iFAQs

Time to trot out some more infrequently asked questions…

Q: How much of the blog is actually true? Really, does all of this stuff happen to you?
A: I will stand by the answer that Pam Houston (one of the best writers alive) used when she was asked a similar question. “People ask me how much of my fiction comes from real life and I would say 75 percent. Now I’ve written a book of non-fiction and they ask the same question and I go 75 percent.” Meaning, everything is based on real occurrences but some lines and arrangements may be changed in order to improve the story and in some cases, protect the innocent.

Q: Are there topics that are off limits in the blog?
A: Yes. I tend not to write about work because a) life in a cubicle isn’t that exciting, b) I’ve never found a way to express the wonder that is running linear regressions in a way that is pleasing to the eye and c) I don’t know much about my company but one thing I’m certain of is that they can’t take a joke. There are a couple other things that I keep to myself but this is surprisingly candid.

Q: What’s this about you smoking? I’ve been told that there are pictures…
A: This is another one of those things that happened three years ago when I believe that I was actually getting my mailed delivered to the Backer. I even think I tried to use my campus meal plan there once. Anyway, the story is that in business school I hung out with a lot of social smokers and I spent my hours next to them at the bar inhaling enough second hand smoke to last a lifetime. This then became a cause to get me to smoke because a) I never had and b) if I was going to be around smoke I might as well look cool in the process. Thus, my first cigarette came in graduation weekend.

There are pictures of my first (ok, technically third but that’s a longer story) cigarette including a digital slideshow that shows me lighting up, inhaling, coughing like mad, and basically being as far down the cool scale as possible. It wasn’t my last cigarette and I will still claim that the best way to randomly meet people in a bar is to put a pack of Marlboro Lights on the bar next to you, but I am now back living a healthy lifestyle. Or at least as healthy of one that involves time in smoky bars.

Q: If you could meet anyone throughout all of recorded history who would it be?
A: Some people would say Jesus or Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln. But I’ve got to go with Lindsay Lohan. And I’d probably just pester her with technical questions on how they filmed The Parent Trap and “So, what was it like driving Herbie the Love Bug?”
Q: If you had to summarize your view of life into one phrase, what would it be?
A: There are three and only three rules to be aware of in any endeavor

1) Never assume that you can outsmart anyone.
2) Always outhustle everyone
3) If after rules 1 and 2 you are still not winning, change the rules of the game

Q: When are you going to finally get with the 21st century and put together a MySpace page?
A: This weekend. Yes, Battling the Current will soon be expanding with the launch of Drifting Upstream (or something like that, I don’t know how MySpace naming conventions work yet). It’s not going to take the place of the blog but it’ll probably be another way to get in touch with me and I’ll use it more as a music and humor writing outlet than anything else. Personally, I just prefer the freedom that I have in this blog to switch from pop culture to philosophy on a whim but hey, the chance to be the oldest person on MySpace is too much to pass up.