One last television show that I forgot about. There is a new game show on MTV starring Wilmer Valderamma called “Yo Momma.” Yes, the show consists entirely of people competing to tell the best Your Momma joke, often with the opposition’s actual mother standing in the background. Exactly why Wilmer Valderamma is the best judge of Your Momma jokes has yet to be determined though given his list of, uh, conquests at least I now understand why he has that smug look on his face all the time.
I’m telling you, this just makes me yearn for the MTV game shows of my youth. Now I know that we’ll never see the likes of Remote Control again but can’t we bring back Singled Out? And what happened to cartoons like The Maxx? Now I’m stuck watching shows like Date My Mom or My Sweet 16th, which basically just confirms in my mind that we are the most decadent culture in the history of civilization. The Romans’ bread and circuses had nothing on a trust fund kid in California. Is it me or does anyone else turn on the television, see the mirror that it raised to American culture and go, “You know, Australia is looking better every day.”
In other celebrity news, Brittney Spears is pregnant again. Actually, we could consider this the most predictable news story of the year along with “Tom Cruise says something crazy” and “World shocked to find that Joan Rivers had plastic surgery.” On the one hand, this means that we will be spared yet another Brittney disc as she will become less and less relevant by the day. On the other hand, this means K-Fed will need to be the breadwinner for the family. For those of us who are simultaneously into the removal of bad music and train wrecks this is good news all around.
Switching gears, I have to thank my friends at www.deadspin.com for the following (they run the best sports blog on the planet.) They had a discussion thread on scoreboard dot races and brought up the fact that the Royals have three hot dogs, wearing mustard, ketchup and relish respectively, racing around the virtual basepaths in between innings. This isn’t bad since it does provide a surprising degree of entertainment and it is easy to have a rooting interest. You cheer for mustard, no questions asked. Why? Because putting ketchup on a hot dog is a sin and an affront to all that is good in the world and as the guys at Deadspin said, only morons pick relish.
Ok, now typically I wouldn’t waste bandwidth writing about condiments, though I have probably done worse. No, the story gets better. On May 9th it will be t-shirt night at the Royals game as you can get a t-shirt that says either “Mustard”, “Relish” or “Ketchup”. Well, given that we already know that the Royals will have a losing record this might be the best team to support this summer. This might be the most bizarrely cool thing that the Royals have ever done. I mean, the shirt is retro cool and they haven’t either handed them out yet. Plus, wouldn’t it be great to just see the looks on people’s faces as you walk past them with a shirt that says “Relish”. It’s not just your preferred condiment, it’s what you expect of others. Great, now I’m going to have to go to a Royals game just to get a t-shirt.
1 comment:
Careful if you get the Relish t-shirt EC, people might think you're trying to start a Joan Osborne revival. Think she's asked Prince to write her another hit?
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