What dreams may come

(I’ve been struggling for a topic for the past hour. I have no idea if what I write next is going to work but here it goes.)

A few years ago I read this theory that we create the universe we perceive. To be honest, I think it is the idea behind that whole “The Secret” phenomenon that takes up way too much space in bookstores. The thought is that what we experience and encounter, everything that happens to us, is all a result of our own consciousness. To that effect, if you truly set your mind to something happening it will happen. The universe will bend to your volition.

This is obviously the biggest load of crap ever created. It certainly sounds nice and sells and awful lot of videos and DVDs because it creates this view of God as Santa Claus. “Just ask the universe and it will be given to you, no questions asked.” That is comforting if all you want is stuff and don’t want to put in any effort in return. To be honest, that is not what I dislike about the theory. Sure, that is disgusting but it isn’t bothersome. The following idea is.

Let’s assume that this theory is correct and that my life is truly a collection of all of my conscious and subconscious desires. All of my experiences are molded by my mind. If that is the case why has my life been so unsatistfying? I know that sounds horrible but every single person on the planet can say that about their own lives. Am I to believe that all of my sadness and pain, all of the embarrassment and anger, every negative situation that I have ever encountered has all been of my own doing? That I truly wanted to be miserable? That I wanted to be dumped in college and then spend six months moping about? That I wanted to spend a New Year’s Eve looking around an empty apartment wondering if anyone in the world felt as alone as I did? You’re telling me that I desired that to happen?

It’s why I hate it when people create a world view in which wishing makes it so. It doesn’t. Whether it is fair or not really doesn’t matter. Until I am handed life’s official rule book I’m not sure I even understand what the concept of fair is. Sometimes you can do everything you can and still fail. Not everything will fall your way. That doesn’t mean you failed to create the universe you desire. It just means that you are a flawed human being living in an imperfect world being guided by an ineffable plan. Get used to disappointment.

I still believe in the power of having a positive mental attitude. I think that if you imagine happiness and believe that it is all around you then you will suddenly find yourself in a better place. That isn’t because the fabric of time and space are altered. It’s just that you are opening yourself up to the experience. We all tend to live closed lives because the unknown is scary. We can get hurt. But if you aren’t open you can’t truly call yourself alive. I’ve realized this a lot recently. I often wonder if I’ve wasted a lot of my life. From an objective standpoint I haven’t. My resume shows off all of my accomplishments and I’m damn proud of them. I just don’t know if they mean anything. I just wish I had been more open to life earlier.

My life is still in front of me. My dreams are going to come true. Not because of some hokey idea that by thinking about it they will come true. There will be some dark times in the mix but as long as I relish being alive, take pleasure in the sheer fact that I have somehow found myself and am proud of who I am, then I don’t think there is any other possibility. How could your dreams not come true?

Best of 120 Minutes: Kicking it old school (well, oldish school) with Letters to Cleo tonight.



The random CD for the week:
1) Whatever: The 90s Pop and Culture Box (7 discs, 130 songs, all from the 90s. Best. Collection. Ever)