Bubbles the Chimp could not be reached for comment

Did anyone else have a strange desire to be in the autopsy room when they worked on Michael Jackson? Now like most people who aren’t directly involved in either the medical or morticiary professions I prefer to keep as much distance between myself and cadavers as possible but this one would have to be fascinating. It would be like a real life case of Alien Autopsy. Certainly there is a lot of mystery as to the cause of death and what led up to it but the bigger mystery has always been just what did he do to himself over the years. Does he in fact have a nose? Can we prove once and for all just why his skin color changed? What was up with his hair anyway? This is probably the first autopsy where cause of death is one of the least important questions on the table.

Also, I love the fact that his three kids…let me hold up there for a moment. Michael Jackson had three kids? I knew that he theoretically had children and would occasionally dangle them out of windows but can you even comprehend the thought of Michael Jackson as a father? It seems so far out of the realm of possibility that the entire concept is meaningless. Anyway, the big push is for the kids to be given to Michael’s parents because we all know that Joe Jackson has always been a loving and caring father. You know, other than all of those alleged beatings and everything. Plus, if they were able to raise LaToya to be a fine and upstanding citizen I am sure that they can do the same for these three.

Since I am on a Michael Jackson kick I might as well go over something else that someone asked me today: whose death was more shocking and more meaningful: Lennon, Elvis or Michael Jackson. For shocking the answer is pretty simple in that it would be John Lennon. I know that it was nearly thirty years ago but the guy was murdered in front of his apartment building. No one anticipated it and while he wasn’t as much in the public spotlight from a musical perspective as Paul McCartney he was still important. After that I would go with Elvis and then with Michael Jackson. I say this mainly because a) we all know that Michael has not been the picture of health in recent years as most people don’t walk around in surgical masks at all times and b) up until last week no one gave a damn about what Michael Jackson was up to. Musically, Michael Jackson has been meaningless for at least fifteen years and his death, while shocking and sad, is not going to cause a major impact on the music world.

To be honest, the most shocking and significant death in terms of musical impact in my lifetime is that of Kurt Cobain. Here was someone in his musical prime who not only dies young but does it by taking his own life (unless you are more conspiracy minded and then Courtney Love may play a bigger role.) We lost all the music that he would have created but even more it marked the end of grunge and the end of the importance of Gen X as the cultural leader. We saw that our heroes were frail and no one rose to take up the banner. In a few years we were awash with the Spice Girls and boy bands and the entire musical landscape had changed. So when people talk about the impact of the events of last week remember what they are stacking up against.