I’ve decided that there are two distinct possibilities as to what the comment to my last post means. It is either a) an attempt to make regressions look cool and sexy (the first number at least looks like an r-squared term) or b) I have somehow found myself embroiled in a Da Vinci Code level mystery of codebreaking that will both put my life in danger and have a French art history major fall madly in love with me. I’d like to think that I am now the center of international intrigue but then again, this is Kansas and well, those things just don’t happen around here. (But a French art history major, I could go for that.)
Ok, there are a few questions that crossed my mind this weekend that need answers. The first is, when Optimus Prime transformed from a truck to a robot what happened to the trailer? Seriously, in the cartoon he was always pulling a trailer and then suddenly he became a robot and the trailer just disappeared. Did it go careening down the highway crashing into innocent civilians? This is suddenly important to me. I can deal with Megatron transforming into a gun and violating the laws of conservation of mass but what the hell happened to the trailer?
The next one is, I think that I’ve finally found the ultimate job: Royals first base coach. This has to be the simplest job on the planet. First of all, first base coach is an incredibly easy job, you just stand there, offer encouragement, slap the guy’s hand when he reaches base, yell back on the occasional pickoff throw, and try not to get brained by a foul ball. Not a tough life and it’s even better for the Royals since, well, no one ever gets on base. It’s like you just get to stand out in the sun for a few hours and get paid for it. I could do that gig.
Ok, as a Royals first base coach you also have to deal with the occasional attack by White Sox fans but that is what you get when you walk into Sox Park. It is our house and if we don’t like the way you are arrogantly coaching first base we’ll let you know. (My favorite sports radio line from that story from a caller: “Why was it when I heard the words “First base coach” and “Attacked” I immediately thought, “White Sox”.”)
Quick MySpace update. It’ll probably be more like the end of the week than this weekend. Lots of reasons, one of which is I forgot that this is the end of the month and that means I had to write a monthly report on my life and that takes up a good bit of my creative energy. Plus, the profile is going to take time to fill out to the degree that I like to do it, which is why this blog took a month to actually be open to the world. It’s a lot harder to list your favorite books and movies than you would think. They also ask what’s my purpose and that is a rather philosophical question for MySpace. Sure, most people would just say networking but I’d like to think that my purpose is a little deeper than that.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Nickel Creek “Why Should the Fire Die?”
2) Patty Griffin “Flaming Red”
3) Kelly Hogan “Beneath the Country Underdog”
4) The Black Crowes “Shake Your Money Maker”
5) Sally Timms “Cowboy Sally’s Twilight Laments for Lost Buckaroos”
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
iFAQs
Time to trot out some more infrequently asked questions…
Q: How much of the blog is actually true? Really, does all of this stuff happen to you?
A: I will stand by the answer that Pam Houston (one of the best writers alive) used when she was asked a similar question. “People ask me how much of my fiction comes from real life and I would say 75 percent. Now I’ve written a book of non-fiction and they ask the same question and I go 75 percent.” Meaning, everything is based on real occurrences but some lines and arrangements may be changed in order to improve the story and in some cases, protect the innocent.
Q: Are there topics that are off limits in the blog?
A: Yes. I tend not to write about work because a) life in a cubicle isn’t that exciting, b) I’ve never found a way to express the wonder that is running linear regressions in a way that is pleasing to the eye and c) I don’t know much about my company but one thing I’m certain of is that they can’t take a joke. There are a couple other things that I keep to myself but this is surprisingly candid.
Q: What’s this about you smoking? I’ve been told that there are pictures…
A: This is another one of those things that happened three years ago when I believe that I was actually getting my mailed delivered to the Backer. I even think I tried to use my campus meal plan there once. Anyway, the story is that in business school I hung out with a lot of social smokers and I spent my hours next to them at the bar inhaling enough second hand smoke to last a lifetime. This then became a cause to get me to smoke because a) I never had and b) if I was going to be around smoke I might as well look cool in the process. Thus, my first cigarette came in graduation weekend.
There are pictures of my first (ok, technically third but that’s a longer story) cigarette including a digital slideshow that shows me lighting up, inhaling, coughing like mad, and basically being as far down the cool scale as possible. It wasn’t my last cigarette and I will still claim that the best way to randomly meet people in a bar is to put a pack of Marlboro Lights on the bar next to you, but I am now back living a healthy lifestyle. Or at least as healthy of one that involves time in smoky bars.
Q: If you could meet anyone throughout all of recorded history who would it be?
A: Some people would say Jesus or Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln. But I’ve got to go with Lindsay Lohan. And I’d probably just pester her with technical questions on how they filmed The Parent Trap and “So, what was it like driving Herbie the Love Bug?”
Q: If you had to summarize your view of life into one phrase, what would it be?
A: There are three and only three rules to be aware of in any endeavor
1) Never assume that you can outsmart anyone.
2) Always outhustle everyone
3) If after rules 1 and 2 you are still not winning, change the rules of the game
Q: When are you going to finally get with the 21st century and put together a MySpace page?
A: This weekend. Yes, Battling the Current will soon be expanding with the launch of Drifting Upstream (or something like that, I don’t know how MySpace naming conventions work yet). It’s not going to take the place of the blog but it’ll probably be another way to get in touch with me and I’ll use it more as a music and humor writing outlet than anything else. Personally, I just prefer the freedom that I have in this blog to switch from pop culture to philosophy on a whim but hey, the chance to be the oldest person on MySpace is too much to pass up.
Q: How much of the blog is actually true? Really, does all of this stuff happen to you?
A: I will stand by the answer that Pam Houston (one of the best writers alive) used when she was asked a similar question. “People ask me how much of my fiction comes from real life and I would say 75 percent. Now I’ve written a book of non-fiction and they ask the same question and I go 75 percent.” Meaning, everything is based on real occurrences but some lines and arrangements may be changed in order to improve the story and in some cases, protect the innocent.
Q: Are there topics that are off limits in the blog?
A: Yes. I tend not to write about work because a) life in a cubicle isn’t that exciting, b) I’ve never found a way to express the wonder that is running linear regressions in a way that is pleasing to the eye and c) I don’t know much about my company but one thing I’m certain of is that they can’t take a joke. There are a couple other things that I keep to myself but this is surprisingly candid.
Q: What’s this about you smoking? I’ve been told that there are pictures…
A: This is another one of those things that happened three years ago when I believe that I was actually getting my mailed delivered to the Backer. I even think I tried to use my campus meal plan there once. Anyway, the story is that in business school I hung out with a lot of social smokers and I spent my hours next to them at the bar inhaling enough second hand smoke to last a lifetime. This then became a cause to get me to smoke because a) I never had and b) if I was going to be around smoke I might as well look cool in the process. Thus, my first cigarette came in graduation weekend.
There are pictures of my first (ok, technically third but that’s a longer story) cigarette including a digital slideshow that shows me lighting up, inhaling, coughing like mad, and basically being as far down the cool scale as possible. It wasn’t my last cigarette and I will still claim that the best way to randomly meet people in a bar is to put a pack of Marlboro Lights on the bar next to you, but I am now back living a healthy lifestyle. Or at least as healthy of one that involves time in smoky bars.
Q: If you could meet anyone throughout all of recorded history who would it be?
A: Some people would say Jesus or Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln. But I’ve got to go with Lindsay Lohan. And I’d probably just pester her with technical questions on how they filmed The Parent Trap and “So, what was it like driving Herbie the Love Bug?”
Q: If you had to summarize your view of life into one phrase, what would it be?
A: There are three and only three rules to be aware of in any endeavor
1) Never assume that you can outsmart anyone.
2) Always outhustle everyone
3) If after rules 1 and 2 you are still not winning, change the rules of the game
Q: When are you going to finally get with the 21st century and put together a MySpace page?
A: This weekend. Yes, Battling the Current will soon be expanding with the launch of Drifting Upstream (or something like that, I don’t know how MySpace naming conventions work yet). It’s not going to take the place of the blog but it’ll probably be another way to get in touch with me and I’ll use it more as a music and humor writing outlet than anything else. Personally, I just prefer the freedom that I have in this blog to switch from pop culture to philosophy on a whim but hey, the chance to be the oldest person on MySpace is too much to pass up.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Incredibly, I wasn't always this cool...
Continuing on the condiment t-shirt theme: I was reminded today that since I live in Kansas I could expect to encounter that high level of humor native to these parts and expect to hear “Hey, you’ve got mustard on your shirt” about a thousand times a day. That takes some of the fun out of it.
Though I have to say, “What are you, a Joan Osborne fan?” to someone wearing a Relish shirt is an impressive put down. Especially since it didn’t dawn on me until I saw the comment. The problem with that put down is you have to admit that you know the name of Joan Osborne’s debut disc in order for it to work and that is basically saying “Yeah, I’m a geek but at least I’m not wearing it on a shirt.” And yeah, that disc has shown up in the five random CDs list. I’d sell it but I couldn’t face the embarrassment of bringing it into a store. It’s easier going to the back room of the video store than declaring in front of a store that yes, I owned a Joan Osborne CD.
Oh, and speaking of god awful music, while I was sitting in traffic last week I decided to actually read the liner notes of the Paula Cole disc. Here is what it says (and I’m quoting here) “P.S. to the listener. I recommend playing this record loudly. I hope it sends you on a journey.” Ok, I’ve listened to Where Have All the Cowboys Gone and I Don’t Want to Wait on numerous occasions. Increased volume does not make these songs any better. Maybe if you turned it up past eleven and on to maybe seventeen so that everything would just be this blast of white noise then it might be an improvement.
Seriously, I have no idea what I was thinking when I picked up this disc a decade ago. I know that for a while I was in this female singer songwriter mode, which I’ll accept for the Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan discs. At least when people see those in my collection they go, “Oh wow, he must not be a totally cold hearted cynical bastard. There’s an actual sensitive side there.” Then they see the Paula Cole disc and go, “Dude, were you like really into Dawson’s Creek or something? Or do you just have no taste at all.” Again, when I build my time machine I am so going to go and kick my own ass.
Actually, that probably explains that guy who jumped me outside the record store years ago. Cool, that means that I did build my time machine. So now I’ll just remember to send it back in time to tomorrow so I can invent it. Dude, this is going to rock…
Yeah, I probably need to get some sleep now. If there is anything that will impress people less than my admitting to owning Joan Osborne and Paula Cole CDs it’s my attempt to turn my life into a bad science fiction plot.
Though I have to say, “What are you, a Joan Osborne fan?” to someone wearing a Relish shirt is an impressive put down. Especially since it didn’t dawn on me until I saw the comment. The problem with that put down is you have to admit that you know the name of Joan Osborne’s debut disc in order for it to work and that is basically saying “Yeah, I’m a geek but at least I’m not wearing it on a shirt.” And yeah, that disc has shown up in the five random CDs list. I’d sell it but I couldn’t face the embarrassment of bringing it into a store. It’s easier going to the back room of the video store than declaring in front of a store that yes, I owned a Joan Osborne CD.
Oh, and speaking of god awful music, while I was sitting in traffic last week I decided to actually read the liner notes of the Paula Cole disc. Here is what it says (and I’m quoting here) “P.S. to the listener. I recommend playing this record loudly. I hope it sends you on a journey.” Ok, I’ve listened to Where Have All the Cowboys Gone and I Don’t Want to Wait on numerous occasions. Increased volume does not make these songs any better. Maybe if you turned it up past eleven and on to maybe seventeen so that everything would just be this blast of white noise then it might be an improvement.
Seriously, I have no idea what I was thinking when I picked up this disc a decade ago. I know that for a while I was in this female singer songwriter mode, which I’ll accept for the Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan discs. At least when people see those in my collection they go, “Oh wow, he must not be a totally cold hearted cynical bastard. There’s an actual sensitive side there.” Then they see the Paula Cole disc and go, “Dude, were you like really into Dawson’s Creek or something? Or do you just have no taste at all.” Again, when I build my time machine I am so going to go and kick my own ass.
Actually, that probably explains that guy who jumped me outside the record store years ago. Cool, that means that I did build my time machine. So now I’ll just remember to send it back in time to tomorrow so I can invent it. Dude, this is going to rock…
Yeah, I probably need to get some sleep now. If there is anything that will impress people less than my admitting to owning Joan Osborne and Paula Cole CDs it’s my attempt to turn my life into a bad science fiction plot.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
More exciting than the game itself
One last television show that I forgot about. There is a new game show on MTV starring Wilmer Valderamma called “Yo Momma.” Yes, the show consists entirely of people competing to tell the best Your Momma joke, often with the opposition’s actual mother standing in the background. Exactly why Wilmer Valderamma is the best judge of Your Momma jokes has yet to be determined though given his list of, uh, conquests at least I now understand why he has that smug look on his face all the time.
I’m telling you, this just makes me yearn for the MTV game shows of my youth. Now I know that we’ll never see the likes of Remote Control again but can’t we bring back Singled Out? And what happened to cartoons like The Maxx? Now I’m stuck watching shows like Date My Mom or My Sweet 16th, which basically just confirms in my mind that we are the most decadent culture in the history of civilization. The Romans’ bread and circuses had nothing on a trust fund kid in California. Is it me or does anyone else turn on the television, see the mirror that it raised to American culture and go, “You know, Australia is looking better every day.”
In other celebrity news, Brittney Spears is pregnant again. Actually, we could consider this the most predictable news story of the year along with “Tom Cruise says something crazy” and “World shocked to find that Joan Rivers had plastic surgery.” On the one hand, this means that we will be spared yet another Brittney disc as she will become less and less relevant by the day. On the other hand, this means K-Fed will need to be the breadwinner for the family. For those of us who are simultaneously into the removal of bad music and train wrecks this is good news all around.
Switching gears, I have to thank my friends at www.deadspin.com for the following (they run the best sports blog on the planet.) They had a discussion thread on scoreboard dot races and brought up the fact that the Royals have three hot dogs, wearing mustard, ketchup and relish respectively, racing around the virtual basepaths in between innings. This isn’t bad since it does provide a surprising degree of entertainment and it is easy to have a rooting interest. You cheer for mustard, no questions asked. Why? Because putting ketchup on a hot dog is a sin and an affront to all that is good in the world and as the guys at Deadspin said, only morons pick relish.
Ok, now typically I wouldn’t waste bandwidth writing about condiments, though I have probably done worse. No, the story gets better. On May 9th it will be t-shirt night at the Royals game as you can get a t-shirt that says either “Mustard”, “Relish” or “Ketchup”. Well, given that we already know that the Royals will have a losing record this might be the best team to support this summer. This might be the most bizarrely cool thing that the Royals have ever done. I mean, the shirt is retro cool and they haven’t either handed them out yet. Plus, wouldn’t it be great to just see the looks on people’s faces as you walk past them with a shirt that says “Relish”. It’s not just your preferred condiment, it’s what you expect of others. Great, now I’m going to have to go to a Royals game just to get a t-shirt.
I’m telling you, this just makes me yearn for the MTV game shows of my youth. Now I know that we’ll never see the likes of Remote Control again but can’t we bring back Singled Out? And what happened to cartoons like The Maxx? Now I’m stuck watching shows like Date My Mom or My Sweet 16th, which basically just confirms in my mind that we are the most decadent culture in the history of civilization. The Romans’ bread and circuses had nothing on a trust fund kid in California. Is it me or does anyone else turn on the television, see the mirror that it raised to American culture and go, “You know, Australia is looking better every day.”
In other celebrity news, Brittney Spears is pregnant again. Actually, we could consider this the most predictable news story of the year along with “Tom Cruise says something crazy” and “World shocked to find that Joan Rivers had plastic surgery.” On the one hand, this means that we will be spared yet another Brittney disc as she will become less and less relevant by the day. On the other hand, this means K-Fed will need to be the breadwinner for the family. For those of us who are simultaneously into the removal of bad music and train wrecks this is good news all around.
Switching gears, I have to thank my friends at www.deadspin.com for the following (they run the best sports blog on the planet.) They had a discussion thread on scoreboard dot races and brought up the fact that the Royals have three hot dogs, wearing mustard, ketchup and relish respectively, racing around the virtual basepaths in between innings. This isn’t bad since it does provide a surprising degree of entertainment and it is easy to have a rooting interest. You cheer for mustard, no questions asked. Why? Because putting ketchup on a hot dog is a sin and an affront to all that is good in the world and as the guys at Deadspin said, only morons pick relish.
Ok, now typically I wouldn’t waste bandwidth writing about condiments, though I have probably done worse. No, the story gets better. On May 9th it will be t-shirt night at the Royals game as you can get a t-shirt that says either “Mustard”, “Relish” or “Ketchup”. Well, given that we already know that the Royals will have a losing record this might be the best team to support this summer. This might be the most bizarrely cool thing that the Royals have ever done. I mean, the shirt is retro cool and they haven’t either handed them out yet. Plus, wouldn’t it be great to just see the looks on people’s faces as you walk past them with a shirt that says “Relish”. It’s not just your preferred condiment, it’s what you expect of others. Great, now I’m going to have to go to a Royals game just to get a t-shirt.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Kicking television...
I’d combine these into one big coherent thought but coherency just has not been my strong suit today. However, I’m kicking ass in terms of completely random happenings…
1) Ok, I first saw this a few weeks ago and only now am I finding time to write about it. I was surfing Yahoo this afternoon (and I’d like to personally thank the state supreme court of New York for protecting my right to surf the web at work) and while reading a news article I look at one of those ads that they have on the side and they have a picture of Julie Delpy. Obviously, this is the highlight of my day as random Julie sightings make life much more bearable. Well, clicking through the ads I found that Julie is keeping a blog this month on Women and Money. So, this is just another thing that we have in common that I can talk to her on the off chance that I ever run into her and can actually bring myself to speak. Here’s the site http://blogs.health.yahoo.com/intlwomen/intlwomen/
2) Strange television sighting #1: I spent part of this evening watching the Ultimate Obstacle Course Challenge on ESPN2, as apparently there has been a shortage of World Strongest Man competitions. I’m not making this up, it is a Japanese game show (naturally) consisting of some of the most insanely challenging competitions imaginable. It’s tough to describe, but basically think of the monkey bars from hell and yes, you will have the dreaded rope climb. But here is the amazing thing, this gets prime time coverage on ESPN2 while playoff hockey falls in between duck hunting and a pro bullriders event on Outdoor Life.
3) Ok, there is one thing more disturbing than World Strongest Man competitions and that is World Strongest Woman competitions. Especially when you come across one of those late at night after you’ve spent a little too much time at the bars. You flip it on and go, “Hey she’s kind of cute… oh, wait a minute.”
4) Strange television sighting # 2: TLC, previously known as “Trading Spaces all the time” and still well regarded in my mind for Junkyard Wars, is now showing “Honey, We’re Killing the Kids.” This is another in those family makeover shows except that where as the other ones at least have a bubbly exterior “Look, it’s Supernanny to the rescue” here you get a very dour counselor trying to get a family to change its ways. This is done by using “computer simulations” to show what the kids will look like in forty years. These computer simulations are apparently done by grabbing a mug shot book and picking photos at random. They might as well just say “Little Robbie will be serving a nickel for jacking a car while Timmy will be the Tuesday Night DJ at the Pussycat Lounge.”
5) Strange television sighting #2 continued: The thing is, this counselor does not look like someone you want to take advice from. She is serious to the point that even I’m going, “Dude, lighten up.” Like her kids probably stand ramrod straight, have never eaten at McDonald’s in their lives, and will be dating the bass player from a death metal band when they turn nineteen. It’s a good thing to get kids to lay off the junk food and the video games but that shouldn’t equate to taking all of the fun out of life. That said, you’ll take the Playstation out of my hands over my dead body.
6) How I Met Your Mother Update: Ok, this episode doesn’t have any great similarities to my life and I’m happy about that. Two points to make. First, nice to see Marshall use “Lawyered” as a put down whenever he proves someone wrong. I’ll have to steal that one (and then have the readers with JDs really hate me). Secondly, is it me or is Robin being a bit of a bitch over this whole “Ted said he had broken up with Victoria when he actually hadn’t yet.” She’s the one who invited him over at two in the morning, knowing that he still had a girlfriend. She’s at least as much to blame as he is.
1) Ok, I first saw this a few weeks ago and only now am I finding time to write about it. I was surfing Yahoo this afternoon (and I’d like to personally thank the state supreme court of New York for protecting my right to surf the web at work) and while reading a news article I look at one of those ads that they have on the side and they have a picture of Julie Delpy. Obviously, this is the highlight of my day as random Julie sightings make life much more bearable. Well, clicking through the ads I found that Julie is keeping a blog this month on Women and Money. So, this is just another thing that we have in common that I can talk to her on the off chance that I ever run into her and can actually bring myself to speak. Here’s the site http://blogs.health.yahoo.com/intlwomen/intlwomen/
2) Strange television sighting #1: I spent part of this evening watching the Ultimate Obstacle Course Challenge on ESPN2, as apparently there has been a shortage of World Strongest Man competitions. I’m not making this up, it is a Japanese game show (naturally) consisting of some of the most insanely challenging competitions imaginable. It’s tough to describe, but basically think of the monkey bars from hell and yes, you will have the dreaded rope climb. But here is the amazing thing, this gets prime time coverage on ESPN2 while playoff hockey falls in between duck hunting and a pro bullriders event on Outdoor Life.
3) Ok, there is one thing more disturbing than World Strongest Man competitions and that is World Strongest Woman competitions. Especially when you come across one of those late at night after you’ve spent a little too much time at the bars. You flip it on and go, “Hey she’s kind of cute… oh, wait a minute.”
4) Strange television sighting # 2: TLC, previously known as “Trading Spaces all the time” and still well regarded in my mind for Junkyard Wars, is now showing “Honey, We’re Killing the Kids.” This is another in those family makeover shows except that where as the other ones at least have a bubbly exterior “Look, it’s Supernanny to the rescue” here you get a very dour counselor trying to get a family to change its ways. This is done by using “computer simulations” to show what the kids will look like in forty years. These computer simulations are apparently done by grabbing a mug shot book and picking photos at random. They might as well just say “Little Robbie will be serving a nickel for jacking a car while Timmy will be the Tuesday Night DJ at the Pussycat Lounge.”
5) Strange television sighting #2 continued: The thing is, this counselor does not look like someone you want to take advice from. She is serious to the point that even I’m going, “Dude, lighten up.” Like her kids probably stand ramrod straight, have never eaten at McDonald’s in their lives, and will be dating the bass player from a death metal band when they turn nineteen. It’s a good thing to get kids to lay off the junk food and the video games but that shouldn’t equate to taking all of the fun out of life. That said, you’ll take the Playstation out of my hands over my dead body.
6) How I Met Your Mother Update: Ok, this episode doesn’t have any great similarities to my life and I’m happy about that. Two points to make. First, nice to see Marshall use “Lawyered” as a put down whenever he proves someone wrong. I’ll have to steal that one (and then have the readers with JDs really hate me). Secondly, is it me or is Robin being a bit of a bitch over this whole “Ted said he had broken up with Victoria when he actually hadn’t yet.” She’s the one who invited him over at two in the morning, knowing that he still had a girlfriend. She’s at least as much to blame as he is.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
A CD you must buy
I learned something tonight. If you are ever planning on spending four hours standing in a hot, steamy club listening to a couple of bands it is probably not in your best interest to put three and a half miles on the treadmill immediately before attending said concert. Let’s just say my legs are aching right now and I really, really need to rehydrate.
But I am in no way complaining about my workout this afternoon, since it has resulted in my meeting my first weight loss goal. Yes, for the first time in, oh, probably two years, I am back under two hundred pounds. That’s fifteen pounds since the start of the year and while I originally was hoping to be under two hundred by St. Patrick’s Day I’ll take what I can get. I’m still officially overweight and I am certainly going to keep this going until I knock off another ten or fifteen pounds (current goal is ten pounds in the next ten weeks) but it sure is nice to have my jeans actually fit again. And I don’t get winded walking up a few flights of stairs, though that was mainly due to my being horribly out of shape as opposed to the weight that I was carrying.
Time to switch gears. It probably doesn’t surprise anyone that I read several music magazines. I’m not talking about Spin or Rolling Stone, the latter of which is written and read by people who know nothing about music. I’m talking about the seemingly printed out of someone’s basement, written by the record store staff type of magazine. Well, since last fall I’ve read and had a lot of people tell me that I had to listen to Sufjan Stevens’ “Illinois”. Then I heard a lot of people call it the best album of the year. Last week I finally succumbed to the peer pressure and picked it up and listened to it. And…
I don’t know if it is the album of the year. It might be the album of the decade. And there is a thirty minute stretch in there that might be the best thirty minutes that I’ve ever heard.
Let me explain. One of my rules of knowing a really good album is that I’ll listen to a song and then immediately replay it because it was so good. Occasionally, I won’t even wait for the song to finish, I’ll replay it just so I can fully appreciate it. Well, I did that on three or four songs in a row on Illinois. I think I listened to the song Chicago five times in a row and it just kept getting better every time. Given that I was at work while listening to it I was sitting there stunned that I could be listening to something so good while sitting in a cubicle.
It’s a concept album in that all of the songs are about Illinois. Like most concept pieces, the theme is really the least important part of the package. Yes, it helps if you know that there is a city called Metropolis or that Casmir Pulaski Day is a Chicago holiday but the songs that carry those names have nothing to do with the place or the event. It’s just a backdrop for the story to take place. Musically, it is this intricate orchestration with a string section interacting with a banjo and an occasional mournful trumpet. Often you have a choir of background vocals acting like a Greek chorus. The biggest comparison that I can make is to The Polyphonic Spree, which consists of thirty musicians playing every instrument that you could think of. But the Spree are more of a hippie commune singing about the sun while Sufjan is singing about life.
Basically, what I am saying is that you really need to pick up this disc. I’ll warn you that it is addictive, you will listen to it for days on end and will constantly want to replay songs. Then the songs will stay in your head as you try to go to sleep. But, you need to hear this music. It really is unlike anything else you could find in the mainstream.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) The Waco Brothers “Cowboy in Flames”
2) Son Volt “Trace”
3) Son Volt “Straightaways”
4) They Might Be Giants “Flood”
5) The Subdudes “The Subdudes”
But I am in no way complaining about my workout this afternoon, since it has resulted in my meeting my first weight loss goal. Yes, for the first time in, oh, probably two years, I am back under two hundred pounds. That’s fifteen pounds since the start of the year and while I originally was hoping to be under two hundred by St. Patrick’s Day I’ll take what I can get. I’m still officially overweight and I am certainly going to keep this going until I knock off another ten or fifteen pounds (current goal is ten pounds in the next ten weeks) but it sure is nice to have my jeans actually fit again. And I don’t get winded walking up a few flights of stairs, though that was mainly due to my being horribly out of shape as opposed to the weight that I was carrying.
Time to switch gears. It probably doesn’t surprise anyone that I read several music magazines. I’m not talking about Spin or Rolling Stone, the latter of which is written and read by people who know nothing about music. I’m talking about the seemingly printed out of someone’s basement, written by the record store staff type of magazine. Well, since last fall I’ve read and had a lot of people tell me that I had to listen to Sufjan Stevens’ “Illinois”. Then I heard a lot of people call it the best album of the year. Last week I finally succumbed to the peer pressure and picked it up and listened to it. And…
I don’t know if it is the album of the year. It might be the album of the decade. And there is a thirty minute stretch in there that might be the best thirty minutes that I’ve ever heard.
Let me explain. One of my rules of knowing a really good album is that I’ll listen to a song and then immediately replay it because it was so good. Occasionally, I won’t even wait for the song to finish, I’ll replay it just so I can fully appreciate it. Well, I did that on three or four songs in a row on Illinois. I think I listened to the song Chicago five times in a row and it just kept getting better every time. Given that I was at work while listening to it I was sitting there stunned that I could be listening to something so good while sitting in a cubicle.
It’s a concept album in that all of the songs are about Illinois. Like most concept pieces, the theme is really the least important part of the package. Yes, it helps if you know that there is a city called Metropolis or that Casmir Pulaski Day is a Chicago holiday but the songs that carry those names have nothing to do with the place or the event. It’s just a backdrop for the story to take place. Musically, it is this intricate orchestration with a string section interacting with a banjo and an occasional mournful trumpet. Often you have a choir of background vocals acting like a Greek chorus. The biggest comparison that I can make is to The Polyphonic Spree, which consists of thirty musicians playing every instrument that you could think of. But the Spree are more of a hippie commune singing about the sun while Sufjan is singing about life.
Basically, what I am saying is that you really need to pick up this disc. I’ll warn you that it is addictive, you will listen to it for days on end and will constantly want to replay songs. Then the songs will stay in your head as you try to go to sleep. But, you need to hear this music. It really is unlike anything else you could find in the mainstream.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) The Waco Brothers “Cowboy in Flames”
2) Son Volt “Trace”
3) Son Volt “Straightaways”
4) They Might Be Giants “Flood”
5) The Subdudes “The Subdudes”
Thursday, April 20, 2006
You are strongly encouraged to whip it in a beneficial manner
You know, I could make a joke about today being 4:20 but I’ll stay away from the easy humor regarding bloodshot eyes and cases of the munchies and the like. But hey, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
Ok, there were two comments on the blog last night that need addressing. Actually, the first one doesn’t need to be addressed as much as acknowledged. Someone commented on the blog pimping a website dedicated to quotes from The Great Gatsby. Obviously that is a topic close to my heart and I was rather surprised to see that the comment was made on a post that I made last July. Now, I understand that my writing has such great appeal that people scour through the archives to relive my greatest efforts but this is just a bit much.
(Oh, and the site didn’t even have “Boats against a current, borne ceaselessly into the past.” Or even “Her voice was full of money.” You can’t call yourself a Gatsby quote page and not have those two on there.)
The other quote is back on the idea of one hit wonders and it is interesting that Mark Mothersbaugh was mentioned since Devo’s Whip It was one of the songs featured while I was watching it. Now if Mark is bitter about this fact it could be due to a couple of different things. First of all, he is now recording music for children’s television, which probably would turn most people against the world. But I think his issue is somewhere between a) that Devo didn’t have more hits and b) the fact that Devo even had a hit at all.
Even VH-1 said that Whip It looks and sounds ten years ahead of its time today and this song is nearly twenty five years old. Now for a band that was that revolutionary and influential to only have one commercial breakthrough is a little disheartening. I think Mark’s real problem is the fact that he views that people equate one hit wonder with being a novelty act. That people now only think of Devo as those guys with flowerpots on their heads and miss the entire electronica/performance art part of the band. Now that is where I can understand there being issues with one hit wonders, where an otherwise great band is viewed as being a throwaway act.
But while I am a music snob, I like a lot of the novelty acts and bands that know that they only have one song in them. I’ll always argue that despite the fact that it constantly shows up on the worst songs of all time lists Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” is one of the ten best songs of the nineties. Why? Because it is nothing more than what it set out to be: a silly little dance song that took itself just seriously enough to be interesting. Would I buy the album or even the single? Hell no. But I still smile every time I hear the song and for the rest of my days when I hear it I will immediately think about the early nineties.
My thing is that I don’t dismiss an artist for being a one hit wonder. Sometimes that is just the way that things work out and the hit might not even be anywhere close to their best song. Popularity does not equate to brilliance. Still, there is something to be said about being famous for a moment. In a world where everyone lives a life of quiet desperation to the point that you go deaf from the shouting that might be all that we can hope for.
Ok, there were two comments on the blog last night that need addressing. Actually, the first one doesn’t need to be addressed as much as acknowledged. Someone commented on the blog pimping a website dedicated to quotes from The Great Gatsby. Obviously that is a topic close to my heart and I was rather surprised to see that the comment was made on a post that I made last July. Now, I understand that my writing has such great appeal that people scour through the archives to relive my greatest efforts but this is just a bit much.
(Oh, and the site didn’t even have “Boats against a current, borne ceaselessly into the past.” Or even “Her voice was full of money.” You can’t call yourself a Gatsby quote page and not have those two on there.)
The other quote is back on the idea of one hit wonders and it is interesting that Mark Mothersbaugh was mentioned since Devo’s Whip It was one of the songs featured while I was watching it. Now if Mark is bitter about this fact it could be due to a couple of different things. First of all, he is now recording music for children’s television, which probably would turn most people against the world. But I think his issue is somewhere between a) that Devo didn’t have more hits and b) the fact that Devo even had a hit at all.
Even VH-1 said that Whip It looks and sounds ten years ahead of its time today and this song is nearly twenty five years old. Now for a band that was that revolutionary and influential to only have one commercial breakthrough is a little disheartening. I think Mark’s real problem is the fact that he views that people equate one hit wonder with being a novelty act. That people now only think of Devo as those guys with flowerpots on their heads and miss the entire electronica/performance art part of the band. Now that is where I can understand there being issues with one hit wonders, where an otherwise great band is viewed as being a throwaway act.
But while I am a music snob, I like a lot of the novelty acts and bands that know that they only have one song in them. I’ll always argue that despite the fact that it constantly shows up on the worst songs of all time lists Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” is one of the ten best songs of the nineties. Why? Because it is nothing more than what it set out to be: a silly little dance song that took itself just seriously enough to be interesting. Would I buy the album or even the single? Hell no. But I still smile every time I hear the song and for the rest of my days when I hear it I will immediately think about the early nineties.
My thing is that I don’t dismiss an artist for being a one hit wonder. Sometimes that is just the way that things work out and the hit might not even be anywhere close to their best song. Popularity does not equate to brilliance. Still, there is something to be said about being famous for a moment. In a world where everyone lives a life of quiet desperation to the point that you go deaf from the shouting that might be all that we can hope for.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I had money on Vera Cruise...
Like everything else in life, without a list one is completely lost…
1) I’d like to give a hearty welcome to Suri Cruise. Suri Cruise? Yes, Tom Cruise was so taken by Gerry Mcnamara’s performance in the Big East tournament that he named his daughter after the Orangmen. (Syracuse, get it?) Just a couple of comments here. It says something about our society that this is a major news event, complete with promised daily updates from Access Hollywood. Second, I haven’t heard if this was officially a silent birth or not, which I want to know about just because I didn’t even know if that was possible. Finally, can a celebrity ever give a kid a fairly normal name. Just once I’d like to see a movie star name his son Steve.
2) I need to inform everyone that tomorrow is the third Thursday of April and is thus one of the three official Battling the Current Holidays: National High Five Day. I am not making this up. This is completely and totally real. Tomorrow (or today if you are reading this on Thursday) it is are solemn duty to high five as many people as possible throughout the day. I’m not talking about for someone doing a good job, I’m talking about high fiving people instead of shaking hands. I want to see everyone high fiving random people in the hallway. Why? Because is there anything that would brighten your day more than just getting a random high five? It’s like saying, “You’re doing a great job in life by just being you. Keep it up.”
3) What are the other two official Battling the Current holidays? The first was Dyngus Day this past Monday in which we celebrate the fact that now that Easter is over and done with we get to gorge ourselves on all of the stuff we gave up for Lent. It’s kind of like a reverse Mardi Gras. Or at least that is my take on it, all I know is that it is a big deal in South Bend and anything that gave us an excuse to drink on a Monday (other than things like the sun going down or the day technically ending in a Y) was good in our book. Man, I remember Dyngus Day 2003 like it was yesterday. Actually, I’m pretty sure that what I remember couldn’t possibly have happened, which is even cooler.
4) Oh, and the third day is Talk Like a Pirate Day, which is in September. It’s the day when I really wished that I lived in Arrrr-Kansas. Because pirates are way cooler than ninjas.
5) Hey, the White Sox swept the Royals. And the Royals have the worst record in baseball. Guess this means I won’t have problems getting seats this year. But don’t worry, your sales tax dollars will go to good use improving the stadium for a team you really wouldn’t want to watch. Sigh.
6) Oh, and one last comment that I meant to write about like, a week ago, but always forgot. Remember that couple from Missouri that faked having sextuplets in order to get donations from people? Now, let’s ignore the fact that at some point someone would have asked to see the children, which is something that they should have planned for. When the father (poor choice of words but stay with me) talked to the press he was wearing a Goldberg t-shirt. For those not fluent in pro wrestling, Goldberg was a very popular figure in, oh, 1998. You know, when you are trying to explain why you came up with a very dumb mail fraud scheme you probably shouldn’t be wearing a Goldberg t-shirt.
1) I’d like to give a hearty welcome to Suri Cruise. Suri Cruise? Yes, Tom Cruise was so taken by Gerry Mcnamara’s performance in the Big East tournament that he named his daughter after the Orangmen. (Syracuse, get it?) Just a couple of comments here. It says something about our society that this is a major news event, complete with promised daily updates from Access Hollywood. Second, I haven’t heard if this was officially a silent birth or not, which I want to know about just because I didn’t even know if that was possible. Finally, can a celebrity ever give a kid a fairly normal name. Just once I’d like to see a movie star name his son Steve.
2) I need to inform everyone that tomorrow is the third Thursday of April and is thus one of the three official Battling the Current Holidays: National High Five Day. I am not making this up. This is completely and totally real. Tomorrow (or today if you are reading this on Thursday) it is are solemn duty to high five as many people as possible throughout the day. I’m not talking about for someone doing a good job, I’m talking about high fiving people instead of shaking hands. I want to see everyone high fiving random people in the hallway. Why? Because is there anything that would brighten your day more than just getting a random high five? It’s like saying, “You’re doing a great job in life by just being you. Keep it up.”
3) What are the other two official Battling the Current holidays? The first was Dyngus Day this past Monday in which we celebrate the fact that now that Easter is over and done with we get to gorge ourselves on all of the stuff we gave up for Lent. It’s kind of like a reverse Mardi Gras. Or at least that is my take on it, all I know is that it is a big deal in South Bend and anything that gave us an excuse to drink on a Monday (other than things like the sun going down or the day technically ending in a Y) was good in our book. Man, I remember Dyngus Day 2003 like it was yesterday. Actually, I’m pretty sure that what I remember couldn’t possibly have happened, which is even cooler.
4) Oh, and the third day is Talk Like a Pirate Day, which is in September. It’s the day when I really wished that I lived in Arrrr-Kansas. Because pirates are way cooler than ninjas.
5) Hey, the White Sox swept the Royals. And the Royals have the worst record in baseball. Guess this means I won’t have problems getting seats this year. But don’t worry, your sales tax dollars will go to good use improving the stadium for a team you really wouldn’t want to watch. Sigh.
6) Oh, and one last comment that I meant to write about like, a week ago, but always forgot. Remember that couple from Missouri that faked having sextuplets in order to get donations from people? Now, let’s ignore the fact that at some point someone would have asked to see the children, which is something that they should have planned for. When the father (poor choice of words but stay with me) talked to the press he was wearing a Goldberg t-shirt. For those not fluent in pro wrestling, Goldberg was a very popular figure in, oh, 1998. You know, when you are trying to explain why you came up with a very dumb mail fraud scheme you probably shouldn’t be wearing a Goldberg t-shirt.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Four minutes
While flipping around the dial this evening I cam across a rerun of VH-1’s “Top 100 One Hit Wonders of All Time” and it got me thinking about whether being a one hit wonder is a bad thing or not. And in my mind, it probably isn’t that bad of a thing.
Because some bands, or some people only have one song to sing. Ken Kesey only had one novel in him and that just happened to be One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Likewise, The Kingsmen only had one worthwhile song in their repertoire and it just happened to be Louie Louie and if you had to list the ten most influential pieces of music of all time Louie Louie would probably fall in between Beethoven’s Ninth and La Marseille. And that is not a bad accomplishment for a career.
Sure, there are a lot of one-hit wonders that are either novelty songs or bad acts that just hit the cultural zeitgeist at the right moment. Every decade people need to have a catchy organized dance song so we get the Macarena or Achy Breaky Heart or the Twist. Those songs exist because for some bizarre reason, a number of people can only dance in well defined patterns. You have your Pac Man Fevers, which exist because wacky FM DJs always seem to have ample access to recording studios. And there is the occasional Take on Me, a song that is known for having a really cool video.
But a lot of the time, a one hit wonder is a person who just for a moment had an idea that worked. Wrote something that in four minutes gave meaning to a lot of people. Made them smile, made them dance, made them think. Maybe it wasn’t enough for an album, maybe they never caught that muse again but for four minutes they had magic in a bottle. And that’s something most people never get to experience. Not too many people can create four minutes of brilliance once in their life.
Sometimes we focus on the pinnacles, those hall of fame performers, the people who will be appearing in history books once the school systems decide that teaching pop culture is better than teaching history. That’s what we all aspire to be but that might be setting our sights to high and we get depressed when we never reach that goal of being world famous and the best on the planet. Maybe all any of us should try for is four minutes of perfection to share with the world. You do that and you will gain your measure of immortality, if only by appearing in a VH-1 special.
(Late Breaking News Update: The TomKat baby has been born. No news yet on a) name, b) whether the birth was silent or c) whether Tom Cruise will in fact eat the placenta. I’m not making the last one up, it was a false rumor that was spreading around the internet today. Or at least we assume it is a false rumor. At this point, anything is possible.)
Because some bands, or some people only have one song to sing. Ken Kesey only had one novel in him and that just happened to be One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Likewise, The Kingsmen only had one worthwhile song in their repertoire and it just happened to be Louie Louie and if you had to list the ten most influential pieces of music of all time Louie Louie would probably fall in between Beethoven’s Ninth and La Marseille. And that is not a bad accomplishment for a career.
Sure, there are a lot of one-hit wonders that are either novelty songs or bad acts that just hit the cultural zeitgeist at the right moment. Every decade people need to have a catchy organized dance song so we get the Macarena or Achy Breaky Heart or the Twist. Those songs exist because for some bizarre reason, a number of people can only dance in well defined patterns. You have your Pac Man Fevers, which exist because wacky FM DJs always seem to have ample access to recording studios. And there is the occasional Take on Me, a song that is known for having a really cool video.
But a lot of the time, a one hit wonder is a person who just for a moment had an idea that worked. Wrote something that in four minutes gave meaning to a lot of people. Made them smile, made them dance, made them think. Maybe it wasn’t enough for an album, maybe they never caught that muse again but for four minutes they had magic in a bottle. And that’s something most people never get to experience. Not too many people can create four minutes of brilliance once in their life.
Sometimes we focus on the pinnacles, those hall of fame performers, the people who will be appearing in history books once the school systems decide that teaching pop culture is better than teaching history. That’s what we all aspire to be but that might be setting our sights to high and we get depressed when we never reach that goal of being world famous and the best on the planet. Maybe all any of us should try for is four minutes of perfection to share with the world. You do that and you will gain your measure of immortality, if only by appearing in a VH-1 special.
(Late Breaking News Update: The TomKat baby has been born. No news yet on a) name, b) whether the birth was silent or c) whether Tom Cruise will in fact eat the placenta. I’m not making the last one up, it was a false rumor that was spreading around the internet today. Or at least we assume it is a false rumor. At this point, anything is possible.)
Monday, April 17, 2006
Airport Fare
I apologize for the apparent lack of paragraphs in last night’s post. I was writing on a different computer than I usually do and for some reason Blogger was opposed to creating paragraphs on this machine. It doesn’t make sense to me either so hopefully it was at least understandable, or at least didn’t resemble one long run-on sentence. Oh, and no I don’t consider using another computer to be cheating on Julie, my laptop of nearly five years. Julie and I have an understanding relationship and she knows that on occasion I may need to, uh, take advantage of other machines when the situation warrants. She knows that I’ll always come back to her.
(Yes, I do refer to my laptop as Julie. After five years, maybe 600,000 words, numerous statistical regressions and a number of mix CDs I consider this to be a long lasting partnership.)
Spent a bit of time at Midway Airport today as I was back in Chicago this weekend celebrating birthdays and Easter. I’ve discovered that I follow very specific behaviors at airports and given how much I travel these have gone beyond rituals. Some are understandable, I always put my keys and cell phone in my backpack just before I enter security. Oh, and I always have a backpack with me when I fly. Since my very first flight I’ve always had a backpack over my right shoulder as I made my way through the airport.
At Midway I have another ritual, which is that I get there early enough to pick up an Italian Beef sandwich at Gold Coast Dogs before I fly. Now, Italian Beef is a Chicago specialty. Every hot dog stand worth its weight also makes beef sandwiches and while Gold Coast Dogs isn’t the best (that is Buona Beef) it wins in terms of convenience as it is my last chance to get a taste of home before I leave town. It’s tough to explain the wonders of just a whole bunch of meat on a bun, with the juices dripping everywhere. You’ll have some people talk about how awesome an authentic Philly Cheese Steak is or how barbecue is the only way to go but just give me this diet staple and I’ll be a happy man.
(For those flying from the United Terminal at O’Hare I recommend hitting the Billy Goat’s tavern and either getting the beef sandwich or for a Saturday Night Live flashback, you can never go wrong with the cheeseburger. Yes, I fly into and out of Chicago enough to give restaurant recommendations from the airports.)
Did have one interesting experience as I flew today. I was reading Fight Club and well, you get really interesting looks from people when you are reading Fight Club on a plane. Especially when you keep on going, “Wow, that’s a really good idea. I should try that sometime.” Maybe this is not the book that I should be reading with a highlighter at my side. Still, I now understand why a lot of people have been telling me that I should read this book.
(How I Met Your Mother Update: Yeah, another rerun. But, to put another plus in this show’s favor, they did end the show by playing My Morning Jacket’s “Off the Record” and that is pretty cool. Pick up Z at some point, it’s one of those albums that makes you wonder just how in the world was this thing recorded. Not from a technical standpoint, more like being surprised by how original it is and how unusual it is to use the word original in any discussion of music.)
(Yes, I do refer to my laptop as Julie. After five years, maybe 600,000 words, numerous statistical regressions and a number of mix CDs I consider this to be a long lasting partnership.)
Spent a bit of time at Midway Airport today as I was back in Chicago this weekend celebrating birthdays and Easter. I’ve discovered that I follow very specific behaviors at airports and given how much I travel these have gone beyond rituals. Some are understandable, I always put my keys and cell phone in my backpack just before I enter security. Oh, and I always have a backpack with me when I fly. Since my very first flight I’ve always had a backpack over my right shoulder as I made my way through the airport.
At Midway I have another ritual, which is that I get there early enough to pick up an Italian Beef sandwich at Gold Coast Dogs before I fly. Now, Italian Beef is a Chicago specialty. Every hot dog stand worth its weight also makes beef sandwiches and while Gold Coast Dogs isn’t the best (that is Buona Beef) it wins in terms of convenience as it is my last chance to get a taste of home before I leave town. It’s tough to explain the wonders of just a whole bunch of meat on a bun, with the juices dripping everywhere. You’ll have some people talk about how awesome an authentic Philly Cheese Steak is or how barbecue is the only way to go but just give me this diet staple and I’ll be a happy man.
(For those flying from the United Terminal at O’Hare I recommend hitting the Billy Goat’s tavern and either getting the beef sandwich or for a Saturday Night Live flashback, you can never go wrong with the cheeseburger. Yes, I fly into and out of Chicago enough to give restaurant recommendations from the airports.)
Did have one interesting experience as I flew today. I was reading Fight Club and well, you get really interesting looks from people when you are reading Fight Club on a plane. Especially when you keep on going, “Wow, that’s a really good idea. I should try that sometime.” Maybe this is not the book that I should be reading with a highlighter at my side. Still, I now understand why a lot of people have been telling me that I should read this book.
(How I Met Your Mother Update: Yeah, another rerun. But, to put another plus in this show’s favor, they did end the show by playing My Morning Jacket’s “Off the Record” and that is pretty cool. Pick up Z at some point, it’s one of those albums that makes you wonder just how in the world was this thing recorded. Not from a technical standpoint, more like being surprised by how original it is and how unusual it is to use the word original in any discussion of music.)
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Turning Thirty
So I just finished Mike Gayle’s book “Turning Thirty” and I thought that it would be good to share my thirtieth birthday story. Given that it was a few years ago I think that it is far enough in the past top be shared and that while it does involve work, hopefully the extenuating circumstances are enough that it won’t impact my career prospects. Actually, given everything else that has happened between then and now I have a feeling that this story is the least of my worries.
(Before I get to it, I really encourage you to pick up a Mike Gayle novel. I know that most people assume that what I read is challenging and dense and for the most part it is but this is really interesting and quick and fun. It’s also a lot like what I would be like if I grew up British. He’s worth a read.)
Anyway, my thirtieth birthday came very shortly after leaving B-School. I had just moved to KC two months prior and I did not know a soul in the entire town. Ok, that’s not entirely true. I knew maybe a half dozen people and I knew none of them well enough to ask them to go out drinking on a Wednesday night since it would be the last night of my twenties. Given that the majority of people that I did know by name at that time were bartenders I decided that I could not stay in the night before I turned thirty and made my way, by myself, to Kelly’s.
Kelly’s is what can nicely be described as an upscale dive bar. Meaning that it can be popular and crowded on the weekends but on a random Wednesday in September when no one is there you really begin to see what the place actually looks like. Honestly, that night I didn’t really care. I just wanted to find out how to change my focus from “I’m turning thirty and I’m alone in Kansas City” to “I’m turning thirty.” That took a couple of drinks and then I started thinking about doing a birthday shot. And since I knew that my heart was with my friends in South Bend that I had to do a red headed slut. Except that I didn’t know what was in one and neither did the bartender. This had me running through my phonebook and going who would know and realizing “Super would know.” Which of course he did and for a moment it did feel like it was Linebacker West.
Eventually I called it a night and while I was a little worse for wear I was still functional. Had to be because I had to go to work the next day and spend my thirtieth birthday in a cubicle. (Yes, I certainly know how to live the good life.) But that was ok since I only had one meeting and that was going to be a big department meeting where I could sit in the back and veg out. Or so I thought as I walked into a meeting, still complaining about how bright it was outside.
See, they served us lunch at the meeting so as I got into line to eat someone stepped in line behind. Technically, it was the CFO. Who then sat down next to me at the same table. Which meant that I suddenly had to turn on my best behavior while all the time wondering “Do I smell like a bar right now?” I survived it, made my usual intelligent points and realized that this was going to be one of those moments that when they give me a career retrospective will be brought up and discussed in great detail. Along with the time I had to race to a meeting, barely making it in time, because I had overslept after attending a New Pornographers show the night before. And somehow I don’t think they would have been happy knowing that my answer to “Why are you late?” would have been “I was hanging out with The New Pornographers last night.”
The five random CD’s of the week
1) Various Artists “Down to the Promised Land”
2) Kelly Willis “What I Deserve”
3) John Wesley Harding “The Confessions of St. Ace”
4) Tori Amos “From the Choirgirl Hotel”
5) Paula Cole “This Fire”
(One day when I build my time machine I’m going to go back to the moment when I buy a Paula Cole CD and I’m going to wait outside the store. And the second that I walk out that door I’m going to kick my own ass and go “Get some taste you moron.”)
(Before I get to it, I really encourage you to pick up a Mike Gayle novel. I know that most people assume that what I read is challenging and dense and for the most part it is but this is really interesting and quick and fun. It’s also a lot like what I would be like if I grew up British. He’s worth a read.)
Anyway, my thirtieth birthday came very shortly after leaving B-School. I had just moved to KC two months prior and I did not know a soul in the entire town. Ok, that’s not entirely true. I knew maybe a half dozen people and I knew none of them well enough to ask them to go out drinking on a Wednesday night since it would be the last night of my twenties. Given that the majority of people that I did know by name at that time were bartenders I decided that I could not stay in the night before I turned thirty and made my way, by myself, to Kelly’s.
Kelly’s is what can nicely be described as an upscale dive bar. Meaning that it can be popular and crowded on the weekends but on a random Wednesday in September when no one is there you really begin to see what the place actually looks like. Honestly, that night I didn’t really care. I just wanted to find out how to change my focus from “I’m turning thirty and I’m alone in Kansas City” to “I’m turning thirty.” That took a couple of drinks and then I started thinking about doing a birthday shot. And since I knew that my heart was with my friends in South Bend that I had to do a red headed slut. Except that I didn’t know what was in one and neither did the bartender. This had me running through my phonebook and going who would know and realizing “Super would know.” Which of course he did and for a moment it did feel like it was Linebacker West.
Eventually I called it a night and while I was a little worse for wear I was still functional. Had to be because I had to go to work the next day and spend my thirtieth birthday in a cubicle. (Yes, I certainly know how to live the good life.) But that was ok since I only had one meeting and that was going to be a big department meeting where I could sit in the back and veg out. Or so I thought as I walked into a meeting, still complaining about how bright it was outside.
See, they served us lunch at the meeting so as I got into line to eat someone stepped in line behind. Technically, it was the CFO. Who then sat down next to me at the same table. Which meant that I suddenly had to turn on my best behavior while all the time wondering “Do I smell like a bar right now?” I survived it, made my usual intelligent points and realized that this was going to be one of those moments that when they give me a career retrospective will be brought up and discussed in great detail. Along with the time I had to race to a meeting, barely making it in time, because I had overslept after attending a New Pornographers show the night before. And somehow I don’t think they would have been happy knowing that my answer to “Why are you late?” would have been “I was hanging out with The New Pornographers last night.”
The five random CD’s of the week
1) Various Artists “Down to the Promised Land”
2) Kelly Willis “What I Deserve”
3) John Wesley Harding “The Confessions of St. Ace”
4) Tori Amos “From the Choirgirl Hotel”
5) Paula Cole “This Fire”
(One day when I build my time machine I’m going to go back to the moment when I buy a Paula Cole CD and I’m going to wait outside the store. And the second that I walk out that door I’m going to kick my own ass and go “Get some taste you moron.”)
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Love is Hell: Part III
So, you’re Ryan Adams. Come on, pull yourself up off of the floor. Sure, that empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to you is probably the cause of your pounding head but remember, you are Ryan Adams. Think about where your career has gone. You started out as some kid from North Carolina who played guitar, getting razzed by your buddies with “Play Summer of ‘69” or “Dude, your Robin Hood song was awesome.” You formed Whiskeytown, which went from being a low rent Uncle Tupelo to one of the better alt country bands around. Then you started a solo career, became this up and coming music star, and in the process dated both Parker Posey and Beth Orton.
Realize that you did break up with Beth Orton and know that for every day for the rest of your life you will realize that that decision was the dumbest move you have ever made.
But a few years back you wrote a really good song for the Gold album called “When the Stars Go Blue.” It was a nice little song, got some airplay, and some people even use it for a cell phone ringer. Then The Corrs and Bono covered the song and you didn’t have a problem with it. I mean, the girls in the Corrs are really cute and having Bono’s stamp of approval on your songwriting is a nice little touch. And then you wake up one day to find that Tim McGraw has covered your song.
Oh yeah, that’s why you emptied the bottle of Jack. You realized that Tim McGraw is now singing your song and from now on more people will think of his version than yours. And your only comforting thought is, “At least it wasn’t Toby Keith.”
I’m a Ryan Adams fan, though I am a few albums behind as he releases five a year and it takes time to get to all of them. And I understand that having big name artists cover your song turns into a nice paycheck. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill covered Bruce Robison’s “Angry All the Time” but at least in that instance I figured that it gave someone who would otherwise never get airplay a nice paycheck. But Ryan Adams is a known quantity and it bothers me that people won’t know the version of his song that is actually his.
That’s about it for what has been a rather quiet week. Yes, as quiet as Katie Holmes will be when she gives birth. For the record, I have no clue what that whole silent birth thing is all about. Apparently, noise is really harmful for the baby. But hey, who am I to judge Tom Cruise. He plays important people in movies so he has to be right. Anyway, time to call it a night and to get some sleep. Have a happy Easter everyone.
Realize that you did break up with Beth Orton and know that for every day for the rest of your life you will realize that that decision was the dumbest move you have ever made.
But a few years back you wrote a really good song for the Gold album called “When the Stars Go Blue.” It was a nice little song, got some airplay, and some people even use it for a cell phone ringer. Then The Corrs and Bono covered the song and you didn’t have a problem with it. I mean, the girls in the Corrs are really cute and having Bono’s stamp of approval on your songwriting is a nice little touch. And then you wake up one day to find that Tim McGraw has covered your song.
Oh yeah, that’s why you emptied the bottle of Jack. You realized that Tim McGraw is now singing your song and from now on more people will think of his version than yours. And your only comforting thought is, “At least it wasn’t Toby Keith.”
I’m a Ryan Adams fan, though I am a few albums behind as he releases five a year and it takes time to get to all of them. And I understand that having big name artists cover your song turns into a nice paycheck. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill covered Bruce Robison’s “Angry All the Time” but at least in that instance I figured that it gave someone who would otherwise never get airplay a nice paycheck. But Ryan Adams is a known quantity and it bothers me that people won’t know the version of his song that is actually his.
That’s about it for what has been a rather quiet week. Yes, as quiet as Katie Holmes will be when she gives birth. For the record, I have no clue what that whole silent birth thing is all about. Apparently, noise is really harmful for the baby. But hey, who am I to judge Tom Cruise. He plays important people in movies so he has to be right. Anyway, time to call it a night and to get some sleep. Have a happy Easter everyone.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
K-Fed falls behind in Father of the Year voting
You know, I am shocked and appalled by the fact that the Child Welfare department paid Brittney Spears a visit over the weekend. I mean, her kid is six months old, how could the State of California wait a whole six months before going “Wait a minute, she can’t be a parent. And why does that Federline dude always have that smug look on his face like he thinks he’s accomplished something? We should arrest them right now and get it over with.” No such luck apparently as there was nothing filed. (For those of you who missed the story, Sean Preston was taken to the hospital for head injuries because the “nanny” dropped him while taking him out of the high chair. This led to a visit from the officials. This is also news and yes, that is as frightening as it sounds.)
Of course, not as frightening as that Brittney Spears giving birth statue. If you’ve been paying close attention, you’ve noticed that they’ve only shown one picture of the statue in which you see her head on as she is on all fours on a bearskin rug. That’s frightening enough and hopefully you will not do what I did, which is stumble across a website that sent someone to the art gallery to get the reverse angle shot. Let’s just say that I have a pretty broad view of what art is and that ain’t it. For one thing, art doesn’t make you bang your head against a desk trying to get an image out of your head.
Switching gears completely, I saw the Neville Brothers in concert over the weekend. Now I’m pretty sure that if I figured out which band I’ve seen the most often the Neville Brothers would win with eight shows (though The Iguanas, the Waco Brothers and Robbie Fulks are probably in that same range). So, let’s say that I am accustomed to their shows and heck, I think I wrote about the last time I saw them in one of my first blog postings ever. Well, this show was very strange as it was once again in the casino and everyone was seated very nicely in rows of chairs. This is a serious issue since you really shouldn’t be sitting down for a Neville Brothers show. The entire point is that this is music that gets you moving and grooving and feeling alive, it’s not something you sit down and critique like an orchestra performance. This left me one of a dozen people who were standing next to the bar just so I could feel good for standing.
Also, I was easily the youngest person at this show. I talked to a buddy of mine from New Orleans afterwards and he said, “It was like being on a cruise ship, wasn’t it.” Just a lot of people with that middle age gut and really, really bad hair sitting in a crowd and watching a show and not really doing anything. It was just the opposite of all the other times I’ve seen the band and it wasn’t their fault, though I was getting the feeling that they were kind of pissed that they had no energy to feed off of. On one hand I’m happy because it was probably five times the crowd that saw them the last time they played in town but it just wasn’t the show that I was hoping for. I wanted to be reminded that I’m alive and instead was shown that at least I’m not that old yet.
Of course, not as frightening as that Brittney Spears giving birth statue. If you’ve been paying close attention, you’ve noticed that they’ve only shown one picture of the statue in which you see her head on as she is on all fours on a bearskin rug. That’s frightening enough and hopefully you will not do what I did, which is stumble across a website that sent someone to the art gallery to get the reverse angle shot. Let’s just say that I have a pretty broad view of what art is and that ain’t it. For one thing, art doesn’t make you bang your head against a desk trying to get an image out of your head.
Switching gears completely, I saw the Neville Brothers in concert over the weekend. Now I’m pretty sure that if I figured out which band I’ve seen the most often the Neville Brothers would win with eight shows (though The Iguanas, the Waco Brothers and Robbie Fulks are probably in that same range). So, let’s say that I am accustomed to their shows and heck, I think I wrote about the last time I saw them in one of my first blog postings ever. Well, this show was very strange as it was once again in the casino and everyone was seated very nicely in rows of chairs. This is a serious issue since you really shouldn’t be sitting down for a Neville Brothers show. The entire point is that this is music that gets you moving and grooving and feeling alive, it’s not something you sit down and critique like an orchestra performance. This left me one of a dozen people who were standing next to the bar just so I could feel good for standing.
Also, I was easily the youngest person at this show. I talked to a buddy of mine from New Orleans afterwards and he said, “It was like being on a cruise ship, wasn’t it.” Just a lot of people with that middle age gut and really, really bad hair sitting in a crowd and watching a show and not really doing anything. It was just the opposite of all the other times I’ve seen the band and it wasn’t their fault, though I was getting the feeling that they were kind of pissed that they had no energy to feed off of. On one hand I’m happy because it was probably five times the crowd that saw them the last time they played in town but it just wasn’t the show that I was hoping for. I wanted to be reminded that I’m alive and instead was shown that at least I’m not that old yet.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Peter Pan on the plains...
“When I was standing there at the airport, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I could see myself finding an apartment somewhere in Australia. I could see me filling it with a few men’s-style-magazine bachelor-pad staples – the wide-screen TV, the chrome CD racks, and the black leather couch. I could see me playing squash on Monday nights, five-a-side soccer on Wednesday nights, going for the occasional drink and a meal out with whoever would come with me on the nights that remain, and I could see that would be the sum total of my life.” Mike Gayle “Turning Thirty”
I’ve mentioned it before but I’ll say it again, I’m a big fan of Mike Gayle’s writing. A lot of people have called him Nick Hornby Lite but he does have this unnerving ability to capture the male psyche at that moment of post adolescence that you enter as you approach your thirties. Especially that moment when you look around and realize that everyone you know has seemingly gotten married while you, well, you just assumed that it would happen and were too busy to notice that it didn’t.
That’s why this line in the book (which I’ve put off reading since it makes me ponder subjects like this) has been twisting its way around my brain the past few days. Because I actually have a black leather couch and three separate metal CD racks with a fourth metal DVD rack just added tonight. Yep, and a wide screen TV to boot. And while squash and soccer are not my typical pursuits if you replace those with concerts, poker nights, and the occasional bar trivia contest you have described my life. Which means that despite how much I’ve tried, I still think that I am living in a cliché.
In a weird way, I think the issue really is this post-adolescence fact of looking in the mirror and realizing that you are an adult and needing to start thinking about the long-term. It’s the fact that I’ve changed my diet because I’ve realized I’d better get healthy now while there is still time and the thought of saving for retirement has suddenly gained importance. And with all that there are the biological and societal clocks that start ticking louder and louder as you see that fifteenth high school reunion staring you in the face knowing that the question, “What do you mean you’re not married?” is going to show up at one point or another. From a psychological standpoint, this is what you would expect. The problem is, I don’t know if I want to grow up.
I mean, the extra DVD rack is so I have a place to put my Playstation games, wrestling DVDs and Beavis and Butthead videos. It’s not that I watch them or play them on a daily basis (no more than I read the Shakespeare or Joyce that takes up the top shelf of my bookcase) but they just seem to be this part of my life that I’m not really willing to give up on just yet. Because if I do that I’ll have to be an adult and that just doesn’t sound like fun at all.
So I’m beginning to wonder if I’m stuck in an adolescence I didn’t enjoy when I actually was a teenager. And I’m thinking about what it actually means to be an adult. And incredibly, no matter how many places I’ve visited or how many pieces of paper I’ve acquired that say that I’m smart, I still don’t have an answer to that question.
I’ve mentioned it before but I’ll say it again, I’m a big fan of Mike Gayle’s writing. A lot of people have called him Nick Hornby Lite but he does have this unnerving ability to capture the male psyche at that moment of post adolescence that you enter as you approach your thirties. Especially that moment when you look around and realize that everyone you know has seemingly gotten married while you, well, you just assumed that it would happen and were too busy to notice that it didn’t.
That’s why this line in the book (which I’ve put off reading since it makes me ponder subjects like this) has been twisting its way around my brain the past few days. Because I actually have a black leather couch and three separate metal CD racks with a fourth metal DVD rack just added tonight. Yep, and a wide screen TV to boot. And while squash and soccer are not my typical pursuits if you replace those with concerts, poker nights, and the occasional bar trivia contest you have described my life. Which means that despite how much I’ve tried, I still think that I am living in a cliché.
In a weird way, I think the issue really is this post-adolescence fact of looking in the mirror and realizing that you are an adult and needing to start thinking about the long-term. It’s the fact that I’ve changed my diet because I’ve realized I’d better get healthy now while there is still time and the thought of saving for retirement has suddenly gained importance. And with all that there are the biological and societal clocks that start ticking louder and louder as you see that fifteenth high school reunion staring you in the face knowing that the question, “What do you mean you’re not married?” is going to show up at one point or another. From a psychological standpoint, this is what you would expect. The problem is, I don’t know if I want to grow up.
I mean, the extra DVD rack is so I have a place to put my Playstation games, wrestling DVDs and Beavis and Butthead videos. It’s not that I watch them or play them on a daily basis (no more than I read the Shakespeare or Joyce that takes up the top shelf of my bookcase) but they just seem to be this part of my life that I’m not really willing to give up on just yet. Because if I do that I’ll have to be an adult and that just doesn’t sound like fun at all.
So I’m beginning to wonder if I’m stuck in an adolescence I didn’t enjoy when I actually was a teenager. And I’m thinking about what it actually means to be an adult. And incredibly, no matter how many places I’ve visited or how many pieces of paper I’ve acquired that say that I’m smart, I still don’t have an answer to that question.
Monday, April 10, 2006
EC the Series: This fall on CBS
Now I’ve mentioned that I am a Family Guy fan on numerous occasions on this blog. Hell, their random pop culture references tend to match up quite closely with my own. I even fell to the floor laughing when they broke out “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time”. But last night they aired the most viral song in the history of, well, I can’t really call it music but they did “Ding, fries are done.” Damnit, it’s twenty four hours later and I still have that song in my head. And what’s worse is that every time the song runs through my brain for a split second I think that I’m at the Backer and then I look around and realize that I’m at work. Please, get this song out of my head.
(That said, I know that Super and Erik will be singing it for the rest of the day so have fun with it.)
That wasn’t the only odd flashback event from last night. I was watching Adult Swim and they were promoting their new cartoon “MinorIteam”. See, it’s a team of superheroes all of whom are minorities. Look, it’s not exactly high concept hour on Adult Swim, most of the fans are under some sort of influence. Anyway, one of the heroes is named “Dr. Wang.” Ok, I can take Ice-T reading my blog on the air and calling it “How to be a Playa.” I’ve learned to live with the camera crew documenting my life for use in “How I Met Your Mother” scripts. But, please, Dr. Wang is my creation. Ok, actually it’s Super’s creation but damnit, it is my trivia name and across the nation there are people at this very moment looking at a trivia machine going, “We’re playing this until we beat Dr. Wang.”
Who knows maybe this is the sign that the universe is made solely for my own enjoyment. Like various aspects are conformed based on my very whims. Of course, that would explain the quality of my life other than I do have a rather dark sense of humor. Still, I should have trademarked Dr. Wang while I still had the chance.
And on “How I Met Your Mother”, the new episode went pretty much to plan but not in the way that I anticipated it. First, it would be nice if, I don’t know, they showed new episodes back to back instead of waiting a month. But, the show has been renewed, which means that we will get a second season and almost certainly a DVD collection out of this. Anyway, last time I, I mean Ted, was called by Robin at two in the morning and she asked if he wanted to come over. This while Ted was waiting for a phone call from her girlfriend in Germany. I of course gave the advice of “Go now.”
Ted’s recurring theme throughout was “Nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.” I’d like to put that to a vote. I’ve had several good things happen after 2 AM, though they also tended to turn into bad things about 48 hours later.
He goes and is a bit torn with guilt realizing that Robin, the girl of his dreams, has feelings for him but he technically has a girlfriend. The guilt is represented by Victoria, who is actually in every other scene as his subconscious, which differs from my script since in mine she actually flies over from Germany to see him. Still, in a bit of a surprise (less if you know me) Ted simultaneously screws up both relationships. I say it is a surprise since I was thinking that they were going for a good sitcom happy couple and after months of Ted being in love and now seconds away from his dream girl we are now back to morose, bummed Ted. Wow, they are filming my life.
This was an odd episode since it wasn’t really a sitcom episode. I wasn’t laughing every thirty seconds but I wasn’t going to switch channels. The best thing about the show is that it has moments of perfect realism. When Ted calls Marshall and goes “I need a ruling” that is true to life. Guys don’t ask for advice by saying “I have a question” we go, “What’s the standard operating procedure for this situation.” Of course, none of us know but we feel that if we speak in enough technical jargon it has to be true. And I’ll be honest, I have no idea where this show is going next.
(That said, I know that Super and Erik will be singing it for the rest of the day so have fun with it.)
That wasn’t the only odd flashback event from last night. I was watching Adult Swim and they were promoting their new cartoon “MinorIteam”. See, it’s a team of superheroes all of whom are minorities. Look, it’s not exactly high concept hour on Adult Swim, most of the fans are under some sort of influence. Anyway, one of the heroes is named “Dr. Wang.” Ok, I can take Ice-T reading my blog on the air and calling it “How to be a Playa.” I’ve learned to live with the camera crew documenting my life for use in “How I Met Your Mother” scripts. But, please, Dr. Wang is my creation. Ok, actually it’s Super’s creation but damnit, it is my trivia name and across the nation there are people at this very moment looking at a trivia machine going, “We’re playing this until we beat Dr. Wang.”
Who knows maybe this is the sign that the universe is made solely for my own enjoyment. Like various aspects are conformed based on my very whims. Of course, that would explain the quality of my life other than I do have a rather dark sense of humor. Still, I should have trademarked Dr. Wang while I still had the chance.
And on “How I Met Your Mother”, the new episode went pretty much to plan but not in the way that I anticipated it. First, it would be nice if, I don’t know, they showed new episodes back to back instead of waiting a month. But, the show has been renewed, which means that we will get a second season and almost certainly a DVD collection out of this. Anyway, last time I, I mean Ted, was called by Robin at two in the morning and she asked if he wanted to come over. This while Ted was waiting for a phone call from her girlfriend in Germany. I of course gave the advice of “Go now.”
Ted’s recurring theme throughout was “Nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.” I’d like to put that to a vote. I’ve had several good things happen after 2 AM, though they also tended to turn into bad things about 48 hours later.
He goes and is a bit torn with guilt realizing that Robin, the girl of his dreams, has feelings for him but he technically has a girlfriend. The guilt is represented by Victoria, who is actually in every other scene as his subconscious, which differs from my script since in mine she actually flies over from Germany to see him. Still, in a bit of a surprise (less if you know me) Ted simultaneously screws up both relationships. I say it is a surprise since I was thinking that they were going for a good sitcom happy couple and after months of Ted being in love and now seconds away from his dream girl we are now back to morose, bummed Ted. Wow, they are filming my life.
This was an odd episode since it wasn’t really a sitcom episode. I wasn’t laughing every thirty seconds but I wasn’t going to switch channels. The best thing about the show is that it has moments of perfect realism. When Ted calls Marshall and goes “I need a ruling” that is true to life. Guys don’t ask for advice by saying “I have a question” we go, “What’s the standard operating procedure for this situation.” Of course, none of us know but we feel that if we speak in enough technical jargon it has to be true. And I’ll be honest, I have no idea where this show is going next.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I want my VH-1
You know, this is less of a blog and more of a high concept version of People Magazine. I mean, it’s like People for guys who spent way too much time watching cartoons in the eighties. Oh well, there is more than enough celebrity news and other related items to keep me writing tonight.
1) Last week it was reported that Heather Locklear was seen making out with David Spade. For those of you keeping score at home, that would mark the opening of the fifth seal as mentioned in the Book of Revelation. If Paris Hilton actually does portray Mother Theresa in a film that would be the sixth. People have wondered for millennia what the sign of the end times would be. Imagine how disappointed they must be knowing that it was Heather Locklear hooking up with David Spade.
2) I mean, for crying out loud, it’s David Spade we are talking about here. The guy looks even dorkier than me and yeah, Heather Locklear is decades past her prime but she is still out of his league. Seriously, are Hollywood couples decided by a giant game of Twister?
3) VH-1 show note #1: Saw what has to be the coolest show ever on VH-1 on Saturday night. It’s the Ice-T Cool S*** Show. Yes, Ice-T, one of the coolest guys on the planet, shows you how to be a playa by informing you on all the cool s*** you need to know about. In the first episode this included the best scenes from the film Shaft, Lucha Libre (pro wrestling from Mexico for those of you less informed), anime, Battlestar Galactica, and an in depth analysis of Debbie Does Dallas. After watching this for half an hour I realized something, Ice-T and I have the exact same tastes. Except that when Ice-T talks about Battlestar Galactica he sounds like the hippest cat on the planet and when I talk about Cylons I just come off like a sci-fi geek. But I get to now write something that I never thought was possible, you know, when you really get down to it, Ice-T and EC are really a lot alike.
4) Yeah, I know that last sentence is wrong in so many ways. I really do think that Ice-T could be filmed doing anything and you would go, “Wow, that guy is smooth.” They could film him at McDonald’s going, “Yeah, I’ll have a five piece Chicken McNuggets, super sized with one of those Shamrock Shakes” and for months that would be all that people would order because if he’s doing it, it must be awesome.
5) VH-1 show note #2: In VH-1’s continued bid to be more of a reality television show than a music network, they’ve also started a show called Can’t Get a Date in which a camera crew follows around a hapless fellow who has no clue on how to talk to women. First thing is the narrator who interacts with the hapless fellow is offscreen, which is just freaky since it’s like this dude is just talking to the camera and looking more and more insane every second. Next, they find the most bizarre people for this. I mean, the guy had a Green Goblin tattoo on his arm and basically states that his goal in life is to become a cartoon supervillian. Yeah, that is why you can’t get a date. And finally, this explains all of the casting calls that I’ve been getting recently.
6) VH-1 show note #3: Love Monkey is coming back to VH-1. Or more like, they had to film a bunch of episodes so that even though CBS killed the show they might as well show it on some network. It’s not a good show, not in the least, but it is about a music rep and I get to imagine what my life is like in an alternate universe by watching the show. Even though it frightens me that in an alternate universe I might be friends with Jason Priestly.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Steve Earle “Transcendental Blues”
2) The Get Up Kids “Guilt Show”
3) Buick MacKane “The Pawn Shop Years”
4) “Blink” Movie Picture Soundtrack
5) Peabody “Heroine”
1) Last week it was reported that Heather Locklear was seen making out with David Spade. For those of you keeping score at home, that would mark the opening of the fifth seal as mentioned in the Book of Revelation. If Paris Hilton actually does portray Mother Theresa in a film that would be the sixth. People have wondered for millennia what the sign of the end times would be. Imagine how disappointed they must be knowing that it was Heather Locklear hooking up with David Spade.
2) I mean, for crying out loud, it’s David Spade we are talking about here. The guy looks even dorkier than me and yeah, Heather Locklear is decades past her prime but she is still out of his league. Seriously, are Hollywood couples decided by a giant game of Twister?
3) VH-1 show note #1: Saw what has to be the coolest show ever on VH-1 on Saturday night. It’s the Ice-T Cool S*** Show. Yes, Ice-T, one of the coolest guys on the planet, shows you how to be a playa by informing you on all the cool s*** you need to know about. In the first episode this included the best scenes from the film Shaft, Lucha Libre (pro wrestling from Mexico for those of you less informed), anime, Battlestar Galactica, and an in depth analysis of Debbie Does Dallas. After watching this for half an hour I realized something, Ice-T and I have the exact same tastes. Except that when Ice-T talks about Battlestar Galactica he sounds like the hippest cat on the planet and when I talk about Cylons I just come off like a sci-fi geek. But I get to now write something that I never thought was possible, you know, when you really get down to it, Ice-T and EC are really a lot alike.
4) Yeah, I know that last sentence is wrong in so many ways. I really do think that Ice-T could be filmed doing anything and you would go, “Wow, that guy is smooth.” They could film him at McDonald’s going, “Yeah, I’ll have a five piece Chicken McNuggets, super sized with one of those Shamrock Shakes” and for months that would be all that people would order because if he’s doing it, it must be awesome.
5) VH-1 show note #2: In VH-1’s continued bid to be more of a reality television show than a music network, they’ve also started a show called Can’t Get a Date in which a camera crew follows around a hapless fellow who has no clue on how to talk to women. First thing is the narrator who interacts with the hapless fellow is offscreen, which is just freaky since it’s like this dude is just talking to the camera and looking more and more insane every second. Next, they find the most bizarre people for this. I mean, the guy had a Green Goblin tattoo on his arm and basically states that his goal in life is to become a cartoon supervillian. Yeah, that is why you can’t get a date. And finally, this explains all of the casting calls that I’ve been getting recently.
6) VH-1 show note #3: Love Monkey is coming back to VH-1. Or more like, they had to film a bunch of episodes so that even though CBS killed the show they might as well show it on some network. It’s not a good show, not in the least, but it is about a music rep and I get to imagine what my life is like in an alternate universe by watching the show. Even though it frightens me that in an alternate universe I might be friends with Jason Priestly.
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Steve Earle “Transcendental Blues”
2) The Get Up Kids “Guilt Show”
3) Buick MacKane “The Pawn Shop Years”
4) “Blink” Movie Picture Soundtrack
5) Peabody “Heroine”
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Songbook: Volume Three
(One of a continuing series…)
Songbook: Dave Matthews Band “The Best of What’s Around”
I have this strange love/hate relationship with the Dave Matthews Band. I can still remember hearing What Would You Say the first time in ’94 and going, “Wow, this is a really good Blues Traveler song.” Then I realized that it wasn’t Blues Traveler but this band that I had never heard of and running to a record store to pick up the disc. (Yes, you used to go to a store and there were things called records.) The disc was unlike anything that I had heard before.
So I became one of the advocates for the band. I told everyone in school to listen to them, wore the t-shirt around campus, all before Dave Matthews became Dave Matthews. It was like being part of a secret society. Now I had called some musical trends early in the past. I told people that the Spin Doctors were going to be huge because their disc had three killer songs on them. Nine months later during which those songs were played every fifteen minutes I also called the fact that the entire nation was going to wake up and go, “Why the hell are we listening to the Spin Doctors?” All of this is my way of saying that I knew Dave Matthews was going to be big before he became a household name.
The thing is, once he became a household name I began to like him less and less. Sure the music was still great and the band was innovative but I couldn’t like a band with a football stadium of people also liking the band. It was one of those moments where you realize that the guys who picked on you in high school are now claiming your favorite band as their favorite band and that simply isn’t fair. So, you do what I do and become a music snob and call Dave Matthews “music suburban people listen to so that they can call themselves eclectic” and then spend the next several years following bands that I personally own 0.5% of all the CDs that they’ve ever sold.
But darn it, the songs are still good and I’ll always like The Best of What’s Around. How can you not like a song that starts off “Well my friend it seems your eyes are troubled.” This is the song that made me go, “These guys are special.” It’s a simple song and an upbeat song with the main theme being life is much better than you’re giving it credit for. And no matter how many times over the past decade that I’ve listened to this song, no matter how much crap I give the band, I hear this song and I have to take a step back and think for a minute.
Because basically everything that I have been writing about for months is addressed in this song and I’ve spent a lot of cycles trying to figure something out when the answer has been sitting in my CD case the entire time. There aren’t many songs that will make you do that but this is one of them. It isn’t a hit but it is a song that matters and trust me, that means something in this world.
Have a good weekend everyone.
Songbook: Dave Matthews Band “The Best of What’s Around”
I have this strange love/hate relationship with the Dave Matthews Band. I can still remember hearing What Would You Say the first time in ’94 and going, “Wow, this is a really good Blues Traveler song.” Then I realized that it wasn’t Blues Traveler but this band that I had never heard of and running to a record store to pick up the disc. (Yes, you used to go to a store and there were things called records.) The disc was unlike anything that I had heard before.
So I became one of the advocates for the band. I told everyone in school to listen to them, wore the t-shirt around campus, all before Dave Matthews became Dave Matthews. It was like being part of a secret society. Now I had called some musical trends early in the past. I told people that the Spin Doctors were going to be huge because their disc had three killer songs on them. Nine months later during which those songs were played every fifteen minutes I also called the fact that the entire nation was going to wake up and go, “Why the hell are we listening to the Spin Doctors?” All of this is my way of saying that I knew Dave Matthews was going to be big before he became a household name.
The thing is, once he became a household name I began to like him less and less. Sure the music was still great and the band was innovative but I couldn’t like a band with a football stadium of people also liking the band. It was one of those moments where you realize that the guys who picked on you in high school are now claiming your favorite band as their favorite band and that simply isn’t fair. So, you do what I do and become a music snob and call Dave Matthews “music suburban people listen to so that they can call themselves eclectic” and then spend the next several years following bands that I personally own 0.5% of all the CDs that they’ve ever sold.
But darn it, the songs are still good and I’ll always like The Best of What’s Around. How can you not like a song that starts off “Well my friend it seems your eyes are troubled.” This is the song that made me go, “These guys are special.” It’s a simple song and an upbeat song with the main theme being life is much better than you’re giving it credit for. And no matter how many times over the past decade that I’ve listened to this song, no matter how much crap I give the band, I hear this song and I have to take a step back and think for a minute.
Because basically everything that I have been writing about for months is addressed in this song and I’ve spent a lot of cycles trying to figure something out when the answer has been sitting in my CD case the entire time. There aren’t many songs that will make you do that but this is one of them. It isn’t a hit but it is a song that matters and trust me, that means something in this world.
Have a good weekend everyone.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
The only Hall of Fame that matters...
Some nights have themes. Some nights have essays that I’ve been mulling over for weeks. Tonight, it’s literally whatever I can come up with in the next fifteen minutes. (I’ve learned two things from keeping this blog for sixteen months. The first is that comedy is difficult. The second is that I have no idea how the guys who write daily newspaper columns pull it off.)
1) So, the guy from Napoleon Dynamite (the one who isn’t Pedro) is starring in a film with Rob Schneider and David Spade. This leaves me with two questions. The first is, how long until Napoleon fires his agent? I mean, you’re riding this massive cult hit and you follow it up by starring in a Spade and Schneider film? Plus, who the hell is giving Rob Schneider work? This is the star of two Deuce Bigalow films that we are talking about here. There is no way that he can be so much of a box office draw that he deserves this career. He must have done a Robert Johnson and gone down to the crossroads and sold his soul to the devil except that instead of becoming the greatest guitar player of all time he just ended up starring in bad comedies.
2) Over the weekend I finally caught The Flaming Lips’ set on Austin City Limits in which they cover Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” with Cat Power. Somehow I don’t get the feeling that when Ozzy wrote the song that he envisioned it being performed by a band surrounded by people wearing pink panda suits. Actually, now that I think about it I bet Ozzy was imagining it being performed by dancing pandas.
3) Upcoming concert note: Bryan Adams is coming to Kansas City. Yes, the damn Summer of ’69 guy is playing at a casino in town and boy, is it tempting for me to get a ticket just to heckle. I’m thinking of going and yelling, “Play New York, New York damnit” and “Dude, you were so much better in Whiskeytown.” It’s a musical reference that only maybe one other person in the crowd would get but I’d laugh and that is all that matters.
4) I know that a number of you are wondering why I have not commented on the biggest sporting event of the past weekend, which even took place in my hometown. Yes, I am as stunned as you are that I didn’t make it back to Chicago for Wrestlemania XXII. (There’s been twenty two of them. I still remember the first one with Hulk Hogan and Mr. T taking on Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. With Jimmy Snuka and “Ace” Cowboy Bob Orton seconding the respective teams. With guest ring announcer Billy Martin seconding the guest timekeeper Liberace. Yes, it really is no wonder why my social life is lacking.)
5) Ok, but what were my feelings on Wrestlemania. Based on the results, it looks like the card was better than I anticipated (I didn’t buy the pay per view since I had a big inkling that it would suck.) Mick Foley was slammed through a table that was covered with thumbtacks and set on fire, which is so awesome. Rob Van Dam won a ladder match to get a title shot in the future. (RVD is one of my favorites just for his catchphrase of that he’s not the showstopper, he’s the whole f’n show) The biggest event was the Hall of Fame ceremony. There is a wrestling hall of fame and it is becoming a bigger deal to be inducted. Bret Hart finally made his way back on television to accept the honor, even though he hates the WWE and blames them for the death of his brother Owen, which occurred just a few miles from where I am right now. This chapter of the Bret Hart saga is still really interesting. Despite the fact that he despises the company, he worked with them to put together a greatest hits DVD collection and to make one final speech all in order to protect his legacy. After everything that happened, all he wanted was to be sure that people remembered him as one of the best and nothing more. No appearance at the show, no interfering in a match, no being named commissioner, just a chance to say thanks and goodbye to his fans. For someone who has spent much too much time watching wrestling over the years, it was a rather touching moment.
1) So, the guy from Napoleon Dynamite (the one who isn’t Pedro) is starring in a film with Rob Schneider and David Spade. This leaves me with two questions. The first is, how long until Napoleon fires his agent? I mean, you’re riding this massive cult hit and you follow it up by starring in a Spade and Schneider film? Plus, who the hell is giving Rob Schneider work? This is the star of two Deuce Bigalow films that we are talking about here. There is no way that he can be so much of a box office draw that he deserves this career. He must have done a Robert Johnson and gone down to the crossroads and sold his soul to the devil except that instead of becoming the greatest guitar player of all time he just ended up starring in bad comedies.
2) Over the weekend I finally caught The Flaming Lips’ set on Austin City Limits in which they cover Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” with Cat Power. Somehow I don’t get the feeling that when Ozzy wrote the song that he envisioned it being performed by a band surrounded by people wearing pink panda suits. Actually, now that I think about it I bet Ozzy was imagining it being performed by dancing pandas.
3) Upcoming concert note: Bryan Adams is coming to Kansas City. Yes, the damn Summer of ’69 guy is playing at a casino in town and boy, is it tempting for me to get a ticket just to heckle. I’m thinking of going and yelling, “Play New York, New York damnit” and “Dude, you were so much better in Whiskeytown.” It’s a musical reference that only maybe one other person in the crowd would get but I’d laugh and that is all that matters.
4) I know that a number of you are wondering why I have not commented on the biggest sporting event of the past weekend, which even took place in my hometown. Yes, I am as stunned as you are that I didn’t make it back to Chicago for Wrestlemania XXII. (There’s been twenty two of them. I still remember the first one with Hulk Hogan and Mr. T taking on Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. With Jimmy Snuka and “Ace” Cowboy Bob Orton seconding the respective teams. With guest ring announcer Billy Martin seconding the guest timekeeper Liberace. Yes, it really is no wonder why my social life is lacking.)
5) Ok, but what were my feelings on Wrestlemania. Based on the results, it looks like the card was better than I anticipated (I didn’t buy the pay per view since I had a big inkling that it would suck.) Mick Foley was slammed through a table that was covered with thumbtacks and set on fire, which is so awesome. Rob Van Dam won a ladder match to get a title shot in the future. (RVD is one of my favorites just for his catchphrase of that he’s not the showstopper, he’s the whole f’n show) The biggest event was the Hall of Fame ceremony. There is a wrestling hall of fame and it is becoming a bigger deal to be inducted. Bret Hart finally made his way back on television to accept the honor, even though he hates the WWE and blames them for the death of his brother Owen, which occurred just a few miles from where I am right now. This chapter of the Bret Hart saga is still really interesting. Despite the fact that he despises the company, he worked with them to put together a greatest hits DVD collection and to make one final speech all in order to protect his legacy. After everything that happened, all he wanted was to be sure that people remembered him as one of the best and nothing more. No appearance at the show, no interfering in a match, no being named commissioner, just a chance to say thanks and goodbye to his fans. For someone who has spent much too much time watching wrestling over the years, it was a rather touching moment.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Sometimes you just can't win...
Your Lindsay Lohan note of the night: So, Lindsay received an award at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. Just take that as a given, I don’t know what it was for, maybe her performance in Herbie: Fully Loaded was spellbinding. Anyway, while she was leaving the stage she, how can I put this politely, well she gave a very cheeky exit if you get my drift. I do want to know what her thought process was, “Nickelodeon is giving me an award, I should wear the shortest skirt possible.” And how do we make the connection between Nickelodeon and Lindsay Lohan? All I got growing up was You Can’t Do That on Television and I’m telling you, no one was mistaking a young Alanis Morrisette with Lindsay.
Today was the day where I just couldn’t win. Or more like what I support just can’t win. Duke lost another national championship game with this time the women’s team losing in overtime to Maryland. They were up thirteen at one point in the second half but Maryland just kept coming back and coming back and I’m kind of getting sick of watching the team lose.
Of course, that isn’t even the big Duke news from the past few weeks, which has been the investigation into the lacrosse team. It’s an ugly story and I really hope that the right people are punished but it is making me rethink my support of Duke. This story really shows that one of the reasons that I support the school is completely false. I’ve always said that one of the reasons that I cheer is that Duke does college sports right. They are students and good kids who play hard. But on the lacrosse team one third of the team had been charged or plea bargained to criminal offenses. I’ve never heard of a team with that high of a percentage, if Miami football had that type of numbers they would shut down the program. It really is a bad situation all around.
Back to the losses, it looks like my picking the loser in the election has continued. Based on the last result that I saw my taxes will be going up in order to improve the stadiums. But, it also looks like the rolling roof will be shot down so it isn’t a total loss. It is interesting that people will vote to fix the stadiums and keep the teams but adding an ugly rolling roof to get the Super Bowl and maybe a Final Four is out of the question. Like I said before, the stadiums need to be improved but this was just a bad plan financially and the threat of the teams leaving was just that, a threat. If they do it well, you’ll get a Soldier Field type renovation in which the new stadium is awesome from a fan’s perspective. If they do it poorly, you’ll get a Soldier Field type renovation in which it looks like a spaceship landed inside the stadium.
Oh, and the Sox lost as well. But, I’ve ordered the World Series DVD so now I’ll get to watch all of those games over and over again. Because I know that it might be a very long time before I see a championship again.
Today was the day where I just couldn’t win. Or more like what I support just can’t win. Duke lost another national championship game with this time the women’s team losing in overtime to Maryland. They were up thirteen at one point in the second half but Maryland just kept coming back and coming back and I’m kind of getting sick of watching the team lose.
Of course, that isn’t even the big Duke news from the past few weeks, which has been the investigation into the lacrosse team. It’s an ugly story and I really hope that the right people are punished but it is making me rethink my support of Duke. This story really shows that one of the reasons that I support the school is completely false. I’ve always said that one of the reasons that I cheer is that Duke does college sports right. They are students and good kids who play hard. But on the lacrosse team one third of the team had been charged or plea bargained to criminal offenses. I’ve never heard of a team with that high of a percentage, if Miami football had that type of numbers they would shut down the program. It really is a bad situation all around.
Back to the losses, it looks like my picking the loser in the election has continued. Based on the last result that I saw my taxes will be going up in order to improve the stadiums. But, it also looks like the rolling roof will be shot down so it isn’t a total loss. It is interesting that people will vote to fix the stadiums and keep the teams but adding an ugly rolling roof to get the Super Bowl and maybe a Final Four is out of the question. Like I said before, the stadiums need to be improved but this was just a bad plan financially and the threat of the teams leaving was just that, a threat. If they do it well, you’ll get a Soldier Field type renovation in which the new stadium is awesome from a fan’s perspective. If they do it poorly, you’ll get a Soldier Field type renovation in which it looks like a spaceship landed inside the stadium.
Oh, and the Sox lost as well. But, I’ve ordered the World Series DVD so now I’ll get to watch all of those games over and over again. Because I know that it might be a very long time before I see a championship again.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Gators win a title
Note: Yes, I have been negative recently even though I promised that I was giving up negativity for a while. Sorry, slipped up for a little bit there. Guess I am human after all. Ok, technically I’m a cyborg, working to pave the way for the robots to take over and rule using only If Then statements but that is a story for another day.
Well, it looks like Florida has this game pretty well in hand, which means that that fat piece of bleep Billy Donovan will end up winning a title. Now, a lot of people wonder what I have against Florida’s coach. There are a couple of things that I don’t like about him. The first is that he played and learned from Rick Pitino and I don’t like Pitino (it’s a Duke-Kentucky thing). Then, there is the fact that Donovan is pretty sleazy as a recruiter and he tries to act like he’s perfect when there are a lot of fishy things that go on with that program. But the biggest thing is from the 2000 tournament, where the Florida team mugged its way to the title game by just beating the crap out of Illinois and Duke. I mean, they just cheapshotted their way through the tournament and almost won it by having Teddy Dupuy injure Mateen Cleeves of Michigan State. So, Donovan is a sleazy coach who plays dirty basketball. And he is fat. He was fat when he played for Providence and he’s fat now.
The interesting thing is that I like Florida. I actually accepted a position to their graduate school and then changed my mind. This was back in college and when I graduated in ’95 (yes, that long ago) the job market was still pretty rough. I tried to expand my options by simultaneously applying for a job and trying to get into grad school. Florida accepted me and ComEd was putting off a decision so I finally took the grad school offer. Then a few days later ComEd finally came through with an offer and I decided to work for a living. Yes, I chose to go work in a nuclear plant rather than study in Florida. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, many people have called me smart but no one has ever described me as intelligent.
(That said, it was grad school for electrical engineering and, well, somehow I have a feeling that it would have been about as much fun as it sounds. Just hour after hour of looking at circuit diagrams. Remember, I chose that as a career path at one point in my life.)
Completely changing subjects here. For those of you out there who are big music fans there is a magazine that you really need to pick up. Paste is probably the coolest, mainstreamish magazine out there. What I mean by that is you can pick it up at Borders and it looks cool but has stories on The Flaming Lips, Josh Ritter and Alejandro Escovedo. Plus, it comes with a CD and a DVD filled with new music. Have to give props to this issue’s DVD, which has a Beth Orton video in which it looks like she is on some bizarre, low rent version of The Muppet Show. I mean, it’s cool to know that they actually still make videos. Anyway, if you want to get introduced to a lot of new music, check it out.
Well, it looks like Florida has this game pretty well in hand, which means that that fat piece of bleep Billy Donovan will end up winning a title. Now, a lot of people wonder what I have against Florida’s coach. There are a couple of things that I don’t like about him. The first is that he played and learned from Rick Pitino and I don’t like Pitino (it’s a Duke-Kentucky thing). Then, there is the fact that Donovan is pretty sleazy as a recruiter and he tries to act like he’s perfect when there are a lot of fishy things that go on with that program. But the biggest thing is from the 2000 tournament, where the Florida team mugged its way to the title game by just beating the crap out of Illinois and Duke. I mean, they just cheapshotted their way through the tournament and almost won it by having Teddy Dupuy injure Mateen Cleeves of Michigan State. So, Donovan is a sleazy coach who plays dirty basketball. And he is fat. He was fat when he played for Providence and he’s fat now.
The interesting thing is that I like Florida. I actually accepted a position to their graduate school and then changed my mind. This was back in college and when I graduated in ’95 (yes, that long ago) the job market was still pretty rough. I tried to expand my options by simultaneously applying for a job and trying to get into grad school. Florida accepted me and ComEd was putting off a decision so I finally took the grad school offer. Then a few days later ComEd finally came through with an offer and I decided to work for a living. Yes, I chose to go work in a nuclear plant rather than study in Florida. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, many people have called me smart but no one has ever described me as intelligent.
(That said, it was grad school for electrical engineering and, well, somehow I have a feeling that it would have been about as much fun as it sounds. Just hour after hour of looking at circuit diagrams. Remember, I chose that as a career path at one point in my life.)
Completely changing subjects here. For those of you out there who are big music fans there is a magazine that you really need to pick up. Paste is probably the coolest, mainstreamish magazine out there. What I mean by that is you can pick it up at Borders and it looks cool but has stories on The Flaming Lips, Josh Ritter and Alejandro Escovedo. Plus, it comes with a CD and a DVD filled with new music. Have to give props to this issue’s DVD, which has a Beth Orton video in which it looks like she is on some bizarre, low rent version of The Muppet Show. I mean, it’s cool to know that they actually still make videos. Anyway, if you want to get introduced to a lot of new music, check it out.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
What's the matter with Kansas?
The comment that Erik made Friday is a really timely one since it hits upon a topic that I’ve been meaning to address in an Infrequently Asked Question. It’s something that I always imagine that someone randomly perusing the blog would immediately ask. “What in the world do you have against Kansas?”
I mean, I’ve even stated in my blog mission statement that a quarter of the content will be on making fun of Kansas. The first point people raise is why Kansas and not Missouri. I do live in Missouri so you would think that they would feel more of my wrath but they don’t for one big reason: Kansas just sounds a lot funnier than Missouri. It’s one of those comedy writing rules that certain words are just funnier than others and Kansas just falls into that category. Of course, that is a nice little excuse and completely ignores my actual feelings about this place. Given that I’m nearing three years here I might as well share some of my thoughts and ideas on all of this.
First is the fact that to everyone I know, this truly is the middle of nowhere. Or at least the edge of the known universe. If I said I was moving to Idaho people would think that I’m trying to get away from the world and commune with nature and live a simple life. Living out here just has a lot of my friends asking, “Why are you doing this again?” Or as Renee nicely put it in what seems like a lifetime ago, “We have a couple of problems EC. The first is, you’re moving to freaking Kansas.” There’s no way to put any sort of retro spin or up and coming trendsetting on this, it’s Kansas. It’s never going to be hip.
To Erik’s point, the people out here are very nice, in the sense that they are not openly hostile. I’ve never had anyone flip me off while driving, don’t even know if anyone blared their horn at me without my deserving it. Never had anyone insult me while walking down the street, which happened to me a number of times growing up and probably influenced the way I view the world in more ways than I would like to imagine. On the surface, everyone is very pleasant but the key word there is on the surface. (Ok, key words)
See, if you ask me the first word that comes to mind when I think about this town it is parochial. A lot of people would say that it is very close knit, which is cool if you are on the inside but if you’re someone like me, who moved here three years ago not knowing a single person, close knit means that you are an outsider and that is how you are going to stay. And that’s how I feel a lot of the time, that I’m just a visitor in these parts. Everyone really does seem to know each other, there is the rare person who didn’t go to Mizzou, KU or K-State but they are tough to find, and they have their set of friends and they really don’t need any more. So no one tells me to go to hell but no one tends to say how are you doing either.
The most interesting thing has always been when I tell people that I moved here from Chicago. I always get asked, “What do you think of Kansas City?” and the tone is never “Isn’t this place great?” The undercurrent is always, “Wow, you must think you’re in hell right now.” Honestly, I think that people have actually apologized to me for this town.
The thing is I have met some great people in this town. Real people who understand the big picture and are willing to think about what is important. If it wasn’t for them I would have headed for the hills long ago. But I still wake up to the news stories of parents trying to ban The Catcher in the Rye and I have to ask myself, “What in the world am I doing here?” Are there worse places in the world? Most definitely. Is there something to say about the fact that everyone is nice and civil? Certainly makes life a little calmer. But I don’t think that it makes life real. It’s the view that I should live in my cookie cutter house in a subdivision and go shopping at the strip mall that has the exact same stores as the strip mall a mile away. To me, that is not living. I search for the opposite of that and while it exists out here, it’s pretty tough to find.
So, no, Kansas really isn’t that bad of a place. Nice people, good steakhouses, a slight misconception that the Big 12 is the pinnacle of college sports but all in all, it’s a nice place. But after three years it still doesn’t feel like home to me. And that has to make you wonder about a lot of things…
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Laura Cantrell “The Hello Recordings”
2) Freakwater “Springtime”
3) Lucinda Williams “Essence”
4) Immaculate Machine “Ones and Zeros”
5) Neko Case “Blacklisted”
I mean, I’ve even stated in my blog mission statement that a quarter of the content will be on making fun of Kansas. The first point people raise is why Kansas and not Missouri. I do live in Missouri so you would think that they would feel more of my wrath but they don’t for one big reason: Kansas just sounds a lot funnier than Missouri. It’s one of those comedy writing rules that certain words are just funnier than others and Kansas just falls into that category. Of course, that is a nice little excuse and completely ignores my actual feelings about this place. Given that I’m nearing three years here I might as well share some of my thoughts and ideas on all of this.
First is the fact that to everyone I know, this truly is the middle of nowhere. Or at least the edge of the known universe. If I said I was moving to Idaho people would think that I’m trying to get away from the world and commune with nature and live a simple life. Living out here just has a lot of my friends asking, “Why are you doing this again?” Or as Renee nicely put it in what seems like a lifetime ago, “We have a couple of problems EC. The first is, you’re moving to freaking Kansas.” There’s no way to put any sort of retro spin or up and coming trendsetting on this, it’s Kansas. It’s never going to be hip.
To Erik’s point, the people out here are very nice, in the sense that they are not openly hostile. I’ve never had anyone flip me off while driving, don’t even know if anyone blared their horn at me without my deserving it. Never had anyone insult me while walking down the street, which happened to me a number of times growing up and probably influenced the way I view the world in more ways than I would like to imagine. On the surface, everyone is very pleasant but the key word there is on the surface. (Ok, key words)
See, if you ask me the first word that comes to mind when I think about this town it is parochial. A lot of people would say that it is very close knit, which is cool if you are on the inside but if you’re someone like me, who moved here three years ago not knowing a single person, close knit means that you are an outsider and that is how you are going to stay. And that’s how I feel a lot of the time, that I’m just a visitor in these parts. Everyone really does seem to know each other, there is the rare person who didn’t go to Mizzou, KU or K-State but they are tough to find, and they have their set of friends and they really don’t need any more. So no one tells me to go to hell but no one tends to say how are you doing either.
The most interesting thing has always been when I tell people that I moved here from Chicago. I always get asked, “What do you think of Kansas City?” and the tone is never “Isn’t this place great?” The undercurrent is always, “Wow, you must think you’re in hell right now.” Honestly, I think that people have actually apologized to me for this town.
The thing is I have met some great people in this town. Real people who understand the big picture and are willing to think about what is important. If it wasn’t for them I would have headed for the hills long ago. But I still wake up to the news stories of parents trying to ban The Catcher in the Rye and I have to ask myself, “What in the world am I doing here?” Are there worse places in the world? Most definitely. Is there something to say about the fact that everyone is nice and civil? Certainly makes life a little calmer. But I don’t think that it makes life real. It’s the view that I should live in my cookie cutter house in a subdivision and go shopping at the strip mall that has the exact same stores as the strip mall a mile away. To me, that is not living. I search for the opposite of that and while it exists out here, it’s pretty tough to find.
So, no, Kansas really isn’t that bad of a place. Nice people, good steakhouses, a slight misconception that the Big 12 is the pinnacle of college sports but all in all, it’s a nice place. But after three years it still doesn’t feel like home to me. And that has to make you wonder about a lot of things…
The five random CDs of the week:
1) Laura Cantrell “The Hello Recordings”
2) Freakwater “Springtime”
3) Lucinda Williams “Essence”
4) Immaculate Machine “Ones and Zeros”
5) Neko Case “Blacklisted”
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