I think I've lost all this city's confidence

Since I alluded to it last night I figured I might as well explain the situation that I find myself in. The people who I work with who read this blog deserve to know about it firsthand while everyone else should just know about it in general. It’s probably one of the biggest decisions that I’ll make. To make it easier, I’ll do this in convenient question and answer form.

Q: So your company is planning to lay off 4,000 employees?
A: Yep, that’s what the press release said.
Q: Did you get offered a separation package?
A: Got notified of it about a week and a half ago. Surprisingly, this happened on the exact same day that all of my possessions were packed into boxes due to the fact that I was moving cubicles. It felt like I had just been fired and security was going to help me carry my boxes to the car.
Q: Oh my God, have you been fired? Or let go?
A: Neither, let’s make that point clear up front. There is nothing involuntary at this point. What happened is that everyone in my department was offered the opportunity to raise their hand and receive a separation package (for me, slightly more than 4 months pay) if they wanted to leave.
Q: So what are you planning on doing?
A: I’ve officially (knock on wood) raised my hand to be considered for the package.
Q: Seriously?
A: Yep.
Q: So you’re leaving?
A: Not exactly, I haven’t made my mind up on that yet. What I’ve done is asked to be considered. In a few weeks they’ll tell me if they’ve accepted my application or not. I’ll either find out that I am so valuable to the company that they can’t allow me to leave, which would be a great ego boost while making me wonder why they don’t pay me more, or they’ll say “Go ahead, don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.”
Q: They’ll actually say that?
A: Well, something like that. At that point I’ll have 45 days more or less to decide if I want to go through with it and officially leave the company.
Q: So you are planning on giving up a job where “surfing the internet” was actually written into your job description?
A: I’m not saying that this is going to be an easy decision. I enjoy what I do and have learned more about the human condition than I probably ever will again. Including some things I really wish I could unlearn. But anyone who has read this blog for any period of time knows that I’m at a crossroads in my life and a change is definitely needed.
Q: Could you explain this for those who have not read all 835 previous blog posts?
A: Well, the easiest one is that KC just isn’t the right town for me. It’s not as bad as I sometimes paint it but this isn’t a place for a guy who is in his mid-thirties and single. Especially given that I don’t have any family in the area. I feel really alone out here sometimes and I’ve gotten sick of it. I always thought that I’d stay if I met the girl of my dreams. There are some who will have argued that I met two who would have qualified and I screwed up both of them. Three if you count the girl who already had a boyfriend. Personally, I am no longer holding out hope that I’ll find a fourth in this town.
Q: Ok, that’s the town. That doesn’t explain leaving your job.
A: It’s not that I don’t like what I do; it’s more like I just want a change. My job is trivial in the sense that what I sell and study is just conspicuous consumption. That’s not a bad thing (most of our economy is built upon it) but it’s not quite what I had in mind in my career. To go from being in the control room of a nuclear reactor as a 21 year old to discussing Shakira ringers as a 34 year old is not exactly the best career path.
Q: So what are you going to do?
A: I don’t have a friggin clue.
Q: That’s impossible, you’re the guy who has detailed five year plans for his entire life. You must have some idea what is going to happen next?
A: It’s more ideas right now than plans. Most likely I will try to get back to Chicago to be back home amongst family and friends. I could still try one last adventure purely on my own but it would have to be a town that fits this point in my life. Austin and Seattle would for example, while moving to Topeka would be out of the question. As for what I’ll do for a living that is really up in the air. Might stay in the same field I’m in now, might jump back into corporate finance, might try investment banking or could end up back in the wonderful world of high voltage power lines. It’s all out there on the table for me.
Q: How does that make you feel?
A: Scared to death. You wouldn’t want to imagine my anxiety levels the past few weeks. Sitting with huge unknowns is not the way I like to face life. I’m trying to turn this into a positive. Not too many other people in their mid-30’s could slam on the brakes and completely reevaluate their life without being criticized for having a mid-life crisis.
Q: What in the world will you do if you are being paid not to work?
A: Figure that I’ll finally have time to write my novel and get Insufficient Monkeys Publishing started. That should take up much of my time.
Q: Insufficient Monkeys? What the hell is that?
A: It’s what I want to name my publishing company. The idea is that given infinite monkeys you could write Hamlet so obviously my biggest problem is that I have insufficient monkeys. Any of my lawyers out there who want to help me with the paperwork on getting this one started please let me know.
Q: So it might really be time for you to leave Kansas City?
A: Looks that way.
Q: Then one last question. Would the blog still be at kcgatsby.blogspot.com?
A: I assume so. I figure that I’ll be paddling upstream no matter where I go in this world.