporter went to the regulatory board wondering why these places hadn’t been shut down given the complaints and was shocked to learn that the tax revenue that they generate just might have something to do with it. The reporter then did another hidden camera expose in a bar where you got to see: people showing IDs, people buying beer and people dancing. I was shocked and outraged. Well, more because they were showing Cactus Café and I can’t believe that anyone would want it on the public record that they were ever in that place. The reporter ended the segment with what has to be the best piece of unintentional comedy that I’ve seen all year.
They’re at the Missouri courthouse. The reporter confronts the owner of one of the clubs in an elevator:
Reporter: “What do you have to say about all of the neighbor’s complaints?”
Club Owner: “Are club complies with all the regulations.”
Report: “But don’t you feel that the neighbors have a right to a quiet neighborhood.”
Club Owner (as the elevator doors close): “The club’s been open since 1977.”
Yeah, I would’ve edited that last line out of the report. When you do the report on airport noise you can’t really show the people complaining who moved in after the airport was built. Can’t wait to see what other shocking discovery we examine tonight.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
What a day for a parade...
Just a couple of thoughts going through my mind right now. Had a productive, if boring, weekend. You know, one of those where you are really proud of yourself for getting the oil changed on your car right at the three month limit. Which still doesn’t explain why I’ll drive half an hour to get my oil changed on the off chance that the cute girl who used to work at the Jiffy Lube might still be there. (Along with playing a guitar, any girl who knows how to fix a car becomes infinitely more attractive). Anyway, other than working out and doing my grocery shopping this has been a pretty blasé weekend.
Have been listening to some interesting music this weekend. Spent much of yesterday blaring Steve Earle’s “The Revolution Starts Now”, which makes me want to pick up the ploughshare and take down the proletariat (a May Day reference to my socialist brethren out there). In some songs Steve is being overly political but he does a good job at it. I mean, if you pen a love song to Condoleeza Rice and make it interesting to listen to you have to consider it an accomplishment. He’s at his best when he is more obscure, like in the title track. It does make you want to go out and change the world.
Been listening to Keb’ Mo’ some more, thanks to the fact that I randomly listened to him last week in the car. I forgot how insanely talented the guy is, just doing some unbelievable acoustic blues that ends up being more uplifting than anything. Right now I’m listening to Josh Rouse’s Nashville, which I had heard one song from and a couple people talking about it. I am really impressed so far, this sounds like something that is going to stay in my CD player for a very long time. One of the things that I miss about getting rid of my five disc player is that I don’t have one disc staying in constant rotation for six months at a time anymore. It made it a lot easier to name my album of the year since it was probably still in the machine.
Things have been really quiet the past few weeks. I mean, the biggest news story right now is the “Runaway Bride”. I think we should now name every major news story after Julia Roberts movies. Just so we could reach the point where a news announcer is going, “Today in the ongoing Mystic Pizza controversy.” But I digress. This is an interesting news story, in that if she hadn’t called 911 there wouldn’t have been any crime at all. I mean, there is nothing illegal about flaking out and taking off from your life for a little while. Heck, I don’t even consider it flaking out, I’ve thought about doing it a number of times. You’ve got to go on walkabout at some point in your life. She just made a mistake in doing this during a really slow news week so that her going missing became this huge event when all she probably wanted to do was step away and think for a while. Can’t say I really blame her.
Not much else. Reading Douglas Coupland’s “Eleanor Rigby” and it looks like Douglas has found his writing style again. Which is good because he is one of my favorites (and did help to popularize the phrase Generation X) but he did write one of the worst novels of all time in “All Families Are Psychotic”. Combine that with “Polaroids From the Dead” and even fans like me started to wonder if he had lost it. But now he is back in the part novel, part philosophy, part social criticism style that he is best at. I’ll probably post some comments in a week or so but it is worth checking out.
The five random CDs for the week
1) Caitlin Cary “While You Weren’t Looking”
2) John Mayer “Any Given Thursday”
3) Bob Dylan “The Essential Bob Dylan”
4) Gear Daddies “Billy’s Live Bait”
5) Bettie Serveert “Dust Bunnies”
Have been listening to some interesting music this weekend. Spent much of yesterday blaring Steve Earle’s “The Revolution Starts Now”, which makes me want to pick up the ploughshare and take down the proletariat (a May Day reference to my socialist brethren out there). In some songs Steve is being overly political but he does a good job at it. I mean, if you pen a love song to Condoleeza Rice and make it interesting to listen to you have to consider it an accomplishment. He’s at his best when he is more obscure, like in the title track. It does make you want to go out and change the world.
Been listening to Keb’ Mo’ some more, thanks to the fact that I randomly listened to him last week in the car. I forgot how insanely talented the guy is, just doing some unbelievable acoustic blues that ends up being more uplifting than anything. Right now I’m listening to Josh Rouse’s Nashville, which I had heard one song from and a couple people talking about it. I am really impressed so far, this sounds like something that is going to stay in my CD player for a very long time. One of the things that I miss about getting rid of my five disc player is that I don’t have one disc staying in constant rotation for six months at a time anymore. It made it a lot easier to name my album of the year since it was probably still in the machine.
Things have been really quiet the past few weeks. I mean, the biggest news story right now is the “Runaway Bride”. I think we should now name every major news story after Julia Roberts movies. Just so we could reach the point where a news announcer is going, “Today in the ongoing Mystic Pizza controversy.” But I digress. This is an interesting news story, in that if she hadn’t called 911 there wouldn’t have been any crime at all. I mean, there is nothing illegal about flaking out and taking off from your life for a little while. Heck, I don’t even consider it flaking out, I’ve thought about doing it a number of times. You’ve got to go on walkabout at some point in your life. She just made a mistake in doing this during a really slow news week so that her going missing became this huge event when all she probably wanted to do was step away and think for a while. Can’t say I really blame her.
Not much else. Reading Douglas Coupland’s “Eleanor Rigby” and it looks like Douglas has found his writing style again. Which is good because he is one of my favorites (and did help to popularize the phrase Generation X) but he did write one of the worst novels of all time in “All Families Are Psychotic”. Combine that with “Polaroids From the Dead” and even fans like me started to wonder if he had lost it. But now he is back in the part novel, part philosophy, part social criticism style that he is best at. I’ll probably post some comments in a week or so but it is worth checking out.
The five random CDs for the week
1) Caitlin Cary “While You Weren’t Looking”
2) John Mayer “Any Given Thursday”
3) Bob Dylan “The Essential Bob Dylan”
4) Gear Daddies “Billy’s Live Bait”
5) Bettie Serveert “Dust Bunnies”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)