Continuing on the condiment t-shirt theme: I was reminded today that since I live in Kansas I could expect to encounter that high level of humor native to these parts and expect to hear “Hey, you’ve got mustard on your shirt” about a thousand times a day. That takes some of the fun out of it.
Though I have to say, “What are you, a Joan Osborne fan?” to someone wearing a Relish shirt is an impressive put down. Especially since it didn’t dawn on me until I saw the comment. The problem with that put down is you have to admit that you know the name of Joan Osborne’s debut disc in order for it to work and that is basically saying “Yeah, I’m a geek but at least I’m not wearing it on a shirt.” And yeah, that disc has shown up in the five random CDs list. I’d sell it but I couldn’t face the embarrassment of bringing it into a store. It’s easier going to the back room of the video store than declaring in front of a store that yes, I owned a Joan Osborne CD.
Oh, and speaking of god awful music, while I was sitting in traffic last week I decided to actually read the liner notes of the Paula Cole disc. Here is what it says (and I’m quoting here) “P.S. to the listener. I recommend playing this record loudly. I hope it sends you on a journey.” Ok, I’ve listened to Where Have All the Cowboys Gone and I Don’t Want to Wait on numerous occasions. Increased volume does not make these songs any better. Maybe if you turned it up past eleven and on to maybe seventeen so that everything would just be this blast of white noise then it might be an improvement.
Seriously, I have no idea what I was thinking when I picked up this disc a decade ago. I know that for a while I was in this female singer songwriter mode, which I’ll accept for the Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan discs. At least when people see those in my collection they go, “Oh wow, he must not be a totally cold hearted cynical bastard. There’s an actual sensitive side there.” Then they see the Paula Cole disc and go, “Dude, were you like really into Dawson’s Creek or something? Or do you just have no taste at all.” Again, when I build my time machine I am so going to go and kick my own ass.
Actually, that probably explains that guy who jumped me outside the record store years ago. Cool, that means that I did build my time machine. So now I’ll just remember to send it back in time to tomorrow so I can invent it. Dude, this is going to rock…
Yeah, I probably need to get some sleep now. If there is anything that will impress people less than my admitting to owning Joan Osborne and Paula Cole CDs it’s my attempt to turn my life into a bad science fiction plot.
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