Not so good with names...

For the record, if Slugger was arrested for assaulting a police officer I would not consider it a sign of how Kansas City is a cultural backwater. Rather, I would consider it to be the coolest thing to happen in this town since Charlie Parker left. There is nothing better than a guy in a costume taking a swing at a cop and then trying to blend in with a crowd. That is brilliant on so many levels.

Ok, announcement time. After a lot of thought I’ve decided that the posts have been a little lacking in quality as of late. Possibly due to the fact that writing five days a week, every week, for a year and a half is a bit of a challenge in the material department. There is only so much about Lindsay Lohan that one can write without having charges filed against them. So, I have decided to take a one week sabbatical. That’s it, just a week off to recharge the batteries, build up a backlog of stories, and just remember what life was like before coming home from the bar meant that I still had to sit down at a laptop and write. I’ll be back in regular form on the 16th so please come back. I know that for my regular readers (and I thank all of you) that this may be jarring but trust me, it will be well worth it.

Anyway, here is my attempt at humor before my sabbatical. For the past two years or so it has been part of my job requirements to research a bunch of other companies. Yes, despite the fact that the two jobs are so completely opposite of each other I can’t believe that they are in the same company, I still end up looking at lists of company names. And after awhile you begin to wonder just who named these things and did they have any clue about some of the other connotations. Here are some of my favorites.

Hooker Furniture Corporation: I just want to know how the admins answer the phone there. Or the sales staff. “So are you interested in some hooker furniture?” “You look to be someone who needs hooker furniture.” The possibilities are endless.

Bi-Mart: Yes, the convenience store for people who just cannot make up their minds.

Fatburger: Come for the burger, stay for the pound of lard that we ladle on top of it. I assume their company slogan is somewhere along the lines of “Yeah, our product is probably going to kill you but at least we’re upfront about it. I mean, when you eat at Fatburger you know that you might as well sign up for the heart transplant while waiting in line.”

Kum’n’go: It’s a convenience store. Honestly, this is the name of a convenience store. Yeah I know, it certainly would be an appropriate name for a few other types of stores but it really is a convenience store. I just don’t want to know what may be inside that convenience store.

Wang Computers: An oldie but a goodie. A true story from back in my days at the electric company. Back in the eighties when people didn’t have computers and had to use their fingers and toes to count it was up to the secretaries to do all the typing. And since this was an engineering group the secretary was typically the only female in the department. So, it was a big deal when the secretaries got a Wang computer for word processing. It also meant that my boss was told by his supervisor, “To make sure that your secretary has a Wang on her desk.” Add that to the fact that they could drink during lunch and smoke in the office and you know why I sometimes feel like I was born a decade too late.

And finally, my new favorite…

BJ’s Wholesale Club: Because only suckers pay retail…

See you all in a week or so. Have fun and stay safe.