Monday Weigh In: 209 pounds even this week; down half a pound from last week but up half a pound from when I started two weeks ago. Essentially no change then which given the fact that I haven’t really been exercising isn’t much of a surprise. I’m going to be changing that from this week on. However, I am happy to note that I did not gain weight this week despite having both Five Guys and scrapple yesterday. Actually, I am just happy that my heart didn’t explode after that combination.
When I got in my parking garage this morning I got on the elevator with a guy who pressed two. I had the same reaction that most people would have in that situation: I silently ripped on the guy for being a complete tool as no man who is not either a) visibly injured or b) carrying a large object should ever take the elevator to go up one flight of stairs.
On my way to work I found myself behind a woman driving a BMW with a license plate that read NFLJAGS. I decided that either a) she is the first and only Jacksonville Jaguar fan that I have met in my entire life or b) she had a bad relationship with an NFL player and considers them all to be jagoffs and given that I was in Delaware I can only assume that that player was Joe Flacco.
Later in the day I talked to someone who means everything to me and I said something that I meant to be funny and sarcastic but wasn’t and was in reality petty and mean spirited. And I realized something. I’ve become a bit of a dick. And I freaking hate it.
Now let’s face it. I’m a cynic through and through and my primary tone is one of snark. I make fun of everything and put down everything in that style of “I’m so much cooler than the rest of the world.” It’s pretty much the entire point of this blog. While I certainly make fun of myself I tend to point the magnifying glass at the rest of the world and laugh at the insanity of it. Sometimes it is justified such as when I make light of the famous. As the saying goes it is the fool’s prerogative to point out that the emperor has no clothes and I am nothing if not a fool. But other times it just isn’t and I really think I can be pretty bad.
It’s the part of my personality that I hate the most at the moment. By trying to constantly make jokes about everything I miss out when other people are being totally serious. Or I’ll say something that makes sense from my perspective but is just plain mean from another perspective. I’ve been kicking myself all day for what I’ve said today. I’d bang my head against the wall for an hour if I thought about all the things I’ve said over the past few months. In this aspect, I’ve turned into the guy I’ve never wanted to be.
So I’m making a request to everyone out there; particularly those who know me in real life. If I ever make a stupid joke that crosses this line just hit me. Verbally or physically I don’t really care. Just remind me that I am being an idiot. I need to break myself of this habit immediately. I’ll never break myself of cynicism and I doubt that I will ever turn the blog into stories of rainbows and unicorns but I simply don’t have to be so mean about it.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Joe Henry “Fuse”
2) The Swell Season “Strict Joy”
3) Waco Brothers “New Deal”
4) The Frames “Fitzcarraldo”
5) The Saw Doctors “Sing a Powerful Song”
1 comment:
first of all, apologize. stating your intention is not an excuse, it just turns what should be your apology into an argument. show that you recognize that what you did was wrong.
next time, before you speak, don't assume the other person hears it like you intended. take pause to consider how the other person might interpret what are saying or how you are saying it. it's not about your intentions, it's about their perception.
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