Heartbroken again...

I’m going to apologize for yesterday’s posting. I mean, it just wasn’t one of my better efforts and the topic deserved better. I do have a reason, of course. I’ve just been completely heartbroken all weekend. How in the world could Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston break up? Couldn’t they see how perfect they were for each other? This just causes me to lose all faith in love and relationships. I haven’t felt this low since the time my ex-girlfriend told me that she hadn’t felt alive for the past year, which just happened to correspond with the exact amount of time that we were dating.

(Wow, I think that I just broke the sarcasm meter…)

Can’t have a pop culture topic like this come along and not comment on it. And as always when I’m too lazy to actually write in paragraph form and create connecting phrases, out come the numbered bullet points…

1) People magazine has stated that they are going to publish a special issue on the breakup. Again, if you haven’t lost all faith in humanity, People magazine is going to publish a special issue on the breakup of two movie stars. This after it took a week for the major news networks to send the second team reporters to the largest natural disaster in memory. “A planet where apes evolved from men? Sounds like a pretty good alternative right about now.”
2) I loved hearing the story about how they met. They were set up on a date by their agents. Why can’t I get someone like that in my life? I want to get a phone call one afternoon and hear, “Yeah EC, we’ve just negotiated the advance on your next novel at half a million. We’re actually selling tickets for your book signing in New York. Oh, and after the signing you’ll be having dinner at Nobu with Natalie Portman. I talked with her publicist and we agree that you two would make a nice couple.”
3) Let’s be honest, the best that I can hope for is the following, “I’ve finally found a publisher who will print your next book if you promise to pay for it. We’ve got you a book signing in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Arkansas and set up a dinner afterwards at an Outback Steakhouse with Natalie from The Facts of Life. You’re paying, by the way.”
4) I’m kind of curious what the appropriate reaction to this news actually is. Should I really feel bad that they broke up? Let’s be honest, Brad Pitt felt sad for a night, woke up and then realized, “Wait a minute, I’m Brad Pitt” and promptly went out and called Angelina Jolie.
5) You can use this relationship to test the differences between the way men and women think. Whenever a guy hears that Lindsey Lohan or Kirsten Dunst has broken up with their boyfriend du jour every guy (and I do mean every) immediately goes, “Cool, I’ve got a chance again.” Doesn’t matter what they do for a living, what they look like, or the fact that they will never come close with crossing paths with some young actress. Every guy feels that as long as he has a pulse and the girl doesn’t have a ring on her finger he’s got a shot.
6) Of course, when I explained that to a female friend of mine she went, “You’re out of your mind. You wouldn’t have a clue where to start. That’s such a stupid chauvinistic view of the world.”
7) Which makes me laugh when most of the news stories are along the lines of “Brad Pitt is back on the market.” See, for the most part we do view the world the same way; it’s just that one side is a lot more blunt about it.
8) Makes me feel sad for Jennifer though, since she’s not getting near the attention she deserves. If her agent is looking for another dinner companion for her, I am available.

Super perfundo on the early eve of your day, everybody…