You know, this is less of a blog and more of a high concept version of People Magazine. I mean, it’s like People for guys who spent way too much time watching cartoons in the eighties. Oh well, there is more than enough celebrity news and other related items to keep me writing tonight.
1) Last week it was reported that Heather Locklear was seen making out with David Spade. For those of you keeping score at home, that would mark the opening of the fifth seal as mentioned in the Book of Revelation. If Paris Hilton actually does portray Mother Theresa in a film that would be the sixth. People have wondered for millennia what the sign of the end times would be. Imagine how disappointed they must be knowing that it was Heather Locklear hooking up with David Spade.
2) I mean, for crying out loud, it’s David Spade we are talking about here. The guy looks even dorkier than me and yeah, Heather Locklear is decades past her prime but she is still out of his league. Seriously, are Hollywood couples decided by a giant game of Twister?
3) VH-1 show note #1: Saw what has to be the coolest show ever on VH-1 on Saturday night. It’s the Ice-T Cool S*** Show. Yes, Ice-T, one of the coolest guys on the planet, shows you how to be a playa by informing you on all the cool s*** you need to know about. In the first episode this included the best scenes from the film Shaft, Lucha Libre (pro wrestling from Mexico for those of you less informed), anime, Battlestar Galactica, and an in depth analysis of Debbie Does Dallas. After watching this for half an hour I realized something, Ice-T and I have the exact same tastes. Except that when Ice-T talks about Battlestar Galactica he sounds like the hippest cat on the planet and when I talk about Cylons I just come off like a sci-fi geek. But I get to now write something that I never thought was possible, you know, when you really get down to it, Ice-T and EC are really a lot alike.
4) Yeah, I know that last sentence is wrong in so many ways. I really do think that Ice-T could be filmed doing anything and you would go, “Wow, that guy is smooth.” They could film him at McDonald’s going, “Yeah, I’ll have a five piece Chicken McNuggets, super sized with one of those Shamrock Shakes” and for months that would be all that people would order because if he’s doing it, it must be awesome.
5) VH-1 show note #2: In VH-1’s continued bid to be more of a reality television show than a music network, they’ve also started a show called Can’t Get a Date in which a camera crew follows around a hapless fellow who has no clue on how to talk to women. First thing is the narrator who interacts with the hapless fellow is offscreen, which is just freaky since it’s like this dude is just talking to the camera and looking more and more insane every second. Next, they find the most bizarre people for this. I mean, the guy had a Green Goblin tattoo on his arm and basically states that his goal in life is to become a cartoon supervillian. Yeah, that is why you can’t get a date. And finally, this explains all of the casting calls that I’ve been getting recently.
6) VH-1 show note #3: Love Monkey is coming back to VH-1. Or more like, they had to film a bunch of episodes so that even though CBS killed the show they might as well show it on some network. It’s not a good show, not in the least, but it is about a music rep and I get to imagine what my life is like in an alternate universe by watching the show. Even though it frightens me that in an alternate universe I might be friends with Jason Priestly.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Steve Earle “Transcendental Blues”
2) The Get Up Kids “Guilt Show”
3) Buick MacKane “The Pawn Shop Years”
4) “Blink” Movie Picture Soundtrack
5) Peabody “Heroine”
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