One of my favorite events every year is the release of the Beloit College Mindest List. It might possibly be the greatest thing ever to come out of Wisconsin. Once a year the school releases a list of characteristics of incoming freshmen in terms of cultural experiences to indicate a) their view of the world and b) show just how old you are.
I’ve been writing about this list for probably as long as I’ve been blogging. When I started I always would joke about how I could theoretically have a kid entering college. Which was funny given that it would have required my getting a girl pregnant in high school and just the thought of talking to a girl that I liked would make me nauseous with fear. Well, this year’s group of freshmen were born in 1992 when I was finishing my freshmen year of college. I still can’t say that I could have a kid in this class without laughing (unless having coffee with a girl has somehow been reclassified as reaching second base) but we are getting much closer. Anyway, on to the list…
Starting note: For these students, Benny Hill has always been dead.
1) Few in the class know how to write in cursive: I had the worst cursive handwriting imaginable as a kid. My parents would always complain to my teachers about my handwriting and I swear to god they were once told in reply “one day someone is going to get paid to read Chris’ handwriting.” Luckily I learned to type instead as I can’t even print neatly. That said, if anyone could tell me the purpose of cursive I would love to hear it.
2) Email is just too slow and they seldom if ever use snail mail: I’m not sure if I agree with email being too slow (though given texting it probably is to this generation.) However, in 1992 I was still writing letters to people over the summer. Honest to goodness handwritten letters to girls I met at school and were spending the summer overseas. I can guarantee you that there is not a single freshmen entering Illinois this year who will do that.
7) “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo: As I mentioned, much of my college dating experience involved going out for coffee, which is a nice way of saying that I didn’t really have any college dating experience. Anyway, back then we would simply go to the independent coffee shops in Champaign and order…coffee. Maybe get fancy and order espresso. Where the hell these terms came from I have no idea.
9) Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend: Yes, HAL was completed during my freshmen year at Illinois. I do not find that to be a coincidence.
12) Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry: I agree that your typical freshman will not get the Dirty Harry reference by I have a hard time calling Eastwood a sensitive director. I don’t think that I could call him a sensitive anything. He could read a collection of Wordsworth poetry and you would still use the word hardscrabble to describe it.
15) Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause: It started during award shows. Then it moved to everyday life followed by a morph into wristbands. Now there are actual battles over which color is allowed for which cause.
17) Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection: A significant portion of the incoming class had parents who were banking on their Beanie Baby collection to finance their college education. Oh how wrong they were. A wonderful business case on artificial scarcity, overhyped markets and the realization of “Wait a minute, how can a stuffed animal that costs fifty cents to make be worth a hundred bucks?”
21) Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn: My god, I remember when this story broke. This was the biggest news story of the summer and everyone talked about how horrible it was that he was marrying his adopted daughter. 18 years later and they are still together and he is still making movies. Not very good movies but movies nonetheless.
27) Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive: We are probably passed the point where anyone remembers the 5 ¼ inch drives from back when floppy discs were actually floppy. It’s probably been a good five years since computers even came with true disc drives. I remember loading up my Commodore 64 using a tape drive. Man am I old.
32) Czechoslovakia has never existed: Thus making them unable to truly understand the wonder of the “Two Wild and Crazy Guys” sketch on Saturday Night Live. Also, incoming freshman cannot remember when Dan Akroyd was either a) funny or b) weighed less than 300 pounds.
39) Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes: I grew up in lovely Berwyn, Illinois and when Domino’s started their store was on the other side of the train tracks from my house. Yes, I did literally grow up on the wrong side of the tracks. This was wonderful though since if we timed it correctly our Domino’s driver would get stuck behind a freight train for ten minutes thus resulting in a free pizza. Loved that promotion.
43) Russians and Americans have always been living together in space: Maybe not accomplish much but they have been living there. It is amazing to think that I grew up truly believing that there was going to be a nuclear Armageddon before I could legally drink and a kid entering college would not even understand that the Russians are supposed to be bad guys.
46) Nirvana is on the classic oldies station: Note to whoever wrote this list “Fuck you!” Sorry, I have never read something that has made me feel so old in my entire life.
48) Someone has always gotten married in space: I am completely lost on this one. I am a space geek and can’t recall a marriage in space. Can anyone fill me in on this one?
53) J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he?: To be fair, I can barely recall the whole Who Shot JR storyline and Dallas hype. There really is no reason why anyone under 30 would get such a reference.
71) The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing: And rightfully so.
Showing posts with label Beloit Mindset. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beloit Mindset. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Beloit College Mindset List: 2009
Beloit College just published their Mindset List for the class of 2013. This is a wonderful yearly exercise in reminding you just how old you are by looking at the experiences and world view of an incoming college freshman. Reading this makes you start realizing just why you have lower back pain and an urge to watch Matlock. Here are some highlights from this year’s list.
3. The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the big guy picking vegetables: I never even realized that they’ve stopped using the Jolly Green Giant as a mascot. Maybe someone realized that his physical presence would be a huge strain on the ecosystem and thus lower the quality of the produce. And I am not a fan of Shrek. There, I said it.
7. Magic Johnson has always been HIV positive: Wow, that is one to put into perspective. I actually remember where I was when I got that news and it was just a complete stunner. It was a death sentence at the time and the first huge name to be public about it. Now the entire view of the disease has changed.
10: Rap music has always been mainstream: It was fascinating back when I sold ringtones to look at the sales charts. The top sellers were all rap and R and B. There wasn’t a single rock track anywhere near the top of the list. To be frank, for a college freshmen today rap hasn’t just been mainstream it has been the primary form of music for their entire life.
19. They have never understood the meaning of R.S.V.P.: Well, that isn’t quite fair. I don’t know what it means either. Who cares about what the French have to say anyway?
28: Christopher Columbus has always been getting a bad rap: Ah, I remember 1992. Let’s either a) celebrate the 500th anniversary of someone discovering a place that already had people on it or b) using one guy’s road trip to symbolize the destruction of an entire society. I don’t know if I would call it a bad rap though. Maybe just some historical realignment.
30: Bobby Cox has always managed the Atlanta Braves: And has always managed them to a first round playoff exit.
31: There has always been a Cartoon Network: And thank God for that. Though it hasn’t been the same since the glory days of Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. For we are the aqua teens, we make the homies say ho and the girlies want to scream.
35: Women have always outnumbered men in college: Except on engineering campuses where the opposite is very much true. Except in environmental engineering but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: environmental engineering doesn’t count.
40: Madonna’s perspective on Sex has always been well documented: I wouldn’t say that is restricted to college freshmen. Heck, I was pretty sure where she stood when I was a freshman. That said, looking at her now would pretty much make me want to refrain from having any images of her in my mind regarding that activity. I would say that that feeling is pretty universal unless someone has developed a Skeletor fetish.
45: They have always eaten Berry Berry Kix: No wonder kids today are so fat. They can’t even enjoy a good breakfast cereal. Back in my day we lived on Cookie Crisp. It is a breakfast cereal made out of cookies! What could be better?
51: Brittney Spears has always been heard on classic rock stations: Really? Can Beloit back this data up? Is she really considered to be classic rock? I have to disagree with this one here.
52: They have never been Saved by the Bell: Wow, now I am old. I think I wrote about this before how this show is only a Gen X staple because it was on TBS all the time when we were in college so it became the show you watched before dinner. Still, to think that kids today have never seen it is pretty amazing.
57: Elizabeth Taylor has always reeked of White Diamonds: And menthol cigarettes.
58: There has always been a Planet Hollywood: No one knows why. No one can explain why these restaurants are still in existence. Quick, let’s all have an overpriced meal of bad food in a room filled with props from movies we didn’t really enjoyed. I have never seen the appeal of such places.
64: CDs have never been sold in cardboard packaging: First off, I wouldn’t be surprised if a large portion of college freshmen have never even purchased a CD. I find that disturbing in its own right given how much of a collection I have obtained over the years. But I remember the old cardboard packaging that you would tear apart in order to get to the jewel case. See, originally stores were afraid that due to the size of CDs there would be a lot of shoplifting so they created this huge packaging around them for no reason other than to create waste. Enjoy what we’ve left of the planet kids!
75: There has always been blue Jell-O: Which is a godsend for those of us who have to make jello shots for schools in which blue plays a prominent role in the team’s color scheme.
3. The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the big guy picking vegetables: I never even realized that they’ve stopped using the Jolly Green Giant as a mascot. Maybe someone realized that his physical presence would be a huge strain on the ecosystem and thus lower the quality of the produce. And I am not a fan of Shrek. There, I said it.
7. Magic Johnson has always been HIV positive: Wow, that is one to put into perspective. I actually remember where I was when I got that news and it was just a complete stunner. It was a death sentence at the time and the first huge name to be public about it. Now the entire view of the disease has changed.
10: Rap music has always been mainstream: It was fascinating back when I sold ringtones to look at the sales charts. The top sellers were all rap and R and B. There wasn’t a single rock track anywhere near the top of the list. To be frank, for a college freshmen today rap hasn’t just been mainstream it has been the primary form of music for their entire life.
19. They have never understood the meaning of R.S.V.P.: Well, that isn’t quite fair. I don’t know what it means either. Who cares about what the French have to say anyway?
28: Christopher Columbus has always been getting a bad rap: Ah, I remember 1992. Let’s either a) celebrate the 500th anniversary of someone discovering a place that already had people on it or b) using one guy’s road trip to symbolize the destruction of an entire society. I don’t know if I would call it a bad rap though. Maybe just some historical realignment.
30: Bobby Cox has always managed the Atlanta Braves: And has always managed them to a first round playoff exit.
31: There has always been a Cartoon Network: And thank God for that. Though it hasn’t been the same since the glory days of Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. For we are the aqua teens, we make the homies say ho and the girlies want to scream.
35: Women have always outnumbered men in college: Except on engineering campuses where the opposite is very much true. Except in environmental engineering but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: environmental engineering doesn’t count.
40: Madonna’s perspective on Sex has always been well documented: I wouldn’t say that is restricted to college freshmen. Heck, I was pretty sure where she stood when I was a freshman. That said, looking at her now would pretty much make me want to refrain from having any images of her in my mind regarding that activity. I would say that that feeling is pretty universal unless someone has developed a Skeletor fetish.
45: They have always eaten Berry Berry Kix: No wonder kids today are so fat. They can’t even enjoy a good breakfast cereal. Back in my day we lived on Cookie Crisp. It is a breakfast cereal made out of cookies! What could be better?
51: Brittney Spears has always been heard on classic rock stations: Really? Can Beloit back this data up? Is she really considered to be classic rock? I have to disagree with this one here.
52: They have never been Saved by the Bell: Wow, now I am old. I think I wrote about this before how this show is only a Gen X staple because it was on TBS all the time when we were in college so it became the show you watched before dinner. Still, to think that kids today have never seen it is pretty amazing.
57: Elizabeth Taylor has always reeked of White Diamonds: And menthol cigarettes.
58: There has always been a Planet Hollywood: No one knows why. No one can explain why these restaurants are still in existence. Quick, let’s all have an overpriced meal of bad food in a room filled with props from movies we didn’t really enjoyed. I have never seen the appeal of such places.
64: CDs have never been sold in cardboard packaging: First off, I wouldn’t be surprised if a large portion of college freshmen have never even purchased a CD. I find that disturbing in its own right given how much of a collection I have obtained over the years. But I remember the old cardboard packaging that you would tear apart in order to get to the jewel case. See, originally stores were afraid that due to the size of CDs there would be a lot of shoplifting so they created this huge packaging around them for no reason other than to create waste. Enjoy what we’ve left of the planet kids!
75: There has always been blue Jell-O: Which is a godsend for those of us who have to make jello shots for schools in which blue plays a prominent role in the team’s color scheme.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
What's on my mindset
Three questions I would like answered. Please reply in the comments if you have any ideas…
1) On Tuesday night I have the opportunity to see Weird Al Yankovic in concert. Would this be a good thing or a bad thing?
2) I’m drafting fifth in my fantasy football league. Who should Cobra Kai, the team where fear does not exist, select when they are on the board?
3) If you were dating a girl and discovered that she owned a copy of Jewel’s “A Night Without Armor” collection of poems could you still continue to date her?
On to the main topic at hand. Our good friends at Beloit College have put together the Mindset List for the Class of 2011. It’s a list made primarily made to help me better relate to the young kids I find myself standing next to at shows in Lawrence. It also just shows how old I really am. Here’s some of the highlights.
#1: What Berlin Wall?: Wow, that would really be history in their minds. Also, they wouldn’t get any East German swimmer jokes, which is kind of a shame. It does also mean that they’ve always known a free Czech Republic, which is a good thing.
#4: They never “rolled down” a car window: This is why they will be completely helpless when their car battery dies. You know, I understand the minor convenience in power windows but really, was that development truly necessary? It seems to be, well, a waste of electricity.
#7: They have grown up with bottled water: And will most likely lead the charge to ban it. Though you’ll have to get the flavored Aquafina out of my cold dead hands to do it.
#11: Rap music has always been mainstream: Never again will white suburban kids know the absolute joy of playing Public Enemy at full volume while driving through the subdivision. It’s so tough to rebel when you bought the most popular album around.
#14: Music has always been “unplugged”: I’m not sure if I agree with this. Pretty much every generation from the beginning of time can claim that their music has always been unplugged. It’s only been recently where we can discuss music being plugged. Better to say that we’ve now had nearly twenty years of bands putting out bad acoustic records in an attempt to save their failing career.
#15: Russia has always had a multi-party political system: Technically correct though right now it is Putin and Anyone Who Is Dumb Enough To Run Against Putin.
#18: The NBA season has always gone on and on and on and on: This is actually incorrect. The NBA season has always been 82 games long for as long as I’ve known it. With the exception of the first round going from best of five to best of seven the playoffs are the same with just some additional off days. Come on Beloit, you can do better than that.
#20: Half of them may have been members of The Baby Sitters Club: Which helps to explain why they all lined up for Harry Potter. (And seriously, who else here thinks Ron ends up with a massive drinking problem due to having to listen to Hermione be right about everything for twenty years? Am I the only one who thinks that way? I’d put good money that half the time he ends up sleeping on the couch in Hagrid’s shack.)
#25: Wolf Blitzer has always been serving up the news on CNN: Hence, college freshmen will have an inordinate number of phobias around bearded men.
#28: They never found a prize in a Coca-Cola “MagiCan”: Or had the prize mechanism fail so that you end up drinking a rather disgusting liquid. Or have your dreams of a nice refreshing beverages quashed by discovering that you had won a nice refreshing beverage that you could enjoy at a later date. Great example of a contest gone wrong.
#29: They were too young to understand Judas Priest’s subliminal messages: Apparently something about wearing studded leather, chaps and breaking the law.
#33: U2 has always been more than a spy plane: Let’s see, college freshmen would be bore in 1989 or 1990 so U2 has been a) the greatest band on the planet (Achtung Baby), b) great band getting odd (Zooropa), c) a has been who doesn’t get that they’ve become the joke (Pop), d) a band reborn into relevance (All that you can’t leave behind) and e) that band with that dude who keeps on telling me how I should live my life (all the time, really).
#40: They drove their parents crazy with the Beavis and Butthead laugh: Wow, who let eight year old watch Beavis and Butthead? I drove my parents crazy with the laugh and I was 22 at the time. (And 32 and probably when I’m 42 I’ll still be able to recite the entire “Dark voices inside my head” bit.)
#42: Women’s studies majors have always been offered on campus: Hint to incoming freshmen: don’t be a women’s studies majors. Well, unless you plan on marrying a very rich guy…
#55: MTV has never featured videos: Freshmen would have turned ten in 1999 or 2000 so this statement is entirely accurate. And incredibly sad. It’s not like there were any good videos to show but how a channel called Music Television can no longer have anything to do with music and be considered a good thing is beyond me.
#57: Jerry Springer has always been lowering the level of discourse on TV: On the plus side, they’ll always realize that there life isn’t nearly as screwed up as other peoples.
#62: They have no idea who Rusty Jones was or why he said “goodbye to rusty cars”: To be honest, my job is pop culture references and I don’t know who Rusty Jones was. Maybe it’s a Wisconsin thing.
Have a great weekend everyone. Last one before college football so use your Saturday wisely.
1) On Tuesday night I have the opportunity to see Weird Al Yankovic in concert. Would this be a good thing or a bad thing?
2) I’m drafting fifth in my fantasy football league. Who should Cobra Kai, the team where fear does not exist, select when they are on the board?
3) If you were dating a girl and discovered that she owned a copy of Jewel’s “A Night Without Armor” collection of poems could you still continue to date her?
On to the main topic at hand. Our good friends at Beloit College have put together the Mindset List for the Class of 2011. It’s a list made primarily made to help me better relate to the young kids I find myself standing next to at shows in Lawrence. It also just shows how old I really am. Here’s some of the highlights.
#1: What Berlin Wall?: Wow, that would really be history in their minds. Also, they wouldn’t get any East German swimmer jokes, which is kind of a shame. It does also mean that they’ve always known a free Czech Republic, which is a good thing.
#4: They never “rolled down” a car window: This is why they will be completely helpless when their car battery dies. You know, I understand the minor convenience in power windows but really, was that development truly necessary? It seems to be, well, a waste of electricity.
#7: They have grown up with bottled water: And will most likely lead the charge to ban it. Though you’ll have to get the flavored Aquafina out of my cold dead hands to do it.
#11: Rap music has always been mainstream: Never again will white suburban kids know the absolute joy of playing Public Enemy at full volume while driving through the subdivision. It’s so tough to rebel when you bought the most popular album around.
#14: Music has always been “unplugged”: I’m not sure if I agree with this. Pretty much every generation from the beginning of time can claim that their music has always been unplugged. It’s only been recently where we can discuss music being plugged. Better to say that we’ve now had nearly twenty years of bands putting out bad acoustic records in an attempt to save their failing career.
#15: Russia has always had a multi-party political system: Technically correct though right now it is Putin and Anyone Who Is Dumb Enough To Run Against Putin.
#18: The NBA season has always gone on and on and on and on: This is actually incorrect. The NBA season has always been 82 games long for as long as I’ve known it. With the exception of the first round going from best of five to best of seven the playoffs are the same with just some additional off days. Come on Beloit, you can do better than that.
#20: Half of them may have been members of The Baby Sitters Club: Which helps to explain why they all lined up for Harry Potter. (And seriously, who else here thinks Ron ends up with a massive drinking problem due to having to listen to Hermione be right about everything for twenty years? Am I the only one who thinks that way? I’d put good money that half the time he ends up sleeping on the couch in Hagrid’s shack.)
#25: Wolf Blitzer has always been serving up the news on CNN: Hence, college freshmen will have an inordinate number of phobias around bearded men.
#28: They never found a prize in a Coca-Cola “MagiCan”: Or had the prize mechanism fail so that you end up drinking a rather disgusting liquid. Or have your dreams of a nice refreshing beverages quashed by discovering that you had won a nice refreshing beverage that you could enjoy at a later date. Great example of a contest gone wrong.
#29: They were too young to understand Judas Priest’s subliminal messages: Apparently something about wearing studded leather, chaps and breaking the law.
#33: U2 has always been more than a spy plane: Let’s see, college freshmen would be bore in 1989 or 1990 so U2 has been a) the greatest band on the planet (Achtung Baby), b) great band getting odd (Zooropa), c) a has been who doesn’t get that they’ve become the joke (Pop), d) a band reborn into relevance (All that you can’t leave behind) and e) that band with that dude who keeps on telling me how I should live my life (all the time, really).
#40: They drove their parents crazy with the Beavis and Butthead laugh: Wow, who let eight year old watch Beavis and Butthead? I drove my parents crazy with the laugh and I was 22 at the time. (And 32 and probably when I’m 42 I’ll still be able to recite the entire “Dark voices inside my head” bit.)
#42: Women’s studies majors have always been offered on campus: Hint to incoming freshmen: don’t be a women’s studies majors. Well, unless you plan on marrying a very rich guy…
#55: MTV has never featured videos: Freshmen would have turned ten in 1999 or 2000 so this statement is entirely accurate. And incredibly sad. It’s not like there were any good videos to show but how a channel called Music Television can no longer have anything to do with music and be considered a good thing is beyond me.
#57: Jerry Springer has always been lowering the level of discourse on TV: On the plus side, they’ll always realize that there life isn’t nearly as screwed up as other peoples.
#62: They have no idea who Rusty Jones was or why he said “goodbye to rusty cars”: To be honest, my job is pop culture references and I don’t know who Rusty Jones was. Maybe it’s a Wisconsin thing.
Have a great weekend everyone. Last one before college football so use your Saturday wisely.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)