Questions I thought about today while I probably should have been increasing shareholder value…
In a full scale war, who would win The Smurfs or The Snorks?: In a one on one fight, I’m confident that any Snork could take any given Smurf (except for Brawny Smurf who could probably hold off a couple). However, in a full scale military conflict I don’t think that you could discount the tactical genius of Papa Smurf, which would give the war to The Smurfs. However, there is a possibility that the extreme level of specialization within the Smurf Army will result in disaster once the casualties begin to mount. It’s the same in G.I. Joe where you have to ask yourself, “What happens when the one guy who knows how to drive the aircraft carrier dies?”
Who wins in a battle between the Starship Enterprise and Darth Vader’s Star Destroyer?: Star Trek space battles take place under the battleship paradigm in which two ships get side by side and open fire on each other. Star Wars uses an aircraft carrier design where a big ship launches wave after wave of fighters. This makes the decision easy because if you’ve noticed there no longer are such things as battleships. Plus Vader would so kick Kirk’s ass, unless of course they left the exhaust port unshielded again.
Pirates vs. Ninjas?: The big question here is does the ninja army gain the factor of surprise and eliminate the pirates before they even have a chance to draw their cutlasses. Now most people assume that ninjas will be able to use their stealth to approach undetected. However, in reality the pirates have created a warning mechanism in their parrot armada all of whom are trained to go “Sqwak, ninjas!” at the first sign of trouble. (Why else would pirates have a parrot on their shoulder if it was for anything other than a ninja early warning system?) Once spotted the ninjas can easily match up with pirates in a one on one matchup but the pirates have guns and that beats an inaccurate throwing star any day of the week.
Ok, Care Bears vs. Shirt Tales: Shirt Tales have the definite technical advantage in that flying supersonic ship thing and you have to admire a group of animals that have built a crime fighting headquarters out of an oak tree. But under the calm and caring exterior of the Care Bears lies millennia of evolution in which at their core they are bloodthirsty beasts ready to tear out your jugular at a moments notice. Plus, that Panda on the Shirt Tales would probably pull a Benedict Arnold and sell her friends out (though the Mole might do this as well).
What are the odds that I’ll be getting a date any time soon now that I’ve revealed that I’ve spent a number of brain cells debating these points?: Probably a little higher than you think. Chicks dig pirates after all…
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