They are making a movie out of the game Battleship. To use one of my famous phrases here, I shit you not. I had already heard about the Monopoly movie which makes sense in the vaguest sense possibly. I mean Atlantic City, railroads, in depth discussions of the status of the Electric Company (Easy Reader to the rescue!), throw in an iron and a thimble and you have the makings of a plot. Here you just would have two navies shooting at each other. You know what that is called? Every war movie about the Pacific. You don’t need to tie it to a children’s game.
Personally, I want a movie based on either Connect Four or Mouse Trap. Connect Four because it would probably turn into one of the most avant things ever made. I want some pretentious European guy getting to the deeper meaning of four in a row and “pretty sneaky sis.” And Mouse Trap because, well, was there a cooler game out there when you were a kid. A little CGI and you have the next Pixar movie right there. I’m amazed that this hasn’t been greenlit yet.
And yes, I fear for what will become of my Voltron movie. I’m betting it will turn into Transformers with lions instead of cars. They’ll never get the deeper meaning, the symbolism behind the colors, or the importance of Princess Allura. I should just drive to Hollywood right now and fix things.
It is amazing how unoriginal Hollywood is right now. I was listening to some people discuss whether Inception (a movie I really want to see) is a sign of a change since it is based on, gasp, an original idea that requires thought to fully understand. And the answer was, no, not really. It will always be easier to make a movie like The A-Team. Just saying “There is going to be an A-Team movie” tells you everything you need to know about the movie: there will be explosions, special effects, a vague reference to Mr.T and at the end of 90 minutes you will be satisfied in the sense that it wasn’t a painful 90 minutes. It was just kind of there. You don’t need an advertising budget or a script or even actors for those films. You probably could just show 90 minutes of explosions and everyone would go home happy.
I’ve toyed with writing a movie script at some point in my life. Since I always view my never ending first novel as a movie in my head maybe it would be easier if I just wrote it as one. If I lived in LA I probably would do it. But while I wonder if I ever could write a novel that was good enough to be published I know for certain that my movie would never be made because it would simply be too good. Who would ever want to watch something about people struggling with their lives?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sithin Ain't Easy
Ah, nothing beats good old ComiCon. Here I am rocking my classic Boba Phat outfit. Some say that when you fall into the Sarlaac Pit you suffer a painful death that lasts a thousand years. I just say it is one big thousand year party.
(Tip of the hat to io9 and the other websites that posted this image. For the record it actually isn’t me though I can neither confirm nor deny that I have a full stormtrooper costume complete with blaster rifle and rank as a 2nd lieutenant in the Delaware chapter of the 501st Legion. Some things must remain a mystery.)
I watched a good portion of the Brickyard 400 yesterday because, well, I’m the type of guy who will occasionally sit down and watch a Nascar race on a Sunday afternoon. I still contend that I watch Nascar in the same way other people watch golf: it is something that you have on for a few hours and if you happen to fall asleep on the couch while it is on when you wake up you’ll realized that you haven’t missed much. The thing that stunned me was not the race itself but how many empty seats there were. Here you are racing at Indianapolis, the most important track in the US, and the place looked like it was half filled. This when just a few years ago people were wondering if they should have Nascar take the place of the Indy Cars for the Indy 500.
The drop in Nascar popularity has been rather stunning in recent years. Five or six years ago I would come across a lot of fans who were knowledgeable about the drivers and the tracks and the rivalries. Now even though the sport is popular in terms of the total number of people at events I don’t know of anyone who is really a fan. They race twice a year at Dover and I never come across anyone who is making their way to the race.
There are a few reasons for this. For one, the sport has become more boring over the past few years. The cars are all the same, the drivers are all the same, and there just is no overwhelming drama. I know the Chase format was supposed to create drama but instead it has resulted in a pretty meaningless middle of the season followed by ten races in which by the last five you only care how three drivers are doing. Plus, the age of having drivers who were actually characters has ended. I’m not talking just about Earnhardt or Gordon when he was a brash young kid. I miss the days of Dick Trickle always getting his finish announced on Sports Center. Hell, I miss my personal favorite driver Johnny Benson who was just a nice guy who drove a clean race and had the worst luck of any human being I have ever seen. Seriously, the guy could be leading the race with ten laps to go only to have five cars spin out right in front of him and he would get caught up in the wreck and finish 37th.
I do miss having racing as one of the major sports. I grew up in the golden age of Indy Car with the Andrettis and Mears and Foyt and Rutherford all of whom made every race seem like an event. One of my favorite computer games ever was a Nascar racing game that I even bought a steering wheel for my computer to get the full experience. But now, for some reason, it just seems boring. And I’m not quite sure how they go about fixing it.
(Tip of the hat to io9 and the other websites that posted this image. For the record it actually isn’t me though I can neither confirm nor deny that I have a full stormtrooper costume complete with blaster rifle and rank as a 2nd lieutenant in the Delaware chapter of the 501st Legion. Some things must remain a mystery.)
I watched a good portion of the Brickyard 400 yesterday because, well, I’m the type of guy who will occasionally sit down and watch a Nascar race on a Sunday afternoon. I still contend that I watch Nascar in the same way other people watch golf: it is something that you have on for a few hours and if you happen to fall asleep on the couch while it is on when you wake up you’ll realized that you haven’t missed much. The thing that stunned me was not the race itself but how many empty seats there were. Here you are racing at Indianapolis, the most important track in the US, and the place looked like it was half filled. This when just a few years ago people were wondering if they should have Nascar take the place of the Indy Cars for the Indy 500.
The drop in Nascar popularity has been rather stunning in recent years. Five or six years ago I would come across a lot of fans who were knowledgeable about the drivers and the tracks and the rivalries. Now even though the sport is popular in terms of the total number of people at events I don’t know of anyone who is really a fan. They race twice a year at Dover and I never come across anyone who is making their way to the race.
There are a few reasons for this. For one, the sport has become more boring over the past few years. The cars are all the same, the drivers are all the same, and there just is no overwhelming drama. I know the Chase format was supposed to create drama but instead it has resulted in a pretty meaningless middle of the season followed by ten races in which by the last five you only care how three drivers are doing. Plus, the age of having drivers who were actually characters has ended. I’m not talking just about Earnhardt or Gordon when he was a brash young kid. I miss the days of Dick Trickle always getting his finish announced on Sports Center. Hell, I miss my personal favorite driver Johnny Benson who was just a nice guy who drove a clean race and had the worst luck of any human being I have ever seen. Seriously, the guy could be leading the race with ten laps to go only to have five cars spin out right in front of him and he would get caught up in the wreck and finish 37th.
I do miss having racing as one of the major sports. I grew up in the golden age of Indy Car with the Andrettis and Mears and Foyt and Rutherford all of whom made every race seem like an event. One of my favorite computer games ever was a Nascar racing game that I even bought a steering wheel for my computer to get the full experience. But now, for some reason, it just seems boring. And I’m not quite sure how they go about fixing it.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
What I Miss About Summer Vacation
It’s July 25th and you know what that means: you already see Back to School sales at the mall. Yes, summer is almost over and we will soon be on to fall with cooler weather, changing leaves, college football and that nagging feeling that another summer has been wasted. In fact, I’m still trying to figure out when summer began because I think Memorial Day was like a week ago. For all I know next week I am going to have to shovel the driveway.
That is one of those things that bugs me. When you are ten summer lasts a good three years. Once school ends it feels like you have an eternity on your own before you have to go back. Now summer lasts roughly three days and I never seem to actually take a vacation during the summer. So I thought that I would look back and list the things I miss about summer now that I am no longer a kid.
1) Watching game shows: The sole purpose of waking up in the morning in summer was to watch game shows. It was great that I grew up during the golden age where I could watch Wheel of Fortune when they had to buy their prizes, Sale of the Century, The Price is Right with the only true host Bob Barker and of course the king of all game shows Press Your Luck. This was a good three hours of my life every morning. Not only do I no longer get to do this (well, except for the days when our work television is mistakenly kept on a certain channel) but the only game show on in the morning is Deal or No Deal, otherwise known as the “Random Number and Expected Value Hour”. I really miss this.
2) Summer Reading Programs at the Library: This was always fun. You’d sign up and would have to read so many books over the summer and then you would receive something though all I remember is seeing my name on the wall. Also, collections of Peanuts cartoons did not count as books. I am more upset about this now than I was as a kid. There was probably deeper meaning in those cartoons than in half the stuff I actually read. Well, other than my Encyclopedia Brown books. Those things were like Tolstoy to my ten year old mind.
3) Wiffle ball competitions in the front yard: To be honest, I should probably include all of the sports that I played with my three brothers, primarily my younger brother but occasionally all four of us. This included wiffle ball (hitting the ball on the roof is a home run, over the roof means a mad scramble to see if we could find the ball, and a yard setup that made it impossible to hit to right field), alley basketball (the garage being considered in bounds and perfectly valid to drive your opponent into it), catch off the roof (take a tennis ball, throw it on the slanted roof of our two story house, watch it bounce a few times and try to catch it as it falls) and nerf basketball (where anything short of sending your opponent into the window was legal.) Exactly how my parents dealt with having four boys who felt that the entire house was one big sporting arena is beyond. Especially when one of my brothers turned our backyard into a one hole golf course featuring a dogleg.
4) The illicit thrill of staying up late to watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: As I was growing up occasionally I would find myself in a room with a TV set. Typically this meant that I was rooming with one of my older brothers and therefore had no rights in determining what to watch and at what time. But occasionally they would go off to camp or stay over at a friend’s house and that meant that the TV was all mine. The fact that it was in black and white was no matter. This meant that I could enjoy all of those things that adults got to watch like Johnny Carson, MASH reruns and, gasp, the Benny Hill show. It still amazes me that in my youth watching Benny Hill was enough to get people to imply that you were going to hell whereas now any kid with an internet connection can watch midget porn twenty four hours a day.
5) The candy bars sold as Little League Fundraisers: Ok, I must make a confession here: I never played little league baseball. Maybe that explains a lot, I don’t know. Given that I was never an athlete and I was always a little off socially my parents decided that it would be best if I didn’t play and to be honest I never argued against them. I liked basketball better and would rather shoot in the alley than play baseball. But all of my brothers did play and that meant that summer meant baseball candy. It was always of a quality a level or two less than what you would find at the store but there was just something to it that made it worthwhile. Maybe it was just the fact that it was summer and you had a chocolate bar next to your bed. Something made it totally awesome.
6) Listening to neighbors’ summer parties: The neighbors across the alley from us had an above ground pool. This was an amazing thing when they put it in because absolutely no one in the neighborhood had one. I usually slept in the bedroom that faced the alley and that meant that in summer I could sleep with the windows open and hear the party going on across the way. It was like having a brief intro into what fun is like when you are an adult and / or could afford an above ground pool.
Sometimes I really do wish that I could go back and be a kid again. I don’t think that I would want to be a kid in today’s world (the 80’s might have sucked in a lot of ways but they were a great time to grow up) but I think it would be nice to get that youthful innocent exuberance back. Or at least to spend one summer night running out in the yard catching fireflies and not giving a damn about anything else in the world.
Best of 120 Minutes: The more I learn about the music business and the farther away we get from the grunge era the more amazing it is that Tori Amos became a huge star. Little Earthquakes was released at the same time as Nirvana’s Nevermind and Pearl Jam’s Ten and it may have as much of a say in the death of hair metal as grunge did. Think about it: at a time when most bands were a bunch of guys with big hair, tight spandex pants and lyrics that essentially consisted of “Ooh yeah baby come on tonight” here was this girl with a piano and songs that were just so brutally honest and open that they were almost frightening to listen to. I still can’t recall having heard anything like Tori before she hit the scene. She has ended up with this reputation of a successful, if a bit spacey, artist. I think the word groundbreaking should be used a lot more often.
That is one of those things that bugs me. When you are ten summer lasts a good three years. Once school ends it feels like you have an eternity on your own before you have to go back. Now summer lasts roughly three days and I never seem to actually take a vacation during the summer. So I thought that I would look back and list the things I miss about summer now that I am no longer a kid.
1) Watching game shows: The sole purpose of waking up in the morning in summer was to watch game shows. It was great that I grew up during the golden age where I could watch Wheel of Fortune when they had to buy their prizes, Sale of the Century, The Price is Right with the only true host Bob Barker and of course the king of all game shows Press Your Luck. This was a good three hours of my life every morning. Not only do I no longer get to do this (well, except for the days when our work television is mistakenly kept on a certain channel) but the only game show on in the morning is Deal or No Deal, otherwise known as the “Random Number and Expected Value Hour”. I really miss this.
2) Summer Reading Programs at the Library: This was always fun. You’d sign up and would have to read so many books over the summer and then you would receive something though all I remember is seeing my name on the wall. Also, collections of Peanuts cartoons did not count as books. I am more upset about this now than I was as a kid. There was probably deeper meaning in those cartoons than in half the stuff I actually read. Well, other than my Encyclopedia Brown books. Those things were like Tolstoy to my ten year old mind.
3) Wiffle ball competitions in the front yard: To be honest, I should probably include all of the sports that I played with my three brothers, primarily my younger brother but occasionally all four of us. This included wiffle ball (hitting the ball on the roof is a home run, over the roof means a mad scramble to see if we could find the ball, and a yard setup that made it impossible to hit to right field), alley basketball (the garage being considered in bounds and perfectly valid to drive your opponent into it), catch off the roof (take a tennis ball, throw it on the slanted roof of our two story house, watch it bounce a few times and try to catch it as it falls) and nerf basketball (where anything short of sending your opponent into the window was legal.) Exactly how my parents dealt with having four boys who felt that the entire house was one big sporting arena is beyond. Especially when one of my brothers turned our backyard into a one hole golf course featuring a dogleg.
4) The illicit thrill of staying up late to watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: As I was growing up occasionally I would find myself in a room with a TV set. Typically this meant that I was rooming with one of my older brothers and therefore had no rights in determining what to watch and at what time. But occasionally they would go off to camp or stay over at a friend’s house and that meant that the TV was all mine. The fact that it was in black and white was no matter. This meant that I could enjoy all of those things that adults got to watch like Johnny Carson, MASH reruns and, gasp, the Benny Hill show. It still amazes me that in my youth watching Benny Hill was enough to get people to imply that you were going to hell whereas now any kid with an internet connection can watch midget porn twenty four hours a day.
5) The candy bars sold as Little League Fundraisers: Ok, I must make a confession here: I never played little league baseball. Maybe that explains a lot, I don’t know. Given that I was never an athlete and I was always a little off socially my parents decided that it would be best if I didn’t play and to be honest I never argued against them. I liked basketball better and would rather shoot in the alley than play baseball. But all of my brothers did play and that meant that summer meant baseball candy. It was always of a quality a level or two less than what you would find at the store but there was just something to it that made it worthwhile. Maybe it was just the fact that it was summer and you had a chocolate bar next to your bed. Something made it totally awesome.
6) Listening to neighbors’ summer parties: The neighbors across the alley from us had an above ground pool. This was an amazing thing when they put it in because absolutely no one in the neighborhood had one. I usually slept in the bedroom that faced the alley and that meant that in summer I could sleep with the windows open and hear the party going on across the way. It was like having a brief intro into what fun is like when you are an adult and / or could afford an above ground pool.
Sometimes I really do wish that I could go back and be a kid again. I don’t think that I would want to be a kid in today’s world (the 80’s might have sucked in a lot of ways but they were a great time to grow up) but I think it would be nice to get that youthful innocent exuberance back. Or at least to spend one summer night running out in the yard catching fireflies and not giving a damn about anything else in the world.
Best of 120 Minutes: The more I learn about the music business and the farther away we get from the grunge era the more amazing it is that Tori Amos became a huge star. Little Earthquakes was released at the same time as Nirvana’s Nevermind and Pearl Jam’s Ten and it may have as much of a say in the death of hair metal as grunge did. Think about it: at a time when most bands were a bunch of guys with big hair, tight spandex pants and lyrics that essentially consisted of “Ooh yeah baby come on tonight” here was this girl with a piano and songs that were just so brutally honest and open that they were almost frightening to listen to. I still can’t recall having heard anything like Tori before she hit the scene. She has ended up with this reputation of a successful, if a bit spacey, artist. I think the word groundbreaking should be used a lot more often.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
30 nights at the museum
The Museum of Science and Industry has recently created a contest in which one lucky person will get to live in the museum for a month. And when I say live I mean actually live there. They will give you a cot and everything. As a Chicagoan I feel that it is my right to have this opportunity even if explaining what I am doing to my employer and / or fiancé would be a rather awkward conversation. “Why the hell do you want to live in a museum?” “Duh. It has a working coal mine. Why else would I want to live there.” Anyway, here is a list of what I would do if given a chance to spend a month at the Museum of Science and Industry.
(Note: I haven’t been there in ages so some of the exhibits I refer to may no longer exist in their original form.)
1) Operate the trains in the train station layout: In something that never quite made sense in a museum MSI had the largest model train set that I have ever seen. You literally needed to go up to the balcony to get a full sense of the scale of this thing. Now when I was younger it was in a bit of disrepair and you had to search to find the one train that was actually running. Apparently it is now repaired and has been made even more awesome. I want a chance behind the controls.
2) Spend a night with the cadaver slices: The timeline that MSI has given means that you will get to spend Halloween night there. I can think of no more frightening thing than to set up a cot with the cadaver slices and sleep there. For those of you who don’t know about this exhibit that scared the daylights out of me as a kid off in a corner of the museum there were these sections of metal frames set up much in the same way that the poster selection is at a Spencer Gifts. However, instead of pictures of women in bikinis you have a cadaver that has been sliced into two inch segments lengthwise and every slide is another two inches of the body. Freaked the hell out of me when I was 10 and would freak the hell out of me now.
3) A night with the baby chicks: Well, it can’t all be gore. In the food section of the museum (which had the awesome rotating plates of food where you got to select a meal and find out how unhealthy it was) you had the chick hatchery. A very neat place where you got to watch baby chicks make their way out of eggs knowing that they will eventually become your dinner. Would be neat to spend time with them.
4) Stage an Al Capone style shootout in Yesterday’s Main Street: This was always a neat part of the museum because it was uncrowded, air conditioned, and you could get ice cream there. It is made to look like early 20th century Chicago and therefore looks like the backdrop to every gangster film that you have ever seen. So what could be better than inviting a bunch of your friends over with toy guns and recreating some of the great mob battles?
5) Place G.I. Joe figures in the Fairy Castle: In another one of those exhibits that never quite made sense there is what is for all intensive purposes a giant dollhouse in the museum. I don’t know what it has to do with science or industry but it is always a popular place to go. I would have to spend some time rearranging the Castle and dropping in a few action figures of my own. I think the exhibit would be greatly improved through the addition of Boba Fett and Snake Eyes.
6) Climb down the staircase on the Apollo 11 mock up: This may be one of my favorite things in the museum. They have the actual training lander for the Apollo 11 mission. This means that it is an exact replica of what Neil Armstrong walked down 41 years ago. Given that I can’t go to the moon at the moment this would be the next best thing.
7) Bring back to walk through heart: What do you mean they got rid of the walk through heart? I don’t care if it is now a 13 foot tall 3D animation. I want the walk through heart back. It may not have taught you anything but you got to walk through a freaking heart.
Help me out Chicagoans. What would you want to do given free reign?
(Note: I haven’t been there in ages so some of the exhibits I refer to may no longer exist in their original form.)
1) Operate the trains in the train station layout: In something that never quite made sense in a museum MSI had the largest model train set that I have ever seen. You literally needed to go up to the balcony to get a full sense of the scale of this thing. Now when I was younger it was in a bit of disrepair and you had to search to find the one train that was actually running. Apparently it is now repaired and has been made even more awesome. I want a chance behind the controls.
2) Spend a night with the cadaver slices: The timeline that MSI has given means that you will get to spend Halloween night there. I can think of no more frightening thing than to set up a cot with the cadaver slices and sleep there. For those of you who don’t know about this exhibit that scared the daylights out of me as a kid off in a corner of the museum there were these sections of metal frames set up much in the same way that the poster selection is at a Spencer Gifts. However, instead of pictures of women in bikinis you have a cadaver that has been sliced into two inch segments lengthwise and every slide is another two inches of the body. Freaked the hell out of me when I was 10 and would freak the hell out of me now.
3) A night with the baby chicks: Well, it can’t all be gore. In the food section of the museum (which had the awesome rotating plates of food where you got to select a meal and find out how unhealthy it was) you had the chick hatchery. A very neat place where you got to watch baby chicks make their way out of eggs knowing that they will eventually become your dinner. Would be neat to spend time with them.
4) Stage an Al Capone style shootout in Yesterday’s Main Street: This was always a neat part of the museum because it was uncrowded, air conditioned, and you could get ice cream there. It is made to look like early 20th century Chicago and therefore looks like the backdrop to every gangster film that you have ever seen. So what could be better than inviting a bunch of your friends over with toy guns and recreating some of the great mob battles?
5) Place G.I. Joe figures in the Fairy Castle: In another one of those exhibits that never quite made sense there is what is for all intensive purposes a giant dollhouse in the museum. I don’t know what it has to do with science or industry but it is always a popular place to go. I would have to spend some time rearranging the Castle and dropping in a few action figures of my own. I think the exhibit would be greatly improved through the addition of Boba Fett and Snake Eyes.
6) Climb down the staircase on the Apollo 11 mock up: This may be one of my favorite things in the museum. They have the actual training lander for the Apollo 11 mission. This means that it is an exact replica of what Neil Armstrong walked down 41 years ago. Given that I can’t go to the moon at the moment this would be the next best thing.
7) Bring back to walk through heart: What do you mean they got rid of the walk through heart? I don’t care if it is now a 13 foot tall 3D animation. I want the walk through heart back. It may not have taught you anything but you got to walk through a freaking heart.
Help me out Chicagoans. What would you want to do given free reign?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Literary algorithms and other musings
So there is this website out there called I Write Like which theoretically examines the text that you submit to it and tells you which writer you most resemble via statistical analysis. Besides kicking myself for not coming up with this idea first I decided that I had to submit one of my blog posts to the site and find out whose style mine most resembles. Turns out it is that of famed British writer P. G. Wodehouse. That surprises me a little but not by much. I consider my writing style to be more in the vein of Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut but given they are both descendents of the P. G. Wodehouse brand I figure that the analysis isn’t half bad. Hell, it probably gives my writing more credit than it is worth.
(Then again, it also judged a Kim Kardashian tweet to be written in the style of James Joyce so obviously the algorithm still needs a little tweaking.)
So they finally put Lindsay Lohan in jail for what appears to be all of two weeks. You do have to love Hollywood justice where a 90 day sentence can turn into 12 due to the fact that even prisoners don’t want to deal with Lindsay Lohan. At least I’ve been making decent money on my sales of “Leave Lindsay A-Lohan!!!” t-shirts and coffee mugs. (Get yours today! Supplies are limited! At some point this pop culture reference will be moot!) Hopefully, this will give us a few weeks of rest from this story, followed by the usual rehab stint, and then the VH1 comeback special. All pretty typical really.
By the way, while watching television over the weekend I came across an interview with Bret Michaels and I have to say something that I never thought that I would say in a million years: I really like Bret Michaels. The guy was funny, smart, totally down to earth and seemed to be a guy you would really like to hang out with. That is not what I expected from the former lead singer of Poison who put together a reality show that existed mainly so he could hook up with former strippers. But he seemed like a totally cool guy who was reevaluating his life after nearly dying a few times this year. Have to admit I gained a lot of respect for him.
One last thing before I call it a night. Remember that 41 years ago tonight on a soundstage in Arizona we faked walking on the moon. It is either the greatest accomplishment in human history or could have used better special effects. Either way I still hold out hope that sometime in my lifetime I will get to look up at the moon and no that someone is up there. I just thought that it would have happened by now.
Your five random CDs for the week (better late than never):
1) Tori Amos “Sweet Old England”
2) Jon Dee Graham “It’s Not As Bad As It Looks”
3) Sarah McLachlan “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy”
4) The Juliana Hatfield Three “Become What You Are”
5) Various Artists “Les Miserables”
(Then again, it also judged a Kim Kardashian tweet to be written in the style of James Joyce so obviously the algorithm still needs a little tweaking.)
So they finally put Lindsay Lohan in jail for what appears to be all of two weeks. You do have to love Hollywood justice where a 90 day sentence can turn into 12 due to the fact that even prisoners don’t want to deal with Lindsay Lohan. At least I’ve been making decent money on my sales of “Leave Lindsay A-Lohan!!!” t-shirts and coffee mugs. (Get yours today! Supplies are limited! At some point this pop culture reference will be moot!) Hopefully, this will give us a few weeks of rest from this story, followed by the usual rehab stint, and then the VH1 comeback special. All pretty typical really.
By the way, while watching television over the weekend I came across an interview with Bret Michaels and I have to say something that I never thought that I would say in a million years: I really like Bret Michaels. The guy was funny, smart, totally down to earth and seemed to be a guy you would really like to hang out with. That is not what I expected from the former lead singer of Poison who put together a reality show that existed mainly so he could hook up with former strippers. But he seemed like a totally cool guy who was reevaluating his life after nearly dying a few times this year. Have to admit I gained a lot of respect for him.
One last thing before I call it a night. Remember that 41 years ago tonight on a soundstage in Arizona we faked walking on the moon. It is either the greatest accomplishment in human history or could have used better special effects. Either way I still hold out hope that sometime in my lifetime I will get to look up at the moon and no that someone is up there. I just thought that it would have happened by now.
Your five random CDs for the week (better late than never):
1) Tori Amos “Sweet Old England”
2) Jon Dee Graham “It’s Not As Bad As It Looks”
3) Sarah McLachlan “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy”
4) The Juliana Hatfield Three “Become What You Are”
5) Various Artists “Les Miserables”
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Resolution Review Part Deux
Let’s see how I’m doing on the second half of my New Year’s Resolutions
Resolution # 6: Learn to cook to the point that I could make dinner for Kim: I can’t really say that I’ve made progress on this one. Yes, I am cooking better for myself and what I am eating is in fact healthier but I still haven’t done anything that could be considered making a meal from scratch. That is kind of the point of this one; to take multiple ingredients and make an actual meal out of them. I am getting more comfortable in the kitchen and have learned that when it says “cook for 3 minutes” you don’t have to sit there with a stopwatch but I really do need to take a recipe one weekend and see if I can actually make it. What is the worst that could happen?
Resolution # 7: Reader’s Choice: I believe that this one turned out to be take up swimming as part of my workout routine. This could tie into a slightly bigger challenge of my learning to swim. Well, see, that is not entirely true. I do know how to swim. If you dropped me in a pool and asked me to swim laps I could do that. I’d even survive swimming in the deep end. The thing is that if you asked me to swim to the bottom of the deep end, touch the bottom, and come back up I’d say “hell no.” Doing the swimming underwater bit is something I never really learned. So that is something I need to learn especially given that Kim loves swimming and grew up near the water.
Resolution # 8: Have 100 people read the blog in one day: Ugh. Maybe I’ve hit 30 readers in a day this year but probably not more than that. It is what happens when you stop writing on a regular schedule and have the quality drop a bit. I’m going to try to get back into the habit, I swear, and I hope that I can figure out what my topics should be now. As someone once told me I am my best as a writer when I am bitter and cynical and depressed. That made for basically five great years of blog material. Sadly the fact that I am happy now makes my writing suffer. I’ll figure out the fix for that soon; one that hopefully does not involve my becoming unhappy.
(By the way, after I finish the jigsaw puzzle I think my next big project will be putting together my best of the blog book that I have been promising for a few years now. I’ve finally figured out how I would do it and while it would take a couple of months I might be able to finish it by the end of the year.)
Resolution # 9: Expand my musical tastes: Hasn’t really happened unless you count listening to Jason Isbell’s solo work in addition to his time with the Drive-By Truckers. I’m a little disenchanted with the whole music biz right now. I’m not even sure where to learn about new music now as my two old methods (going to concerts and reading music mags) don’t really correspond with my current life. Then there is the whole fact that I am now older than that 18 – 34 target market. I’m not supposed to be an Of Montreal fan. To be honest I’m not even sure if there is a band called Of Montreal. It sucks being uncool especially when for one brief, shining moment you actually were cool.
Resolution # 10: Prepare to be the best husband that I can be: I am going to be completely honest here; I sucked at this at the beginning of the year. You know the old story about how a dog chases a car and what would happen if the dog ever caught the car? That is the best analogy that I can think of. After years searching for the woman of my dreams I finally found her and she said yes and my reaction was “Oh thank God, I can finally stop running now.” I didn’t realize that the car would keep on moving. So I screwed up more than a few times to a greater degree than I ever imagined possible.
But, as Kim and I have said, it is better that I screw up like this before we get married than after the fact. And I have worked hard at becoming the best that I can possibly be and to address some of my mistakes and understand what it will be to be a married couple. It’s sad to use the word maturing when you are about to turn 37 but that is exactly what I’ve been doing. Next June we will be married and I really wish that day would hurry up and get here because there is nothing that I want to do more than to see her on that day.
Resolution # 6: Learn to cook to the point that I could make dinner for Kim: I can’t really say that I’ve made progress on this one. Yes, I am cooking better for myself and what I am eating is in fact healthier but I still haven’t done anything that could be considered making a meal from scratch. That is kind of the point of this one; to take multiple ingredients and make an actual meal out of them. I am getting more comfortable in the kitchen and have learned that when it says “cook for 3 minutes” you don’t have to sit there with a stopwatch but I really do need to take a recipe one weekend and see if I can actually make it. What is the worst that could happen?
Resolution # 7: Reader’s Choice: I believe that this one turned out to be take up swimming as part of my workout routine. This could tie into a slightly bigger challenge of my learning to swim. Well, see, that is not entirely true. I do know how to swim. If you dropped me in a pool and asked me to swim laps I could do that. I’d even survive swimming in the deep end. The thing is that if you asked me to swim to the bottom of the deep end, touch the bottom, and come back up I’d say “hell no.” Doing the swimming underwater bit is something I never really learned. So that is something I need to learn especially given that Kim loves swimming and grew up near the water.
Resolution # 8: Have 100 people read the blog in one day: Ugh. Maybe I’ve hit 30 readers in a day this year but probably not more than that. It is what happens when you stop writing on a regular schedule and have the quality drop a bit. I’m going to try to get back into the habit, I swear, and I hope that I can figure out what my topics should be now. As someone once told me I am my best as a writer when I am bitter and cynical and depressed. That made for basically five great years of blog material. Sadly the fact that I am happy now makes my writing suffer. I’ll figure out the fix for that soon; one that hopefully does not involve my becoming unhappy.
(By the way, after I finish the jigsaw puzzle I think my next big project will be putting together my best of the blog book that I have been promising for a few years now. I’ve finally figured out how I would do it and while it would take a couple of months I might be able to finish it by the end of the year.)
Resolution # 9: Expand my musical tastes: Hasn’t really happened unless you count listening to Jason Isbell’s solo work in addition to his time with the Drive-By Truckers. I’m a little disenchanted with the whole music biz right now. I’m not even sure where to learn about new music now as my two old methods (going to concerts and reading music mags) don’t really correspond with my current life. Then there is the whole fact that I am now older than that 18 – 34 target market. I’m not supposed to be an Of Montreal fan. To be honest I’m not even sure if there is a band called Of Montreal. It sucks being uncool especially when for one brief, shining moment you actually were cool.
Resolution # 10: Prepare to be the best husband that I can be: I am going to be completely honest here; I sucked at this at the beginning of the year. You know the old story about how a dog chases a car and what would happen if the dog ever caught the car? That is the best analogy that I can think of. After years searching for the woman of my dreams I finally found her and she said yes and my reaction was “Oh thank God, I can finally stop running now.” I didn’t realize that the car would keep on moving. So I screwed up more than a few times to a greater degree than I ever imagined possible.
But, as Kim and I have said, it is better that I screw up like this before we get married than after the fact. And I have worked hard at becoming the best that I can possibly be and to address some of my mistakes and understand what it will be to be a married couple. It’s sad to use the word maturing when you are about to turn 37 but that is exactly what I’ve been doing. Next June we will be married and I really wish that day would hurry up and get here because there is nothing that I want to do more than to see her on that day.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
If you ever wonder what life is like on the inside of my own head this video is pretty much exactly how I view everyday life. Watch it and you’ll understand.
(Thanks go out as always to my good friends at ImprovEverywhere for this one. They are the only reason that I would consider moving to New York.)
Since we are at the midpoint of the year it is time for me to start reviewing my New Year’s Resolutions and seeing where I stand with six months to go. I posted 10 of them in January so I’ll go through the first five tonight and the rest tomorrow.
Resolution # 1: Get my weight down to under 190 pounds: The max I’ve weighed this year is around 215 pounds, which is pretty much the heaviest I have ever weighed. Right now I am down to 202 and that equates to a good ten pound weight loss over the past two months since I’ve really tried to work out and eat right. I’m really focused on this goal and should be able to accomplish it. The important thing is that my focus is on getting fit and eating better. If I can do that then I assume the weight will come off. Though I must admit that I miss having Five Guys for every other meal.
Resolution # 2: Be More Attentive: Well, bit of a mixed bag on this one. This came about due to my habit of surfing the internet while talking to Kim and completely missing what she is actually saying. I’ve become much better in terms of focus but I’ll still find myself distracted by a book that is in front of me or a shiny object. I’ll say that I am getting better at this but I still need a great deal of work.
Resolution # 3: Complete a 3,000 piece jigsaw puzzle by myself: I’ve actually been working on this all summer. I’m probably a third of the way through (I’ll post a picture tomorrow) and I have hopes of completing it by the end of August. It is challenging as hell especially given the nature of the puzzle (it’s of a painting as opposed to a picture so there aren’t nearly as many clear sections) but it has done wonders for allowing me to calm down every night. I have also completed a 500 and 1,500 piece puzzle by myself this year so I’m thinking that this one will be conquered.
Resolution # 4: Have breakfast every day: On the bright side I’ve done better at this than I have in previous years. I probably average having an actual breakfast before I go to work once a week. Of course that is completely horrible especially as one is trying to diet so I will just have to get myself together on this. I can only live on FiberOne bars for breakfast for so long. As their advertising slogan states “You won’t believe that you had one third of your daily fiber requirement in one bar until you’re in the bathroom three hours later.”
Resolution # 5: Get to work earlier: Tied in with the breakfast and wow have I sucked at this one. It really does upset me because I don’t have a great reason other than I am simply tired in the morning and staying in bed is rather nice. Now I don’t want to go nuts and try to be at work at 7 each morning because my body simply isn’t wired for that type of lifestyle given my no caffeine rule. But I could use to get to the office 15 minutes earlier and there is no reason why I can’t do that. This will be a big focus for me (along with eating breakfast) for the rest of the year.
Wednesday Night Music Club: The Gourds version of Gin and Juice. Possibly the greatest cover song every recorded. Because if there was one thing the song was missing it was clearly a mandolin solo. Warning contains NSFW language because it is a Snoop Dogg song after all.
(Thanks go out as always to my good friends at ImprovEverywhere for this one. They are the only reason that I would consider moving to New York.)
Since we are at the midpoint of the year it is time for me to start reviewing my New Year’s Resolutions and seeing where I stand with six months to go. I posted 10 of them in January so I’ll go through the first five tonight and the rest tomorrow.
Resolution # 1: Get my weight down to under 190 pounds: The max I’ve weighed this year is around 215 pounds, which is pretty much the heaviest I have ever weighed. Right now I am down to 202 and that equates to a good ten pound weight loss over the past two months since I’ve really tried to work out and eat right. I’m really focused on this goal and should be able to accomplish it. The important thing is that my focus is on getting fit and eating better. If I can do that then I assume the weight will come off. Though I must admit that I miss having Five Guys for every other meal.
Resolution # 2: Be More Attentive: Well, bit of a mixed bag on this one. This came about due to my habit of surfing the internet while talking to Kim and completely missing what she is actually saying. I’ve become much better in terms of focus but I’ll still find myself distracted by a book that is in front of me or a shiny object. I’ll say that I am getting better at this but I still need a great deal of work.
Resolution # 3: Complete a 3,000 piece jigsaw puzzle by myself: I’ve actually been working on this all summer. I’m probably a third of the way through (I’ll post a picture tomorrow) and I have hopes of completing it by the end of August. It is challenging as hell especially given the nature of the puzzle (it’s of a painting as opposed to a picture so there aren’t nearly as many clear sections) but it has done wonders for allowing me to calm down every night. I have also completed a 500 and 1,500 piece puzzle by myself this year so I’m thinking that this one will be conquered.
Resolution # 4: Have breakfast every day: On the bright side I’ve done better at this than I have in previous years. I probably average having an actual breakfast before I go to work once a week. Of course that is completely horrible especially as one is trying to diet so I will just have to get myself together on this. I can only live on FiberOne bars for breakfast for so long. As their advertising slogan states “You won’t believe that you had one third of your daily fiber requirement in one bar until you’re in the bathroom three hours later.”
Resolution # 5: Get to work earlier: Tied in with the breakfast and wow have I sucked at this one. It really does upset me because I don’t have a great reason other than I am simply tired in the morning and staying in bed is rather nice. Now I don’t want to go nuts and try to be at work at 7 each morning because my body simply isn’t wired for that type of lifestyle given my no caffeine rule. But I could use to get to the office 15 minutes earlier and there is no reason why I can’t do that. This will be a big focus for me (along with eating breakfast) for the rest of the year.
Wednesday Night Music Club: The Gourds version of Gin and Juice. Possibly the greatest cover song every recorded. Because if there was one thing the song was missing it was clearly a mandolin solo. Warning contains NSFW language because it is a Snoop Dogg song after all.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
And he gave us Seinfeld....
In honor of his passing here is my favorite personal George Steinbrenner story. I think that the only time I ever saw the Yankees play may have been the first game I ever saw. I couldn’t have been more than four or five at the time when we went to Commiskey Park to see the Chet Lemon led White Sox take on the Yankees. I’m pretty sure this was a Cub Scout outing and I was the tagalong little brother. Anyway, none of that matters other than being five at Commiskey was an experience in itself as you learned quickly that baseball was synonymous with smoking, heavy drinking and Andy the Clown.
This was when Reggie Jackson was with the Yankees and he was in the midst of a huge contract dispute with Steinbrenner. And it is amazing to think that what Reggie was asking for in today’s terms wouldn’t even get you a crappy utility infielder. Anyway, the White Sox fans in their infinite wisdom would, when Reggie took the field in right, throw money at him. Along with probably a few Reggie bars. And what would Reggie do when the inning was over? He’d go over to the warning track, collect the money, and wave at the fans. So I have George’s stingiest to thank for that memory. Worth all the years of having to hate the Yankees when you think about it.
No post yesterday I know and I have no excuse other than I fell asleep. I am doing that more and more often now that I think about it. I was in my bedroom changing last night at 9, put my head down, and before I knew it I was out like a light only to wake up and wonder what day it is. Couldn’t really bring myself to write after that given that I assume that nothing that I would have written would have made a lick of sense.
What is strange is that it is not like I am not getting enough sleep each night. Maybe I can’t live on seven hours of sleep anymore but like I wrote earlier; it’s not like I’m staying up to three in the morning on a regular basis. You’d think that with my new workout schedule that I would have even more energy but it seems that the opposite is the case. Maybe I am just growing old. Yeah, I’ll just blame it on the ravages of time.
Pretty much the only other news is that Mel Gibson is officially insane. Actually most of us had known that for a while now but he at least had the presence of mind to record it on several different occasions just so that we would have incontrovertible proof of our findings. I guess that we should just consider his career to be officially done right now. Well, maybe he could make a comeback in a few years at least as a director (hell, Polanski is still allowed to work though now he must stay in Switzerland for the rest of his life.) His acting career is now below that of Tom Cruise who really doesn’t have one anymore. Amazing to think that in a few years both of these guys have gone from leading men to weirdos in the supermarket tabloids.
This was when Reggie Jackson was with the Yankees and he was in the midst of a huge contract dispute with Steinbrenner. And it is amazing to think that what Reggie was asking for in today’s terms wouldn’t even get you a crappy utility infielder. Anyway, the White Sox fans in their infinite wisdom would, when Reggie took the field in right, throw money at him. Along with probably a few Reggie bars. And what would Reggie do when the inning was over? He’d go over to the warning track, collect the money, and wave at the fans. So I have George’s stingiest to thank for that memory. Worth all the years of having to hate the Yankees when you think about it.
No post yesterday I know and I have no excuse other than I fell asleep. I am doing that more and more often now that I think about it. I was in my bedroom changing last night at 9, put my head down, and before I knew it I was out like a light only to wake up and wonder what day it is. Couldn’t really bring myself to write after that given that I assume that nothing that I would have written would have made a lick of sense.
What is strange is that it is not like I am not getting enough sleep each night. Maybe I can’t live on seven hours of sleep anymore but like I wrote earlier; it’s not like I’m staying up to three in the morning on a regular basis. You’d think that with my new workout schedule that I would have even more energy but it seems that the opposite is the case. Maybe I am just growing old. Yeah, I’ll just blame it on the ravages of time.
Pretty much the only other news is that Mel Gibson is officially insane. Actually most of us had known that for a while now but he at least had the presence of mind to record it on several different occasions just so that we would have incontrovertible proof of our findings. I guess that we should just consider his career to be officially done right now. Well, maybe he could make a comeback in a few years at least as a director (hell, Polanski is still allowed to work though now he must stay in Switzerland for the rest of his life.) His acting career is now below that of Tom Cruise who really doesn’t have one anymore. Amazing to think that in a few years both of these guys have gone from leading men to weirdos in the supermarket tabloids.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Maybe I should just stop cheering for teams in orange...
I don’t know which is sadder: a) the fact that I lost money on the Dutch this afternoon, b) the fact that I fell asleep during the first half and thus missed like 17 yellow cards and a Spanish guy getting dropkicked in the chest or c) the fact that I will have no reason to write about soccer for the next four years. Well, technically I could turn this into a blog for the Philadelphia Union except that I would a) have to explain the city’s surprising pro-labor stance and b) create the blog’s new mascot “Sal the Surly Teamster.”
(Actually, the saddest fact from today is that I taped tonight’s episode of Big Brother so that I can watch it later. Yes, it is that time of year again when we get to watch wannabe models attempt to use strategy and cunning. Or, more likely, utilize racial slurs while not understanding that they are constantly being taped.)
Been a rather quiet weekend for me. I was actually home all weekend for once, which is an incredible change of pace. That is just kind of the nature of my life at the moment as I never seem to find myself in one place for a significant period of time. At certain points it can be fun. I like travelling and now know the ins and outs of many major airports including where the best power outlets are, how to score free drinks from fellow passengers and under what circumstances it is acceptable to pay $1.50 for a candy bar. But on some weekends I just want to stay home, watch some television, and fall asleep on the couch. This was one of those weekends.
The other odd thing is more of that change in my life from where I was two years ago. It is really stunning when you think about it. Two years ago I would never have gone an entire weekend without stepping foot into a bar at some point. In reality, I probably would have gone to two or three over the course of the weekends; places where everyone on staff and many of the patrons would know me on sight. Right now I can’t remember the last time I went to a bar out here in Delaware. I can barely remember the last time I went out to eat here and had a beer with dinner. The pace of my life has completely changed.
Part of this is obviously due to my being with Kim and being engaged and all that. Part of the reason behind going to bars (i.e. meeting people and possibly by pure random chance end up talking to someone I could theoretically date if twenty seven different variables turned my way) is no longer valid. But the main reason is that I have really started to feel the years catch up to me. The thought of closing a bar at three in the morning is no longer as exciting as it once was. I would be tired for a week trying to catch up on my sleep. Part of me misses that experience but I will take the life that I have right now, thank you very much.
Best of 120 Minutes: I love videos that feature people who aren’t in the band more than the band themselves. Or maybe Katherine Hanna decided to join Sonic Youth for the day. Who knows.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Ben Folds Five “Whatever and Ever Amen”
2) Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova “The Swell Season”
3) Jay Farrar “ThirdShiftGrottoSlack”
4) Richard Buckner “Meadow”
5) U2 “Live at Notre Dame”
(Actually, the saddest fact from today is that I taped tonight’s episode of Big Brother so that I can watch it later. Yes, it is that time of year again when we get to watch wannabe models attempt to use strategy and cunning. Or, more likely, utilize racial slurs while not understanding that they are constantly being taped.)
Been a rather quiet weekend for me. I was actually home all weekend for once, which is an incredible change of pace. That is just kind of the nature of my life at the moment as I never seem to find myself in one place for a significant period of time. At certain points it can be fun. I like travelling and now know the ins and outs of many major airports including where the best power outlets are, how to score free drinks from fellow passengers and under what circumstances it is acceptable to pay $1.50 for a candy bar. But on some weekends I just want to stay home, watch some television, and fall asleep on the couch. This was one of those weekends.
The other odd thing is more of that change in my life from where I was two years ago. It is really stunning when you think about it. Two years ago I would never have gone an entire weekend without stepping foot into a bar at some point. In reality, I probably would have gone to two or three over the course of the weekends; places where everyone on staff and many of the patrons would know me on sight. Right now I can’t remember the last time I went to a bar out here in Delaware. I can barely remember the last time I went out to eat here and had a beer with dinner. The pace of my life has completely changed.
Part of this is obviously due to my being with Kim and being engaged and all that. Part of the reason behind going to bars (i.e. meeting people and possibly by pure random chance end up talking to someone I could theoretically date if twenty seven different variables turned my way) is no longer valid. But the main reason is that I have really started to feel the years catch up to me. The thought of closing a bar at three in the morning is no longer as exciting as it once was. I would be tired for a week trying to catch up on my sleep. Part of me misses that experience but I will take the life that I have right now, thank you very much.
Best of 120 Minutes: I love videos that feature people who aren’t in the band more than the band themselves. Or maybe Katherine Hanna decided to join Sonic Youth for the day. Who knows.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Ben Folds Five “Whatever and Ever Amen”
2) Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova “The Swell Season”
3) Jay Farrar “ThirdShiftGrottoSlack”
4) Richard Buckner “Meadow”
5) U2 “Live at Notre Dame”
Thursday, July 08, 2010
The Fumble: Part Two
I sensed a great disturbance in the force tonight. It was as if a million souls in Ohio cried out in anguish at once. That said, it is Ohio that we are talking about. You have a million souls there crying out in anguish every other day.
No, I didn’t even bother to watch the LeBron James infomercial. If I had any respect for ESPN, which I haven’t ever since they stopped showing Australian Rules Football, I would have lost it just for agreeing to put on such a sham of a program. They basically made a one hour commercial out of a story that they had been promoting ad nauseum for the past two years. My only hope is that LeBron had the hats of all of the NBA teams in front of him like he was a high school football prospect. Also, this just goes to show what happens when a teammate sleeps with your mom. Allegedly.
Your Lindsay Updates: I’ve got two this evening. One is insane because it actually matches what I wrote last night. Apparently Lindsay actually did tweet about her unlawful imprisonment including invoking Amnesty International’s favorite document: the UN’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights. I’m not sure where in that document it states that you can get busted on a DUI and cocaine possession charge and not have to go to jail but it’s the UN; no one ever reads what they put out anyway.
The second point is that her lawyer apparently quit today. I’d like to state right now that I am willing to take up her case pro bono. (Actually, I’m pretty much anti-Bono due to my dislike of U2’s work post Zooropa but that is a story for another day.) True, I don’t have a law degree but I have watched a lot of Law and Order and promise to spend the next few weeks watching USA and TNT to make sure I haven’t missed anything. That and a few episodes of Matlock and I should be good to go. I’m planning a defense in which we declare her an endangered species. Not too far from the truth.
That is all for tonight. Try to stay cool out there.
No, I didn’t even bother to watch the LeBron James infomercial. If I had any respect for ESPN, which I haven’t ever since they stopped showing Australian Rules Football, I would have lost it just for agreeing to put on such a sham of a program. They basically made a one hour commercial out of a story that they had been promoting ad nauseum for the past two years. My only hope is that LeBron had the hats of all of the NBA teams in front of him like he was a high school football prospect. Also, this just goes to show what happens when a teammate sleeps with your mom. Allegedly.
Your Lindsay Updates: I’ve got two this evening. One is insane because it actually matches what I wrote last night. Apparently Lindsay actually did tweet about her unlawful imprisonment including invoking Amnesty International’s favorite document: the UN’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights. I’m not sure where in that document it states that you can get busted on a DUI and cocaine possession charge and not have to go to jail but it’s the UN; no one ever reads what they put out anyway.
The second point is that her lawyer apparently quit today. I’d like to state right now that I am willing to take up her case pro bono. (Actually, I’m pretty much anti-Bono due to my dislike of U2’s work post Zooropa but that is a story for another day.) True, I don’t have a law degree but I have watched a lot of Law and Order and promise to spend the next few weeks watching USA and TNT to make sure I haven’t missed anything. That and a few episodes of Matlock and I should be good to go. I’m planning a defense in which we declare her an endangered species. Not too far from the truth.
That is all for tonight. Try to stay cool out there.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Hunger Strike? Storm the Bastille?
Sorry for the lack of posts. I had been sitting novena outside of the LA County Courthouse the past few days and was so distraught over the imprisonment of My Beloved Lindsay (a term I should have trademarked a few years ago) that I just could not bring myself to write last night. Right now I am working feverishly to get Amnesty International to support my cause that Ms. Lohan is being held illegally as a prisoner of conscience and, barring that, gathering various supplies like rope, bolt cutters, and celebratory bottles of Stoli in order to pull off the greatest prison escape ever. It will be just like the Great Muppet Caper except that we will be trying to break someone out of jail and there will be no Muppets. Ok, maybe it won’t be like the Great Muppet Caper after all.
DJ asked on Facebook just where in God’s name did this Lindsay Lohan fascination come from. Based on my blog tags I’ve been calling her My Beloved Lindsay since at least June 2007 and I really think I did it before hand. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure that the phrase came out of a joke at trivia that I made for no one’s benefit but my own. See, Maygun would always have a trivia category called “News of the Starz”, which was celebrity gossip and always seemed to include one Lindsay Lohan reference. I decided that it would be fun if I started to refer to her as my beloved, pretend that I had an insane crush on her, and defend my belief that as long as I continually professed my devotion to her at some point I would be her best dating option left. I thought it was funny though it certainly seemed to get out of hand.
My real reason is a bit more detailed than that as I have followed her career for a long time. I remember The Parent Trap, though I never actually watched the movie, and thought that she was a child star with promise. Mean Girls, which I also never watched, also seemed to indicate that. The thing is after that movie she became the it girl in Hollywood with one amazing difference. Sure, there had been a lot of 18 year olds who were given a ton of press with little to back it up but they all seemed to come out of the same cookie cutter mold. Blonde, innocent looking, often having had a career in Disney films (Brittney and Miley are the same in this regard.) But Lindsay was a redhead with freckles and real curves. Her look was completely different than the rest of the starlets and she did have legitimate talent. You had some hopes for her. She wasn’t going to turn into Natalie Portman but you figured that she had better career prospects than Tara Reid.
Sadly we were wrong. Paris Hilton got a hold of her and suddenly Lindsay lost a ton of weight to the point that I started the “Buy Lindsay a Sandwich!” fan club. She dyed her hair blonde and ended up looking like every other actress in Hollywood. And worst of all, the partying and the booze and the drugs took away her talent. Once while flying back from Europe I saw that Just My Luck was the in flight movie and tried to watch it. I lasted all of five minutes before I decided that I would rather listen to the crying infant two rows behind me than to try to watch her act. Her career has been over for a good five years now and the only reason she makes the news is that we are all drawn to a car wreck. It is the worst part of our voyeuristic nature.
So she is going to jail. And writing F You to the judge on her fingernails. Maybe she’ll get clean and sober and have a career comeback. I’m not betting on it. I think we all know where this story is going to end. People have probably already written their pieces on how we could let someone destroy themselves in front of our very eyes and are just waiting for the news story so they can hit publish. We should probably hope for better. And figure out how the hell Paris Hilton seems to be immune to all of this.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for a few weeks now and this is the only version of it that I can find online. It is from one of my favorite performers Tift Merritt and just seems to be one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard. No one has a voice quite like Tift’s.
DJ asked on Facebook just where in God’s name did this Lindsay Lohan fascination come from. Based on my blog tags I’ve been calling her My Beloved Lindsay since at least June 2007 and I really think I did it before hand. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure that the phrase came out of a joke at trivia that I made for no one’s benefit but my own. See, Maygun would always have a trivia category called “News of the Starz”, which was celebrity gossip and always seemed to include one Lindsay Lohan reference. I decided that it would be fun if I started to refer to her as my beloved, pretend that I had an insane crush on her, and defend my belief that as long as I continually professed my devotion to her at some point I would be her best dating option left. I thought it was funny though it certainly seemed to get out of hand.
My real reason is a bit more detailed than that as I have followed her career for a long time. I remember The Parent Trap, though I never actually watched the movie, and thought that she was a child star with promise. Mean Girls, which I also never watched, also seemed to indicate that. The thing is after that movie she became the it girl in Hollywood with one amazing difference. Sure, there had been a lot of 18 year olds who were given a ton of press with little to back it up but they all seemed to come out of the same cookie cutter mold. Blonde, innocent looking, often having had a career in Disney films (Brittney and Miley are the same in this regard.) But Lindsay was a redhead with freckles and real curves. Her look was completely different than the rest of the starlets and she did have legitimate talent. You had some hopes for her. She wasn’t going to turn into Natalie Portman but you figured that she had better career prospects than Tara Reid.
Sadly we were wrong. Paris Hilton got a hold of her and suddenly Lindsay lost a ton of weight to the point that I started the “Buy Lindsay a Sandwich!” fan club. She dyed her hair blonde and ended up looking like every other actress in Hollywood. And worst of all, the partying and the booze and the drugs took away her talent. Once while flying back from Europe I saw that Just My Luck was the in flight movie and tried to watch it. I lasted all of five minutes before I decided that I would rather listen to the crying infant two rows behind me than to try to watch her act. Her career has been over for a good five years now and the only reason she makes the news is that we are all drawn to a car wreck. It is the worst part of our voyeuristic nature.
So she is going to jail. And writing F You to the judge on her fingernails. Maybe she’ll get clean and sober and have a career comeback. I’m not betting on it. I think we all know where this story is going to end. People have probably already written their pieces on how we could let someone destroy themselves in front of our very eyes and are just waiting for the news story so they can hit publish. We should probably hope for better. And figure out how the hell Paris Hilton seems to be immune to all of this.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’ve been listening to this song for a few weeks now and this is the only version of it that I can find online. It is from one of my favorite performers Tift Merritt and just seems to be one of the most beautiful songs that I have ever heard. No one has a voice quite like Tift’s.
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