Beloit College Mindset List: 2009

Beloit College just published their Mindset List for the class of 2013. This is a wonderful yearly exercise in reminding you just how old you are by looking at the experiences and world view of an incoming college freshman. Reading this makes you start realizing just why you have lower back pain and an urge to watch Matlock. Here are some highlights from this year’s list.

3. The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the big guy picking vegetables: I never even realized that they’ve stopped using the Jolly Green Giant as a mascot. Maybe someone realized that his physical presence would be a huge strain on the ecosystem and thus lower the quality of the produce. And I am not a fan of Shrek. There, I said it.

7. Magic Johnson has always been HIV positive: Wow, that is one to put into perspective. I actually remember where I was when I got that news and it was just a complete stunner. It was a death sentence at the time and the first huge name to be public about it. Now the entire view of the disease has changed.

10: Rap music has always been mainstream: It was fascinating back when I sold ringtones to look at the sales charts. The top sellers were all rap and R and B. There wasn’t a single rock track anywhere near the top of the list. To be frank, for a college freshmen today rap hasn’t just been mainstream it has been the primary form of music for their entire life.

19. They have never understood the meaning of R.S.V.P.: Well, that isn’t quite fair. I don’t know what it means either. Who cares about what the French have to say anyway?

28: Christopher Columbus has always been getting a bad rap: Ah, I remember 1992. Let’s either a) celebrate the 500th anniversary of someone discovering a place that already had people on it or b) using one guy’s road trip to symbolize the destruction of an entire society. I don’t know if I would call it a bad rap though. Maybe just some historical realignment.

30: Bobby Cox has always managed the Atlanta Braves: And has always managed them to a first round playoff exit.

31: There has always been a Cartoon Network: And thank God for that. Though it hasn’t been the same since the glory days of Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. For we are the aqua teens, we make the homies say ho and the girlies want to scream.

35: Women have always outnumbered men in college: Except on engineering campuses where the opposite is very much true. Except in environmental engineering but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: environmental engineering doesn’t count.

40: Madonna’s perspective on Sex has always been well documented: I wouldn’t say that is restricted to college freshmen. Heck, I was pretty sure where she stood when I was a freshman. That said, looking at her now would pretty much make me want to refrain from having any images of her in my mind regarding that activity. I would say that that feeling is pretty universal unless someone has developed a Skeletor fetish.

45: They have always eaten Berry Berry Kix: No wonder kids today are so fat. They can’t even enjoy a good breakfast cereal. Back in my day we lived on Cookie Crisp. It is a breakfast cereal made out of cookies! What could be better?

51: Brittney Spears has always been heard on classic rock stations: Really? Can Beloit back this data up? Is she really considered to be classic rock? I have to disagree with this one here.

52: They have never been Saved by the Bell: Wow, now I am old. I think I wrote about this before how this show is only a Gen X staple because it was on TBS all the time when we were in college so it became the show you watched before dinner. Still, to think that kids today have never seen it is pretty amazing.

57: Elizabeth Taylor has always reeked of White Diamonds: And menthol cigarettes.

58: There has always been a Planet Hollywood: No one knows why. No one can explain why these restaurants are still in existence. Quick, let’s all have an overpriced meal of bad food in a room filled with props from movies we didn’t really enjoyed. I have never seen the appeal of such places.

64: CDs have never been sold in cardboard packaging: First off, I wouldn’t be surprised if a large portion of college freshmen have never even purchased a CD. I find that disturbing in its own right given how much of a collection I have obtained over the years. But I remember the old cardboard packaging that you would tear apart in order to get to the jewel case. See, originally stores were afraid that due to the size of CDs there would be a lot of shoplifting so they created this huge packaging around them for no reason other than to create waste. Enjoy what we’ve left of the planet kids!

75: There has always been blue Jell-O: Which is a godsend for those of us who have to make jello shots for schools in which blue plays a prominent role in the team’s color scheme.