Dipping into the archives...

As those of you who receive my monthly report know, I wrote my monthly report tonight. This is what is called in some circles as "Stating the obvious". But there is a slight problem as the Report and the blog typically have slightly different tones so I can't just post the report in the blog and call it a night. But, I also have a very limited degree of creativity at any one time so I can't just sit down and write for another hour and try to think of something creative.

So, we're heading into the archives tonight. Specifically, my vacation journal from one of my trips to England and Ireland, where I spent a lot of time drinking with people from all over the world. Just a sample of the overall journal, but enough to make it worth reading. For those wondering, Tina is the legendary Canadian girlfriend. I swear to God, she really does exist....

Flying time: In terms of relative disaster quotient, having a full British Airways flight from Chicago to London ranks just below walking through a southern Wal-Mart. You really get the dregs of humanity in the cargo class, people who don’t give a damn about the no smoking signs and who will walk the aisles during heavy turbulence. Not the best cleaning habits either. So, to my fellow travelers out there, here is what to expect in World Traveler. 1) say goodbye to your knees and you better be able to sleep with a knee in your kidneys, 2) it is apparently a requirement to have both a screaming child and a Jim Carrey movie on every flight, 3) be cautious of any food with a serve by tomorrow date on it, 4) the music selection sucks, 5) the stewardess on Air Italia look much, much better, 6) don’t worry because in case of disaster the emergency ramps turn into rafts. There are worse flights in the world but you have to do some searching.

Foreign relations: This has been the subject of an email already but I might as well try to add it to this missive as well. When you are surrounded by a bunch of foreigners there is one thing that always comes up: Americans always think that they are correct. As Alex the flying Dutchman put it; “It’s not wrong, it’s different.” I tried to explain that mayonnaise on French fries is just plain wrong no matter which country you’re from but it didn’t work. Anyway, here are the list of things not to say to foreigners: 1) Canadians do not like being referred to as being from the 51st state, 2) Don’t bad mouth Canadian beer, 3) Surprisingly, Australians do not have pet kangaroos, 4) nope, no koalas either, 5) Europeans get real pissed if you call it soccer, 6) or try to explain that it’s not a real sport, 7) you can make fun of the Mounties, even the Canadians think the outfit is stupid, 8) the one exchange which actually got me slapped. Somewhere by a peat bog: Tina: “Chris, they’re making fun of North Americans again.” Me: “Yeah, leave the Canuck alone.” I was playfully slapped and called a yankee. Hey, sometimes being insensitive actually scores points when done the right way.