As I’ve mentioned before last summer I found myself writing for another website (sadly brief lived) on the topic of relationships. The idea behind my joining the site was rather brilliant. I would simply provide my perspective on the topic; that perspective being that of a 35 year old single male, never married, hell, never even engaged, who had just been dumped by his girlfriend and while not exactly as a result moved across the country to a town where he knew absolutely no one but the two events have somehow become intertwined. While my experience cannot be considered common it at least speaks to a rather standard occurrence: How in the world do you meet people in your thirties especially in a place where you are starting from ground zero? No friends, no support network, not even a bar where you are a regular. I had a list of activities that I would undertake and document to show just what it is like out there. Even though that website is no longer the idea was just too good to pass up.
Hence, I somehow found myself speed dating last week.
Now speed dating is one of those things that I had always heard about but had never even tried. Nor have I ever known anyone to try it. Just the very idea seemed like an evening of continued awkwardness along with the concern that the only people who would be at a speed dating event are people who need a speed dating event. It’s the Catch-22 behind all dating services; all of the people that you would actually want to date are obviously socially advanced to the point that they no longer require dating services. Your romantic life is one of those activities that is extremely difficult to outsource.
But after seeing an ad for one in Wilmington in a magazine I decided to sign up and see what could happen. I was a little apprehensive at the sign up process. First off, I had two options to choose from: one an event for 25 – 35 year olds and another for 45 – 55 year olds. This was quite concerning for me as I turn 36 in nine months and apparently at that point even the people who run speed dating think I’m such a huge loser they won’t allow me in the building for another ten years. Then there was the fact that you just signed up. Pretty much filled out a form and you were in. That and you had to pay a fee. Keep that in mind as you read the rest of this. I paid good money for this experience.
So the big day came and I made my way there after work. That was probably my first problem because by the time I get home from the office all I want to do is lie down on the couch and sleep for an hour. All I do all day is look at numbers so it takes me a while to switch off that brain and get the social interaction part of my personality functioning. It’s tough to get to know someone when part of your brain is still writing excel formulas.
The event was being held on the second floor of a bar. To reach the second floor (and I swear I am not making this up) you had to climb up what for all intensive purposes appeared to be a fire escape with a small little banner on it promoting the speed dating event. It made the whole event seem so illicit and back alley, like I was going to have to perform a special knock and give a password to be let in the door. Also, there is nothing like climbing a fire escape in the middle of January and looking out at the city to make you wonder just how horrible your social life has become that this is now considered to be an acceptable option.
I get enough courage to enter and sign in, happy that I timed it so that I wouldn’t be the first one there, and make my way to the bar. Now one would think that if I had paid money to be at a singles’ event I would make a concerted effort to, you know, talk to people. Of course, if I told you that I had the option of a) talking to the random stranger to my left and b) watching a random Big Ten basketball game on the television set most of you would rightly assume that I would take a much greater interest in Ohio State than anyone around me. Now I didn’t just sit there silently. I did try to make small talk and crack jokes but in essence I did what I always do when I’m in a new social situation. I sit back and observe. This puts me at ease but sucks in terms of first impressions.
Then it was time for the speed dating to begin. I’ll go over the ground rules now. The women are all given specific numbers and locations to sit. The men are also numbered and we are told where we shall sit to begin. All parties are given scorecards (there is no other way to describe it. They looked like they were from a romantic themed miniature golf course) and pens. When the bell rings you introduce yourself to the other party and write down their name in your scorecard in what might be the most awkward moment I have ever experienced in my entire life. Then you have six minutes to have a conversation at which point a bell rings. At this point three things happen 1) you try to politely wrap up the conversation, 2) you then turn to your scorecard and check either “Yes, I would like to talk to this person again” or “No, those were six minutes of my life I will never get back”, and 3) the guy gets up, moves to the next table down the line, and promptly bangs his knee into a table leg.
Now I’ll admit this is not exactly a format that works to my advantage. I don’t think you can pick up my better qualities in six minutes. I’m not sure if six months would be enough time. Hell, I’m not even sure how I work and I’ve been me for a very long time. It’s the type of thing where you need to be on from the moment the bell rings and I’m much more of an ease into the situation type of guy.
Anyway, so we all go to our stations and I discover that, uh, there is no woman sitting across from me. Yes, even at speed dating I couldn’t get a date. Well, what had happened was that two of the women were late including the first person I was supposed to meet. So I just sat at a table for six minutes watching everyone else have a conversation while I just sat there feeling quite possibly as pathetic as I have ever felt in my entire life. Now I’ve been by myself when people are being social before. I know the horrors of hearing Wonderful Tonight and watch everyone else go to the dance floor while you make your way to the bar and hope that you can somehow drink yourself into numbness. But being ditched at something you paid for was another experience entirely.
Then the bell rang and I went to the next table where I met…well, no one. She wasn’t there either. This is what you call an auspicious debut. Even worse it meant that I wasn’t going to be warmed up whereas everyone else had been talking for a while. She at least arrived before the six minutes were up thus allowing me to have thirty seconds of conversation with a real person.
For the rest of the night I at least was able to talk to women so things did improve. It’s very strange having a six minute conversation with someone you have never met before. The first topic is always what do you do for a living. That is actually a rather challenging question for me as I still haven’t figured out how to explain my job. My title is Transmission Specialist, which makes me sound like a mechanic. I usually mutter something about the energy business. It is either that or I fall into the spiel I used to do when I was interviewing over the summer where I would describe my entire work history in an attempt to….ok, I have no idea what that was meant to accomplish. I did it repeatedly through the night because after months of interviewing you can discuss your work history at the drop of a hat. Exactly how my resume was meant to entice a member of the opposite sex to speak to me again is a mystery.
You also have the usual chit chat about what do you do for fun or where you have traveled to recently. Think about what you tend to talk about with a random stranger at the bar and it is similar to that. They did provide us with handy question sheets and dice so that we could randomly choose which question to ask the other. I always felt like that was the silliest thing in the world. How bad is it when within four minutes you are going “I’m just going to read off the cue cards here.” Whenever that happened I said, and I’m not making this up either, “well, if we are going to ask random questions let’s use the best random question that anyone has ever asked me in a bar. Who is your favorite muppet?” Somehow I don’t think that worked.
(For the record my answer is Rowlf the Dog. You can’t go wrong with a piano playing dog.)
The challenge is that six minutes is just long enough to become horribly awkward and short enough so that you can never have a proper conversation. There were a number of times when I was just starting to feel like we had overcome the opening jitters and were getting to know each other when the bell rang and you moved on. It’s as if you are constantly interrupted and by the end of the night all you want is to just have one conversation that doesn’t have a stop watch attached to it.
As for the women I was talking to, well, they were pretty amazing actually. Much, much better than I had anticipated and a lot of them were super cool. To the point where I really wondered just why they were there. I mean, I had a vague reason as being new to town does give me a little bit of an excuse, but some of these women should have no problems getting boyfriends. If I had known that going in I might have tried to up my game a little bit.
Finally I completed the circuit and the night was over. We stayed at the bar for a little while to finish off our drinks and talk some more but the crowd started to empty rather quickly. I was there later than most but soon made my way back home to heat up some dinner and enter my scores into the computer. See, that was the next step. We would all go online and enter whether we wanted to talk again or not. I entered my selections and waited the appropriate few days to see the results. I clicked on the link and was told:
“You have no matches.”
Sigh.
God I suck.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My Brush With History
I know a lot of people who have made big plans for the inauguration. They’ve bought plane tickets, booked hotel rooms and rescheduled their lives just to be one of the millions people in Washington. I, on the other hand, just waited for Obama and Biden to come to me. And they did because I’m just that freaking awesome.
A little backstory here. Obama and Biden decided to recreate Lincoln’s train ride into Washington (except without the secrecy and rumors of being disguised in women’s clothing) and start in Philadelphia. From there Obama would go to Wilmington where Biden would join them, getting on the train at the same station that he always goes to Washington from. That station just happens to be directly across the street from my apartment. Literally. I am looking at where they spoke as I write this.
This did mean that certain measures were going to be in effect. For one thing, they blocked off all the roads surrounding my apartment. I think I theoretically could have left my apartment Friday night but given what was closed I am really uncertain that I would have been able to get back in without having to drive to Baltimore and turn around. Also, when I woke up on Saturday morning I was greeted by armed Coast Guard craft traveling the river below me, military helicopters overhead, and men in black on rooftops probably wondering why I was standing so close to the window. It was awesome and disconcerting at the same time.
So this is what it looked like when they first let the crowd in. Everyone rushed for the best position while I stayed in my nice warm and cozy apartment drinking my morning coffee. Now some people did actually watch everything from my apartment building which I thought was kind of silly. I mean, the next president is a five minute walk away. You’d think that you would make the trek. But even I decided that it was better to stay warm for as long as possible until I had to venture into the cold.
Once I thought that the crowd was large enough I bundled up and made my way to the park. To do so I had to stand in line to go through security during which I was able to examine all of the street vendors. Because if there is one thing that screams “America” it is poorly constructed commemorative t-shirts. Also, there were an amazing amount of buttons for sale. I mean like a dozen people selling buttons (including one really cute girl from Arizona who I probably should have bought one from just for the conversation). This raises the question of when was the last time you actually saw someone wear a button. It seems like a product that has no meaning.
After making my way through security I scanned the area and picked my spot. Once I saw where the tv cameras were and where the stage was I found a spot where I could see the podium. There was a tree in my way but I was just tall enough to see the stage. Not that there was anything to see at the moment. That was going to take another hour. We did have some advance entertainment. The national anthem was sung by a small child named Nichodemus, a name that would prove quite ironic as this tale progresses. Then we had the typical array of politicians and speakers before the big guns arrived.
Biden took the stage first (look to the right of the stop sign). He was introduced by the Amtrak conductor who would take him to Washington on a daily basis as a senator. It was actually a really nice speech by the conductor talking about how Joe was always for the common man. Joe took the stage and joked about the times that he called the station to let them know that he was only two lights away and to hold the train for him. That isn’t exactly a common man sort of thing to do but I’ll let it slide. Then it was time for the reason we were all here.
(Look to the right of the lamppost. Apologies for the quality here but I was shooting blind. I lifted my camera as high as I could and shot in the general direction of the stage.)
Obama took the stage and I actually had a view of him. I was probably between 30 and 50 yards from the stage so I was close enough to have a good look. We started by singing happy birthday to his wife and then we, well, I would like to say that we listened to his speech. To be honest I can’t really remember anything he said. I do recall trying like mad to take a picture (like everyone else in the crowd), being jostled by eight thousand people trying to get a better look, and, well, I’ll let the picture explain.
Yeah, a portion of the crowd was yelling at the little girl in the pink jacket to get out of the damn tree so we could see. I wouldn’t say that it was my proudest moment as a citizen but if you stood out in the cold you would want to see everyone that you could. Actually, this is probably the best picture that I got out of the bunch as if you look left of the stop sign you could see everyone waving.
Now this wasn’t a momentous speech or even a very crowded one. Nothing spectacular happened and outside of the people who were there no one will remember it. But I’ll have to admit that I got a little choked up as I walked in and looked around. It is quite an amazing sight to be surrounded by thousands of people who just want to cheer for a man who gives us hope that the future may be better than the present. That for once we have elected a candidate based on the promise of their potential. I was lucky beyond belief to be able to have such an experience in my front yard.
After it all ended and I started to make my way back home they played the following song over the loud speakers. I smiled my biggest smile of the night. It just showed that Obama was bringing Chicago to the White House. Who else would use Wilco as part of his official theme music.
(I know I promised a dating story this weekend. Don’t worry. It’s coming tomorrow and trust me, you will not want to miss this one.)
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Cowboy Junkies “Onesoulnow”
2) The Iguanas “Live at Wolf Trap”
3) The Pogues “The Ultimate Collection”
4) U2 “Zooropa”
5) Beth Orton “The Other Side of Daybreak”
A little backstory here. Obama and Biden decided to recreate Lincoln’s train ride into Washington (except without the secrecy and rumors of being disguised in women’s clothing) and start in Philadelphia. From there Obama would go to Wilmington where Biden would join them, getting on the train at the same station that he always goes to Washington from. That station just happens to be directly across the street from my apartment. Literally. I am looking at where they spoke as I write this.
This did mean that certain measures were going to be in effect. For one thing, they blocked off all the roads surrounding my apartment. I think I theoretically could have left my apartment Friday night but given what was closed I am really uncertain that I would have been able to get back in without having to drive to Baltimore and turn around. Also, when I woke up on Saturday morning I was greeted by armed Coast Guard craft traveling the river below me, military helicopters overhead, and men in black on rooftops probably wondering why I was standing so close to the window. It was awesome and disconcerting at the same time.
So this is what it looked like when they first let the crowd in. Everyone rushed for the best position while I stayed in my nice warm and cozy apartment drinking my morning coffee. Now some people did actually watch everything from my apartment building which I thought was kind of silly. I mean, the next president is a five minute walk away. You’d think that you would make the trek. But even I decided that it was better to stay warm for as long as possible until I had to venture into the cold.
Once I thought that the crowd was large enough I bundled up and made my way to the park. To do so I had to stand in line to go through security during which I was able to examine all of the street vendors. Because if there is one thing that screams “America” it is poorly constructed commemorative t-shirts. Also, there were an amazing amount of buttons for sale. I mean like a dozen people selling buttons (including one really cute girl from Arizona who I probably should have bought one from just for the conversation). This raises the question of when was the last time you actually saw someone wear a button. It seems like a product that has no meaning.
After making my way through security I scanned the area and picked my spot. Once I saw where the tv cameras were and where the stage was I found a spot where I could see the podium. There was a tree in my way but I was just tall enough to see the stage. Not that there was anything to see at the moment. That was going to take another hour. We did have some advance entertainment. The national anthem was sung by a small child named Nichodemus, a name that would prove quite ironic as this tale progresses. Then we had the typical array of politicians and speakers before the big guns arrived.
Biden took the stage first (look to the right of the stop sign). He was introduced by the Amtrak conductor who would take him to Washington on a daily basis as a senator. It was actually a really nice speech by the conductor talking about how Joe was always for the common man. Joe took the stage and joked about the times that he called the station to let them know that he was only two lights away and to hold the train for him. That isn’t exactly a common man sort of thing to do but I’ll let it slide. Then it was time for the reason we were all here.
(Look to the right of the lamppost. Apologies for the quality here but I was shooting blind. I lifted my camera as high as I could and shot in the general direction of the stage.)
Obama took the stage and I actually had a view of him. I was probably between 30 and 50 yards from the stage so I was close enough to have a good look. We started by singing happy birthday to his wife and then we, well, I would like to say that we listened to his speech. To be honest I can’t really remember anything he said. I do recall trying like mad to take a picture (like everyone else in the crowd), being jostled by eight thousand people trying to get a better look, and, well, I’ll let the picture explain.
Yeah, a portion of the crowd was yelling at the little girl in the pink jacket to get out of the damn tree so we could see. I wouldn’t say that it was my proudest moment as a citizen but if you stood out in the cold you would want to see everyone that you could. Actually, this is probably the best picture that I got out of the bunch as if you look left of the stop sign you could see everyone waving.
Now this wasn’t a momentous speech or even a very crowded one. Nothing spectacular happened and outside of the people who were there no one will remember it. But I’ll have to admit that I got a little choked up as I walked in and looked around. It is quite an amazing sight to be surrounded by thousands of people who just want to cheer for a man who gives us hope that the future may be better than the present. That for once we have elected a candidate based on the promise of their potential. I was lucky beyond belief to be able to have such an experience in my front yard.
After it all ended and I started to make my way back home they played the following song over the loud speakers. I smiled my biggest smile of the night. It just showed that Obama was bringing Chicago to the White House. Who else would use Wilco as part of his official theme music.
(I know I promised a dating story this weekend. Don’t worry. It’s coming tomorrow and trust me, you will not want to miss this one.)
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Cowboy Junkies “Onesoulnow”
2) The Iguanas “Live at Wolf Trap”
3) The Pogues “The Ultimate Collection”
4) U2 “Zooropa”
5) Beth Orton “The Other Side of Daybreak”
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Baby it's cold outside
First off, big props to the U.S. Airways pilot who ditched his plane in the Hudson River this afternoon. It is insanely difficult to do that and not have the plane break apart and start to sink. He did a textbook job in it, which is incredible given that he had all of two minutes to figure out what was going wrong, what to do, and how to execute it. Just an incredible job.
(Though this is just another example of the animal kingdom uniting against us. After years of destroying their habitat this was bound to happen. Just wait until the bears arm themselves and dolphins evolve opposable thumbs. Then you could measure our time as the dominant species on this planet with a stopwatch.)
Given the cold weather that is gripping the nation I figure that I should tell my favorite cold weather story. Now for those wondering the weather here in lovely Delaware isn’t nearly as bad as in other parts of the country. We’ll have below zero windchills tomorrow but for the most part the lows have been in the teens this week. To me that is not bad at all. I went all of December wearing a leather jacket and only now have broken out my winter coat. I’ve never even been forced to wear my ugly stocking cap that exists only to keep my ears warm. So it’s not like I’m in Minnesota or anything.
However, back when I was in college at Illinois we were caught in one of these winter weather disasters. Air temperature below zero and something like thirty below windchills. Just about as brutally cold as you can get. Now being a Chicagoan I pride myself on being able to withstand any type of weather. This has resulted in my now having my fingertips ache whenever it gets cold out (something that is true of anyone who ever played high school baseball in the Chicagoland area) but it means that I can handle pretty much anything. So, in order to make it to my engineering class I bundled up in about four layers of clothing, walked through as many buildings as possible, and made it through my classes in my usual stupor. (Seriously, how would you like to have to sit through three hours of engineering lectures every day when you were 20? Just because I make a living at it doesn’t mean I enjoyed it.)
All of us in class commented on how silly it was that we had to go to class. It was just brutally cold outside. Every part of you ached as you walked and it was physically painful to move from one spot to another. You would not take off your coat even while indoors as you just wanted to hold on to as much warmth as possible. It was suffering, pure and simple.
However that physical pain didn’t match the torment of the next day. That is when we found out that Illinois had cancelled classes the previous day because of the cold weather without, you know, informing anyone. This was in the wonderful days before email or text messaging so the official notice was placed in the campus newspaper, which no one ever read. They basically said “well, if you didn’t make it to class yesterday it is considered an excused absence.” That made all of us who braved hypothermia happy. That is a good explanation of being an engineer at Illinois. You go to classes that are entirely male, be taught a subject that is going over your head so fast it is making a whizzing sound, and on the one day you could have stayed in bed you end up volunteering for the suffering. In the end it is still worth it. Don’t know how or why but it is.
Another tale from the KC dating scene this weekend along with a bit of national news included. I’ll explain it as I get to it.
(Though this is just another example of the animal kingdom uniting against us. After years of destroying their habitat this was bound to happen. Just wait until the bears arm themselves and dolphins evolve opposable thumbs. Then you could measure our time as the dominant species on this planet with a stopwatch.)
Given the cold weather that is gripping the nation I figure that I should tell my favorite cold weather story. Now for those wondering the weather here in lovely Delaware isn’t nearly as bad as in other parts of the country. We’ll have below zero windchills tomorrow but for the most part the lows have been in the teens this week. To me that is not bad at all. I went all of December wearing a leather jacket and only now have broken out my winter coat. I’ve never even been forced to wear my ugly stocking cap that exists only to keep my ears warm. So it’s not like I’m in Minnesota or anything.
However, back when I was in college at Illinois we were caught in one of these winter weather disasters. Air temperature below zero and something like thirty below windchills. Just about as brutally cold as you can get. Now being a Chicagoan I pride myself on being able to withstand any type of weather. This has resulted in my now having my fingertips ache whenever it gets cold out (something that is true of anyone who ever played high school baseball in the Chicagoland area) but it means that I can handle pretty much anything. So, in order to make it to my engineering class I bundled up in about four layers of clothing, walked through as many buildings as possible, and made it through my classes in my usual stupor. (Seriously, how would you like to have to sit through three hours of engineering lectures every day when you were 20? Just because I make a living at it doesn’t mean I enjoyed it.)
All of us in class commented on how silly it was that we had to go to class. It was just brutally cold outside. Every part of you ached as you walked and it was physically painful to move from one spot to another. You would not take off your coat even while indoors as you just wanted to hold on to as much warmth as possible. It was suffering, pure and simple.
However that physical pain didn’t match the torment of the next day. That is when we found out that Illinois had cancelled classes the previous day because of the cold weather without, you know, informing anyone. This was in the wonderful days before email or text messaging so the official notice was placed in the campus newspaper, which no one ever read. They basically said “well, if you didn’t make it to class yesterday it is considered an excused absence.” That made all of us who braved hypothermia happy. That is a good explanation of being an engineer at Illinois. You go to classes that are entirely male, be taught a subject that is going over your head so fast it is making a whizzing sound, and on the one day you could have stayed in bed you end up volunteering for the suffering. In the end it is still worth it. Don’t know how or why but it is.
Another tale from the KC dating scene this weekend along with a bit of national news included. I’ll explain it as I get to it.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Hitting the gym
Editor’s Note: Apologies if my post last night made your browser go kablooey. Apparently the Alejandro Escovedo video I posted completely screwed up my formatting and I didn’t notice it until I was at work this morning. I’ve replaced the video with another one and now hopefully everything will be back to normal with my profile in the correct place. Also, let me know if my onslaught of YouTube videos is messing around with the load times. I could cut back on the number of posts on the front page (right now you get the past month in Battling the Current history).
It’s always wonderful to work out during the first few weeks of January. You learn so much about the human condition and how we are influenced by calendars during those first two weeks. Because it really is the invasion of the resolution people.
Now I’ll start off by saying that I’ve been working out regularly since October usually hitting the gym in my apartment four times a week. It’s not like they are good workouts or anything but I do cardio and am now lifting weights and my doing anything is better for me than sitting on my couch. The most incredible thing is that I now look forward to working out. I was very happy to be on an exercise bike for half an hour tonight and I can’t stand those things. So while I’m not a fitness fiend I do use the gym on a regular basis.
As with any gym there is a regular crowd. Everyone works out at about the same time and while you don’t know anyone by name you know the elliptical woman and the weight lifting guy and the woman who decides to walk on a treadmill at 1.5 miles hour just to annoy everyone. There are at most two other people with you at the gym at the same time and you never have an issue getting a treadmill. That is big because I usually use the treadmill. Speaking of which…I have a story to share.
There are two treadmills in my apartment complex. Ever since I started working out I always chose the one on the right. Over the past few months I kept on increasing the speed and incline and was very happy with my progress. I was so proud over the improvement that I had made since I left KC. Occasionally someone would be on my treadmill and I had to use the other one. For some reason those workouts always sucked and I ended up having to stop the workout early to save my legs.
Well, a week or two ago I go to the gym to find a sign on my treadmill saying that the motor is broken and it is out of service. So I now use the other treadmill regularly and have discovered that the challenging workouts that I could easily tackle on the old treadmill are now impossible on this one. So either a) my physical capabilities are dependent on my being three feet to the left of my preferred position or b) the other treadmill was calibrated badly and I was actually going slower than I thought. Talk about disheartening.
Anyway, back to the New Year’s Resolutions people. As a rule, the worst week to ever be in a gym is the first week after New Year’s because that is when everyone is trying to get in shape. Instead of two or three people in the gym now there were eight or nine; half of whom are trying to figure out how to work the machines. Or doing one of those “I’ll be on this machine for five minutes then switch to another and then another” workouts. And they even feel like talking in the gym. No one talks in the gym. We all have on our headphones (and I even have one of those armband things for my Zune now) and have no desire to admit that other people exist.
But tonight? Back to the same three of us that there were in December. They lasted one week. It’s nice that I’ve reached the point that I can laugh at other people’s exercise program. Sure, I’m still far from being in shape (and somehow have gained a few pounds since I’ve started lifting) but I am working out consistently. I feel better as well and that really is all that matters. Just wait until I start doing Yoga. Yes, that is on the list of things to do now. We here at Battling the Current do pretty much anything that is recommended to us in the comments.
It’s always wonderful to work out during the first few weeks of January. You learn so much about the human condition and how we are influenced by calendars during those first two weeks. Because it really is the invasion of the resolution people.
Now I’ll start off by saying that I’ve been working out regularly since October usually hitting the gym in my apartment four times a week. It’s not like they are good workouts or anything but I do cardio and am now lifting weights and my doing anything is better for me than sitting on my couch. The most incredible thing is that I now look forward to working out. I was very happy to be on an exercise bike for half an hour tonight and I can’t stand those things. So while I’m not a fitness fiend I do use the gym on a regular basis.
As with any gym there is a regular crowd. Everyone works out at about the same time and while you don’t know anyone by name you know the elliptical woman and the weight lifting guy and the woman who decides to walk on a treadmill at 1.5 miles hour just to annoy everyone. There are at most two other people with you at the gym at the same time and you never have an issue getting a treadmill. That is big because I usually use the treadmill. Speaking of which…I have a story to share.
There are two treadmills in my apartment complex. Ever since I started working out I always chose the one on the right. Over the past few months I kept on increasing the speed and incline and was very happy with my progress. I was so proud over the improvement that I had made since I left KC. Occasionally someone would be on my treadmill and I had to use the other one. For some reason those workouts always sucked and I ended up having to stop the workout early to save my legs.
Well, a week or two ago I go to the gym to find a sign on my treadmill saying that the motor is broken and it is out of service. So I now use the other treadmill regularly and have discovered that the challenging workouts that I could easily tackle on the old treadmill are now impossible on this one. So either a) my physical capabilities are dependent on my being three feet to the left of my preferred position or b) the other treadmill was calibrated badly and I was actually going slower than I thought. Talk about disheartening.
Anyway, back to the New Year’s Resolutions people. As a rule, the worst week to ever be in a gym is the first week after New Year’s because that is when everyone is trying to get in shape. Instead of two or three people in the gym now there were eight or nine; half of whom are trying to figure out how to work the machines. Or doing one of those “I’ll be on this machine for five minutes then switch to another and then another” workouts. And they even feel like talking in the gym. No one talks in the gym. We all have on our headphones (and I even have one of those armband things for my Zune now) and have no desire to admit that other people exist.
But tonight? Back to the same three of us that there were in December. They lasted one week. It’s nice that I’ve reached the point that I can laugh at other people’s exercise program. Sure, I’m still far from being in shape (and somehow have gained a few pounds since I’ve started lifting) but I am working out consistently. I feel better as well and that really is all that matters. Just wait until I start doing Yoga. Yes, that is on the list of things to do now. We here at Battling the Current do pretty much anything that is recommended to us in the comments.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Best Concerts of the Kansas City Years (Part Two)
The following story is absolutely true. After writing about music all night I dreamt that I was dating Kathleen Edwards. One of those wonderful dreams where you are constantly in each other arms and every moment seems perfect and joyous. Then I woke up. There is no worse feeling in existence then waking up and feeling that you are in love with this beautiful and talented woman only to slowly realize that in fact you are alone, without a girlfriend and living in Delaware. You should not have to go to work on days like that. You should be able to call in and be marked absent with a reason of “discovered that the universe is patently unfair.”
Here are my top five shows. As each show has a story I will share the story and a video. That works a little better than last night’s vague attempt at music criticism (though you must listen to the Josh Ritter song.)
# 5: The Get Up Kids (Farewell Show) (Uptown Theater, Kansas City, MO): It was the last stand of The Get Up Kids, the best band out of Kansas since, well, Kansas. I actually have a connection to the band as a coworker and fellow blogger just happens to be the brother of the rhythm section. This led me to being in the VIP section (or at least closer to the bar) at one show. But for this one it was me on my own and that made it incredible.
Because as a result I experienced one of the most amazing crowds ever. When I drove past the theater at noon that day there was already a sizable line of people sitting in the July heat for hours before the doors opened. When I got there the line was three blocks long. While in line I found out that people had flown from Japan to be there. Then I met some people who came from Australia to see the band’s last show. Think about it. That is literally on the other side of the world. What have you done in your life that has caused anyone from the other side of the planet to visit you?
Finale shows are usually bad. Even last shows of a tour tend to be bad because the band is sick of each other by that point. When the band is breaking up they typically just want it to be over. The Get Up Kids broke the mold with this show. They played all out from start to finish with the crowd into it from the moment they took the stage. It really felt as though they were never going to end the show. I think the only reason they did was curfew and threats of arrest. But it was just one night of a band saying that they were going to go out with a bang.
# 4: Alejandro Escovedo (with Jon Dee Graham) (Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, Kansas City, MO): I’ll start this by giving praise to Jon Dee Graham, the man I saw in concert more than any other act in my five years in KC. Given that he is based in Austin and I probably missed three of his shows due to being out of town it shows a) just how much he tours and b) just how big of a fan I am. I was watching a documentary on him and they described him as music for adults. It is sad that when the words Adult Themes are used we immediately think of softcore porn. But Jon Dee sings about Adult Themes. About struggling through life and having to deal with defeats and the beauty in the struggle. He’ll never be famous, he’ll never be rich, but he has produced art at a level that I dream of.
As for Alejandro, I started going to his shows when I was in Chicago and was just amazed by the sheer power of his work. Here is a guy whose punk rock band opened for the last Sex Pistols show and he had evolved to someone who would take the stage with a cello and violin and still cover I Wanna Be Your Dog. As a huge fan I was stunned when I heard that he had essentially collapsed on stage and nearly died. I contributed to his medical fund and still wear my Por Vida (For Life) shirt with pride. For all that his music did for me it was the least that I could do.
This show was on his first tour back after several years of recovery. It was a two night affair and every single person in the room was a fan. When Alejandro thanked the crowd it was one of the most heartfelt moments that I have ever seen on stage. Then he just rocked it out as always with the addition of a beautiful string section that just left you haunted. This clip isn’t the best but it is the only one that I could find that showed the pure power of his music. Sometimes music unites people and that is what happened at this show.
# 3: Jay Farrar (The Bottleneck, Lawrence, Kansas): I have said in the past that I have never gone more than two weeks without listening to a Jay Farrar song. That is probably a little bit of hyperbole but if you add in the bands that were directly influenced by him it probably is true. Without a doubt, his music from Uncle Tupelo to Son Volt to his solo work has been the soundtrack to my adult life.
So when I found out that he was playing in a small venue I had to be there. In fact, I scheduled the day off so I could be the first person at the door when they opened. I didn’t want to have to do my usual change at the office and hope I make it there in time. Nope, this entire day was going to be all about music.
However, in a sign that maybe I should have gone to work for another company, that wasn’t the case. See, a few weeks after I scheduled my day off the VP decided to hold an informational meeting with my group on that day and my boss decided to try to guilt me in to not taking the day off. I wish I had said, “Screw you. It’s my vacation and I’ll use it whenever the hell I feel like it.” But instead I was a good employee and sat in a meeting where all I did was nod and then raced to the concert in a bad mood. I still hate myself for that.
I did end up in front of the stage though with a crowd that stood there in stunned awe. At one point the crowd organically began to sing along. It wasn’t a crowd interaction moment, there was no enticement from the stage, just an entire room full of people being compelled to simultaneously sing. He even played “Still Be Around”, a song that I never dreamed that I would ever hear live. Just an amazing night.
# 2: The Polyphonic Spree (Granada, Lawrence, Kansas): On the plus side, I’ve already told the lead up to this story in my latest KC Dating Scene post. Yes, I could have taken the librarian to the second best show I saw in KC but didn’t. No wonder she didn’t want anything else to do with me.
I’ve tried and tried to explain what it is like to see the Spree and I still don’t think I’ve accomplished it. Twenty five people on stage including a full choir, a string section, a brass section, a rather cute flautist, and a harpist. I’ve never seen a band with a harpist before. Nor have I seen a band take the stage for the encore wearing matching choir robes. Some people have said that their positive energy is an act but I swear to God that this show lifted my spirits like you wouldn’t believe. It was two hours of amazement and wonder. And I decided not to have a cute girl next to me throughout all of it. What an idiot.
# 1: Damien Rice (with The Frames) (Liberty Hall, Lawrence, Kansas): The best show I ever saw and I almost didn’t go. I worked late in the office that day and I asked myself if I really felt like driving all the way to Lawrence to see two acts I had barely heard of. I am so amazingly grateful that I made the trip.
To show how close I cut it, I entered Liberty Hall, bought my beer and got to the front of the stage just as Glen Hansard from The Frames plugged in his guitar. This was the first time I had ever seen The Frames (even though I still think I may have caught them in Chicago once) and they just floored me. Opening acts are never supposed to be that good, nor are they supposed to break into songs from Willy Wonka and have it work. From the moment I heard them play this mix of rock songs with an Irish fiddle in the mix I was hooked and would promote the band to everyone I met. A few years and a hit movie later, Glen would be on stage accepting an Oscar. If you haven’t seen the movie Once, rent it. If you don’t own a Frames CD, buy any of them. And if you ever get a chance to see them in concert jump at it. Best live band on the planet today.
(Oh, and if I ever had to choose a song to play over the credits of my life this would be it.)
I’m not sure if I can even describe Damien Rice’s set in full sentences. It was almost like a collection of magical moments. Lisa Hannigan sitting on the ground rocking back and forth to the music. Vyvienne Long’s intense cello. Damien finishing the song “Amie” by kneeling on the floor, staring at the ceiling, and slowly modifying his looped tracks until you felt as though the aliens were about to arrive. The Frames returning to the stage for the encore for a cover of “Halleiluiah” and a second edition of “The Blower’s Daughter”. A crowd that stood for the entire encore and literally left the theater dancing in the streets. I wanted to lift up a car after this show. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so alive. Seldom do you get to see bands on a perfect night but this was it.
This song is the best that I’ve ever found to capture that moment in the encore where everything just became perfect. Enjoy.
Here are my top five shows. As each show has a story I will share the story and a video. That works a little better than last night’s vague attempt at music criticism (though you must listen to the Josh Ritter song.)
# 5: The Get Up Kids (Farewell Show) (Uptown Theater, Kansas City, MO): It was the last stand of The Get Up Kids, the best band out of Kansas since, well, Kansas. I actually have a connection to the band as a coworker and fellow blogger just happens to be the brother of the rhythm section. This led me to being in the VIP section (or at least closer to the bar) at one show. But for this one it was me on my own and that made it incredible.
Because as a result I experienced one of the most amazing crowds ever. When I drove past the theater at noon that day there was already a sizable line of people sitting in the July heat for hours before the doors opened. When I got there the line was three blocks long. While in line I found out that people had flown from Japan to be there. Then I met some people who came from Australia to see the band’s last show. Think about it. That is literally on the other side of the world. What have you done in your life that has caused anyone from the other side of the planet to visit you?
Finale shows are usually bad. Even last shows of a tour tend to be bad because the band is sick of each other by that point. When the band is breaking up they typically just want it to be over. The Get Up Kids broke the mold with this show. They played all out from start to finish with the crowd into it from the moment they took the stage. It really felt as though they were never going to end the show. I think the only reason they did was curfew and threats of arrest. But it was just one night of a band saying that they were going to go out with a bang.
# 4: Alejandro Escovedo (with Jon Dee Graham) (Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, Kansas City, MO): I’ll start this by giving praise to Jon Dee Graham, the man I saw in concert more than any other act in my five years in KC. Given that he is based in Austin and I probably missed three of his shows due to being out of town it shows a) just how much he tours and b) just how big of a fan I am. I was watching a documentary on him and they described him as music for adults. It is sad that when the words Adult Themes are used we immediately think of softcore porn. But Jon Dee sings about Adult Themes. About struggling through life and having to deal with defeats and the beauty in the struggle. He’ll never be famous, he’ll never be rich, but he has produced art at a level that I dream of.
As for Alejandro, I started going to his shows when I was in Chicago and was just amazed by the sheer power of his work. Here is a guy whose punk rock band opened for the last Sex Pistols show and he had evolved to someone who would take the stage with a cello and violin and still cover I Wanna Be Your Dog. As a huge fan I was stunned when I heard that he had essentially collapsed on stage and nearly died. I contributed to his medical fund and still wear my Por Vida (For Life) shirt with pride. For all that his music did for me it was the least that I could do.
This show was on his first tour back after several years of recovery. It was a two night affair and every single person in the room was a fan. When Alejandro thanked the crowd it was one of the most heartfelt moments that I have ever seen on stage. Then he just rocked it out as always with the addition of a beautiful string section that just left you haunted. This clip isn’t the best but it is the only one that I could find that showed the pure power of his music. Sometimes music unites people and that is what happened at this show.
# 3: Jay Farrar (The Bottleneck, Lawrence, Kansas): I have said in the past that I have never gone more than two weeks without listening to a Jay Farrar song. That is probably a little bit of hyperbole but if you add in the bands that were directly influenced by him it probably is true. Without a doubt, his music from Uncle Tupelo to Son Volt to his solo work has been the soundtrack to my adult life.
So when I found out that he was playing in a small venue I had to be there. In fact, I scheduled the day off so I could be the first person at the door when they opened. I didn’t want to have to do my usual change at the office and hope I make it there in time. Nope, this entire day was going to be all about music.
However, in a sign that maybe I should have gone to work for another company, that wasn’t the case. See, a few weeks after I scheduled my day off the VP decided to hold an informational meeting with my group on that day and my boss decided to try to guilt me in to not taking the day off. I wish I had said, “Screw you. It’s my vacation and I’ll use it whenever the hell I feel like it.” But instead I was a good employee and sat in a meeting where all I did was nod and then raced to the concert in a bad mood. I still hate myself for that.
I did end up in front of the stage though with a crowd that stood there in stunned awe. At one point the crowd organically began to sing along. It wasn’t a crowd interaction moment, there was no enticement from the stage, just an entire room full of people being compelled to simultaneously sing. He even played “Still Be Around”, a song that I never dreamed that I would ever hear live. Just an amazing night.
# 2: The Polyphonic Spree (Granada, Lawrence, Kansas): On the plus side, I’ve already told the lead up to this story in my latest KC Dating Scene post. Yes, I could have taken the librarian to the second best show I saw in KC but didn’t. No wonder she didn’t want anything else to do with me.
I’ve tried and tried to explain what it is like to see the Spree and I still don’t think I’ve accomplished it. Twenty five people on stage including a full choir, a string section, a brass section, a rather cute flautist, and a harpist. I’ve never seen a band with a harpist before. Nor have I seen a band take the stage for the encore wearing matching choir robes. Some people have said that their positive energy is an act but I swear to God that this show lifted my spirits like you wouldn’t believe. It was two hours of amazement and wonder. And I decided not to have a cute girl next to me throughout all of it. What an idiot.
# 1: Damien Rice (with The Frames) (Liberty Hall, Lawrence, Kansas): The best show I ever saw and I almost didn’t go. I worked late in the office that day and I asked myself if I really felt like driving all the way to Lawrence to see two acts I had barely heard of. I am so amazingly grateful that I made the trip.
To show how close I cut it, I entered Liberty Hall, bought my beer and got to the front of the stage just as Glen Hansard from The Frames plugged in his guitar. This was the first time I had ever seen The Frames (even though I still think I may have caught them in Chicago once) and they just floored me. Opening acts are never supposed to be that good, nor are they supposed to break into songs from Willy Wonka and have it work. From the moment I heard them play this mix of rock songs with an Irish fiddle in the mix I was hooked and would promote the band to everyone I met. A few years and a hit movie later, Glen would be on stage accepting an Oscar. If you haven’t seen the movie Once, rent it. If you don’t own a Frames CD, buy any of them. And if you ever get a chance to see them in concert jump at it. Best live band on the planet today.
(Oh, and if I ever had to choose a song to play over the credits of my life this would be it.)
I’m not sure if I can even describe Damien Rice’s set in full sentences. It was almost like a collection of magical moments. Lisa Hannigan sitting on the ground rocking back and forth to the music. Vyvienne Long’s intense cello. Damien finishing the song “Amie” by kneeling on the floor, staring at the ceiling, and slowly modifying his looped tracks until you felt as though the aliens were about to arrive. The Frames returning to the stage for the encore for a cover of “Halleiluiah” and a second edition of “The Blower’s Daughter”. A crowd that stood for the entire encore and literally left the theater dancing in the streets. I wanted to lift up a car after this show. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so alive. Seldom do you get to see bands on a perfect night but this was it.
This song is the best that I’ve ever found to capture that moment in the encore where everything just became perfect. Enjoy.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Best Concerts of the Kansas City Years (Part One)
Alright, the first part of the post I’ve been waiting months to do. It is time for me to list the top ten concerts that I saw in KC. Now typically at this time of year I just review the past year. Sadly, I only saw maybe a half dozen shows last year though they were all quite good and I actually had a date for one of them. Ok, maybe not a date but a woman went with me and I paid for the ticket. That counts for something; I’m just not sure what. Anyway, I want to try to capture my thoughts on five years of concert going in a town that was much better for live music than I ever anticipated.
Let’s start with some stats. By my estimation in my five years there I saw roughly 170 concerts and about 220 individual acts. In terms of number of my favorite bands here are the ones I saw most often:
6 shows: Jon Dee Graham, Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys
5 shows: Carbon Leaf, Richard Buckner
4 shows: Jack Ingram, Lyle Lovett (with and without his Large Band), The Gaslights, Vedera
3 shows: Alejandro Escovedo, Anders parker, Ani DiFranco, Cowboy Mouth, Garrison Starr, Gomez, Guster, Hank Williams III, Howie Day, Immaculate Machine, Lucinda Williams, Neko Case, Nickel Creek, Old Crow Medicine Show, Robert Earl Keen, Rufus Wainwright, The Brunettes, The Ditty Bops, The Get Up Kids, Wilco
So here is the bottom half of my top ten.
# 10: Aimee Mann (Liberty Hall, Lawrence, Kansas): A lot of people wonder how I could have gone to 170 concerts in five years. Well, one way of doing it is going to see people who you have heard of but don’t actually know anything about. Meaning that I walked into this show knowing that everyone praises Aimee but without actually having listened to any of her work other than “Voices Carry”. All I can say is that I don’t know if I was ever blown away more by a performance than with what she did that night. Just her and one other musician playing all of these songs about horribly flawed people in the most achingly beautiful manner possible. I immediately went out and bought everything she had ever recorded and have listened to her consistently ever since. That is why I go to shows.
# 9: Kathleen Edwards (with The Last Town Chorus) (Knuckleheads Saloon, North Kansas City, Missouri): My top concert for the year (yes, I could have gone with The Swell Season but I’ll be talking about them in later entries anyway) and the one at my least favorite venue in KC. First off, it is impossible to find. Then there is the fact that you can either a) sit down and not see anything or b) stand and have everyone yell at you to sit down. Incredibly annoying. I highly recommend that everyone pick up The Last Town Chorus’ “Wire Waltz”. It’s tough to call it a band as when I saw them it was just Megan Hickey solo, playing a mournful lap steel and singing achingly of lost love. She ended her set with the song “It’s Not Over” (which I’ll post here) and her leaving the stage with her looped vocal of “It’s Not Over” was just chilling. This was the best act that I stumbled upon this year.
As for Kathleen Edwards I would probably place her as one of the best female singer – songwriters post Lucinda Williams. Yes, I feel that she is truly that good. A wonderful mix of craftsmanship, moving lyrics and the ability to just rock out when need be. Great stage presence as well as absolutely nothing ever seems to faze her and she always seems to be having the time of her life on stage.
# 8: Gomez (with David Ford) (Grand Emporium, Kansas City, MO): This might actually have been the last great show at the Grand Emporium as it was in the dying days of its existence as a music club. This was after they had already turned it from a dank, smoke filled club to an upscale martini bar that for some reason would occasionally host concerts. The place was incredibly intimate and led to some of the most intense shows I’ve ever seen.
There are so many reasons to like David Ford. First off, he called his first album “I Sincerely Apologize for all the Trouble I’ve Caused”, which is just brilliant. Then there is the fact that he plays about fifty instruments, often on the same song, seemingly at the same time. (Check out some of his YouTube vids). But mainly I like him because when I saw him he gave every single ounce of energy into his performance and ended up with half of his equipment broken, leaning over the crowd with the microphone, and just belting out the chorus to this song. Have to say that this song and video pretty well sum up my life at times.
Gomez should make the list for having fat Harry Potter on keyboards alone. They are one of those classic British alternative rock bands that broke big and somehow get better with each album but sell less year after year. Their shows are just incredible and in a small venue (and literally this is as small as you can get) the sheer energy makes for a great night.
# 7: The Frames (with Josh Ritter) (Granada, Lawrence, Kansas): I’m actually not going to talk about The Frames tonight. That will come later in the week. I will talk about Josh Ritter though and the opening set that made me a believer in him. He might be the best singer-songwriter in the history of Idaho. True, it’s not a long history but it is a start. I’ve never seen anyone so genuinely happy that he is on stage. A lot of acts have that stage banter where they act so happy but you know it is just a bit. With Josh I legitimately feel that there was no place he would rather be in the world than on stage performing even as an opening act in Lawrence. And that joy is really infectious for an audience.
This was a few years back and he has been improving leaps and bounds as an artist. Now when people compare him to Dylan I actually think they might be right. In a perfect world people would know his name as much as they know John Mayer’s. Whether he would then also want to date Jennifer Aniston I’ll leave up to him. The song I’m posting here is called “Lawrence, KS” and has my favorite lyric of the past five years: “I’ve been from here to Lawrence, Kansas trying to leave this state of mind. Trying to leave this awful sadness. But I can’t leave the world behind.”
# 6: Neko Case (Liberty Hall, Lawrence, Kansas): Some concerts have more meaning to certain people than others. This was one of those shows. See, I’ve been following Neko for years and I vaguely knew her back when I lived in Chicago. She played at the club I was regular at so we ended up talking at the bar on occasion. To see her sell out Liberty Hall on a Friday night was such a joy because it meant that finally people have started to see how amazing she is. Oh, the fact that I was able to stand in front of the stage and I’ve, uh, publicly stated that I kind of want to marry her wasn’t bad either.
There is just something about her voice that just hits my soul. It just sounds like it should be coming from a sultry lounge singer but with just enough of a Patsy Cline tinge to both entice you and entrap you at the same time. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen her put on a bad show.
Let’s start with some stats. By my estimation in my five years there I saw roughly 170 concerts and about 220 individual acts. In terms of number of my favorite bands here are the ones I saw most often:
6 shows: Jon Dee Graham, Rex Hobart and the Misery Boys
5 shows: Carbon Leaf, Richard Buckner
4 shows: Jack Ingram, Lyle Lovett (with and without his Large Band), The Gaslights, Vedera
3 shows: Alejandro Escovedo, Anders parker, Ani DiFranco, Cowboy Mouth, Garrison Starr, Gomez, Guster, Hank Williams III, Howie Day, Immaculate Machine, Lucinda Williams, Neko Case, Nickel Creek, Old Crow Medicine Show, Robert Earl Keen, Rufus Wainwright, The Brunettes, The Ditty Bops, The Get Up Kids, Wilco
So here is the bottom half of my top ten.
# 10: Aimee Mann (Liberty Hall, Lawrence, Kansas): A lot of people wonder how I could have gone to 170 concerts in five years. Well, one way of doing it is going to see people who you have heard of but don’t actually know anything about. Meaning that I walked into this show knowing that everyone praises Aimee but without actually having listened to any of her work other than “Voices Carry”. All I can say is that I don’t know if I was ever blown away more by a performance than with what she did that night. Just her and one other musician playing all of these songs about horribly flawed people in the most achingly beautiful manner possible. I immediately went out and bought everything she had ever recorded and have listened to her consistently ever since. That is why I go to shows.
# 9: Kathleen Edwards (with The Last Town Chorus) (Knuckleheads Saloon, North Kansas City, Missouri): My top concert for the year (yes, I could have gone with The Swell Season but I’ll be talking about them in later entries anyway) and the one at my least favorite venue in KC. First off, it is impossible to find. Then there is the fact that you can either a) sit down and not see anything or b) stand and have everyone yell at you to sit down. Incredibly annoying. I highly recommend that everyone pick up The Last Town Chorus’ “Wire Waltz”. It’s tough to call it a band as when I saw them it was just Megan Hickey solo, playing a mournful lap steel and singing achingly of lost love. She ended her set with the song “It’s Not Over” (which I’ll post here) and her leaving the stage with her looped vocal of “It’s Not Over” was just chilling. This was the best act that I stumbled upon this year.
As for Kathleen Edwards I would probably place her as one of the best female singer – songwriters post Lucinda Williams. Yes, I feel that she is truly that good. A wonderful mix of craftsmanship, moving lyrics and the ability to just rock out when need be. Great stage presence as well as absolutely nothing ever seems to faze her and she always seems to be having the time of her life on stage.
# 8: Gomez (with David Ford) (Grand Emporium, Kansas City, MO): This might actually have been the last great show at the Grand Emporium as it was in the dying days of its existence as a music club. This was after they had already turned it from a dank, smoke filled club to an upscale martini bar that for some reason would occasionally host concerts. The place was incredibly intimate and led to some of the most intense shows I’ve ever seen.
There are so many reasons to like David Ford. First off, he called his first album “I Sincerely Apologize for all the Trouble I’ve Caused”, which is just brilliant. Then there is the fact that he plays about fifty instruments, often on the same song, seemingly at the same time. (Check out some of his YouTube vids). But mainly I like him because when I saw him he gave every single ounce of energy into his performance and ended up with half of his equipment broken, leaning over the crowd with the microphone, and just belting out the chorus to this song. Have to say that this song and video pretty well sum up my life at times.
Gomez should make the list for having fat Harry Potter on keyboards alone. They are one of those classic British alternative rock bands that broke big and somehow get better with each album but sell less year after year. Their shows are just incredible and in a small venue (and literally this is as small as you can get) the sheer energy makes for a great night.
# 7: The Frames (with Josh Ritter) (Granada, Lawrence, Kansas): I’m actually not going to talk about The Frames tonight. That will come later in the week. I will talk about Josh Ritter though and the opening set that made me a believer in him. He might be the best singer-songwriter in the history of Idaho. True, it’s not a long history but it is a start. I’ve never seen anyone so genuinely happy that he is on stage. A lot of acts have that stage banter where they act so happy but you know it is just a bit. With Josh I legitimately feel that there was no place he would rather be in the world than on stage performing even as an opening act in Lawrence. And that joy is really infectious for an audience.
This was a few years back and he has been improving leaps and bounds as an artist. Now when people compare him to Dylan I actually think they might be right. In a perfect world people would know his name as much as they know John Mayer’s. Whether he would then also want to date Jennifer Aniston I’ll leave up to him. The song I’m posting here is called “Lawrence, KS” and has my favorite lyric of the past five years: “I’ve been from here to Lawrence, Kansas trying to leave this state of mind. Trying to leave this awful sadness. But I can’t leave the world behind.”
# 6: Neko Case (Liberty Hall, Lawrence, Kansas): Some concerts have more meaning to certain people than others. This was one of those shows. See, I’ve been following Neko for years and I vaguely knew her back when I lived in Chicago. She played at the club I was regular at so we ended up talking at the bar on occasion. To see her sell out Liberty Hall on a Friday night was such a joy because it meant that finally people have started to see how amazing she is. Oh, the fact that I was able to stand in front of the stage and I’ve, uh, publicly stated that I kind of want to marry her wasn’t bad either.
There is just something about her voice that just hits my soul. It just sounds like it should be coming from a sultry lounge singer but with just enough of a Patsy Cline tinge to both entice you and entrap you at the same time. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen her put on a bad show.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sigh....
I had hoped that once I left the wilds of Kansas behind that I would have escaped the clutches of stupidity. That by moving to the East coast that I would have placed myself in a land of enlightenment where we would pass each other on the street and tip our hats and say “Good Morrow to you fine sir. Are you bychance going to the Wittgenstein symposium this afternoon?” True, I was moving to Delaware, a state that only exists because they decided to sign the Constitution before anyone could declare that you needed more than three people to be classified a state, but that was the overall hope. As the above picture shows boy was I wrong.
This isn’t something I pulled from the internet or from a bad Jay Leno sketch. I took this with my own cell phone camera (hence the absolutely horrible color balance) on Saturday morning in the strip mall where I get my hair cut and / or order Chinese food. (I don’t do both at the same place though to be honest it probably wouldn’t be that bad of a business model.) I have never been stopped in my tracks by a sign at an Oriental Massage parlor before. Especially one that made me wonder if I should go in and ask if I could get a “Hapy” Ending.
Seriously, a “Gand” opening? How in the world does that end up not only on an advertising poster but prominently displayed in the window of a place of business. Let’s walk through the steps required for this to occur. 1) Someone must design the poster, 2) The designers and the people paying for the printing must approve the design, 3) A graphic artist must place the design in the final format and send it off to the printer, 4) The printer must then create the final image and 5) The store must receive it and place it in the window. Are you telling me that not one single person in this entire chain took a step back and went “Hmmm…I think the word in the biggest font in the entire poster might be misspelled. Could be grand, could possibly be gland, but oh well, let’s go with Gand”. If you received this wouldn’t you raise holy hell and get another reprinted for free?
Unless of course this is part of some incredible viral marketing campaign in which case I would like to applaud them for their absolute genius. How often are you going to take a second look at a place that offers a therapeutic massage in a strip mall? Those are the stores that you walk past for six months and then wonder why they are now empty. But now every single time I walk by I will look for the sign and mention it to anyone passing by. So it is quite possible that this is all just an avant garde ad campaign that makes me proud to have worked in the marketing profession. Or people in Delaware are just really, really stupid. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Best of 120 Minutes: Ok, I’ll probably take some hits for this one but I don’t really care. See, I was into Sarah McLachlan well before the whole Lilith Fair thing. After hearing this song in college I went “She is really good” and bought all of her discs before everyone decided to play “I Will Remember You” at their high school graduation and ruined Sarah for the rest of us. But even so, she does have a great deal of talent. Plus she wrote this song about a guy that was stalking her and I have to say that is a pretty unique source for a song.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Wayne Toups and Zydecajun “Fish Out of Water”
2) R.E.M. “New Adventures in Hi-Fi”
3) Chris Mills “Kiss It Goodbye”
4) Jack Johnson “Brushfire Fairytales”
5) Robbie Fulks “The Very Best of Robbie Fulks”
This isn’t something I pulled from the internet or from a bad Jay Leno sketch. I took this with my own cell phone camera (hence the absolutely horrible color balance) on Saturday morning in the strip mall where I get my hair cut and / or order Chinese food. (I don’t do both at the same place though to be honest it probably wouldn’t be that bad of a business model.) I have never been stopped in my tracks by a sign at an Oriental Massage parlor before. Especially one that made me wonder if I should go in and ask if I could get a “Hapy” Ending.
Seriously, a “Gand” opening? How in the world does that end up not only on an advertising poster but prominently displayed in the window of a place of business. Let’s walk through the steps required for this to occur. 1) Someone must design the poster, 2) The designers and the people paying for the printing must approve the design, 3) A graphic artist must place the design in the final format and send it off to the printer, 4) The printer must then create the final image and 5) The store must receive it and place it in the window. Are you telling me that not one single person in this entire chain took a step back and went “Hmmm…I think the word in the biggest font in the entire poster might be misspelled. Could be grand, could possibly be gland, but oh well, let’s go with Gand”. If you received this wouldn’t you raise holy hell and get another reprinted for free?
Unless of course this is part of some incredible viral marketing campaign in which case I would like to applaud them for their absolute genius. How often are you going to take a second look at a place that offers a therapeutic massage in a strip mall? Those are the stores that you walk past for six months and then wonder why they are now empty. But now every single time I walk by I will look for the sign and mention it to anyone passing by. So it is quite possible that this is all just an avant garde ad campaign that makes me proud to have worked in the marketing profession. Or people in Delaware are just really, really stupid. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Best of 120 Minutes: Ok, I’ll probably take some hits for this one but I don’t really care. See, I was into Sarah McLachlan well before the whole Lilith Fair thing. After hearing this song in college I went “She is really good” and bought all of her discs before everyone decided to play “I Will Remember You” at their high school graduation and ruined Sarah for the rest of us. But even so, she does have a great deal of talent. Plus she wrote this song about a guy that was stalking her and I have to say that is a pretty unique source for a song.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) Wayne Toups and Zydecajun “Fish Out of Water”
2) R.E.M. “New Adventures in Hi-Fi”
3) Chris Mills “Kiss It Goodbye”
4) Jack Johnson “Brushfire Fairytales”
5) Robbie Fulks “The Very Best of Robbie Fulks”
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Some musical honorable mentions...
Before I get into the whole “Top Ten Shows I Saw While Living in KC” I figured that it would be good to take a post and honor some of the acts that did not make the top ten. Bands who even though I had no idea who they were when I walked into the show somehow made me leave loving life a little bit more and, on a few occasions, wondering what drugs they were on.
Weirdest Opening Act: The legendary Superargo! A band that consists of two people: Person A is on stage in a suit and is playing what appears to be a Sony Vaio laptop and Person B who is in a slightly disheveled suit whose only job is to dance on stage. Oh, and Person B is also wearing a Skullface mask. Now why you need two people for music that is being played from a Sony Vaio is beyond me (a drinking bird hitting enter is all I would think would be required) but the sheer lunacy of the set made it one of my best moments. Here is a sample of the wackiness from a show at the Replay Lounge in Lawrence. I would like to note that A) Skullface parked in the same garage that I always did when I went to shows in Lawrence and B) you never have to work harder as a band than when you are competing against people playing pinball.
Best Set by an Opening Act: The Brunettes. I have never in my life seen a band so win over a crowd as The Brunettes when they opened for The Shins in Lawrence. Literally no one in the audience had a freaking clue who they were when they took the stage. I swear they looked around at their setup and it appeared as though they were unsure who played what instrument and what all the pedals were for. They also seemed to have the most overly complicated set imaginable as at one point three xylophones were required. But the crowd just loved these kids from New Zealand more and more after each song and when they finished with a song about the Olsen Twins that was performed while wearing Full House era Olsen Twins masks we wanted to carry them out of the building on our shoulders. I saw them a year later in Lawrence and they told me that they had never had a night like that in their lives.
Opening Act that Became One of my Favorite Bands: The Ditty Bops. I did not expect this one at all especially given that they were the opening act at a Nickel Creek show (at whose last show my discussion of their opening act resulted in physical threats against me). Abby and Amanda have created an incredible little niche for themselves. It’s part bluegrass, part vaudeville, part performance art and part community activism. The music is absolutely wonderful and the shows are fun for the whole family. Support this band, please, because otherwise they’ll be forced to bike across the country again to promote their latest album.
Weirdest Song of the Five Years: Glen Kotche’s “Monkey Chant”. Discount the fact that I went to a show by Wilco’s drummer. Yes, I went to a show that consisted entirely of one guy drumming. That would be weird enough. But just watch the first thirty seconds of this video and you’ll know what made this the weirdest song ever. The opening of forty five boxes containing crickets to create this otherworldly jungle atmosphere in the middle of a Kansas City winter. I just kind of stood there wondering just what I had gotten myself into. Awesome, though.
Strangest Crowd (Consistently): Hank Williams III for the mix of people that go to his shows. Because Hank III (who looks and sounds just like his grandfather) grew up on punk rock and thrash metal his shows have a very strange audience. You have the hardcore country fans who are there in overalls and cowboy hats. There are also punks in Mohawks and metal fans who look like they are just waiting for the mosh pit to start just to kick your ass. And Hank plays to them all by singing country to start until the end of the show is a thrash tour de force. Insane.
Artist Who I Was Almost Set Up With By Her Stepmom: Pieta Brown. Or at least I will go to my grave saying that when Iris Dement introduced me to her that she was trying to figure out a way for us to go out. The fact that I got to drink with Iris Dement is still one of the highlights of my life not just my concert going years in KC.
This will do for now. More tomorrow (I’ll probably do the top ten in two parts over the week.)
Weirdest Opening Act: The legendary Superargo! A band that consists of two people: Person A is on stage in a suit and is playing what appears to be a Sony Vaio laptop and Person B who is in a slightly disheveled suit whose only job is to dance on stage. Oh, and Person B is also wearing a Skullface mask. Now why you need two people for music that is being played from a Sony Vaio is beyond me (a drinking bird hitting enter is all I would think would be required) but the sheer lunacy of the set made it one of my best moments. Here is a sample of the wackiness from a show at the Replay Lounge in Lawrence. I would like to note that A) Skullface parked in the same garage that I always did when I went to shows in Lawrence and B) you never have to work harder as a band than when you are competing against people playing pinball.
Best Set by an Opening Act: The Brunettes. I have never in my life seen a band so win over a crowd as The Brunettes when they opened for The Shins in Lawrence. Literally no one in the audience had a freaking clue who they were when they took the stage. I swear they looked around at their setup and it appeared as though they were unsure who played what instrument and what all the pedals were for. They also seemed to have the most overly complicated set imaginable as at one point three xylophones were required. But the crowd just loved these kids from New Zealand more and more after each song and when they finished with a song about the Olsen Twins that was performed while wearing Full House era Olsen Twins masks we wanted to carry them out of the building on our shoulders. I saw them a year later in Lawrence and they told me that they had never had a night like that in their lives.
Opening Act that Became One of my Favorite Bands: The Ditty Bops. I did not expect this one at all especially given that they were the opening act at a Nickel Creek show (at whose last show my discussion of their opening act resulted in physical threats against me). Abby and Amanda have created an incredible little niche for themselves. It’s part bluegrass, part vaudeville, part performance art and part community activism. The music is absolutely wonderful and the shows are fun for the whole family. Support this band, please, because otherwise they’ll be forced to bike across the country again to promote their latest album.
Weirdest Song of the Five Years: Glen Kotche’s “Monkey Chant”. Discount the fact that I went to a show by Wilco’s drummer. Yes, I went to a show that consisted entirely of one guy drumming. That would be weird enough. But just watch the first thirty seconds of this video and you’ll know what made this the weirdest song ever. The opening of forty five boxes containing crickets to create this otherworldly jungle atmosphere in the middle of a Kansas City winter. I just kind of stood there wondering just what I had gotten myself into. Awesome, though.
Strangest Crowd (Consistently): Hank Williams III for the mix of people that go to his shows. Because Hank III (who looks and sounds just like his grandfather) grew up on punk rock and thrash metal his shows have a very strange audience. You have the hardcore country fans who are there in overalls and cowboy hats. There are also punks in Mohawks and metal fans who look like they are just waiting for the mosh pit to start just to kick your ass. And Hank plays to them all by singing country to start until the end of the show is a thrash tour de force. Insane.
Artist Who I Was Almost Set Up With By Her Stepmom: Pieta Brown. Or at least I will go to my grave saying that when Iris Dement introduced me to her that she was trying to figure out a way for us to go out. The fact that I got to drink with Iris Dement is still one of the highlights of my life not just my concert going years in KC.
This will do for now. More tomorrow (I’ll probably do the top ten in two parts over the week.)
Thursday, January 08, 2009
I almost went to grad school in Gainsville...
Since it is all kinds of late and I really need to get to bed I’ll try to be quick tonight. Here are a few things that are on my mind.
1) The University of Florida has the absolute ugliest band uniforms that I have ever seen. They look like a bad tracksuit that your grandparents would wear. Why is it so difficult to have good looking band uniforms? Seems to me that this would be the easiest thing in the world to accomplish.
2) I can’t say that I am appalled by the whole “let’s write messages on our eye black” trend but I think it has gone far enough. It was neat when they first showed that eye black technology had improved to the point where it is now possible and when the first athlete said “Hi mom” or gave a shout out to his hometown with it. Now I’m just waiting to see full advertisements on there.
3) I read about the following products today that were shown at CES. Electronic cigarettes in which you have a metal tube with a nicotine dispenser but without any of the flame, tobacco or coolness associated with smoking. A Bluetooth pillow because I am apparently tied down by the need to plug in mine. And an animatronic Obama because, well, what house isn’t complete without an aninatronic Obama?
4) Also found on the internet today: a movie featuring a basketball team composed of vertically challenged folk taking on a team of regular sized people that features “Dennis Rodman as Himself”. Every once in a while I wonder if I should just head out to the West Coast, buy a new wardrobe, hire an agent and try to make it as a writer. Then I read a movie synopsis such as that and realize that to make it work I would also have to spend the entire trip out there with my head in a vise, twisting the handle every time I crossed into a new state so that by the time I reached California I could read that first sentence and go “Yeah, I could write that script for you no problem.”
5) For those in KC who wonder yes I still read the Pitch online. It’s just like the regular Pitch except, uh, without all of the fun advertisements in the back. (But how am I to find out who is the featured dancer at Bazooka Showgirls this week?) Anyway, in a sign of how bad the economy is Fox4 is going through a set of budget cuts that includes the grounding of the news chopper and no more free coffee. That has to suck for the morning crew. “You have to be on the air at 5 in the morning but get your own damn coffee.” Though not listed I also assume that the wacky weatherman will be asked to be less wacky to save costs.
6) I was originally planning on doing my year end concert review tonight but I actually did not go to that many concerts this year. To make up for it though over the weekend I will analyze the concert scene for my five years in KC and unveil my Top Ten Concerts of the KC Years (with videos for each band so you can tell what I am talking about). Special Awards will also be handed out. Does this mean the return of the madness that is Superargo? Come back this weekend and find out.
1) The University of Florida has the absolute ugliest band uniforms that I have ever seen. They look like a bad tracksuit that your grandparents would wear. Why is it so difficult to have good looking band uniforms? Seems to me that this would be the easiest thing in the world to accomplish.
2) I can’t say that I am appalled by the whole “let’s write messages on our eye black” trend but I think it has gone far enough. It was neat when they first showed that eye black technology had improved to the point where it is now possible and when the first athlete said “Hi mom” or gave a shout out to his hometown with it. Now I’m just waiting to see full advertisements on there.
3) I read about the following products today that were shown at CES. Electronic cigarettes in which you have a metal tube with a nicotine dispenser but without any of the flame, tobacco or coolness associated with smoking. A Bluetooth pillow because I am apparently tied down by the need to plug in mine. And an animatronic Obama because, well, what house isn’t complete without an aninatronic Obama?
4) Also found on the internet today: a movie featuring a basketball team composed of vertically challenged folk taking on a team of regular sized people that features “Dennis Rodman as Himself”. Every once in a while I wonder if I should just head out to the West Coast, buy a new wardrobe, hire an agent and try to make it as a writer. Then I read a movie synopsis such as that and realize that to make it work I would also have to spend the entire trip out there with my head in a vise, twisting the handle every time I crossed into a new state so that by the time I reached California I could read that first sentence and go “Yeah, I could write that script for you no problem.”
5) For those in KC who wonder yes I still read the Pitch online. It’s just like the regular Pitch except, uh, without all of the fun advertisements in the back. (But how am I to find out who is the featured dancer at Bazooka Showgirls this week?) Anyway, in a sign of how bad the economy is Fox4 is going through a set of budget cuts that includes the grounding of the news chopper and no more free coffee. That has to suck for the morning crew. “You have to be on the air at 5 in the morning but get your own damn coffee.” Though not listed I also assume that the wacky weatherman will be asked to be less wacky to save costs.
6) I was originally planning on doing my year end concert review tonight but I actually did not go to that many concerts this year. To make up for it though over the weekend I will analyze the concert scene for my five years in KC and unveil my Top Ten Concerts of the KC Years (with videos for each band so you can tell what I am talking about). Special Awards will also be handed out. Does this mean the return of the madness that is Superargo? Come back this weekend and find out.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
What I read in 2008
For this part of the year in review I am going to peruse the books that I read during 2008. I finished 29 books over the course of the year (book being a loose definition here as you will soon see), which is actually higher than typical over the past five years or so. It is still a lot less than I would like and I have set a goal to read 40 books this year, which will match the total I read in 1998. And yes, I have documented every book that I have read since 1998 often indicating exactly how long it took me to finish the book. Doesn’t everyone do that? Anyway, here are some synopses of a portion of my reading list.
“God Save the Fan” by Will Leitch: Written by my fellow Illini and founder of Deadspin this is a look at sports from a fan’s perspective. It is essentially just an expansion of the Deadspin web site, in which no sports figure is safe. If you are an athlete and got drunk at a party Deadspin will have the pictures. If you are, say, Hannah Storm and decided to host SportsCenter dressed like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman than will be discussed. I think it is some of the funniest and most on point writing about sports out there right now.
“The Polysyllabic Spree”, “Housekeeping vs. the Dirt” and “Shakespeare Wrote for Money” by Nick Hornby: These three books are collections of Nick Hornby essays on his reading habits. Every month he would list the books that he had purchased, the books that he had read and write an article for The Believer discussing all of them and how they influenced his day to day activities. Basically just like this blog post except better written and with more references to soccer.
“Born Standing Up” by Steve Martin: I am a big Steve Martin fan and have been for a long time. I’ve always been surprised at just how good of a writer he is. His style is very laid back and laconic and it brings a bit of dreaminess into everything that he writes. This is his memoir on his time in standup comedy and how he walked away when he was selling out arenas and never looked back. Fascinating story about how someone goes about creating art.
“Schulz and Peanuts” by David Michaelis: Consider this to be the counterpoint to the Steve Martin book. Now my love for Peanuts and Snoopy is well known (a Snoopy painting is the highlight of my decorating scheme) so I was interested in reading about how all of the characters came to be. And you do get to find out though it takes you about 300 pages of background until Charles Schulz actually draws Snoopy. I’m not sure I needed to know about every family member and how they influenced his life. It does change the way you read the strip as you find out that Charles Schulz was depressed, reserved, extremely insecure and not that nice of a guy. I’ll stick with my comic strips.
“The Bro Code” by Barney Stinson: Words to live by. Literally. A book that can be summed up in one word: Legen…. Wait for it…. Dary.
(I’m not making it up. It’s a real book.)
“How to Talk to a Widower”, “The Book of Joe”, “Everything Changes” by Jonathan Tropper: Every year I find myself reading a bunch of books by one particular author. What is interesting in this case is that I’m still not sure if I like Jonathan Tropper’s work. It is Nick Hornby light and half the time you get a sense that you are reading the script for a below average romantic comedy. There are moments of pure brilliance (the phrase “the pilot missed the sky” was breathtaking) but every book seems to have one moment of wackiness that makes you realize that what you are reading is fiction. Books are meant to be an escape but there is always something in his work that makes me go “No way that could ever happen in real life.”
“Henry IV, Part II” by William Shakespeare: The Back to the Future, Part II of Shakespeare plays. The similarities are stunning. Both follow up extremely successful ventures and have minimal plots of their own. In fact, the stories only exist to move our characters ahead in the plot so we could get to Part III or Henry V where all of the fun stuff happens. Luckily, like the movie the play has some fun scenes with hoverboards and Biff gets a few good lines in so as Shakespeare plays go it’s not that bad. Oh, and he dies at the end but it’s not a tragedy.
“Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell: Another in a long line of magic beans and superpowers books by Gladwell in which he explains how people are successful in this world. Turns out it is mainly blind luck. When you were born, where you were born, the number of letters in your last name, they all matter more than anything you ever do with yourself. Well, except for the fact that you apparently have to spend 10,000 hours doing something to be an expert at it. Let’s see: I blog half an hour a night, have made 1,000 posts in 4 years, so I’ll be a good blogger in….I really don’t want to do that math.
“Hitman” by Bret “The Hitman” Hart: Every year I allow myself to read one wrestling book. This still creates a degree of awkwardness in my life. When I bring a woman to my apartment she doesn’t notice the artwork or the impressive and eclectic music collection or the diplomas on the wall. Nope, her only thought is “This guy has a whole shelf dedicated to books on pro wrestling?” Sigh. Some guys have to hide porn; I have to hide books about Ric Flair.
Anyway, if you want to get a true view inside the world of pro wrestling this is probably the best one. Bret pulls absolutely no punches about what goes on behind the curtain discussing everything from drug use to what goes on back at the hotel. I’ve described it as an “unauthorized autobiography” because one of the people who comes off worst is Bret who drops any façade of being a superhero and shows himself as a flawed man. Fascinating and tragic at the same time.
“The Wordy Shipmates” by Sarah Vowell: I was really disappointed by this book. Sarah missed the boat (hah, see a pun) with her latest book on the Puritans. It was much more scholarly than I would like and seemed to be missing an introduction. Still, as long as she writes sections in which she daintily removes snow with her ballet flats from a plaque that is set in the sidewalk I will read whatever she writes.
“The Zombie Survival Guide” and “World War Z” by Max Brooks: Are you prepared for the zombie onslaught? Have you determined the most effective ways to defend your office in case you are forced to make a last stand against the living dead? You haven’t? Well, then these books are for you. From a literary perspective you really owe it to yourself to read World War Z, which works as a horror novel, social satire and strategy manual for when the G’s come for you.
“Then We Came to the End” by Joshua Ferris: Every writer struggles with the choice between writing in the first person or the third person. Joshua decided to throw that all aside and write in the first person plural so the entire book is written with “we’s” and “us’s” and it takes you a good fifty pages to not want to bang your head into the wall because of it. A great book about an ad agency during a period of downsizing and what really goes on in an office. Great for anyone with a white collar job that involves mainly sitting around and wasting time until you can go home.
“Barrel Fever” by David Sedaris: I think it took me something like five years to finish this book. I have no idea why it took that long. It’s not a long book, nor particularly challenging. I’d just start reading it, get about a third of the way through, flip through and read a story, and then never bother to finish it. Some books are like that.
“The Ghost in Love” by Jonathan Carroll: The story opens with a ghost and a dog having a conversation. It gets weirder from there. Ever wonder what it means to be alive? Or what our purpose really is? Or maybe just how love manifests itself in the universe? Those are the questions that Jonathan tackles in his works. He may not always succeed in bringing you to the answer but the journey is one you will never forget. He is simply my favorite author that no one knows about.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Since I mentioned it twice already this week I felt that I should post a video by the group She & Him. You typically worry about any act that features an actress but this one beats expectations. First off, it is Zooey Deschanell who not only starred in The New Guy but played Trillian in the Hitchhiker’s Guide movie and looks so amazing in the party scene at the beginning that it hurts my eyes to watch it. On top of that she has a really fun singing voice and M. Ward does a great job with the music. Lots of people have this as the album of the year and I have to say they have a point.
“God Save the Fan” by Will Leitch: Written by my fellow Illini and founder of Deadspin this is a look at sports from a fan’s perspective. It is essentially just an expansion of the Deadspin web site, in which no sports figure is safe. If you are an athlete and got drunk at a party Deadspin will have the pictures. If you are, say, Hannah Storm and decided to host SportsCenter dressed like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman than will be discussed. I think it is some of the funniest and most on point writing about sports out there right now.
“The Polysyllabic Spree”, “Housekeeping vs. the Dirt” and “Shakespeare Wrote for Money” by Nick Hornby: These three books are collections of Nick Hornby essays on his reading habits. Every month he would list the books that he had purchased, the books that he had read and write an article for The Believer discussing all of them and how they influenced his day to day activities. Basically just like this blog post except better written and with more references to soccer.
“Born Standing Up” by Steve Martin: I am a big Steve Martin fan and have been for a long time. I’ve always been surprised at just how good of a writer he is. His style is very laid back and laconic and it brings a bit of dreaminess into everything that he writes. This is his memoir on his time in standup comedy and how he walked away when he was selling out arenas and never looked back. Fascinating story about how someone goes about creating art.
“Schulz and Peanuts” by David Michaelis: Consider this to be the counterpoint to the Steve Martin book. Now my love for Peanuts and Snoopy is well known (a Snoopy painting is the highlight of my decorating scheme) so I was interested in reading about how all of the characters came to be. And you do get to find out though it takes you about 300 pages of background until Charles Schulz actually draws Snoopy. I’m not sure I needed to know about every family member and how they influenced his life. It does change the way you read the strip as you find out that Charles Schulz was depressed, reserved, extremely insecure and not that nice of a guy. I’ll stick with my comic strips.
“The Bro Code” by Barney Stinson: Words to live by. Literally. A book that can be summed up in one word: Legen…. Wait for it…. Dary.
(I’m not making it up. It’s a real book.)
“How to Talk to a Widower”, “The Book of Joe”, “Everything Changes” by Jonathan Tropper: Every year I find myself reading a bunch of books by one particular author. What is interesting in this case is that I’m still not sure if I like Jonathan Tropper’s work. It is Nick Hornby light and half the time you get a sense that you are reading the script for a below average romantic comedy. There are moments of pure brilliance (the phrase “the pilot missed the sky” was breathtaking) but every book seems to have one moment of wackiness that makes you realize that what you are reading is fiction. Books are meant to be an escape but there is always something in his work that makes me go “No way that could ever happen in real life.”
“Henry IV, Part II” by William Shakespeare: The Back to the Future, Part II of Shakespeare plays. The similarities are stunning. Both follow up extremely successful ventures and have minimal plots of their own. In fact, the stories only exist to move our characters ahead in the plot so we could get to Part III or Henry V where all of the fun stuff happens. Luckily, like the movie the play has some fun scenes with hoverboards and Biff gets a few good lines in so as Shakespeare plays go it’s not that bad. Oh, and he dies at the end but it’s not a tragedy.
“Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell: Another in a long line of magic beans and superpowers books by Gladwell in which he explains how people are successful in this world. Turns out it is mainly blind luck. When you were born, where you were born, the number of letters in your last name, they all matter more than anything you ever do with yourself. Well, except for the fact that you apparently have to spend 10,000 hours doing something to be an expert at it. Let’s see: I blog half an hour a night, have made 1,000 posts in 4 years, so I’ll be a good blogger in….I really don’t want to do that math.
“Hitman” by Bret “The Hitman” Hart: Every year I allow myself to read one wrestling book. This still creates a degree of awkwardness in my life. When I bring a woman to my apartment she doesn’t notice the artwork or the impressive and eclectic music collection or the diplomas on the wall. Nope, her only thought is “This guy has a whole shelf dedicated to books on pro wrestling?” Sigh. Some guys have to hide porn; I have to hide books about Ric Flair.
Anyway, if you want to get a true view inside the world of pro wrestling this is probably the best one. Bret pulls absolutely no punches about what goes on behind the curtain discussing everything from drug use to what goes on back at the hotel. I’ve described it as an “unauthorized autobiography” because one of the people who comes off worst is Bret who drops any façade of being a superhero and shows himself as a flawed man. Fascinating and tragic at the same time.
“The Wordy Shipmates” by Sarah Vowell: I was really disappointed by this book. Sarah missed the boat (hah, see a pun) with her latest book on the Puritans. It was much more scholarly than I would like and seemed to be missing an introduction. Still, as long as she writes sections in which she daintily removes snow with her ballet flats from a plaque that is set in the sidewalk I will read whatever she writes.
“The Zombie Survival Guide” and “World War Z” by Max Brooks: Are you prepared for the zombie onslaught? Have you determined the most effective ways to defend your office in case you are forced to make a last stand against the living dead? You haven’t? Well, then these books are for you. From a literary perspective you really owe it to yourself to read World War Z, which works as a horror novel, social satire and strategy manual for when the G’s come for you.
“Then We Came to the End” by Joshua Ferris: Every writer struggles with the choice between writing in the first person or the third person. Joshua decided to throw that all aside and write in the first person plural so the entire book is written with “we’s” and “us’s” and it takes you a good fifty pages to not want to bang your head into the wall because of it. A great book about an ad agency during a period of downsizing and what really goes on in an office. Great for anyone with a white collar job that involves mainly sitting around and wasting time until you can go home.
“Barrel Fever” by David Sedaris: I think it took me something like five years to finish this book. I have no idea why it took that long. It’s not a long book, nor particularly challenging. I’d just start reading it, get about a third of the way through, flip through and read a story, and then never bother to finish it. Some books are like that.
“The Ghost in Love” by Jonathan Carroll: The story opens with a ghost and a dog having a conversation. It gets weirder from there. Ever wonder what it means to be alive? Or what our purpose really is? Or maybe just how love manifests itself in the universe? Those are the questions that Jonathan tackles in his works. He may not always succeed in bringing you to the answer but the journey is one you will never forget. He is simply my favorite author that no one knows about.
Wednesday Night Music Club: Since I mentioned it twice already this week I felt that I should post a video by the group She & Him. You typically worry about any act that features an actress but this one beats expectations. First off, it is Zooey Deschanell who not only starred in The New Guy but played Trillian in the Hitchhiker’s Guide movie and looks so amazing in the party scene at the beginning that it hurts my eyes to watch it. On top of that she has a really fun singing voice and M. Ward does a great job with the music. Lots of people have this as the album of the year and I have to say they have a point.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
The State of Music: 2008
Figured that I would start my 2008 Year in Review on a musical note this time around. Let’s take a more global view and examine the top ten best selling albums of the year and figure out what that tells us about our pop culture tastes and the music industry in general. Sales volumes are in millions of units
10) Beyonce “I Am….Sasha Fierce” 1.46M
9) Jack Johnson “Sleep Through the Static” 1.49M
8) T. I. “Paper Trail” 1.52 M
7) Metallica “Death Magnetic” 1.57M
6) Taylor Swift “Taylor Swift” 1.6M
5) AC/DC “Black Ice” 1.92M
4) Kid Rock “Rock N Roll Jesus” 2.02M
3) Taylor Swift “Fearless” 2.11M
2) Coldplay “Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends” 2.14M
1) Lil Wayne “Tha Carter III” 2.87M
Source: Nielsen SoundScan via The New York Times
My opinions on all this
Apparently my music tastes are popular again: It surprises me that I own one of these discs and really don’t have a good reason why I don’t own a second. I picked up the Jack Johnson disc the week it came out and while it is rather underwhelming, even for a Jack Johnson record, it is perfectly fine music. Not as good as his earlier work and his fanbase has become filled with Abercrombie and Fitch wearing douchebags but I’m not upset that I bought it or anything. I haven’t picked up the new Coldplay disc mainly because I haven’t heard anything that made me feel like it was a priority but if I saw it at a store for ten bucks I’d probably grab it. Given that I am now a 35 year old male and therefore completely worthless from a marketing perspective I’m surprised that anything I listen to made the list.
People really like Taylor Swift: How she got two albums in the top ten is beyond me. Especially given that her self-titled debut was released in 2006 (and I know this because I was very vaguely involved in the music biz at the time). It is perfectly harmless, vaguely country music in that American Idol / Carrie Underwood vein. Meaning that there is absolutely no talent behind it other than a pretty face and a voice that works well under the influence of ProTools. While not a horrible indictment on the state of our culture it isn’t exactly what I would send on the next probe to outer space.
Old People Sell (and Buy): Two of the top ten acts (AC/DC and Metallica) have careers that span nearly thirty years or even more. While Kid Rock doesn’t have nearly that long of a span of work most would say that he is also well past his expiration date. So what does this tell us? First off, people immediately know what they are going to get with these artists. They are so well established that it is almost a knee jerk reaction to pick up their music. I mean, it’s a new AC/DC record; you know it is going to rock. Kid Rock will put together a rock / rap hybrid that is surprisingly decent.
Second of all, what do you think the average age of a AC/DC or Metallica fan is? Let’s say you got into Metallica when they broke huge in 1991 when you were 16. You’d be 33 now and a huge group of the old school fans would be even older. I would bet good money that the majority of these purchases were made by guys in their thirties and forties trying to prove that they still are hardcore metalheads. Even the Kid Rock stuff probably landed in the late 20’s demographic. Teenagers aren’t buying this music because teenagers don’t buy music. They steal it like petty thiefs (more on that next).
Finally, how the hell did Chinese Democracy not make the Top Ten? If people bought AC/DC out of nostalgia you would think that Guns N Roses would benefit in a similar fashion.
New Artists Can’t Catch a Break: The only debut album on the list is Taylor Swift’s and that is not really a debut given that it is two years old. Everyone on this list is solidly established with bestselling discs already to the credit. In the history of music that is insanely rare. Music is built on fads and one hit wonders and groups that come out of nowhere and catch the cultural zeitgeist and then disappear.
The disappearance of the big, new breakout star is a serious issue. (I’m discounting the whole Miley Cyrus / Jonas Brothers world at the moment.) Since record labels no longer exist in any real form the ability to grab a new artist and market them down our throats has vanished. With no universal cultural outlet like MTV around it is also tougher to get an artist in front of enough people to become a phenomenon. What we now have are a lot of new artists breaking out slowly with few superstars appearing, which makes one wonder what this list will look like 5 years from now.
The Curse of the Long Tail (which will be my sociology master’s thesis if I ever get around to writing it): The top selling album this year sold 2.87 million copies. Here are some other numbers for reference: Jewel’s “Pieces of You” sold 12 million copies as did Pearl Jam’s “Ten” while Hootie and the Blowfish sold an insane 16 million copies of “Cracked Rear View”. Now I know that many people will scream that I am comparing two totally separate timeframes here, which is true. But can you honestly tell me that 14 million people downloaded the new Coldplay album illegally? Are any of the artists on this list a part of the pop culture world like Hootie and the Blowfish were in 1995? Of course not. I truly feel required to explain who Taylor Swift is but I feel no need to explain Jewel even though she has been meaningless for more than a decade.
And this is what I call the curse of the long tail. The idea of the long tail is this: thanks to Amazon and iTunes and the like we now have an almost infinite amount of music at our fingertips. Whereas before all that was available was what you could find at the record store (and that universe could be limited if your only store was in a mall) now any type of music is there for purchase. What happens is that you have less hits (as shown by the stats above) but more of the lesser known artists get purchased. Basically I am no longer forced to buy a Hootie and the Blowfish CD because I find that I can get a greater level of enjoyment by purchasing a techno bluegrass disc. But this has had one huge impact on the music industry that no one discusses, which is that it causes people to buy less music than before and be happier for it.
Take my Hootie purchase (hypothetical as I never did buy the disc). Now if I can buy something else (say the incredible disc by She & Him featuring Zooey Deschanel on vocals) at the same price and be happier (or have higher utility in economic terms) then that is by all effective measures a good thing. Expand that to the idea that I intend to receive so much happiness from buying music over the course of the year. In a long tail world I’ll need fewer new CDs to reach the same level of happiness. This is great for me because I save money but bad for the music industry because they moved less product. But that still doesn’t match the damage caused by the second part.
Because you have to ask yourself the following question: Why did 16 million people decide to buy a Hootie and the Blowfish disc. That is more than 5% of the U.S. population and when you take out the elderly, small children and the Amish it becomes an even greater portion. What drives that purchase decision? I contend that it is not the music itself that drives it but the sheer fact that other people are buying it causes a herd behavior to form. Since everyone you know has a copy you buy one. The people who only own ten or twenty discs just purchase these mega hits and they do so only because there is a cultural imperative to do so. They don’t want to be left out so they make a purchase.
But now that we don’t have hits and nothing is super popular those people have no need to purchase music (or even steal it). Do I feel less a part of popular culture because I do not own the new Coldplay disc? No and I am someone who prides himself on being in touch with the music scene. There is not a single disc on the top ten where I feel that I was left out on a conversation because I did not know about it. When people talk about the long tail they assume that those 15 million copies that Hootie sold but Lil’ Wayne didn’t goes to the techno bluegrass purchases that I make. Except they don’t. Those purchases aren’t made anymore because the people who used to buy those discs don’t even need listen to music anymore because they can be culturally safe without it.
That is why the music industry is stuck in the curse of the long tail at the moment. It is bad enough that people steal music (and yes it is theft. I have too many friends who are musicians for me to think anything else.) but their overall market has shrunk but is happier as a result. I don’t have a solution for it yet but I do worry about whether my favorite new acts will ever get a chance to be heard.
10) Beyonce “I Am….Sasha Fierce” 1.46M
9) Jack Johnson “Sleep Through the Static” 1.49M
8) T. I. “Paper Trail” 1.52 M
7) Metallica “Death Magnetic” 1.57M
6) Taylor Swift “Taylor Swift” 1.6M
5) AC/DC “Black Ice” 1.92M
4) Kid Rock “Rock N Roll Jesus” 2.02M
3) Taylor Swift “Fearless” 2.11M
2) Coldplay “Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends” 2.14M
1) Lil Wayne “Tha Carter III” 2.87M
Source: Nielsen SoundScan via The New York Times
My opinions on all this
Apparently my music tastes are popular again: It surprises me that I own one of these discs and really don’t have a good reason why I don’t own a second. I picked up the Jack Johnson disc the week it came out and while it is rather underwhelming, even for a Jack Johnson record, it is perfectly fine music. Not as good as his earlier work and his fanbase has become filled with Abercrombie and Fitch wearing douchebags but I’m not upset that I bought it or anything. I haven’t picked up the new Coldplay disc mainly because I haven’t heard anything that made me feel like it was a priority but if I saw it at a store for ten bucks I’d probably grab it. Given that I am now a 35 year old male and therefore completely worthless from a marketing perspective I’m surprised that anything I listen to made the list.
People really like Taylor Swift: How she got two albums in the top ten is beyond me. Especially given that her self-titled debut was released in 2006 (and I know this because I was very vaguely involved in the music biz at the time). It is perfectly harmless, vaguely country music in that American Idol / Carrie Underwood vein. Meaning that there is absolutely no talent behind it other than a pretty face and a voice that works well under the influence of ProTools. While not a horrible indictment on the state of our culture it isn’t exactly what I would send on the next probe to outer space.
Old People Sell (and Buy): Two of the top ten acts (AC/DC and Metallica) have careers that span nearly thirty years or even more. While Kid Rock doesn’t have nearly that long of a span of work most would say that he is also well past his expiration date. So what does this tell us? First off, people immediately know what they are going to get with these artists. They are so well established that it is almost a knee jerk reaction to pick up their music. I mean, it’s a new AC/DC record; you know it is going to rock. Kid Rock will put together a rock / rap hybrid that is surprisingly decent.
Second of all, what do you think the average age of a AC/DC or Metallica fan is? Let’s say you got into Metallica when they broke huge in 1991 when you were 16. You’d be 33 now and a huge group of the old school fans would be even older. I would bet good money that the majority of these purchases were made by guys in their thirties and forties trying to prove that they still are hardcore metalheads. Even the Kid Rock stuff probably landed in the late 20’s demographic. Teenagers aren’t buying this music because teenagers don’t buy music. They steal it like petty thiefs (more on that next).
Finally, how the hell did Chinese Democracy not make the Top Ten? If people bought AC/DC out of nostalgia you would think that Guns N Roses would benefit in a similar fashion.
New Artists Can’t Catch a Break: The only debut album on the list is Taylor Swift’s and that is not really a debut given that it is two years old. Everyone on this list is solidly established with bestselling discs already to the credit. In the history of music that is insanely rare. Music is built on fads and one hit wonders and groups that come out of nowhere and catch the cultural zeitgeist and then disappear.
The disappearance of the big, new breakout star is a serious issue. (I’m discounting the whole Miley Cyrus / Jonas Brothers world at the moment.) Since record labels no longer exist in any real form the ability to grab a new artist and market them down our throats has vanished. With no universal cultural outlet like MTV around it is also tougher to get an artist in front of enough people to become a phenomenon. What we now have are a lot of new artists breaking out slowly with few superstars appearing, which makes one wonder what this list will look like 5 years from now.
The Curse of the Long Tail (which will be my sociology master’s thesis if I ever get around to writing it): The top selling album this year sold 2.87 million copies. Here are some other numbers for reference: Jewel’s “Pieces of You” sold 12 million copies as did Pearl Jam’s “Ten” while Hootie and the Blowfish sold an insane 16 million copies of “Cracked Rear View”. Now I know that many people will scream that I am comparing two totally separate timeframes here, which is true. But can you honestly tell me that 14 million people downloaded the new Coldplay album illegally? Are any of the artists on this list a part of the pop culture world like Hootie and the Blowfish were in 1995? Of course not. I truly feel required to explain who Taylor Swift is but I feel no need to explain Jewel even though she has been meaningless for more than a decade.
And this is what I call the curse of the long tail. The idea of the long tail is this: thanks to Amazon and iTunes and the like we now have an almost infinite amount of music at our fingertips. Whereas before all that was available was what you could find at the record store (and that universe could be limited if your only store was in a mall) now any type of music is there for purchase. What happens is that you have less hits (as shown by the stats above) but more of the lesser known artists get purchased. Basically I am no longer forced to buy a Hootie and the Blowfish CD because I find that I can get a greater level of enjoyment by purchasing a techno bluegrass disc. But this has had one huge impact on the music industry that no one discusses, which is that it causes people to buy less music than before and be happier for it.
Take my Hootie purchase (hypothetical as I never did buy the disc). Now if I can buy something else (say the incredible disc by She & Him featuring Zooey Deschanel on vocals) at the same price and be happier (or have higher utility in economic terms) then that is by all effective measures a good thing. Expand that to the idea that I intend to receive so much happiness from buying music over the course of the year. In a long tail world I’ll need fewer new CDs to reach the same level of happiness. This is great for me because I save money but bad for the music industry because they moved less product. But that still doesn’t match the damage caused by the second part.
Because you have to ask yourself the following question: Why did 16 million people decide to buy a Hootie and the Blowfish disc. That is more than 5% of the U.S. population and when you take out the elderly, small children and the Amish it becomes an even greater portion. What drives that purchase decision? I contend that it is not the music itself that drives it but the sheer fact that other people are buying it causes a herd behavior to form. Since everyone you know has a copy you buy one. The people who only own ten or twenty discs just purchase these mega hits and they do so only because there is a cultural imperative to do so. They don’t want to be left out so they make a purchase.
But now that we don’t have hits and nothing is super popular those people have no need to purchase music (or even steal it). Do I feel less a part of popular culture because I do not own the new Coldplay disc? No and I am someone who prides himself on being in touch with the music scene. There is not a single disc on the top ten where I feel that I was left out on a conversation because I did not know about it. When people talk about the long tail they assume that those 15 million copies that Hootie sold but Lil’ Wayne didn’t goes to the techno bluegrass purchases that I make. Except they don’t. Those purchases aren’t made anymore because the people who used to buy those discs don’t even need listen to music anymore because they can be culturally safe without it.
That is why the music industry is stuck in the curse of the long tail at the moment. It is bad enough that people steal music (and yes it is theft. I have too many friends who are musicians for me to think anything else.) but their overall market has shrunk but is happier as a result. I don’t have a solution for it yet but I do worry about whether my favorite new acts will ever get a chance to be heard.
Monday, January 05, 2009
And another thing...
Things that are on my mind and / or upsetting me at the present moment.
1) I can understand the rash of announcements on television regarding the rollout of digital television. I have no issues with digital signals and advancing the level of technology in the typical home even if the rollout plan is the most flawed idea in existence. For example, every spot for the DTV converters recommends that people visit a website for more information. Question: If you need a digital converter what are the odds that you have internet access much less know how to use it? You by definition do not have cable so you are probably down a little lower on the technology food chain. I can’t wait for the day after the switch when all of the news stories are about the millions of people who cannot watch the news stories that are about them.
2) I was cold when I went to bed last night so I had socks on (it was either that or wear my footie pajamas). When I woke up in the middle of the night I realized that I now was only wearing one sock. I have no idea where the other one went, why I removed it or how I was able to unconsciously remove one and not the other. I am greatly troubled by this.
3) Thanks to my lack of sleep I’ve spent most of the evening lying on the couch listening to the Texas – Ohio State game. I gain enough energy to focus on the television right when they show the Texas marching band playing Stairway to Heaven. Dear God how I hate that song. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in the crowd and realize not only am I going to have to sit here for the next ten minutes and listen to it but hear it performed by a marching band as well.
4) This has always bothered me: Do people who join marching bands in college choose their schools primarily on the quality of the band uniforms? Because I have watched a lot of college football and hence a lot of bands over the years and the quality of the outfits is really the best measure of quality that I have ever seen. If they have a bad uniform the band is probably sucky. Plus, it’s not like there is a national ranking for marching bands. Would someone choose Texas just because they look good in that weird off brown of theirs?
5) Rumor on the street is that My Beloved Lindsay has broken up with Sam the DJ. I now move up one more spot on the depth chart. Patience, as I continually remind myself, is a virtue. Plus, Jennifer Love Hewitt just broke up with her fiancée so hey, my odds just doubled overnight.
6) I always work the week of New Year’s because it is the easiest week in the world to be at the office. No one is there, traffic is incredibly light and you save your vacation for when you would actually enjoy it. I mean, why take a day off when you can get paid to leave early? But what this means is that the Monday after the holiday is the worst day ever in terms of traffic. Did anyone else have to deal with just a horrible mess of cars this morning? It’s like everyone forgot how to drive because they didn’t have to go to the office for a few days.
7) Is there anything more anticlimactic now than the college football bowl games? Even though the only game that matters still hasn’t been played no one really cares about it. We’ve already gone past New Year’s and the Wild Card round of the NFL playoffs. Hell, I even got to watch my outdoor hockey game. I just don’t have a desire to watch two teams that I haven’t cared about for more than a month. One of the reasons that there is no playoff is that it would stretch out the season, which is what they do anyway.
1) I can understand the rash of announcements on television regarding the rollout of digital television. I have no issues with digital signals and advancing the level of technology in the typical home even if the rollout plan is the most flawed idea in existence. For example, every spot for the DTV converters recommends that people visit a website for more information. Question: If you need a digital converter what are the odds that you have internet access much less know how to use it? You by definition do not have cable so you are probably down a little lower on the technology food chain. I can’t wait for the day after the switch when all of the news stories are about the millions of people who cannot watch the news stories that are about them.
2) I was cold when I went to bed last night so I had socks on (it was either that or wear my footie pajamas). When I woke up in the middle of the night I realized that I now was only wearing one sock. I have no idea where the other one went, why I removed it or how I was able to unconsciously remove one and not the other. I am greatly troubled by this.
3) Thanks to my lack of sleep I’ve spent most of the evening lying on the couch listening to the Texas – Ohio State game. I gain enough energy to focus on the television right when they show the Texas marching band playing Stairway to Heaven. Dear God how I hate that song. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in the crowd and realize not only am I going to have to sit here for the next ten minutes and listen to it but hear it performed by a marching band as well.
4) This has always bothered me: Do people who join marching bands in college choose their schools primarily on the quality of the band uniforms? Because I have watched a lot of college football and hence a lot of bands over the years and the quality of the outfits is really the best measure of quality that I have ever seen. If they have a bad uniform the band is probably sucky. Plus, it’s not like there is a national ranking for marching bands. Would someone choose Texas just because they look good in that weird off brown of theirs?
5) Rumor on the street is that My Beloved Lindsay has broken up with Sam the DJ. I now move up one more spot on the depth chart. Patience, as I continually remind myself, is a virtue. Plus, Jennifer Love Hewitt just broke up with her fiancée so hey, my odds just doubled overnight.
6) I always work the week of New Year’s because it is the easiest week in the world to be at the office. No one is there, traffic is incredibly light and you save your vacation for when you would actually enjoy it. I mean, why take a day off when you can get paid to leave early? But what this means is that the Monday after the holiday is the worst day ever in terms of traffic. Did anyone else have to deal with just a horrible mess of cars this morning? It’s like everyone forgot how to drive because they didn’t have to go to the office for a few days.
7) Is there anything more anticlimactic now than the college football bowl games? Even though the only game that matters still hasn’t been played no one really cares about it. We’ve already gone past New Year’s and the Wild Card round of the NFL playoffs. Hell, I even got to watch my outdoor hockey game. I just don’t have a desire to watch two teams that I haven’t cared about for more than a month. One of the reasons that there is no playoff is that it would stretch out the season, which is what they do anyway.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
More tales from the KC dating scene
(Editor’s Note: So I was supposed to post this yesterday. Except that when I was about half way through writing it I realized that a) it was going to be really long and b) I really wanted to lie on the couch, put a blanket over my head, and ignore the world for a while. Don’t know why but I really didn’t feel right yesterday. Better now so I can complete the tale of my biggest dating mistake.)
Recently someone explained to me that the reason behind my lack of success in the dating realm is “that I have too high of standards with regards to women.” That is probably the nicest way I have ever had anyone express to me the fact that I am a total loser and should just settle for any woman with a pulse who doesn’t openly loathe my presence. Regardless as to whether she is correct or not in her opinion I would like to share the following story to show that I am not off in a quixotic dream to meet supermodels. It’s just that even when presented with a sure thing I will find a way to mess it up.
The story begins like all good stories do: with me passed out on the bathroom floor. Contrary to what everyone (including my doctors) believes, this had nothing to do with alcohol. Yet without this event happening I’m not sure if the rest would’ve occurred. I’ll try to explain.
It was September and I had somehow caught a nasty flu big. Fever, body aches and just an overall feeling of awfulness. This lasted an entire weekend in which I would wake up in cold sweats with every joint in my body screaming in pain. I knew I caught something but hoped that rest would make it better. On Monday morning I felt slightly better, got in the shower prior to work and while in the shower I came to the conclusion of “I think I’m going to pass out now.”
Luckily, I was smart enough to try to get out of the shower before I lost consciousness. I say try as when I came to I found myself on the floor with the shower curtain (rod and all) draped across my body and my right leg dangling over the edge of the tub. I also knew immediately that I had completely screwed up my back. I spent ten minutes trying to figure out who I was, where I was, and who knocked me to the ground before I got up and washed the shampoo out of my hair before my back seized up. A few hours later I make a trip to the emergency room where after several attempts to determine whether or not I had had a heart attack (no joke) I was finally told that I was massively dehydrated and had really screwed up my back. Nothing that I could do except rest and take care of things.
I say all this because that weekend I found myself at the Record Bar getting ready to see Anders Parker and The Brunettes in concert. Now when you typically find me at concerts I am standing next to the stage, beer in hand, listening to music the way it was meant to be heard. But due to my predicament I couldn’t drink (because alcohol and large quantities of Advil is a really bad combination) and I had to sit at a table (by myself because no one else I knew had heard of these acts). So keep in mind that for the rest of the story I am a) sober and b) in serious pain.
I’m just sitting at my table nursing my cup of water minding my own business. I felt stupid being at a table by myself but there was absolutely no one at the Record Bar so I at least didn’t feel guilty about it. Plus, I had come to the conclusion that if anyone asked I would just give them my extra chairs. And wouldn’t you know it after the opening act a woman did come by me and go, “Are you using these chairs?”
“No, you can have them if you want.”
“How about if I join you.”
Well, that was unexpected. When you are drinking and some person you have never met before sits down and starts a conversation with you there is sort of accepted level of interaction. Your guard is automatically down. But under the bright light of sobriety I start thinking along the lines of “Why did she choose me?”, “Could she possibly be as stupid as she sounds?” and “Wow, she seems pretty drunk for only being here for one act.” I make pleasant conversation, giving my usual explanation that no, the fact that I am out by myself does not concern me, until she goes back to be with her friends under the assumption that she would bring them back to my table. I acted cool in that I wasn’t going to get up and move for any woman without explaining that getting up would result in my wincing in pain and I could only walk in an old man’s shuffle. Neither of which I felt would make a good impression.
While I was sitting there contemplating all of this I saw another woman enter the club. Short, dark hair, glasses, cute but not in an overly cute sort of way. One of those women that just on first glance you go “She is smart and nice and probably a lot of fun once you get to know her. I’d make my way to talk to her if I could convince all of my muscles to work at the same time.” To my surprise she pretty much makes a beeline towards me and goes “Are you using this chair?”
Seriously, this was like two minutes from when the other woman got up to leave. I could be drunk at a bar every night for a month and not have this happen (and yes I am speaking from experience.) On this night I just sat there and women came to me.
She (oh, let’s call her Zooey since I’m listening to the She & Him CD at the moment) sits down with me and we start talking. Turns out that she is also a big fan of Anders Parker and we were both at the same show in Lawrence where he played. We must have been literally ten feet from each other as we watched him and Jay Farrar play. We then ran through the list of shows that we had seen and there was an immense amount of overlap. Our musical tastes were really close and as we watched the show we both appreciated the music and commented on how the other people didn’t get it. Oh, and she was smart and nice and probably a lot of fun once I got to know her. She had to go back to Lawrence so before the end of the show she took out a piece of paper, wrote down her email address and said “drop me a line sometime.” I didn’t even have to ask. For the life of me I still don’t know how I did that sober.
Over the next few weeks we started up an email conversation that was rather intriguing. It was like having a first date over email. Zooey would tell me some of her stories and I would tell her some of mine. I felt as though I was in my element. Explain myself through written words, which is my strong suit as opposed to, you know, having to actually interact with another human being. And it worked. I made her laugh, showed my fun loving side, and told her to pick up some Josh Ritter CDs which she immediately did. I thought I was totally money (you can’t go wrong with Josh Ritter) especially when I discovered that Zooey was…
· Living in Lawrence
· A huge music fan
· Politically liberal
· Had a master’s degree
· Worked in New York for a few years
· Considered herself to be a bit of an artist
· Was a librarian
Talk about a perfect situation. A cute, smart librarian who is interested in me. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, since we’re talking about me pretty much everything.
So after weeks of emailing we set up a date on a Saturday in Lawrence. I was already going to be there for a Polyphonic Spree show so I even got to act as though this was no big deal. We meet up at a restaurant for an early dinner on what was an absolutely gorgeous fall day. Maybe the best October weather in Kansas that I had ever seen. Sit down and have dinner and go through all of the typical first date conversations. We learn more about each other, what the other one actually does for a living (because I always assumed that librarians just sat around and collected late book fees and at the time I was seemingly making a career out of determining how people searched for porn on the internet) and just enjoyed ourselves. Things were going good and as the meal winded down she got up to hit the restroom and I saw the waiter and…
Honestly, I did think about being completely suave, handing the waiter my card and having him run the check without Zooey even having a chance to ask about it. It would have been debonair and stylish and all of those things I want to be. But did I do that? No, of course not. When she came back and the waiter brought out the check and she struggled for her purse did I say “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” Nope. I worked on the assumption that “She lived in New York and would probably take offense if I paid for the meal. I’ll be the sensitive new age guy and gladly split the check.”
Yes, I am an idiot.
After dinner we then went and walked around Lawrence for a while until I got in line for the show. Again, having a brilliant opportunity in front of me (Saturday night, she had no other plans other than watching the World Series) I completely fail to buy her a ticket to the show on the spot. Instead I go to the show alone and then later explain to her how she missed one of the most amazing concerts I had ever witnessed. But I still had one more chance to put things right. We had already agreed to meet up again later that week to see a concert by Uz Jsme Doma.
Who is Uz Jsme Doma you might ask? Just one of the most popular bands in the Czech Republic. A band who despite the fact that I am Czech I had never heard of. In fact, after listening to their music online all I could figure out was that this was a prog rock band from Prague singing in a language that brings up memories of sitting at my grandmother’s house. This is not a band one would drive an hour one way to see. But I did exactly that and that may have been my final mistake.
Because while we did meet up at the show and had a good time joking around I knew while I was standing next to her that I had screwed up what had to have been the most sure thing I had ever encountered. Here was a librarian who was into me: she gave me her email, she called me before I called her, she was leading the charge, and I had fumbled it away. I showed I wasn’t that interested by not paying for dinner, showed that I didn’t want to hang around with her by not finding a way to get her into the show with me and now I was making a grand move to be at a concert with her for a band that she knew I probably couldn’t care less about. I just put out totally mixed signals going from cool to cocky to totally needy in the span of about five days. As we stood together at the concert I just thought “I’m blowing this. I know I am and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.”
So after the show I walk her home even though she only lived like three blocks away but that is the type of guy I am. If you are out with me late at night I’ll take you home that is the rule. We get to her street, not even to the front of her house but just the corner, and say our befuddled goodbyes. As she walked away I told myself “And that is the last time you are ever going to see that woman.” And I was right. She was kind enough to reply to some of my emails but very quickly everything went “pooft” and that was that.
Of all the relationships that I had in Kansas City that ended badly, which for all effective purposes was all of them, this is probably the one I regret the most. Because while the rest of them failed for a variety of reasons I wasn’t directly to blame or if I was it was due to some innate facet of my personality that I could never change. Maybe some women didn’t want to date me because it was clear that I wasn’t planning on spending the rest of my life in Kansas City, I can accept that. Here I was just stupid and made mistakes that cost me someone incredibly cool before I could even figure out if it could work. I couldn’t even close a date with a librarian. That doesn’t do much for the old ego.
Ok, I’m probably not the best catch in the world. When given a choice between myself and Brad Pitt six, maybe seven, women would choose me over Brad. But I would like to think that I don’t set the bar too high for others. Just be intelligent and/or artistic. In other words, don’t bore me. I don’t want to talk about the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I want to talk about life. If you can do that you’ll have my attention. I might screw it up, hell the odds are likely that I will, but I swear to God that I don’t mean to.
Anyway, just to show that I didn’t make up the band here is an Uz Jsme Doma video. If I would travel an hour to listen to this for you it means that no matter how screwed up I am I really like you.
The five random CDs for the week (yes, I am starting anew):
1) Death Cab for Cutie “Narrow Stairs”
2) Uncle Tupelo “No Depression”
3) Mike Plume Band “Song and Dance, Man”
4) R.E.M. “Eponymous”
5) Henry Rollins “Talk is Cheap, Volume One”
Recently someone explained to me that the reason behind my lack of success in the dating realm is “that I have too high of standards with regards to women.” That is probably the nicest way I have ever had anyone express to me the fact that I am a total loser and should just settle for any woman with a pulse who doesn’t openly loathe my presence. Regardless as to whether she is correct or not in her opinion I would like to share the following story to show that I am not off in a quixotic dream to meet supermodels. It’s just that even when presented with a sure thing I will find a way to mess it up.
The story begins like all good stories do: with me passed out on the bathroom floor. Contrary to what everyone (including my doctors) believes, this had nothing to do with alcohol. Yet without this event happening I’m not sure if the rest would’ve occurred. I’ll try to explain.
It was September and I had somehow caught a nasty flu big. Fever, body aches and just an overall feeling of awfulness. This lasted an entire weekend in which I would wake up in cold sweats with every joint in my body screaming in pain. I knew I caught something but hoped that rest would make it better. On Monday morning I felt slightly better, got in the shower prior to work and while in the shower I came to the conclusion of “I think I’m going to pass out now.”
Luckily, I was smart enough to try to get out of the shower before I lost consciousness. I say try as when I came to I found myself on the floor with the shower curtain (rod and all) draped across my body and my right leg dangling over the edge of the tub. I also knew immediately that I had completely screwed up my back. I spent ten minutes trying to figure out who I was, where I was, and who knocked me to the ground before I got up and washed the shampoo out of my hair before my back seized up. A few hours later I make a trip to the emergency room where after several attempts to determine whether or not I had had a heart attack (no joke) I was finally told that I was massively dehydrated and had really screwed up my back. Nothing that I could do except rest and take care of things.
I say all this because that weekend I found myself at the Record Bar getting ready to see Anders Parker and The Brunettes in concert. Now when you typically find me at concerts I am standing next to the stage, beer in hand, listening to music the way it was meant to be heard. But due to my predicament I couldn’t drink (because alcohol and large quantities of Advil is a really bad combination) and I had to sit at a table (by myself because no one else I knew had heard of these acts). So keep in mind that for the rest of the story I am a) sober and b) in serious pain.
I’m just sitting at my table nursing my cup of water minding my own business. I felt stupid being at a table by myself but there was absolutely no one at the Record Bar so I at least didn’t feel guilty about it. Plus, I had come to the conclusion that if anyone asked I would just give them my extra chairs. And wouldn’t you know it after the opening act a woman did come by me and go, “Are you using these chairs?”
“No, you can have them if you want.”
“How about if I join you.”
Well, that was unexpected. When you are drinking and some person you have never met before sits down and starts a conversation with you there is sort of accepted level of interaction. Your guard is automatically down. But under the bright light of sobriety I start thinking along the lines of “Why did she choose me?”, “Could she possibly be as stupid as she sounds?” and “Wow, she seems pretty drunk for only being here for one act.” I make pleasant conversation, giving my usual explanation that no, the fact that I am out by myself does not concern me, until she goes back to be with her friends under the assumption that she would bring them back to my table. I acted cool in that I wasn’t going to get up and move for any woman without explaining that getting up would result in my wincing in pain and I could only walk in an old man’s shuffle. Neither of which I felt would make a good impression.
While I was sitting there contemplating all of this I saw another woman enter the club. Short, dark hair, glasses, cute but not in an overly cute sort of way. One of those women that just on first glance you go “She is smart and nice and probably a lot of fun once you get to know her. I’d make my way to talk to her if I could convince all of my muscles to work at the same time.” To my surprise she pretty much makes a beeline towards me and goes “Are you using this chair?”
Seriously, this was like two minutes from when the other woman got up to leave. I could be drunk at a bar every night for a month and not have this happen (and yes I am speaking from experience.) On this night I just sat there and women came to me.
She (oh, let’s call her Zooey since I’m listening to the She & Him CD at the moment) sits down with me and we start talking. Turns out that she is also a big fan of Anders Parker and we were both at the same show in Lawrence where he played. We must have been literally ten feet from each other as we watched him and Jay Farrar play. We then ran through the list of shows that we had seen and there was an immense amount of overlap. Our musical tastes were really close and as we watched the show we both appreciated the music and commented on how the other people didn’t get it. Oh, and she was smart and nice and probably a lot of fun once I got to know her. She had to go back to Lawrence so before the end of the show she took out a piece of paper, wrote down her email address and said “drop me a line sometime.” I didn’t even have to ask. For the life of me I still don’t know how I did that sober.
Over the next few weeks we started up an email conversation that was rather intriguing. It was like having a first date over email. Zooey would tell me some of her stories and I would tell her some of mine. I felt as though I was in my element. Explain myself through written words, which is my strong suit as opposed to, you know, having to actually interact with another human being. And it worked. I made her laugh, showed my fun loving side, and told her to pick up some Josh Ritter CDs which she immediately did. I thought I was totally money (you can’t go wrong with Josh Ritter) especially when I discovered that Zooey was…
· Living in Lawrence
· A huge music fan
· Politically liberal
· Had a master’s degree
· Worked in New York for a few years
· Considered herself to be a bit of an artist
· Was a librarian
Talk about a perfect situation. A cute, smart librarian who is interested in me. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, since we’re talking about me pretty much everything.
So after weeks of emailing we set up a date on a Saturday in Lawrence. I was already going to be there for a Polyphonic Spree show so I even got to act as though this was no big deal. We meet up at a restaurant for an early dinner on what was an absolutely gorgeous fall day. Maybe the best October weather in Kansas that I had ever seen. Sit down and have dinner and go through all of the typical first date conversations. We learn more about each other, what the other one actually does for a living (because I always assumed that librarians just sat around and collected late book fees and at the time I was seemingly making a career out of determining how people searched for porn on the internet) and just enjoyed ourselves. Things were going good and as the meal winded down she got up to hit the restroom and I saw the waiter and…
Honestly, I did think about being completely suave, handing the waiter my card and having him run the check without Zooey even having a chance to ask about it. It would have been debonair and stylish and all of those things I want to be. But did I do that? No, of course not. When she came back and the waiter brought out the check and she struggled for her purse did I say “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” Nope. I worked on the assumption that “She lived in New York and would probably take offense if I paid for the meal. I’ll be the sensitive new age guy and gladly split the check.”
Yes, I am an idiot.
After dinner we then went and walked around Lawrence for a while until I got in line for the show. Again, having a brilliant opportunity in front of me (Saturday night, she had no other plans other than watching the World Series) I completely fail to buy her a ticket to the show on the spot. Instead I go to the show alone and then later explain to her how she missed one of the most amazing concerts I had ever witnessed. But I still had one more chance to put things right. We had already agreed to meet up again later that week to see a concert by Uz Jsme Doma.
Who is Uz Jsme Doma you might ask? Just one of the most popular bands in the Czech Republic. A band who despite the fact that I am Czech I had never heard of. In fact, after listening to their music online all I could figure out was that this was a prog rock band from Prague singing in a language that brings up memories of sitting at my grandmother’s house. This is not a band one would drive an hour one way to see. But I did exactly that and that may have been my final mistake.
Because while we did meet up at the show and had a good time joking around I knew while I was standing next to her that I had screwed up what had to have been the most sure thing I had ever encountered. Here was a librarian who was into me: she gave me her email, she called me before I called her, she was leading the charge, and I had fumbled it away. I showed I wasn’t that interested by not paying for dinner, showed that I didn’t want to hang around with her by not finding a way to get her into the show with me and now I was making a grand move to be at a concert with her for a band that she knew I probably couldn’t care less about. I just put out totally mixed signals going from cool to cocky to totally needy in the span of about five days. As we stood together at the concert I just thought “I’m blowing this. I know I am and there is nothing that I can do to stop it.”
So after the show I walk her home even though she only lived like three blocks away but that is the type of guy I am. If you are out with me late at night I’ll take you home that is the rule. We get to her street, not even to the front of her house but just the corner, and say our befuddled goodbyes. As she walked away I told myself “And that is the last time you are ever going to see that woman.” And I was right. She was kind enough to reply to some of my emails but very quickly everything went “pooft” and that was that.
Of all the relationships that I had in Kansas City that ended badly, which for all effective purposes was all of them, this is probably the one I regret the most. Because while the rest of them failed for a variety of reasons I wasn’t directly to blame or if I was it was due to some innate facet of my personality that I could never change. Maybe some women didn’t want to date me because it was clear that I wasn’t planning on spending the rest of my life in Kansas City, I can accept that. Here I was just stupid and made mistakes that cost me someone incredibly cool before I could even figure out if it could work. I couldn’t even close a date with a librarian. That doesn’t do much for the old ego.
Ok, I’m probably not the best catch in the world. When given a choice between myself and Brad Pitt six, maybe seven, women would choose me over Brad. But I would like to think that I don’t set the bar too high for others. Just be intelligent and/or artistic. In other words, don’t bore me. I don’t want to talk about the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I want to talk about life. If you can do that you’ll have my attention. I might screw it up, hell the odds are likely that I will, but I swear to God that I don’t mean to.
Anyway, just to show that I didn’t make up the band here is an Uz Jsme Doma video. If I would travel an hour to listen to this for you it means that no matter how screwed up I am I really like you.
The five random CDs for the week (yes, I am starting anew):
1) Death Cab for Cutie “Narrow Stairs”
2) Uncle Tupelo “No Depression”
3) Mike Plume Band “Song and Dance, Man”
4) R.E.M. “Eponymous”
5) Henry Rollins “Talk is Cheap, Volume One”
Thursday, January 01, 2009
The path for 2009
Every year when the calendar flips I have to do one very specific task. That is to create a new Word document for my writer’s journal. Back in the days before the blog (going all the way back to the dark days of 1998) the writer’s journal was meant to be just that but in the end it focused more on the journaling than the writing. Since I started the blog the two have essentially merged in that I write my posts in the journal first and then upload them. This does mean that yes, I do have grammar and spell check running as I type but yet I still don’t bother to pay attention to them. It also provides me with a rough word count and I estimate that I wrote over 200,000 words (or the equivalent of about three novels) in 2008. That is pretty impressive, I think.
But the biggest thing about starting up a new journal is that I am beginning on page one. Everything is new and fresh. Keeping that in mind I have decided to post my New Year’s Resolutions tonight in the hopes of making myself keep them given that I have publicly proclaimed my desire to do so.
Resolution # 1: Learn how to juggle: I feel that it is vitally important to have one skill that is completely and utterly pointless and would only serve to entertain a six year old niece. Also, this would provide me with another possible career path if I ever decide to run off and join the circus.
Resolution # 2: Get my weight under 190 pounds: A few years back when I weighed 215 pounds I looked in the mirror and wondered how the skinny kid who literally weighed 145 pounds in college had suddenly become someone who, for all effective purposes, was overweight. I’ve since cut my weight down to 200 pounds but I would like to break 190 because then I will officially be within my official range on the BMI charts. That should at least keep the doctors off my back for a while. This is tied to some of my overall fitness goals in terms of working out, lifting weights, and dreaming of running a 5K in a time that is less than my age. I’ll focus on the weight as the only way I will get there is through exercise.
Resolution # 3: Learn how to actually cook: I once told someone that I took pride in the fact that as a single male I could cook for myself as opposed to ordering takeout every night. She looked at me, shook her head and said “Chris, you don’t cook. You heat.” A sentiment that is sadly true. My culinary skills pretty much max out and defrosting a chicken breast, sprinkling it with spices, and tossing it on my Foreman Grill. Either that or taking one of those bagged pasta meals, pouring them into a large pot, and stirring occasionally. At some point I would like to actual be able to make a meal of multiple ingredients. It just feels like something I need to learn how to do.
Resolution # 4: Increase blog readership: So as many of you know my favorite new toy is the little map thingy on the right side of the blog. It tells me a) how many unique visitors I received yesterday and b) that for some reason someone in Latvia decided to visit my site. On a good day I can get between 20 and 30 readers, which is a lot more than I ever thought I had. But I really think I can top that and now that I have a reliable metric I am going to do my best to try. My initial goal is a 50 reader day. That means I will, gasp, have to promote my blog a little more to the rest of the world. Nothing will change, I just want to see how many people I can bring over to my side of the world.
(Side note: last night I went through a few years of old blog postings and I saw just how much my writing has improved recently. The jokes are funnier, the writing is tighter and there seems to be a lot more purpose to it all. That is the benefit of writing five nights a week for four years straight. You are bound to get better.)
Resolution # 5: Focus on the positive in my life: Yep, this one is going to be a challenge. As some of you know, I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late and the vast majority of it is due to circumstances outside of my control. I have an incredibly hard time coming to terms with things like that because I never like to admit that there are things that I just can’t fix. I always think “well maybe if I just work a little harder or if I become a better person the universe will change to my liking.” But things just don’t work that way. Add to that moving to a place where I am a complete stranger and dealing with the sheer fact of being 35 and it makes for a few trips to the dark corners of my soul.
So to combat it I am going to make a concerted effort to focus on the positive. Surround myself with people who make my life better. Remember how blessed I am and all of the amazing things I’ve accomplished. Yes, I’ll still be cynical and sarcastic but I want to have an upbeat twinge to it. Once I get a few wins under my belt everything will be better.
Resolution # 6: Get back into the concert going scene: Do you know that I have not seen a single concert since I moved here? Ok, that has to change pronto. I need to get back to being the guy in front of the stage. It just makes me feel alive.
Resolution # 7: Complete the Best of the Blog: This gets much easier if someone realizes that being my editor would require, you know, editing. The idea is really simple. I’ll go back through the first 4 years of the blog and pick out the best bits, clean them up so they at least resemble English, add in a few of the pieces that I have written that have never found a proper home and self-publish the result. It would give me a book on my shelf that I wrote as opposed to a stack of print outs and computer files. In a perfect world (meaning I get started on this on Sunday) I could be done by end of June. If not, sometime later. But this is something I really want to do even if it means rereading 1,000 posts just to find one funny Lindsay Lohan joke I wrote in 2006.
Resolution # 8: Reader’s Choice: Yes, I am opening my New Year’s Resolutions up to public debate. Put in what you think I should do for the new year in the comments and I will choose the best (or the funniest) to be part of my official goals. Anything is fair game.
Resolution # 9: Take a real vacation: Do you know how often during my five years at Sprint that I took a full calendar week of vacation? Once, and that was when I went to New Orleans as a volunteer and spent the entire time tearing down moldy drywall. I think I had entire years where all of my vacation was used on trips to Chicago and South Bend. No wonder I got so burnt out on my job. I need to take advantage of the fact that I have time off and just get away. Don’t know where just yet but I need to drop myself in a new environment every once in a while.
Resolution # 10: Meet the woman of my dreams, fall in love, and get married: Hell, got to have something to strive for over the course of the year.
Have a good weekend everyone. I’ll try to post another story from the KC dating scene on Saturday in which I discuss the biggest dating mistake that I have ever made. Worth reading if just for the cringe factor.
But the biggest thing about starting up a new journal is that I am beginning on page one. Everything is new and fresh. Keeping that in mind I have decided to post my New Year’s Resolutions tonight in the hopes of making myself keep them given that I have publicly proclaimed my desire to do so.
Resolution # 1: Learn how to juggle: I feel that it is vitally important to have one skill that is completely and utterly pointless and would only serve to entertain a six year old niece. Also, this would provide me with another possible career path if I ever decide to run off and join the circus.
Resolution # 2: Get my weight under 190 pounds: A few years back when I weighed 215 pounds I looked in the mirror and wondered how the skinny kid who literally weighed 145 pounds in college had suddenly become someone who, for all effective purposes, was overweight. I’ve since cut my weight down to 200 pounds but I would like to break 190 because then I will officially be within my official range on the BMI charts. That should at least keep the doctors off my back for a while. This is tied to some of my overall fitness goals in terms of working out, lifting weights, and dreaming of running a 5K in a time that is less than my age. I’ll focus on the weight as the only way I will get there is through exercise.
Resolution # 3: Learn how to actually cook: I once told someone that I took pride in the fact that as a single male I could cook for myself as opposed to ordering takeout every night. She looked at me, shook her head and said “Chris, you don’t cook. You heat.” A sentiment that is sadly true. My culinary skills pretty much max out and defrosting a chicken breast, sprinkling it with spices, and tossing it on my Foreman Grill. Either that or taking one of those bagged pasta meals, pouring them into a large pot, and stirring occasionally. At some point I would like to actual be able to make a meal of multiple ingredients. It just feels like something I need to learn how to do.
Resolution # 4: Increase blog readership: So as many of you know my favorite new toy is the little map thingy on the right side of the blog. It tells me a) how many unique visitors I received yesterday and b) that for some reason someone in Latvia decided to visit my site. On a good day I can get between 20 and 30 readers, which is a lot more than I ever thought I had. But I really think I can top that and now that I have a reliable metric I am going to do my best to try. My initial goal is a 50 reader day. That means I will, gasp, have to promote my blog a little more to the rest of the world. Nothing will change, I just want to see how many people I can bring over to my side of the world.
(Side note: last night I went through a few years of old blog postings and I saw just how much my writing has improved recently. The jokes are funnier, the writing is tighter and there seems to be a lot more purpose to it all. That is the benefit of writing five nights a week for four years straight. You are bound to get better.)
Resolution # 5: Focus on the positive in my life: Yep, this one is going to be a challenge. As some of you know, I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late and the vast majority of it is due to circumstances outside of my control. I have an incredibly hard time coming to terms with things like that because I never like to admit that there are things that I just can’t fix. I always think “well maybe if I just work a little harder or if I become a better person the universe will change to my liking.” But things just don’t work that way. Add to that moving to a place where I am a complete stranger and dealing with the sheer fact of being 35 and it makes for a few trips to the dark corners of my soul.
So to combat it I am going to make a concerted effort to focus on the positive. Surround myself with people who make my life better. Remember how blessed I am and all of the amazing things I’ve accomplished. Yes, I’ll still be cynical and sarcastic but I want to have an upbeat twinge to it. Once I get a few wins under my belt everything will be better.
Resolution # 6: Get back into the concert going scene: Do you know that I have not seen a single concert since I moved here? Ok, that has to change pronto. I need to get back to being the guy in front of the stage. It just makes me feel alive.
Resolution # 7: Complete the Best of the Blog: This gets much easier if someone realizes that being my editor would require, you know, editing. The idea is really simple. I’ll go back through the first 4 years of the blog and pick out the best bits, clean them up so they at least resemble English, add in a few of the pieces that I have written that have never found a proper home and self-publish the result. It would give me a book on my shelf that I wrote as opposed to a stack of print outs and computer files. In a perfect world (meaning I get started on this on Sunday) I could be done by end of June. If not, sometime later. But this is something I really want to do even if it means rereading 1,000 posts just to find one funny Lindsay Lohan joke I wrote in 2006.
Resolution # 8: Reader’s Choice: Yes, I am opening my New Year’s Resolutions up to public debate. Put in what you think I should do for the new year in the comments and I will choose the best (or the funniest) to be part of my official goals. Anything is fair game.
Resolution # 9: Take a real vacation: Do you know how often during my five years at Sprint that I took a full calendar week of vacation? Once, and that was when I went to New Orleans as a volunteer and spent the entire time tearing down moldy drywall. I think I had entire years where all of my vacation was used on trips to Chicago and South Bend. No wonder I got so burnt out on my job. I need to take advantage of the fact that I have time off and just get away. Don’t know where just yet but I need to drop myself in a new environment every once in a while.
Resolution # 10: Meet the woman of my dreams, fall in love, and get married: Hell, got to have something to strive for over the course of the year.
Have a good weekend everyone. I’ll try to post another story from the KC dating scene on Saturday in which I discuss the biggest dating mistake that I have ever made. Worth reading if just for the cringe factor.
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