Yo ho ho ho...

Avast ye mateys! Today is the greatest day in all the fair land, where we gather from all across the seven seas to drink rum and celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day (also known as the official state holiday of ARRR-Kansas). All day I’ve been riddling people with the following

Q: Of all of Richard Harris’s many achievements in the performing arts, which is a pirate’s favorite?
A: MacARRRthur PARRRk

(Now if I can just figure out how to get this damn parrot off my shoulder. And I can’t believe that I left the cake out in the rain and I’ll never have that recipe again.)

(I seriously wonder if anyone got that last joke. It’s obscure even for me.)

Yes, Talk Like a Pirate Day is an official holiday, thus sayeth Wikipedia. It’s high on the list of Battling the Current holidays along with Pi Day, National High Five Day and Dyngus Day all of which seem to have the same degree of seriousness attached to them. As one of my readers emailed me today, in some of the cooler parts of the country people do come to work today wearing eye patches and carrying swords. As much as I would like to try I just can’t see myself getting away with that in the office. Heck, I can’t even get Wookie Life Day off as a religious holiday and I listed my religion as “Jedi” on my last census form. Though I’m definitely bringing the lightsaber to work on that morning.

Switching gears, in what is the smallest surprise of the year Willie Nelson’s tour bus was pulled over and he was arrested for marijuana possession. This could only be more surprising if, I don’t know, Cyprus Hill was charged. As Bruce Robison sings in his classic “What Would Willie Do?”

“Willie would take a deep breath and let it out slow. Then he’d take another deep breath and let it out slow. And then he’d feel hungry.”

(It is a great song and at all times you should ask yourself What Would Willie Do?)

The thing about this is that growing up I always considered Willie Nelson to be the squarest person imaginable. In the “only my parents could like this music” type of way. Now I’m floating in the alt-country gutter and the guy is a hero to all of the musicians that I like. And he gets arrested and I think, “Wow, that is pretty awesome.” Maybe I should chalk this up to growing older and getting more and more like my parents.

Finally, I have to send Get Well wishes out to my beloved Lindsay, who broke her wrist over the weekend. That fashion show was totally at fault, making her walk across a sidewalk that was slippery due to the rain. Like they couldn’t stop it from raining. Talk about gross negligence. I can’t believe…

Jeez, even I can’t keep this up anymore. Talk about a train wreck of a life. Seriously Lindsay, take a year off, get healthy, stay out of the tabloids, and make a grand return at the age of 21. It is your best option.