Sports and biz...

Looking back, it seems that I spent last night defending mass media and bad music because it makes it easier for me to have a conversation with a girl at the bar. Not a good conversation, as I don’t think that one can have a dialogue about Hootie and the Blowfish other than “Dear god, weren’t they awful. Was everyone high in 1995?”, but a conversation nonetheless. I think I can hear them tearing up my music critic license as we speak.

There was a news story from a few days ago that as a Duke fan I really need to write about. Brian Davis and Christian Laettner (also known as “the two guys who touched the ball in the last 1.2 seconds of the 1990 East Regional final”) have put in a bid to purchase the Memphis Grizzlies. First of all, can we all agree that the Memphis Grizzlies is the worst name for a sports team this side of the Utah Jazz. It just seems wrong writing the name down. Second, how much was Laettner making in the NBA to be able to afford to purchase a franchise? He must not have spent a dime in the past fourteen years. Either that or you can become a billionaire by being a very tall white guy with good hair. (Actually, that is pretty much the requirement to be a CEO). Finally, it’s nice to know that Christian is using this as an opportunity to get back into the NBA. It’s a Duke way of solving the problem, “Can’t make the team anymore? Just buy them out.”

(That may have been the part of the story that bothered me the most: that Christian wasn’t in the NBA last year. I didn’t know about that at all and given that if you make me list the top 10 moments of my life he is hitting a shot in three of them that is really sad. Like his retirement should have resulted in a national day of mourning or something. I mean, if he’s retired then I am now officially very, very old.)

Oh, and I’d talk about the start of hockey season here but the NHL, much like the revolution, will not be televised. That and I think that the Blackhawks aren’t even fielding a team this year. Not like it would make much of a difference, unless we can coax Denis Savard out of retirement we don’t stand a chance.

Seriously, it’s one thing that I live in a world where it is easier for me to watch televised poker than hockey. It’s the fact that it is easier for me to watch rodeo on tv than hockey that bothers me. Hell, the fact that I watch rodeo at all is frightening. First off, any sport that features clowns as an integral part of the event has serious issues. And these aren’t fun, happy clowns either. These are Jack Daniels swigging, Shakes the Clown loving, clowns. Then, there is the fact that the sport basically consists of “Well, let’s see if the bull maims this guy or not.” It’s not a sport where you win or lose, it’s one where you try not to die. And finally, when your main prize is a belt buckle it’s time to start playing Scrabble. Which is also televised on ESPN. Maybe I have a chance to make SportsCenter after all.