Rememberance

Five years later and I still don’t think that I’ve processed what happened that morning.

9/11/2001
2:14 P.M.

Journal Entry # 76

“Can we please change the channel? My friends might be dead and I really do not need to hear about the bond market right now.”

This has just been a day where I have walked around in a haze. I was lying in bed this morning, actually sleeping late for once and listening to Chicago radio. Right as I was about to wake up it comes over on the news that a plane has hit the World Trade Center. I jumped out of bed and turned on the television and watched the news. As I am getting ready for class, watching ABC and trying to get a sense of the situation and I see something that will stay with me for a long time. On the screen was the World Trade Center, in flames and with helicopters circling around. Then coming into the screen was a jet which rams straight into the other tower. It was then when my heart just sunk.

I ended up going to the business school because I needed to watch this with somebody. I was there with some other classmates and I was still looking at some classwork. I knew there was a horrible loss of life but I don’t think it had sunk in yet. Then the newswire started to report that there was a fire at the pentagon. They showed an image from the center of Washington and you could see a plume of smoke in the distance. Taking into account the distance to the Pentagon it dawned on me just how big a fire it must be. It turns out that yet another plane had crashed.

Now the news stories became more hectic, with talk of the Sears Tower being evacuated. This is when it dawned on me that I needed to figure out where Scott and Troy were. I still sat there watching the news as they showed the World Trade Center in flames. I would look at the picture and the engineer in me was speaking up, “Those buildings have a lean to them.” I didn’t vocalize this but in my heart I knew what was going to happen next. Later, as they were showing the Pentagon they jumped to what was at first called another explosion in New York. In the replay I watched as one of the towers buckled under its own weight and collapsed. It still isn’t clear what happened but I can just envision all of the rescue staff and people in the buildings being trapped and crushed under the rubble. After that, it was only a matter of time until the second tower came down.

Other than one other plane crash in Pennsylvania that appears to be the extent of the terrorist action. Maybe the only reason I am reporting this in a rather disconnected manner is that I still have not processed all of this. I can look at it and estimate that tens of thousands of people have died but it not really understand the human aspect of the situation. Then I would look at my classmates and the human factor would hit home. These are my new friends from New York with no idea how their friends and family were doing. I could see all of us doing a mental inventory of everyone we know. Scott is in Denver and since the airports have been closed he might be there for a while. Troy was downtown but everything seems to be ok in Chicago. But I know that my classmates are suffering and my hearts go out to them. One of the rumors is that the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania was headed to Chicago. I don’t know what I would have done if that had happened.

Somehow, in the midst of all this, I can take pride in being in a place like this. We held a mass for all of the MBA students as so many of us in this community are worried about friends and family. It is just stunning to watch all of these people, gathered in prayer and showing that we are truly a family. After mass I walked over to the grotto. I just needed to get out and walk and pray. There were a number of us who had gathered there. It felt like it was they only thing to do. As I overheard a priest say as I walking through campus, “At times like this all you can do is pray.”

It is a beautiful September day. A week ago I was celebrating my birthday. I’ve spent the weekend watching football and practicing a speech for a class that seemed to be the most important thing in the world to me. Now, I don’t know. I will still sit down and do class work because that is all I know what to do. It is going to be a long night. I see the sun shining through the window. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t had the radio on this morning.

A beautiful day shattered. A glorious campus quiet except for the toiling of a bell. People lighting candles and walking around a campus in shock.