So this weekend was a grocery shopping weekend for me. I’ve ranted about this before but I’m not someone who is very fond of grocery shopping. It is one of the tasks that I would most like to outsource (I’ve had an offshoring offer but the shipping costs from Bangalore are pretty harsh). It’s not as if I’m morally opposed to grocery shopping, more in that it is an hour of my life where I can’t multi-task even though I’ve been buying the exact same things every two weeks for several years.
So, while stumbling through the aisles on Saturday I came across the following and just stopped dead in my tracks. Just stared at it for minutes until I finally decided that I had to take a picture of it, as if to prove that it is not just a figment of my imagination. And yes, there it is, when someone asks me what marked the downfall of Western Civilization I’ll have an answer for them…
They’ve started to sell hot dogs in hot dog buns at the grocery store.
Think about this for a minute. Is the concept of a hot dog that challenging? Is the need to purchase both hot dogs and hot dog buns so confusing that they need to be combined? Maybe people just can’t figure out that they need to go to two separate parts of the store. Or, maybe the entire construction aspect of the hot dog is so mind-boggingly complex. I mean, the instruction manual basically reads Step 1: Take hot dog, Step 2: Place hot dog in bun. That’s obviously one step too many.
Seriously, I’ve never felt so ashamed to be a part of the human species. Apes would have the sense not to prepackage things like this. I know you could make the argument that this is for kids but if a kid can’t figure out how to put a hot dog in a bun he probably shouldn’t be allowed to operate a microwave. Hell, if you have to buy this stuff prepackaged would you even assume that you would have to cook them? I bet you eighty percent of the people who buy this eat it straight out of the package. If you can’t be bothered to take the effort to open a hot dog bun would you even wait the minute for it to heat up in the microwave?
Is there a better symbol for how soft we have gotten as a country than this? We’ve reached a point where even the simplest task has to be prepackaged for us. We can’t act for ourselves and we definitely can’t think for ourselves. Everything has to be pre-portioned into hermetically sealed bite sized packets. There’s no uniqueness anymore because uniqueness would require effort and that is just too tiring. We’ll just go off to the enormoplex to see our movies and the mega mart for our food and having the exact same life experience as everyone else while making the minimum amount of effort possible. If you see anyone buying these things in a grocery store just tell them to stop and look at themselves for five seconds. Encourage people to rejoin the human race.
Ok, I know that I promised that I’d talk about the Royals game as well but we must keep in mind that tonight is the 21st birthday of My Beloved Lindsay Lohan. So I’m off to the bar to celebrate as we must all raise a glass in honor of the greatest actress, nay the epitome of style, of her generation. Appletinis for everyone!
(And just think, now when I meet her we’ll be able to go to the bars without her needing a fake ID.)
So, while stumbling through the aisles on Saturday I came across the following and just stopped dead in my tracks. Just stared at it for minutes until I finally decided that I had to take a picture of it, as if to prove that it is not just a figment of my imagination. And yes, there it is, when someone asks me what marked the downfall of Western Civilization I’ll have an answer for them…
They’ve started to sell hot dogs in hot dog buns at the grocery store.
Think about this for a minute. Is the concept of a hot dog that challenging? Is the need to purchase both hot dogs and hot dog buns so confusing that they need to be combined? Maybe people just can’t figure out that they need to go to two separate parts of the store. Or, maybe the entire construction aspect of the hot dog is so mind-boggingly complex. I mean, the instruction manual basically reads Step 1: Take hot dog, Step 2: Place hot dog in bun. That’s obviously one step too many.
Seriously, I’ve never felt so ashamed to be a part of the human species. Apes would have the sense not to prepackage things like this. I know you could make the argument that this is for kids but if a kid can’t figure out how to put a hot dog in a bun he probably shouldn’t be allowed to operate a microwave. Hell, if you have to buy this stuff prepackaged would you even assume that you would have to cook them? I bet you eighty percent of the people who buy this eat it straight out of the package. If you can’t be bothered to take the effort to open a hot dog bun would you even wait the minute for it to heat up in the microwave?
Is there a better symbol for how soft we have gotten as a country than this? We’ve reached a point where even the simplest task has to be prepackaged for us. We can’t act for ourselves and we definitely can’t think for ourselves. Everything has to be pre-portioned into hermetically sealed bite sized packets. There’s no uniqueness anymore because uniqueness would require effort and that is just too tiring. We’ll just go off to the enormoplex to see our movies and the mega mart for our food and having the exact same life experience as everyone else while making the minimum amount of effort possible. If you see anyone buying these things in a grocery store just tell them to stop and look at themselves for five seconds. Encourage people to rejoin the human race.
Ok, I know that I promised that I’d talk about the Royals game as well but we must keep in mind that tonight is the 21st birthday of My Beloved Lindsay Lohan. So I’m off to the bar to celebrate as we must all raise a glass in honor of the greatest actress, nay the epitome of style, of her generation. Appletinis for everyone!
(And just think, now when I meet her we’ll be able to go to the bars without her needing a fake ID.)
1 comment:
equally disturbing is that on the label/picture there is ketchup on the hot dog.
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