(Point of clarification to Blog commenters. In the future, please do not post Led Zeppelin lyrics to my Blog. As a free speech advocate it is against my internal code to go out and delete posts. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But for the record, I hate Led Zeppelin and really don’t need to read stuff from a band that thought writing about hobbits was artistic. Just keep that in mind.)
Ok, time to hit upon one of the things I promised at the end of last week. One of my favorite writers is Nick Hornby, the mind behind High Fidelity. A few years back he put together a collection called Songbook, which is just a group of essays on a couple dozen songs. They’re not song reviews, no discussion of lyrical intent or chord structure, it is more a discussion of how the song fits into your life. (For examples, there are a number on www.mcsweeneys.net) Well, I’ve decided that I’m going to try my hand at this as well. Here is the first in a series
Kelly Willis “What I Deserve”
I don’t remember much of the late 90’s. I wish I could say it was because of heavy partying but it is more because not much was happening in my life at the time. Off the top of my head, I can’t recall a single thing I did in 1997. I mean, I went to work, did a great job, got promoted and things like that but nothing that I felt defined me. If you’ve ever heard the description that on your grave they list the year that you were born, a dash, and the year that you died and it is what happens in the dash that is the important part, I pretty much had wasted part of that dash.
But, there are a few things I remember of 1998. I remember starting to listen to the alternative country scene. I can recall sitting in the hospital room seeing my niece Kayleigh for the first time. And I remember listening to Kelly Willis.
The first time I saw her I didn’t even intend on checking out her show. She was playing at the American Music Festival opposite another band I liked and I just decided to listen to one of her songs. You know, at least make the attempt to listen to a new artist so you could say she sucked and not feel bad about skipping her set. So, as this woman in a sun dress timidly walked on stage I was your typical jaded music fan with no passion in his soul.
Then she started to sing.
And when she finished her first song I didn’t want to buy her album, I wanted to marry her. That night if at all possible.
Because if there is anything that Kelly does it is ignite a fire within you. It’s not through an elaborate stage show or even an unbelievably energetic performance, it is through this soul and heartache and beauty that encompasses everything that she does. One time a critic described her as “an angel with scorched wings.” As much as that is hyperbole I wish I had come up with it first. She sings like someone who has seen beauty and pain and knows a much deeper truth than you will ever imagine.
One of the songs that I heard that first night was “What I Deserve”, which became the title track to her album. It is in one way a rebuke to Nashville and her stalled music career but it is also a song of someone who is trying to find a way to have their talent shown to the world and failing. And when you face life sitting in a cubicle hearing the words “I have done the best I can but what I’ve done is not who I am” puts a chill down your spine.
It’s taken me a long time to consistently find that passion that ran through me when I first heard the song. But Kelly’s music has been with me throughout the journey. Shows what happens when you give the unknown a chance.
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