Friday, June 06, 2008

There is no life I know that compares...

Back when I was younger I used to have this recurring dream. I can’t call it a nightmare or anything that dramatic. It is just that every once in a while I would find myself confronted by a staircase and that would be the focal point of the entire dream.

For some reason, it was impossible for me to climb this staircase. It was never very steep, in fact it typically resembled this extremely shallow hotel ballroom staircase I saw once when I was fifteen. It was as if it was so shallow that it was impossible to climb. In my dreams I would stumble and crawl and try to inch my way to the top before falling in a heap at the bottom. This went on for years. I would try and try only to fail.

Then one night I had this amazing dream. I was running around this medieval castle, encouraged by the young maiden who looked vaguely like a girl I was dating at the time. I dodged arrows, made my way over the moat across a balance beam and broke into the castle. It was as if I was caught in a combination of Dungeons and Dragons and American Gladiators. But then, once I made it inside I was met by my nemesis: the staircase.

For the first time I knew that for me to move forward in my life I was going to have to make it up this staircase. Whatever my future held in store for me as a person was waiting for me at the top. In all of my dreams I never had this feeling. My destiny was right in front of me.

I walked and fell and crawled and climbed. There was a digital clock reading down the seconds I had left to reach the top. All around me other people were walking up as easily as could be. Whatever this was, whatever challenge I was facing, was one that was mine and mine alone.

I gave every ounce of my strength to move one step closer to the top. It was a battle within myself to keep moving forward, to not give in to temptation and just slide back down to the bottom. To fight instead of taking the easy way out and settling for failure. With seconds left on the blinking clock I jumped and threw myself at the top of the landing. I had finally reached the top.

When I pulled myself up I found myself staring down what looked like a hotel corridor. It was a long, carpeted hallway with doors evenly spaced as far as you could see. As I stood there I realized that everything I dreamed of was behind one of those doors. All I had to do was find and open it. Everything I had hoped for, everything that I had ever envisioned my life to be, was waiting for me on the other side of one of these doors. I just had to choose the right one and all of my dreams would come true.

I looked around, saw the door that I knew was the right one, lowered my shoulder and smashed right through it.

And then I woke up.

I truly believe that the world of our dreams is there for us to enjoy if we would just open our eyes and our hearts and embrace it. I know that I have failed in the past but it is out there. I’ve experienced moments of pure happiness that cannot be explained any other way. And I would do anything in my power, run through any wall, in order to hold onto those moments and not let go.

I’ll probably be singing this song to myself as I fall asleep tonight. If there wasn’t a torrential downpour outside right now I would probably try to find a field where I could look up at the stars and sing the entire song. Star, star. Teach me how to shine. Teach me so I know what is going on in your mind.

Have a good weekend everyone. Back on Sunday.

1 comment:

Foodie said...

I am in training to have a dream like this. Harder I try, the less I remember my dreams at all.