Going Bowling: Part Two

Continuing through the bowl schedule…

MPC Computers (nee Humanitarian) Bowl: Miami vs. Nevada: Historically, this has been my favorite bowl game. It is played in Boise, Idaho on the smurf turf. Smurf turf is blue Astroturf, which not only disconcerts the viewer but also (and I’m not making this up) causes birds to dive into the field thinking it is a lake, thereby littering the playing surface with bird carcasses. This always adds that little bit of edge that makes the game that much more exciting. It also happens to be an ACC tie-in game for the team that screwed up their season the most and this year it is Miami. Yes, the Canes have to leave South Florida to go to Boise and play on New Year’s Eve. In the words of the immortal Lamar Thomas “Hell to da naw.”

Chick-fil-A (nee Peach) Bowl: Georgia vs. Virginia Tech: Like most guys, I feel that everything involving relationships can be described using football analogies. This starts with the simple “She has a good jersey but a bad helmet” and can move on to the more advanced “Where’s the flag for pass interference?” and “I saw that she was playing a Tampa Two so I tried a six yard out pattern but the safety cheated up so I checked down to my secondary receiver but the line started to break down so I had to throw the ball away and bring on the punt team.” (E and Super are nodding their heads in agreement right now.)

My addition to the football lexicon was using bowl games to define the relative quality and availability of girls I was trying to ask out. So the Rose Bowl would be for a classic beauty that your mom would like, the Sugar Bowl would be a southern belle and the Orange Bowl would be that girl with a little too much makeup who just won’t shut up in the middle of a date. This was epitomized in the following quote “I could go out with [name redacted due to better judgment] but it would be like accepting a bid to the Humanitarian Bowl. Sure, I’d be a big favorite and guaranteed to score some points but at some point I’d have to admit that I’m playing on blue turf in December in Boise. On the other hand, I could try for [name redacted due to embarrassment], which would be like playing in the Peach Bowl. Yeah, I’ll be a pretty sizable underdog but damnit, at least I’m playing in January where it’s warm and who knows, I might just pull off the upset.”

(Two things that strike me when I look back at this. One, I ended up in a completely different bowl game. Hell, it was a completely different sport. Like I lined up for the opening kickoff and I was handed a broom and told that we were playing curling. Second, this whole exchange probably explains why many of my relationships have been measured with a stopwatch. And I can’t say that I disagree.)

Also, I need to note that they are opening a Chick-fil-A tomorrow on my way to and from work. Apparently, people are camped in the parking lot waiting for it to open. Seriously, they were a handful of tents this morning and this evening looked like Woodstock. I can somewhat understand camping out for a PS3 but we’re talking about a chicken sandwich here. There’s another store a few miles away that is open. Does fast food need to inspire camping?

Outback Bowl: Tennessee vs. Penn State: Remember, you can’t spell Outback without UT. And Joe Pa will be back on the sidelines for this game. I’d prefer if he’d come out on the field in one of those motorized scooters. Or a golf cart. Still, always good to see the old guy back out there and swearing at the refs.

Toyota Gator Bowl: West Virginia vs. Georgia Tech: Yeah, I’m not even going to touch this joke. From experience, avoiding Jacksonville is a healthy decision to make.

Rose Bowl presented by Citi: Michigan vs. USC: I’m hoping that both teams lose. It will make my life so much better if they do. Also, if you haven’t checked out Deadspin for the latest video of a USC cheerleader cheering while UCLA scores you really should. It just adds to the evidence that USC is the home of the best rocket science program in the country. (Personally, I just like that even from the video you can see the other cheerleaders turn to her and go, “Damnit Alison, how could you be so blonde?”)

International Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan: Want to know where you need to travel to for an International Bowl? Toronto. I’m not sure that should count as international. You couldn’t consider yourself a world traveler if all you ever visited was Ontario. Though it is nice to get that added international flavor that Western Michigan brings to any occasion.

Allstate Sugar Bowl: Notre Dame vs. LSU: This is a great matchup for the city of New Orleans as the Irish faithful will fill up the hotel rooms and spend a great deal of money on Bourbon Street. Even better, the Irish fans will be back on Bourbon by halftime because this game is going to get ugly. Before my classmates go off on me, I’ve seen this story before. When my Illini won the Big 10 they played in the Sugar Bowl vs. LSU and the entire stadium was wearing purple and gold and Rohan Davie played like he was Johnny Unitas. I can see the same thing happening again. I don’t want it to, but the Irish will probably not have the speed to play with an insanely motivated Tigers team.

(Don’t know if I’ll head down for the game or not. It’s tough for me to turn down an opportunity to head down to Nola but I’ll probably be back in March anyway.)

Tostitos BCS Championship Game: Florida vs. Ohio State: Back in college one of my best friends was this guy named Pat Bradshaw. (I’ve included his name for no reason other than I’ve lost touch with him and I figure he’s the type of guy who would google his own name and stumble upon the blog.) Anyway, as we both prepared for graduation we applied to grad schools and he decided to go to Ohio State for his masters in biochemical engineering. I, on the other hand, accepted a teaching assistantship at Florida to work on my master’s in electrical engineering. That lasted for about three weeks until I got a job offer and decided that getting paid to work in a nuclear power plant was a better option than hanging out with coeds in Gainesville.

Sigh.

I still hold a special place for Florida in my heart and since I can’t cheer their basketball team due to that fat piece of crap Billy Donovan I just pull for the football team. So, even though I don’t think much of this Florida team I hope they win. Plus, this would mean that everyone would have one loss and we’ll be that much closer to having a playoff. Which would be good, other than we’d lose the whole “Brut by Faberge” experience.