Morning difficulties

(Pittsburgh. Ohio. Same difference. I just remembered that he was from one of those Rust Belt states. I’ll still stand by my claim that Timmy is one of the most successful members of the Real World / Road Rules cast. He’s hosted a good number of television shows over the years, including a great college sports one. He still ranks behind Jacinda and Judd from the Real World but otherwise, he’s the only one who has gotten an actual career out of a few weeks on MTV.)

I’m a fan of science almost all of the time, except for when I read stories like I did today. On the advice of my doctor, I gave up caffeine five years ago. That happens when you hear words like “heart” and “explode” in the same sentence. As a result of going cold turkey I had to give up the pot of coffee I used to drink every morning. Well, not entirely as I just switched over to decaf. That was fine and for the most part no one noticed that I had switched (other than the fact that I could now put my hands on the table and keep them still).

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Checking CNN I saw a news story about how decaf coffee is bad for you. It seems that it increases the level of cholesterol in your blood stream and contributes to heart disease. But the doctor said, “It’s nothing to worry about unless you are having like six cups of decaf a day.” To which I replied, “Oh crap.” Yes, the step that I had taken for my heart’s benefit has in turn increased my cholesterol level.

So for the past few weeks I have been trying to greatly reduce my coffee intake. I’m just trying to get to one cup of decaf a day while simultaneously drinking a lot more water. That would be good for me right, no coffee and a lot of water, right? Wrong. According to the latest scientific study, coffee drinking helps to reduce liver problems caused by alcohol and obesity. Great, now I can either a) drink coffee and hope that my heart doesn’t give out or b) not drink coffee and accept the consequences. What a choice.

(Sure, I could give up coffee, cut back on the drinking and lose some weight but let’s be honest, at the end of the day I would like to have a life that is actually worth living.)

On the whole, it hasn’t been a good day for science out here in the Great Plains. There is a fun story out of Lawrence that has hit the wires that you may have read. Now as you all know, the state of Kansas (latest tourism slogan: Celebrating a decade of plumbing) recently decided to teach Intelligent Design in schools. A professor at KU then decided that he would teach a class basically devoted to making fun of Intelligent Design, I want to say to the point that he was going to call it mythology. It was pretty anti-religion, even for my tastes. (Like I’ve said before, Intelligent Design isn’t bad science, it’s plain wrong. It’s insulting to God to promote a theory that is so bad.) Anyway, he was driving through Lawrence a few days ago and found himself being tailgated by two guys in a truck. He pulled over to let them pass and they stopped their truck and (allegedly) beat him up while mentioning the class. For those of you who wonder why I always seem to be at wit’s end it’s because when I wake up and turn on the news this is what I hear. And then, in that haze that you get in those first few moments of being awake, I realize “This is where I live.” How I get out of bed some mornings I truly do not know.