Thursday, December 10, 2009

2009 Bowl Preview: Part Three

We are keeping with the bowl games though there is going to be a slight change. Tonight I will be looking at the non-BCS January games and I’ll post my BCS preview over the weekend. There are just a few too many games to cover in one night. On to the 2010 festivities.

January 1:
Outback Bowl: Northwestern vs. Auburn:
Nothing is better for a hangover than a blooming onion and a moderately priced steak. Like all football Saturdays your New Year’s Day should begin by watching one of those Big 10 teams that no one really cares about but that is always on television. While I hate Northwestern with every cell of my body I like Pat Fitzgerald as a coach and wouldn’t have minded having him getting the ND job either. I cannot cheer for Auburn simply because they cannot make up their mind as to what the hell their team name is. So they are the Tigers but everyone refers to them as the War Eagles? Make up your damn mind. As a result, I’ll stay with my Big Ten pride and cheer for the team in purple. Assuming that I can actually watch television by the time this game starts.

Capital One Bowl: Penn State vs. LSU: I wonder who won the Capital One mascot challenge this year. I wish they would turn that into the college football equivalent of the Bud Bowl but instead I just get to enjoy commercials featuring the Western Kentucky Hilltopper, which isn’t that bad really. I’m not quite sure how Iowa got the BCS slot over Penn State. Sure Iowa beat them heads up but I really think Penn State is the better team. Plus, they still have Joe Pa on the sidelines and that is worth its weight in gold. My hope is that the Penn State medical school is working on slowly converting Joe Pa into a cyborg so that he will never have to leave the sidelines. Like in 2082 Penn State will be coached by a robot with Joe Pa’s brain or something. On the LSU side I assume that one of the student managers will be instructed to tell Les Miles how much time is left after every play and say things like “Coach, do you really think that kneeling down with six minutes left in the half is a good idea?”

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl: West Virginia vs. Florida State: Even on his way out Bobby Bowden screws up college football. Since it is his last game they wanted him to coach in Florida on New Year’s Day so they send Miami to the Champs Sports Bowl and give Florida State this game. And since he was a head coach at West Virginia in the 70’s (something even I didn’t know about) they sent Pitt to the Meineke Car Care bowl. Yes, this game could be Miami vs. Pitt but no, it has to be a four hour tribute to the guy who couldn’t tell you what the score was in the second half of a game he was coaching. God, I hate Bowden. At least Bear Bryant had the dignity to accept that his last game was at the Liberty Bowl.

As for the game itself this is a matchup of two schools whose mascots are armed on the sidelines, which should add a heightened level of tension to the game. I haven’t heard anything good about Florida State this year and in a fair game West Virginia would run right through them. But watch them try to give Bowden the win on his way out.

January 2
International Bowl: South Florida vs. Northern Illinois:
I can’t imagine too many of the fans are searching for their passports in order to make their way to Toronto for this one. There might be a rush to expedite passport applications in DeKalb but I kind of doubt it. What we have here is a classic matchup of a team from a football state versus a team from a more corn intensive locale. Go with South Florida on this one. Just trust me, unless the game was being played outside in Toronto Northern is going to be at a distinct disadvantage.

Papajohns.com Bowl: South Carolina vs. UConn: Does anyone else enjoy ordering pizza online solely because it means that you are no longer required to have any human interaction in the entire process? I mean, if they could just slip the pizza under my door so I wouldn’t have to talk to the delivery guy it would be perfect. On the teams, Steve Spurrier has the best retirement gig ever at South Carolina. He basically spends most of his time golfing and occasionally coaching his team to a bowl game and everyone is happy for it. UConn is one of those programs I am constantly stunned by. I don’t know how they can recruit top talent, get them to overcome the murder of one of their players and play everyone on their schedule tough. They don’t get the respect they deserve but I’ll be pulling for them. Remember to stay tuned at halftime for the tribute to pepperoni.

AT&T Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss: Why isn’t this game on New Year’s Day? Shouldn’t the Cotton Bowl always be on New Year’s Day? And why can’t Mississippi go by their proper name? It is always Ole Miss and it pisses me off. This is a matchup of two pretty forgettable teams. Ole Miss was heavily hyped at the start of the season but did absolutely nothing worthwhile and Oklahoma State’s best player is suspended due to talking to Deion Sanders. Not taking money from Deion, just talking to him is worthy of a suspension. Can’t say I disagree with the punishment.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Arkansas vs. East Carolina: I’ve spent the past ten minutes trying to figure out what to say about this game. Here is what I’ve got. 1) Why don’t you pronounce Arkansas “Arrr Kansas?” 2) Do we really need an East Carolina? Aren’t two states enough? 3) The most memorable Liberty Bowls tend to involve bitterly cold temperatures in Memphis causing a legitimate risk of the bands’ instruments freezing to their faces. 4) I haven’t seen either of these teams play this year and I wouldn’t be upset if I missed them one last time.

Valero Alamo Bowl: Michigan State vs. Texas Tech: For those going to the game I have to say that the Alamodome is one of the strangest designed stadiums ever. There are only two entrance gates so pretty much everyone gets crammed into these narrow corridors trying to find their sections while dealing with the people buying food, beer, etc. who also happen to be in the corridors. You will get claustrophobic. Might as well just stay on the Riverwalk, which is much nicer and has cheaper beer.

This is one of those style mismatch games. Texas Tech basically runs the same offense that your 11 year old nephew uses on Madden. One of these days they are just going to decide to never punt the ball. Michigan State, which had to suspend roughly half of their team over the past week, follows the standard Big Ten template of giving the ball to a big guy who runs behind a lot of other big guys. This game shows that the Big Ten and the Big 12 had an off year as neither of these teams are that good and this has historically been a pretty good bowl game. Like I said, spend more time on the Riverwalk than anything else.

January 6:
GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Troy:
You would think that Central Michigan would have home field advantage for this one but the GMAC Bowl is held in Alabama. Don’t ask me why this game isn’t played in Detroit; it doesn’t make sense to me either. You have to like Troy here just because any guy who will take on an entire state by himself is a complete badass. He doesn’t even need a last name. It’s just Troy. You can see him standing there in dirty jeans and a leather jacket with a screw you look upon his face just waiting for someone to pick a fight. So celebrate the new year by cheering for the man of Troy.

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