Sunday, May 10, 2009

Things you would rather unsee

Note from the darker corner of American life: On my way home from the airport I always end up driving past this one strip club. A club that I have never entered, I wish to make that point abundantly clear, despite the fact that it is rather conveniently located. (That is also something I was completely unaware of when I rented my apartment. You would think they would put it on the brochures or something.) The most impressive thing about this club is the sign outside and what they promote.

Until today I thought nothing could beat the Thanksgiving buffet, a concept I cannot even begin to grasp. It really looks like a place where you would not want to sit down. Heck, I even feel as though driving my car past it at a rather high rate of speed leaves me feeling dirty. Somehow I just can’t imagine that being my best choice for a good meal. Plus, just what mental state do you have to be in to spend Thanksgiving in a strip club?

The sign today wins with a two part message of brilliance. Part One: “Wed. Night: Amature Night.”

Yes, that is precisely how they spelled amateur. I know that proper grammar isn’t really expected at such an establishment but it is greatly appreciated. What makes it worse is that I now don’t know if they meant that on Wednesday there will be amateurs (i.e….ok, I’m not sure what that means. I don’t believe that there is a detailed licensing process for dancers.) or that they really mean that it is “A Mature” night indicating dancers who are slightly more advanced in years. Either way, I have no desire to drive by the parking lot to see what is going on.

In case Wednesday night doesn’t fulfill your wildest fantasy you can come back on Thursday for, and once again I am not making this up, Ladies Night. Now I understand the need for promotion and looking to expand your client base. That is perfectly fair marketing practice. This, on the other hand, seems entirely flawed. Mainly because other than cheaper drinks (and cheap drinks at a strip club are the equivalent of regular priced drinks anywhere else) I can’t see any practical reason why any group of women would want to spend a quiet evening at the strip club. Would you want to be hit upon by one of the regulars? Do you even want to see what the regulars look like? Heck, do you even want to see what happens when you combine the words “Delaware” and “Strip club?” I am much happier to keep that a mystery.

Best of 120 Minutes: I am going back to a time when MTV, Pearl Jam and Unplugged were all cool. Well, one of the three have aged well.



The five random CDs for the week:
1) Richard Buckner “Since”
2) Cowboy Junkies “Miles From Our Home”
3) Martin Zellar and the Hardways “Scattered”
4) Josh Rouse “Country Mouse City House”
5) Bruce Springsteen “Lucky Town”

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