Sometimes I really have to struggle to think up what to write about. Today was a lot easier. All I had to do was look at the celebrity news and I hit the story trifecta.
First off, we have Lucy Liu making a humanitarian visit to the earthquake victims in Pakistan. Let’s start off by my being serious and non-cynical and that I am happy for any attention that is brought to tragedy. That fell off the world radar very quickly given the magnitude of the disaster and that part of the world is still in very bad shape. But remember, the story here is not that there are people homeless and suffering through a harsh winter. It is that Lucy Liu has decided to travel over there. In fact, anything that you would read on this would focus more on Lucy Liu than anything else. Which is odd given that she is just on the B List for celebrity status. I mean, she’s the least important Charlie’s Angel. She probably arrived and the Red Cross workers looked at each other and went, “What, Drew Barrymore is too busy this week? I knew that we couldn’t get Cameron Diaz but come on now.”
The next story involves one of those sentences that I never would have anticipated writing in my life, “Lindsey Lohan requires stitches after a teacup accident at Bryan Adams’ house.” Every word in that sentence is true. Trust me, I’m not lying. Let’s go through this bit by bit. Apparently Lindsey was preparing tea in London and slipped, dropping a teacup that shattered and a shard cut deeply into her leg. This is somewhat plausible. I’d think that it would take a little bit of work to occur but let’s just assume that she is rather klutzy. It’s the fact that this happened at Bryan Adams’ house in London that bothers me. Because now I have to believe that Bryan Adams, the guy whose claim to fame is that he wrote “Summer of ‘69”, knows Lindsey Lohan well enough to invite her over to his place. There is no way in the world that is possible. I mean, Bryan Adams hasn’t been relevant since, well, the actual conception of Lindsey Lohan (to be honest, those two events may very well be related). If he could know her there really is no reason why I’m not hanging out with starlets right now.
The last story is that they have issued a warrant for Natasha Lyonne’s arrest, again. For those of you who don’t remember, Natasha was the other girl in American Pie. The one who isn’t Shannon Elizabeth (last seen playing poker), Alyson Hannigan (who rocks), Mena Suvari (where did she disappear to?), or Tara Reid (man, I miss Taradise). She also had a great role in Slums of Beverly Hills (really under appreciated flick) and did a decent job in But I’m a Cheerleader (which I watched only because Julie Delpy is in it for, like, a minute). Anyway, Natasha is one of those examples of someone with a ton of talent who just ruins their life with drugs. Serious, serious problems. In that if you held an American Pie reunion Tara Reid would not be the most screwed up person there, which might be the only time Tara could look around and think that. Just shows what can happen when you let other things take control of your life.
(Oh, one of the things on the arrest warrant is that she “Threatened to sexually molest her neighbor’s dog.” I consider it my goal in life to learn everything that I possibly can but you know, I think that I’ll just let this one be.)
Last thing since I’m going to try to do a Songbook posting tomorrow night. Barring a last minute invite to a Super Bowl party, get ready for the return of the Super Blog on Sunday night. Yes, my running game commentary starting with the pregame show and ending whenever I get sick of writing about commercials. At least this year I know who to cheer for. We have the Steelers featuring Domer and long time veteran of my fantasy team Jerome Bettis versus the Seahawks and Matt Hasselbeck. Hasselbeck who a) went to Boston College and b) screwed over my fantasy team with his inconsistent play so much last year that I still pledge that if I ever ran into him on the street I would punch him in the groin repeatedly just so he could know how I felt all of last year. So, go Steelers.
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