An apology in advance. I know that last week I promised to write about a) my five desert island discs and b) my preview of The Gauntlet 2, both of which never made the topic list for this week. I’ll get to them next week. As most of you know, or at least have figured out by now, towards the end of the month my posts become more disjointed than usual. That’s because I send out a monthly email to my friends in which I describe my life in such mind numbing detail that I am often surprised that I have any friends at all. Since there is only so much creativity in my body at any given time, one side of my writing has to suffer. It’s not a great excuse but it will have to do.
I’m also kind of pissed because I lost at trivia tonight. My defeat came for two reasons: 1) apparently Swatch does not stand for Swiss Watch but rather Spare Watch, which I still don’t believe and 2) I didn’t know what the record store I shop at weekly was called twenty five years ago. Actually, I did no it, I just didn’t know it was tied to the name of the local alternative weekly. However, I did gain props from my competitors for a) playing as a lone wolf, b) knowing that Neal Stephenson wrote Snow Crash and Cryptonomicon (come on, it’s in my profile) c) knowing that the bass player for the Pixies was Kim Deal and d) in the easiest question of the night, knowing that the mechanical butler Kryten is a character on the show Red Dwarf. I mean, how do people not know that one? Oh well, I’ll win it one of these days.
A few news headlines to close out the week. We had the first successful face transplant this week. It’s always been my dream to see movie ploys become reality. Somehow the Cage-Travolta classic Face/Off wasn’t the one I had in mind. It’s interesting in that all the articles I read raised the ethical questions of the procedure. There is a more practical question in my mind: does this mean if I hunt down Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt that I can have his face? How about Ben Affleck? He’s not using it for anything important, can I have it? These are the types of questions that CNN should be asking.
Also, apparently the Catholic church is considering getting rid of Limbo. Which for those of you who know your theology means that we have a lot of unbaptized babies to relocate in the theological landscape. I’m actually bummed about this. See, in high school I had a teacher assign over winter break that we should write our own version of Dante’s Inferno. That was the assignment, no page limits, no style rules, do whatever you want to do but reinterpret Dante’s Inferno. Most people wrote three or four pages. I handed in a detailed twenty five page manuscript that included a dedication page, an illustrated cover and maybe the most romantic ending I have ever written in my life. (It involved Meg, the first love of my life, the girl who my novel will be dedicated to, and my biggest regret but that is a story for another day). Anyway, in my story my main character (me) makes my way through all nine circles of hell. The first is Limbo, which is where all of the virtuous pagans go. In my view, this was the coolest spot in the entire afterlife. Here is what I wrote back in the day
The elevator lurched and after a short trip stopped. The doors opened and to my surprise I found a large amount of departed souls eating and drinking and having a good time.
“What is this place, I thought you said we were in hell?”
“This is Limbo and yes we are in hell. This is where all the virtuous pagans go and some of the nonvirtuous too.”
I was amazed by who I saw. Aristotle, Plato and Socrates were having an animated discussion on the meaning of life. Gandhi, Buddha, Mohammed and Moses were discussing the uses of organized religions. For our musical enjoyment there was Bob Marley, with dreadlocks still intact, singing his heart out.
“If this is hell, what punishment do these people get?” I asked.
“Actually, none. See, a few years back their punishment was that they would never see God. However, God discovered that most of the greatest people who had ever lived were down here so he decided to come and visit. Every once in a while he shows up, has a few beers and jokes around with everyone.”
You just can’t get rid of Limbo. There has to be someplace in the next life that is fun but harp free. But not Harp free, that’s no afterlife that I want to be a part of.
Back on Monday. Stay warm.
1 comment:
I agree that Swatch is not an acronym for 'spare watch,' however 'swiss watch' is also incorrect. The correct answer is 'simple watch' since the Swatch watch has only 50 total components and was created to battle the Japanese watches which were dominating the market.
Swatch actually got into a bit of legal trouble over the issue of where they were made, i.e. how Swiss they actually were.
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