Let it snow

Well, we are having our first snowfall of the year out here on the Great Plains, where the buffalo roam and I end up sounding more and more like I’m writing for A Prairie Home Companion every time I start a blog entry. As sick as this might be, I really enjoy this weather. It’s not winter unless you have a lot of snow on the ground and it’s so cold out that when you get inside you keep your coat on for fifteen minutes because you’re afraid to take it off. Those are the things that make you feel alive. Plus, the world just looks better with a blanket of snow on it. Everything is a little purer, a little more serene.

Everything other than traffic, of course. We are picking up about six inches of snow today and tonight, which meant that the drive home was a killer. Actually, other than two spots my drive was actually pretty easy. I do need to state for those in the area who somehow forget every year that it does so to please follow the next few steps in order to make everyone’s life easier. 1) Wipe the snow off of your car before you leave. A snow scraper costs three dollars and come in a number of festive colors. Buy one. Use it. Incredibly, it allows you to see through your windows. 2) Wipe the snow off of the roof of your car. Ever wonder where that snow goes when you drive? It hits the windshield of the guy behind you. No one in this town apparently knows that whereas in Chicago we will pull over and beat you over the head with our snow scraper for not doing it. 3) Use a lower gear. There is a reason why automatic transmissions have those gears labeled 1, 2 and 3. Please use them, it really helps to keep you from spinning your wheels. Do these things, take a little more time and driving through snow really isn’t that bad. I’ve been doing this for half a lifetime now, trust me, I know.

(I will say this, and it counters last night’s post, you do learn interest things from snowstorms. Like the fact that there is a school named after Vachel Lindsay in the area. Maybe there is some hope after all.)

One other local story that I want to bring up. There are rumors going around that the Mets are looking at trading Kris Benson to the Royals. I am all for this trade if only because it will mean that we get Anna Benson along for the ride. Yes, Anna, who publicly stated that she would sleep with the entire Mets organization (including ballboys and Mr. Met) if her husband cheated on her. Who appears on Howard Stern all the time. Who has appeared in certain magazines dedicated to fine automobiles, high end cartoons, and, uh, detailed analysis of the human anatomy. You think I spend a lot of time making fun of this area? Imagine if Anna Benson was here. She’s a spoiled, upper class privilege brat with access to major media outlets. I think the comedy potential would be off the hook. Plus, I enjoy the fact that I would almost certainly run into her at a bar at some point during the year. So please Royals, we know the team is going to be horrible next year, at least provide us some entertainment value.