And now, our latest installment in the wonderful world of The Pick Up Artist. I really need to watch this show as I went grocery shopping this evening and did not end up with a naked woman in my apartment so I am obviously doing something wrong. Maybe I’m just shopping in the wrong aisle. Is there an official skank aisle? Hopefully Mystery will reveal this tonight.
Episode 6: I Know a Merry Widow When I See One…
Last week we sent the guys to a coffee shop where Fat Joe walked the dog, Blonde Joe walked the plank and Pradeep found a girl with nothing better to do than sit around and talk for an afternoon. With Blonde Joe’s ouster we are down to our final four of Pradeep, Fat Joe, Brady and Kosmo. Who will reach the next level of pick up masterdom? Who will return to a world of watching pro wrestling on Monday nights? We’ll find out soon enough.
We start off with the weekly “I can’t believe they eliminated someone” moments where the cast momentarily forgets that they all signed up for a game show. Fat Joe reminds us that he lives in his parents’ basement but is progressing to a better place, which is most likely a room above the garage. That said, Fat Joe is probably my favorite guy left. Anyway, to cheer the boys up Mystery brings out their next lesson, which is having the two women previously seen during the kissing episode reappear for a lesson in lingerie. The guys are excited in a geekish sort of way and I suddenly yearn for Blonde Joe to appear as he would have gushed about the fabrics. The girls show off their wares dressed not entirely like a stripper but nearing that end of the spectrum. With this group a lesson of “this is how you remove a bra” would have been sufficient. This leads to the reward contest where the guys need to buy lingerie for the girls with whoever does the best job winning Matador as their wingman for the night. I assume this means the losers end up with J-Dog.
So the entire idea of this contest is to see if the guys actually listened to the girls as they presented their likes and dislikes. Pradeep apparently thinks that Tara would like a Santa’s cap because…because…it’s like July in Austin? Kosmo seems to blush even saying the word bra but Brady and Fat Joe bring the awesome as always. Fat Joe shows that he listens and wins Matador for the night, which will probably just consist of him yelling “I’m El Matador, damnit” over and over again. This is followed by a scene back at the house where Pradeep slaps Fat Joe and while I doubt that he meant actual physical harm, just showed that he is a complete dick by not going an apologizing to him. I mean, you accidentally hit someone you just go “Sorry dude” and everything is settled. Act like you did nothing wrong and you will be legitimately hated.
So the next lesson is on how to move from attraction to seduction and apparently all you need to do is “bounce” to another venue and have an instant date. That’s it? That’s what I’m going to pay five large for private lessons in? Take her to another bar? Jeez, in Westport that just means literally walking across the street. Maybe the fact that I have my own stool at Harry’s is a problem. It takes the jaws of life to get me to leave that place. Anyway, on to the competition where we see who can bounce like Tigger and who gets bounced back into the wonderful world of comic books.
Fat Joe and Matador get to work first and this isn’t really fair. The dude just shows that confidence is all that matters at the end of the day. Biggest lesson, and one that I suck at since I tend to go out by myself, is the importance of just being seen talking to someone. Brady does something similar and shows his best moves so far. Pradeep decides his best move is to ruin Fat Joe’s and complete ruins what he had going in a manner that would on the South Side probably result in you getting knifed in the parking lot. There are only a few rules in life. Never take a guy’s girl is one. Never do it in front of his face is another. Thankfully Pradeep gets roundly rejected by two girls who offer to buy him a drink if he would just shut up. Note to Pradeep: as a guy you cannot ask for a free drink. Ever. I mean, if you’re me sometimes they magically appear but you can’t ask for them. Kosmo gets girls to go across the street and actually dances in front of the girls. Not exactly smooth but he is the only one who met the objective and wins as a result. Brady should have done better but he’s shown the most improvement.
Elimination time as we quickly get down to Fat Joe and Pradeep. If this decision goes opposite what I think it should I will just give up on reality television. It would show that it is more fixed than the NBA. Luckily my fate in reality television is rewarded and Pradeep goes back to his circit diagrams. Oh reality television, let us never fight again.
Next week: the final three have to pick up a woman running across a bridge. Oh, now they’re just being mean. And, in what might possibly be the best idea ever, the elimination challenge will revolve around trying to pick up strippers. Yes! This show rules. Finally something we can all relate to. Can’t wait for this one.
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