But who does Van Damme support?

I haven’t given an update on the status of Cobra Kai, the awesomest fantasy football team in the land recently and since we are at the midway point of the regular season I thought that now would be as good a time as any. After an auspicious 0-3 start, thanks to Lee Evans being just abysmal as a receiver and my inability to start the right quarterback, I have turned the season around with four straight wins. Barring David Garrard throwing something like 10 touchdowns in the second half I’ll be tied for first place in my division after this week.

However, I have to say that being on my team is apparently a curse. I have now lost my third running back to a season ending injury. Cadillac Williams, Michael Pittman and Ronnie Brown have all been carted off the field on my watch and I wouldn’t be surprised if Joseph Addai spontaneously combusts tonight. Right now my number two back is Kenny Watson from the Bengals and that is just sad. I’ll probably have to trade one of my three headed QB monster of Favre, Hasselbeck and Anderson in order to get someone who will at least be worth starting. Until then, I might be pinning my hopes on Wes Welker for the rest of the season.

There were also two news headlines that I saw today that I need to discuss. The first is that Kid Rock was arrested in a brawl outside of a Waffle House. It wasn’t the arrest or who was involved that was important, it is the location. What in the world can take place at a Waffle House that would cause a fight to occur? Was there a dispute over maple syrup? Did someone order Canadian bacon and was charged with being un-american? There’s a lot of things that you could do to increase your street cred but fighting in a Waffle House is not one of them. I guess it beats a Denny’s, though.

(I did actually have breakfast at Denny’s on one of my last business trips. I’m embarrassed to say that it was a really good breakfast. I’m not even talking in my usual post-modern ironic sense of the word, I mean it was actually good food on a jet lagged morning.)

The other headline was that Chuck Norris had announced who he is supporting for president. This was a front page headline on CNN today. Maybe it’s a good thing that the ice caps are melting and we’re pretty much just going to call it a day for this planet. I’m not sure if I can deal with being in a country where Chuck Norris’ political views are reported in one of the most popular news sources. Seriously, I dig the internet memes surrounding Chuck but it’s a joke. Why in the world would we want to show the world that some people view this seriously?

Not that I don’t want levity in the world but come on, how in the world is this a news story? Of all the things going on that can get coverage, from Iraq to Myanmar to the environment to whatever, this gets front page space. Maybe the Paris and Britney culture has gone too far. Everything needs a celebrity angle now, even if it means absolutely nothing. It’s at times like this that I wonder why I try to write fiction. I try to hold up a mirror to the world and I need to ransack a fun house just to find something to make it all look normal.