Due to travel and computer issues I am a few days behind in publishing my Holiday Viewing Guide. Here it is with some references to shows that may have already aired but a) are probably on YouTube and b) will most likely be shown three thousand times between now and Christmas anyway.
(Times are in central as a) I am using a Chicago Sun Times for the listing and b) I don’t feel like doing math.)
Thursday, November 25th
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (9 AM, NBC): I read the best description of the Macy’s Parade this year “It’s the Tony Awards if they were held outside in the rain with a lot of lip synching.” That is pretty much it given that the entire event is one large infomercial for Broadway (featuring the horrendous Spider Man musical) and brand mascots. There were no killer balloons this year, which is always a bit of a downer. That turkey float was still there, though.
Miracle on 34th Street (2 PM, NBC): A man makes a mockery of the legal system in which a number of letters from children (that aren’t even opened by the way) is taken to be enough proof of a man’s sanity. I have said it before and I will say it again; there just ain’t no such thing as a sanity clause.
A Very Monkey Christmas (7 PM, PBS): Starring Curious George and the Man in the Yellow Hat. I’m not sure if I prefer this to a show featuring monkeys in Christmas outfits. In fact, I am going to search the Animal Planet listings right now just to see if I could find such a show.
Friday, November 26th
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (Noon, Comedy Central): No one will believe me but I saw this movie for the first time this year. I already knew every line of dialogue though. This might be the high point of Juliette Lewis’s acting career. Definitely the high point of her music career.
Andrea Bocelli and David Foster – My Christmas (8:05 PM, PBS): Sigh. I wish we still had David Foster Wallace with us. I would love to see what he would write about the commercial nature of the holidays and / or tennis.
Sunday, November 28th
The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation (7 PM, ABC Family): Let me quote the Sun Times here “Zeus the dog falls for a poodle (voice of Paris Hilton).” Zeus the dog is apparently voiced by Mario Lopez. Or possibly Mario Lopez is playing Zeus the dog. I am compelled to try to find this and watch it just so I could see who could possibly fit the words “Paris Hilton” and “Holiday Christmas Special” in the same pitch.
Monday, November 29th
Scrooged (7 PM, AMC): This film doesn’t get nearly enough love as it deserves during the holidays. Sure, it is darker than stuff like a Christmas Story but it has the benefit of actually being quite funny. Plus, we need more Bill Murray in our lives.
Tuesday, November 30th
Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer (7 PM, CBS): The source of two of my favorite bits of entertainment of all time: Hermey the Misfit Elf and “She thinks I’m cute!!!” There is also something about a reindeer who saves Christmas because Santa was too cheap to purchase running lights for his sleigh. Seriously, the dude runs a multi national corporation and can’t devise a contingency plan for fog?
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (7 PM, ABC): One man nobly gives the arrogant people of Whoville the holiday they truly deserve thus teaching them the true meaning of Christmas. Also, much like the Grinch, I still contend that my body is three sizes too large rather than my heart being three times too small.
Wednesday, December 1st
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (7 PM, ABC Family): Hey, want to see Jim Carrey in a skin tight green bodysuit? Yeah, me neither.
Thursday, December 2nd
The Santa Suit (7 PM, Hallmark): Greedy exec (played by Hercules Kevin Sorbo) is transformed into St. Nick. No notes as to whether or not Xena, Warrior Princess makes an appearance as Mrs. Claus. Whatever happened to Xena anyway? She’s due for a Dancing with the Stars appearance.
Saturday, December 4th
Olive, the Other Reindeer (4 PM, Cartoon): Mentioning this one just because of my love of puns. Also, it features a cute dog and dogs just don’t get enough love in holiday specials. Mice, reindeer, the evil minions of Whoville, talking piles of snow, they all get their own shows. Lovable puppy dogs get the misfortune of being voiced by Paris Hilton.
Tuesday, December 7th
A Charlie Brown Christmas (7 PM, ABC): The only holiday special that is required viewing. In fact, if we could just show this repeatedly throughout the holidays we would all be better off. I know that I can’t consider myself unbiased here given that I have a painting of Snoopy hanging in my apartment but there is nothing that touches upon the season quite like this show: Linus’ speech, the funky dancing, Snoopy’s doghouse, and the wonders of Dolly Madison snack cakes. God, I could use a Zinger right now.
Thursday, December 9th
The Santa Incident (7 PM, Hallmark): Have to quote the Sun Times verbatim here: “Homeland Security missile shoots down the sleigh.” I’m not sure if I have anything else to add to that. When I think about Christmas Santa being taken down by surface to air missiles just doesn’t come to mind. It stars Ione Skye for those of you who are wondering what Ione Skye looks like twenty plus years after Say Anything.
Friday, December 10th
The Santa Clause (7 PM, ABC Family): Hey, want to see Tim Allen in a fat suit? Yeah, me neither.
Fred Claus (7 PM, TBS): Hey, want to see Vince Vaughn in, well, anything? Wow, no one? Not even rewatching Swingers? Guess we’ll skip this one.
A Christmas Carol (7 PM, TCM): The story of a man whose proper management techniques provides excellent returns for his shareholders and employment for numerous members of the surrounding community.
Saturday, December 11th
Frosty the Snowman (7 PM, CBS): Teaching kids to fall in love with creatures that will eventually melt and die. Show of hands, how many people end up crying when Frosty starts to melt? There are very few shows that have such a maudlin feel to them as you are promised that he will be back someday as long as you don’t remember that he is currently that puddle of water over there.
It’s a Wonderful Life (7 PM, NBC): I still haven’t watched this movie. I think that qualifies me as purely evil or something. Just wasn’t something we watched in my family. That or I never felt that banking practices were exactly riveting holiday topics.
Tuesday, December 14th
I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown (7 PM, ABC): If you stopped reading Peanuts near the end, which wouldn’t be too surprising as Charles Schulz was kind of losing it by that point, you missed a lot of wonderful bits featuring Linus and Lucy’s younger brother: Rerun. Not only could he be philosophical (and rather dark) but one long standing plot line was his wanting a dog. I really relate to Rerun.
Saturday, December 18th
Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July (11 AM, ABC Family): I don’t understand this one at all. First off, these two characters have perfectly fine specials of their own so they don’t need to do some sort of superhero team up episode. Plus, it’s December. Why the hell do I want to watch a show about July? Horrible marketing all around.
Christmas Eve
“’Twas the Night Before Christmas” (Noon, ABC Family): The most underrated Christmas special of all time. Yes, this one probably holds a special place in my heart because it features an extremely intelligent, glasses wearing mouse, who almost ruins Christmas because he is too smart for his own good. Not like that is representative of me in the least. It even has some really nice songs. Watch this over so many of the crappy holiday movies out there.
A Christmas Story (7 PM (and every two hours after), TBS): Much like Shakespeare and Elvis, A Christmas Story suffers from the fact that something can be the best and still be overrated. Yes, this was an amazing film when I first watched it and there are scenes that can still bring a smile to my face but it is so overplayed (literally being shown for 24 hours straight) that for the most part it has no meaning any more. I would like us to have a few year moratorium on this film just so it could regain its awesomeness.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
A weekend to forget
And I’m back again after a slight trip into the unknown and some rather bad days. Ever have a period where absolutely everything seemed to go wrong at once? Well, that has been this entire year. This weekend just seemed to live up to it. What is amazing is that what I am going to write about isn’t even the worst thing that happened this weekend.
First off, I’ve spent most of the past few days fighting off a nasty stomach bug. You know, one of those fun ones where you spend much of the day in the bathroom and the rest of the time wondering who hit you in the stomach with a 2 by 4. I still don’t know quite what I caught but it was nastier than anything I have dealt with in recent years. Not too many people end up losing six pounds over Thanksgiving but this was that bad. I’ve luckily recovered and now have started to feel like myself again.
(By the way, this makes me really think that the only way those contestants on the Biggest Loser put up those weight loss numbers in a week is through massive dehydration. There is no way in the world that one can knock off that much weight in fat that quickly even if they spent all day exercising. While it is great that I am near my weight loss target for the year I right now need to put on weight or at least drink a ton of Gatorade.)
Add to that I had the wonderful scenario of having my car very nearly die on me. Technically, it just struggled to start mightily. First dealt with this at the airport when I came home where I thought that maybe having the car out in the cold for a few days made it a little sluggish. Sluggish then turned to almost being unable to start to today where when it started my fuel gauge read empty even though I had a quarter of a tank left. Ended up I had a nearly dead battery and had to go and get that replaced and was just happy that I was able to drive the car in as opposed to having it towed in. Given that my car is only a year old this is insanely annoying.
Like I said that wasn’t anywhere near the worst thing to happen this weekend but it just gives you a sense of how my year is going. With just one more month to go I would really like to just get out of 2010 and into 2011. I know that it theoretically won’t make much of a difference but I would really like to see a new page on the calendar. Maybe it will help things out greatly.
(I did have a great time going home for Thanksgiving and seeing my family. It is tough when you live so far away from everyone. It gets lonely out here in Delaware. And boring, but I’m pretty sure that fact surprises no one.)
First off, I’ve spent most of the past few days fighting off a nasty stomach bug. You know, one of those fun ones where you spend much of the day in the bathroom and the rest of the time wondering who hit you in the stomach with a 2 by 4. I still don’t know quite what I caught but it was nastier than anything I have dealt with in recent years. Not too many people end up losing six pounds over Thanksgiving but this was that bad. I’ve luckily recovered and now have started to feel like myself again.
(By the way, this makes me really think that the only way those contestants on the Biggest Loser put up those weight loss numbers in a week is through massive dehydration. There is no way in the world that one can knock off that much weight in fat that quickly even if they spent all day exercising. While it is great that I am near my weight loss target for the year I right now need to put on weight or at least drink a ton of Gatorade.)
Add to that I had the wonderful scenario of having my car very nearly die on me. Technically, it just struggled to start mightily. First dealt with this at the airport when I came home where I thought that maybe having the car out in the cold for a few days made it a little sluggish. Sluggish then turned to almost being unable to start to today where when it started my fuel gauge read empty even though I had a quarter of a tank left. Ended up I had a nearly dead battery and had to go and get that replaced and was just happy that I was able to drive the car in as opposed to having it towed in. Given that my car is only a year old this is insanely annoying.
Like I said that wasn’t anywhere near the worst thing to happen this weekend but it just gives you a sense of how my year is going. With just one more month to go I would really like to just get out of 2010 and into 2011. I know that it theoretically won’t make much of a difference but I would really like to see a new page on the calendar. Maybe it will help things out greatly.
(I did have a great time going home for Thanksgiving and seeing my family. It is tough when you live so far away from everyone. It gets lonely out here in Delaware. And boring, but I’m pretty sure that fact surprises no one.)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
What I've Read
So my friend Lori posted this list on her Facebook page and I figured that I might as well blog about it. It is a list of the top 100 books per the BBC (or more accurately the viewers). Books that I have read are shown in bold. Those that I have at least read some of are shown in italics. This will give a good sense of where the big gaps are in my reading habits.
1) Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2) The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3) Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4) Harry Potter series – J K Rowling
5) To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6) The Bible
7) Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8) 1984 – George Orwell
9) His Dark Materials – Phillip Pullman
10) Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11) Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
12) Tess of the D’Ubervilles – Thomas Hardy
13) Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14) The Complete Works of Shakespeare
15) Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16) The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17) Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18) The Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19) The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20) Middlemarch – George Eliot
21) Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22) The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23) Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24) War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25) The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26) Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27) Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky
28) The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29) Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30) The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahme
31) Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32) David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33) The Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34) Emma – Jane Austen
35) Persuasion – Jane Austen
36) The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37) The Kite Runner – Khalid Hosseini
38) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere
39) Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40) Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41) Animal Farm – George Orwell
42) The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43) One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44) A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45) The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46) Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47) Far from the Maddening Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48) The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49) Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50) Atonement – Ian McEwan
51) Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52) Dune – Frank Herbery
53) Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54) Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55) A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56) The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruis Zafon
57) A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58) Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime – Mark Gaddon
60) Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marques
61) Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62) Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63) The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64) The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65) Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66) On the Road – Jack Kerouac
67) Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68) Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69) Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70) Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71) Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72) Dracula – Bram Stroker
73) The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74) Notes from a Small Island – Bill Bryson
75) Ulysses – James Joyce
76) The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77) Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78) Germinal – Emile Zola
79) Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80) Possession – AS Byatt
81) A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82) Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83) The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84) The Remains of the Day – Kazup Ishiguro
85) Madame Bovary – Gustave Falubert
86) A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87) Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88) The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89) The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90) The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91) Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92) The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93) The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94) Watership Down – Richard Adams
95) A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96) A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97) The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98) Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100) Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
That is 27 read and 6 partials and I am more than pissed that I have to count the works of Shakespeare as a partial. I’ve read 23 of the plays and I really don’t feel like I should be penalized for not having read King John. No one reads King John. Anyway, not bad for someone who is a science geek who never had a literature class above English 103. (Kim, my English major significantly better half, has read probably well over half of these.)
I don’t list this as much to show off what I’ve read and stroke my ego but rather to get a sense of where are the gaps in my reading. Since this is a BBC list my gaps are obviously amongst British authors. I haven’t read any Jane Austen and have barely touched the Brontes. I wish I had a better reason for that other than male chauvinism but that really is the answer. Remember at one point in time I had to specifically make it a goal of mine to read at least one female author every year. For some reason I got it stuck in my head that stuff like Pride and Prejudice were “girl books” and I didn’t have to concern myself with them. Yes, that is actually as stupid as it sounds.
I’m also woefully lacking in Charles Dickens and his cohort Wilkie Collins. Here I want to blame my precociousness as a youth given that it backfired on me. I probably started to read Great Expectations when I was in seventh or eighth grade and could just never get into it. There was Pip and a convict and for some reason a really detailed inventory of a cupboard and it just never clicked, most likely because I was a twelve year old kid trying to understand Victorian England. As a result, I’ve never gone back to it. Well, my goal for next year is to really fill this gap in my literary knowledge.
The Russians, on the other hand, have been my nemesis forever. Those books just stare at me from the shelves and taunt me with their difficulty. As a result I haven’t read War and Peace or Crime and Punishment or, for that matter, War and Punishment or Crime and Peace. I still don’t feel that I will be able to claim to be a true connoisseur of literature until I conquer the Russians but that will be a challenge.
Of what I have read I have hit most of the 20th century classics while missing some of the more popular stuff (no Tolkein even though no one will ever believe that.) I’ve always been lacking in terms of mainstream fiction though I really do want to read The Time Traveller’s Wife and The Lovely Bones. I don’t know if I can say that I am well rounded in my literary tastes but I have a pretty significant background especially given this is not what I’ve ever officially studied. I’m probably not as well read as I think I am, which is good because that just means I have more books to read and that is never a bad thing.
1) Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2) The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3) Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4) Harry Potter series – J K Rowling
5) To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6) The Bible
7) Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8) 1984 – George Orwell
9) His Dark Materials – Phillip Pullman
10) Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11) Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
12) Tess of the D’Ubervilles – Thomas Hardy
13) Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14) The Complete Works of Shakespeare
15) Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16) The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17) Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18) The Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19) The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20) Middlemarch – George Eliot
21) Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22) The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23) Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24) War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25) The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26) Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27) Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky
28) The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29) Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30) The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahme
31) Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32) David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33) The Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34) Emma – Jane Austen
35) Persuasion – Jane Austen
36) The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37) The Kite Runner – Khalid Hosseini
38) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere
39) Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40) Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41) Animal Farm – George Orwell
42) The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43) One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44) A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45) The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46) Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47) Far from the Maddening Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48) The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49) Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50) Atonement – Ian McEwan
51) Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52) Dune – Frank Herbery
53) Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54) Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55) A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56) The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruis Zafon
57) A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58) Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime – Mark Gaddon
60) Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marques
61) Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62) Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63) The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64) The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65) Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66) On the Road – Jack Kerouac
67) Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68) Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69) Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70) Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71) Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72) Dracula – Bram Stroker
73) The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74) Notes from a Small Island – Bill Bryson
75) Ulysses – James Joyce
76) The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77) Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78) Germinal – Emile Zola
79) Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80) Possession – AS Byatt
81) A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82) Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83) The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84) The Remains of the Day – Kazup Ishiguro
85) Madame Bovary – Gustave Falubert
86) A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87) Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88) The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89) The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90) The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91) Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92) The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93) The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94) Watership Down – Richard Adams
95) A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96) A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97) The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98) Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100) Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
That is 27 read and 6 partials and I am more than pissed that I have to count the works of Shakespeare as a partial. I’ve read 23 of the plays and I really don’t feel like I should be penalized for not having read King John. No one reads King John. Anyway, not bad for someone who is a science geek who never had a literature class above English 103. (Kim, my English major significantly better half, has read probably well over half of these.)
I don’t list this as much to show off what I’ve read and stroke my ego but rather to get a sense of where are the gaps in my reading. Since this is a BBC list my gaps are obviously amongst British authors. I haven’t read any Jane Austen and have barely touched the Brontes. I wish I had a better reason for that other than male chauvinism but that really is the answer. Remember at one point in time I had to specifically make it a goal of mine to read at least one female author every year. For some reason I got it stuck in my head that stuff like Pride and Prejudice were “girl books” and I didn’t have to concern myself with them. Yes, that is actually as stupid as it sounds.
I’m also woefully lacking in Charles Dickens and his cohort Wilkie Collins. Here I want to blame my precociousness as a youth given that it backfired on me. I probably started to read Great Expectations when I was in seventh or eighth grade and could just never get into it. There was Pip and a convict and for some reason a really detailed inventory of a cupboard and it just never clicked, most likely because I was a twelve year old kid trying to understand Victorian England. As a result, I’ve never gone back to it. Well, my goal for next year is to really fill this gap in my literary knowledge.
The Russians, on the other hand, have been my nemesis forever. Those books just stare at me from the shelves and taunt me with their difficulty. As a result I haven’t read War and Peace or Crime and Punishment or, for that matter, War and Punishment or Crime and Peace. I still don’t feel that I will be able to claim to be a true connoisseur of literature until I conquer the Russians but that will be a challenge.
Of what I have read I have hit most of the 20th century classics while missing some of the more popular stuff (no Tolkein even though no one will ever believe that.) I’ve always been lacking in terms of mainstream fiction though I really do want to read The Time Traveller’s Wife and The Lovely Bones. I don’t know if I can say that I am well rounded in my literary tastes but I have a pretty significant background especially given this is not what I’ve ever officially studied. I’m probably not as well read as I think I am, which is good because that just means I have more books to read and that is never a bad thing.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Flying blind
(And I’m back from my extended laptop vacation. New laptop has been acquired, name still to be determined. You have to figure out the personality of a new machine before it can be properly named. Right now I am leaning towards Farrah.)
If it is Thanksgiving that means that it is travel time and more and more people will be crowding the airports and making my life a living hell. As someone who flies enough that he has become a frequent flier on two separate airlines this time of year is just brutal for me because my usual routines get completely screwed up by people who have no idea what they are doing. So, as a public service, here is my advice if you are going to the airport this week.
1) Print out your boarding pass at home: Saves you a few minutes, especially if you aren’t checking bags. This way if all you have are carryons you can go straight to security. Plus, depending on the airline the sooner you check in the sooner you will be able to get on the plane, which I will talk about later.
2) Be prepared for the security process: I have a routine that I go through every time I fly. Right before I step in the security line I go through everything in my pockets and place them in my backpack. I have my boarding pass and ID in hand. In my backpack in clear plastic bags are a) any liquids I am carrying (in small bottles), b) my Kindle and any laptop cords and c) my portable DVD player (which Kim got me for my birthday and has been a wonderful present). Once I get to the X ray machine shoes are off, bags are in the bin and I quickly move through. It really isn’t that difficult a process if you spend thirty seconds getting yourself prepared beforehand.
3) But what about the new fangled scanners?: Ok, I must admit that I haven’t had to deal with these yet. However, due to the fact that I have worked in places where I have required some pretty significant security clearances (strange but true) I have gone through my share of scanners in my day. I personally am not too worried about the new scanners: random person who can’t see me or my face sees a strange computer image of me where I look vaguely naked. It’s just not an issue for me though I understand how others might feel that way. The radiation doesn’t worry me either or at least no more than my worry that I will be sitting in a metal box 30,000 feet in the air being supported only by the laws of physics. As for pat downs, yeah, they can get up in your grill depending on how they do it. Still, as someone who was scheduled to be on a flight from London a few years back that was targeted I am happy to see any advanced security tactics.
4) Don’t stand on moving walkways: Seriously. This freaking kills me. You’ve been sitting in a plane for hours only to get on the walkway and stand perfectly still because you are too tired to walk while thirty people behind you run into each other. If you are perfectly fine with walking then use the walkway for what it was intended for: walking.
5) The Chic-Fil-A at the airport is closed on Sundays: Even for Thanksgiving weekend. The one time I was forced to fly out of Philly on that Sunday I discovered this horrible fact. Given that one of the few pleasures of flying out of Philly is Chic-Fil-A this was heart wrenching.
6) Understand your airlines boarding procedure: Some have assigned seats and board by zones. Some have open seating and board in numerical order. Understand that ahead of time or ask the nice person next to you how it works. I can’t stand people who don’t know the process or try to board with Zone 2 when they are Zone 8. I understand the need to game the system and lord knows I’ve done it (luckily my frequent flier status helps me here) but at least follow the rules.
7) Live by the laws of carry on baggage: You get two bags. One goes under your seat. One goes overhead. Putting your coat in the overhead bin just pisses people off. Rollerbags go in wheels first. And I hate to say this but if you are one of the last people to board odds are your bag is going to be gate checked. It’s happened to me and it will happen to you, especially if you are on one of the airlines that charges to check bags. Over the past two years you have seen a huge increase in the amount of carry on luggage because of people not wanting to check bags. That means that the bins fill up quickly and if you are not one of the people who board early it means that you can end up spending 45 minutes waiting for your carry on bag with the rest of the luggage (which happened to me at midnight a few weeks ago.) If everyone packs accordingly this is less of an issue but if you are worried about it you need to find a way to board early or just check your bags to begin with.
8) Don’t bother the guy wearing headphones: You really don’t want to hear about my day.
If it is Thanksgiving that means that it is travel time and more and more people will be crowding the airports and making my life a living hell. As someone who flies enough that he has become a frequent flier on two separate airlines this time of year is just brutal for me because my usual routines get completely screwed up by people who have no idea what they are doing. So, as a public service, here is my advice if you are going to the airport this week.
1) Print out your boarding pass at home: Saves you a few minutes, especially if you aren’t checking bags. This way if all you have are carryons you can go straight to security. Plus, depending on the airline the sooner you check in the sooner you will be able to get on the plane, which I will talk about later.
2) Be prepared for the security process: I have a routine that I go through every time I fly. Right before I step in the security line I go through everything in my pockets and place them in my backpack. I have my boarding pass and ID in hand. In my backpack in clear plastic bags are a) any liquids I am carrying (in small bottles), b) my Kindle and any laptop cords and c) my portable DVD player (which Kim got me for my birthday and has been a wonderful present). Once I get to the X ray machine shoes are off, bags are in the bin and I quickly move through. It really isn’t that difficult a process if you spend thirty seconds getting yourself prepared beforehand.
3) But what about the new fangled scanners?: Ok, I must admit that I haven’t had to deal with these yet. However, due to the fact that I have worked in places where I have required some pretty significant security clearances (strange but true) I have gone through my share of scanners in my day. I personally am not too worried about the new scanners: random person who can’t see me or my face sees a strange computer image of me where I look vaguely naked. It’s just not an issue for me though I understand how others might feel that way. The radiation doesn’t worry me either or at least no more than my worry that I will be sitting in a metal box 30,000 feet in the air being supported only by the laws of physics. As for pat downs, yeah, they can get up in your grill depending on how they do it. Still, as someone who was scheduled to be on a flight from London a few years back that was targeted I am happy to see any advanced security tactics.
4) Don’t stand on moving walkways: Seriously. This freaking kills me. You’ve been sitting in a plane for hours only to get on the walkway and stand perfectly still because you are too tired to walk while thirty people behind you run into each other. If you are perfectly fine with walking then use the walkway for what it was intended for: walking.
5) The Chic-Fil-A at the airport is closed on Sundays: Even for Thanksgiving weekend. The one time I was forced to fly out of Philly on that Sunday I discovered this horrible fact. Given that one of the few pleasures of flying out of Philly is Chic-Fil-A this was heart wrenching.
6) Understand your airlines boarding procedure: Some have assigned seats and board by zones. Some have open seating and board in numerical order. Understand that ahead of time or ask the nice person next to you how it works. I can’t stand people who don’t know the process or try to board with Zone 2 when they are Zone 8. I understand the need to game the system and lord knows I’ve done it (luckily my frequent flier status helps me here) but at least follow the rules.
7) Live by the laws of carry on baggage: You get two bags. One goes under your seat. One goes overhead. Putting your coat in the overhead bin just pisses people off. Rollerbags go in wheels first. And I hate to say this but if you are one of the last people to board odds are your bag is going to be gate checked. It’s happened to me and it will happen to you, especially if you are on one of the airlines that charges to check bags. Over the past two years you have seen a huge increase in the amount of carry on luggage because of people not wanting to check bags. That means that the bins fill up quickly and if you are not one of the people who board early it means that you can end up spending 45 minutes waiting for your carry on bag with the rest of the luggage (which happened to me at midnight a few weeks ago.) If everyone packs accordingly this is less of an issue but if you are worried about it you need to find a way to board early or just check your bags to begin with.
8) Don’t bother the guy wearing headphones: You really don’t want to hear about my day.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I also have a great need for paste
Remember when you were in grade school and you sat and wondered when in your life you would actually end up using these skills? Well, I had one of those moments today where I realized that my second grade teacher was on to something. That is because despite the fact that I have at my fingertips massive computing power, three monitors, the entire breadth of information contained in Google and a cell phone that is more powerful than my first three computers I had to spend a good portion of my morning searching for a ruler so I could measure something.
Seriously, I had to find a ruler. Incredibly, we had one in our supply closet so I was able to accurately measure some distances on a map. I know it sounds vaguely normal but it was just one of those moments that really struck me as totally bizarre. I have no recollection of the last time I even used a ruler. A tape measure is a different matter; everyone needs to use those occassionaly around the house. But a ruler sits slightly above the protractor and the compass in terms of useful items (and that is giving the compass bonus points due to its potential to be used as a deadly weapon. Whose wonderful idea was it to provide kids with essentially metal spikes?)
We did learn a lot of useless skills as kids. I only use cursive to sign my name and might not even be able to write a sentence in it today. I certainly couldn't write a legible paragraph but that is why I gave up using cursive when I was in high school. My handwriting was atrocious due to the fact that I can't hold a pencil correctly (I'm right handed and right brained which causes a lot of strange side effects) so I just started printing everything. Now since everything is typewritten cursive is a thing of the past. I also don't perform long division anywhere nearly as often as you would expect nor do I ever have a need to find the lowest common denominator. Calculus though I have used every frigging day of my adult life. Diagramming a sentence? Not as much.
(Side note here. I was thinking recently about how I took absolutely zero fun classes in college. I mean, I had friends who took ballroom dancing and long distance running for credit. The closest I had to something fun were my liberal arts electives of intro to world history and intro to english. Those were interesting but still pretty well required. Everything else was math and engineering. It may have made me successful but it certainly wasn't much fun. I would have killed to have taken the english course that focused on comedy writing.)
One of the things that I have noticed is that despite the fact that I am now undeniably old I still think back to my time in school. This week I have had two nightmares that were high school or college related even though that was 20 years ago. Maybe we never quite leave the classroom.
Seriously, I had to find a ruler. Incredibly, we had one in our supply closet so I was able to accurately measure some distances on a map. I know it sounds vaguely normal but it was just one of those moments that really struck me as totally bizarre. I have no recollection of the last time I even used a ruler. A tape measure is a different matter; everyone needs to use those occassionaly around the house. But a ruler sits slightly above the protractor and the compass in terms of useful items (and that is giving the compass bonus points due to its potential to be used as a deadly weapon. Whose wonderful idea was it to provide kids with essentially metal spikes?)
We did learn a lot of useless skills as kids. I only use cursive to sign my name and might not even be able to write a sentence in it today. I certainly couldn't write a legible paragraph but that is why I gave up using cursive when I was in high school. My handwriting was atrocious due to the fact that I can't hold a pencil correctly (I'm right handed and right brained which causes a lot of strange side effects) so I just started printing everything. Now since everything is typewritten cursive is a thing of the past. I also don't perform long division anywhere nearly as often as you would expect nor do I ever have a need to find the lowest common denominator. Calculus though I have used every frigging day of my adult life. Diagramming a sentence? Not as much.
(Side note here. I was thinking recently about how I took absolutely zero fun classes in college. I mean, I had friends who took ballroom dancing and long distance running for credit. The closest I had to something fun were my liberal arts electives of intro to world history and intro to english. Those were interesting but still pretty well required. Everything else was math and engineering. It may have made me successful but it certainly wasn't much fun. I would have killed to have taken the english course that focused on comedy writing.)
One of the things that I have noticed is that despite the fact that I am now undeniably old I still think back to my time in school. This week I have had two nightmares that were high school or college related even though that was 20 years ago. Maybe we never quite leave the classroom.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Six Years and Counting!!!!
It's my birthday! I'm a ninja! It's my birthday!
(I might as well immediately state that is a Sifl and Olly reference because no one is going to get it. To be honest, no one is going to understand what I mean by "Sifl and Olly" either. Sigh.)
Yes friends of the blogosphere tonight marks the six year anniversary of the launch of Battling the Current. I am not making this up; you could peruse all of my past entries by searching the archives on the right column going back to my November 10, 2004 post where I try to explain what a blog is to people. It's been an amazing ride. Let's review some stats.
Number of posts: 1,483
Number of words written: If I take a low estimate and say I average 500 words a post that would equate to 741,500 words. If I guess 600 words a post it equals 889,800 words. I am somewhere in that range. At 60,000 words for a novel that means I have written the equivalent of between 12 and 15 books over the past six years. Yet I still cannot finish my novel. Astounding.
Country that I am most amazed that I get page hits from: Iran. Every year I get a few hits from Iran. I always imagine that this results in some poor censor having to check out this site and try to figure out precisely why I have such an interest in Lindsay Lohan.
Country where I have suddenly become popular: Brazil. Over the past month almost 4 % of the people who read the blog came from Brazil and if you look at the map they are spread across the entire country. I've had nearly as many views from Indonesia. Anyone who wishes to explain this to me I would love to know why.
Number of laptops used: Three. Julie (still operational and the founding computer of the blog), Natalie (wonderful though tempremental machine whose screen imploded on me) and Beth (who I just had diagnosed as suffering a motherboard failure.) I'll be getting a fourth, name to be determined, in the near future. And as I said before I will not name a laptop Lindsay because that would just doom the machine to virus infections.
Number of times I was physically threatened in the comments: Once when I said about a singer songwriter in Lawrence that "the show improved when he broke a guitar string because at least now he had a reason for sucking so badly." That did not go over with the fans.
Bands where my blog has been promoted on the website / primary fan page: Tift Merritt, The Polyphonic Spree and The Frames. The last one is still probably my proudest moment and easily gained me the most traffic. They are my favorite band and people loved the reason I posted the video.
Television shows on the air in November 2004: Joey, My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, Method and Red, The OC
Number of CDs released under the Battling the Current label: Three. I should probably start that up again. People just don't make enough mixtapes.
Distance I must keep between myself and My Beloved Lindsay at all times: 500 yards thanks to a rather humorless judge.
All in all it has been a rather amazing run. I never anticipated writing like this for six years but then again I never imagined anyone reading it either. And the fact is I have gotten comments and readership and even followers (or at least that is what Blogger calls them) so in my mind this has been a pretty successful venture. I know that the past year or so has seen a decline in the amount of posts mainly due to the fact that my schedule is not as constant as it once was but I still love getting to sit down at night and just write whatever I feel like. It really is a highlight of my day.
I still don't know when or if I'll ever stop this site. I'm still trying to figure out its new tone as it was started as a way for me to vent about my failings in my search for my dream girl and now I've, well, now I'm getting ready to marry her. But I have a feeling that just means that my adventures won't stop; they are just going to change shape. It's been a fun ride so far and I doubt it is going to stop anytime soon.
(I might as well immediately state that is a Sifl and Olly reference because no one is going to get it. To be honest, no one is going to understand what I mean by "Sifl and Olly" either. Sigh.)
Yes friends of the blogosphere tonight marks the six year anniversary of the launch of Battling the Current. I am not making this up; you could peruse all of my past entries by searching the archives on the right column going back to my November 10, 2004 post where I try to explain what a blog is to people. It's been an amazing ride. Let's review some stats.
Number of posts: 1,483
Number of words written: If I take a low estimate and say I average 500 words a post that would equate to 741,500 words. If I guess 600 words a post it equals 889,800 words. I am somewhere in that range. At 60,000 words for a novel that means I have written the equivalent of between 12 and 15 books over the past six years. Yet I still cannot finish my novel. Astounding.
Country that I am most amazed that I get page hits from: Iran. Every year I get a few hits from Iran. I always imagine that this results in some poor censor having to check out this site and try to figure out precisely why I have such an interest in Lindsay Lohan.
Country where I have suddenly become popular: Brazil. Over the past month almost 4 % of the people who read the blog came from Brazil and if you look at the map they are spread across the entire country. I've had nearly as many views from Indonesia. Anyone who wishes to explain this to me I would love to know why.
Number of laptops used: Three. Julie (still operational and the founding computer of the blog), Natalie (wonderful though tempremental machine whose screen imploded on me) and Beth (who I just had diagnosed as suffering a motherboard failure.) I'll be getting a fourth, name to be determined, in the near future. And as I said before I will not name a laptop Lindsay because that would just doom the machine to virus infections.
Number of times I was physically threatened in the comments: Once when I said about a singer songwriter in Lawrence that "the show improved when he broke a guitar string because at least now he had a reason for sucking so badly." That did not go over with the fans.
Bands where my blog has been promoted on the website / primary fan page: Tift Merritt, The Polyphonic Spree and The Frames. The last one is still probably my proudest moment and easily gained me the most traffic. They are my favorite band and people loved the reason I posted the video.
Television shows on the air in November 2004: Joey, My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, Method and Red, The OC
Number of CDs released under the Battling the Current label: Three. I should probably start that up again. People just don't make enough mixtapes.
Distance I must keep between myself and My Beloved Lindsay at all times: 500 yards thanks to a rather humorless judge.
All in all it has been a rather amazing run. I never anticipated writing like this for six years but then again I never imagined anyone reading it either. And the fact is I have gotten comments and readership and even followers (or at least that is what Blogger calls them) so in my mind this has been a pretty successful venture. I know that the past year or so has seen a decline in the amount of posts mainly due to the fact that my schedule is not as constant as it once was but I still love getting to sit down at night and just write whatever I feel like. It really is a highlight of my day.
I still don't know when or if I'll ever stop this site. I'm still trying to figure out its new tone as it was started as a way for me to vent about my failings in my search for my dream girl and now I've, well, now I'm getting ready to marry her. But I have a feeling that just means that my adventures won't stop; they are just going to change shape. It's been a fun ride so far and I doubt it is going to stop anytime soon.
Monday, November 08, 2010
Computer issues
So, right after I finished my blog post last night (literally while I was checking the page view stats like I do after every post) Beth the Laptop decided to turn itself off in a rather catastrophic manner. Just one of those moments when everything is working fine and then the screen suddenly goes "bloop" and you quickly realize how long it has been since you've backed up your hard drive. I don't know quite what happened and will have one of my tech guys look at it later this week but I have a feeling that it may be rather severely fried. I'm just hoping that I will be able to rescue the data. Even though all of my writing is on the blog I would rather not have to compile over 100,000 words of blog posts back into Word format just so I could keep all my writers journals together.
What this also means is that I have brought Julie the Laptop out of retirement for the time being. Julie was the computer of choice for the blog at the beginning and is still the computer that I am most accustomed to. I have had this laptop since 2001 and it went through grad school, the blog, and several attempts at writing a novel. There really isn't much that I have not used this laptop for. She's probably the best computer that I have ever had given that nine years later I can get her to run while Beth failed shy of the two year mark. (For the record, Julie is a Sony Vaio with a Julie Delpy screensaver. Beth was an HP with a Beth Orton screensaver. And yes, my computers all have names.)
While I do have a computer up and running there is something uniquely horrible about having your computer fail. Your entire life is tied up with your computer and the idea about being separated from your data and the online world is rather scary. For me it is more of a matter of being away from my information. I don't have my journal or my CD collection spreadsheet or the list of all of the books that I've read. None of that information is vital to my day to day existence and most of it could be recreated but it really is a huge component of who I am. I've kept the journals for 12 years now and I have each one in a Word document. Same for the list of books. It is kind of silly but it means the world to me. Luckily most of my pictures are stored in numerous places and my music still exists in CD form. I couldn't imagine losing my entire music collection in one instant.
Given that I am writing this online now I probably shouldn't say this but I think that I could survive without the internet at least in the short term. I guess I should temper that by saying on a personal level as obviously I can access the net from work. It probably won't be a bad thing if I spend less time online over these next few weeks. I could use some time away from Facebook and celebrity gossip sites. I don't have to spend all evening reading reviews of television shows that I have already watched to see if I missed some pithy comment that I could make regarding a line of dialogue. Sometimes you just need to turn the information spigot off. Maybe I'll do that.
What this also means is that I have brought Julie the Laptop out of retirement for the time being. Julie was the computer of choice for the blog at the beginning and is still the computer that I am most accustomed to. I have had this laptop since 2001 and it went through grad school, the blog, and several attempts at writing a novel. There really isn't much that I have not used this laptop for. She's probably the best computer that I have ever had given that nine years later I can get her to run while Beth failed shy of the two year mark. (For the record, Julie is a Sony Vaio with a Julie Delpy screensaver. Beth was an HP with a Beth Orton screensaver. And yes, my computers all have names.)
While I do have a computer up and running there is something uniquely horrible about having your computer fail. Your entire life is tied up with your computer and the idea about being separated from your data and the online world is rather scary. For me it is more of a matter of being away from my information. I don't have my journal or my CD collection spreadsheet or the list of all of the books that I've read. None of that information is vital to my day to day existence and most of it could be recreated but it really is a huge component of who I am. I've kept the journals for 12 years now and I have each one in a Word document. Same for the list of books. It is kind of silly but it means the world to me. Luckily most of my pictures are stored in numerous places and my music still exists in CD form. I couldn't imagine losing my entire music collection in one instant.
Given that I am writing this online now I probably shouldn't say this but I think that I could survive without the internet at least in the short term. I guess I should temper that by saying on a personal level as obviously I can access the net from work. It probably won't be a bad thing if I spend less time online over these next few weeks. I could use some time away from Facebook and celebrity gossip sites. I don't have to spend all evening reading reviews of television shows that I have already watched to see if I missed some pithy comment that I could make regarding a line of dialogue. Sometimes you just need to turn the information spigot off. Maybe I'll do that.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Government taking our sunlight...
(Is there a rule as to how long political signs have to stay up on the side of the road after an election? I was sick of looking at pictures of Christine O’Donnell before; now that there is no legitimate reason for me to care about her I really don’t know why I have to see the signs. Though I will admit that her candidacy was the only way for the rest of the country to remember that Delaware is technically a state which, too be honest, is questionable at best.)
This is also the time of year where I make my typical remarks around how horrible Daylight Savings Time is. Actually, this weekend is the one I like as it a) gives me an extra hour of sleep and b) for a short period of time actually puts my body on the right schedule. See, my natural tendency is to sleep later than I should and stay up later than I should for my work schedule. Switching the clocks back an hour makes my body match up with the time for once. The fact that it was pitch black at 5:30 is not what one would call a nice thing but this time change doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the one in the spring. Still, just another sign that we are nearing the time of year where you wake up in the dark, go home in the dark and spend the rest of the time in a windowless box looking at a computer screen. Isn’t modern life wonderful?
In the “You know how lazy you are” story of the day, one of the Chilean miners completed the New York City marathon today in five hours and forty minutes. I, on the other hand, couldn’t be bothered to get up off the couch in order to run on the treadmill. The miner in question was the one who not only sang Elvis songs to keep everyone’s spirits up but also would run several miles every day inside the mine in order to keep himself together. All of which makes me wonder if they had that much space and free time why didn’t they do any actual mining? They were down there for two months so you would think that they could have dug up some gold while they were at it.
Last thought of the night as I know that this has been a completely random post. I’ve been watching Holmes on Homes on HGTV recently and I have realized that once I actually purchase a house that I am completely screwed. While Holmes is awesome as the only contractor on the planet who legitimately cares about his work the show basically puts the fear of God in the hearts of anyone who even thinks about owning a place. It is just one piece of bad construction after another that no homeowner would ever catch. Plus, you realize just how little you actually know about construction. If I was forced to maintain my own place alone I’d be living in a tent by the end of the week.
Best of 120 Minutes: Ever notice how certain bars have certain songs? As in that for some reason it is tradition that one song must be played on the jukebox every night even though it hasn’t been a hit in well over a decade. Well at Kelly’s in Kansas City it was James “Laid”. Of all the songs that one could choose this is actually a really good one. No one ever explained to me why this spoke to the people of Kansas City but hey, it was Kansas City. It will never make any sense.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) White Rabbits “Fort Nightly”
2) Mike Doughty “Sad Man Happy Man”
3) Keb’ Mo’ “Just Like You”
4) The Minus 5 “Down with Wilco”
5) The V-Roys “Are You Through Yet?”
This is also the time of year where I make my typical remarks around how horrible Daylight Savings Time is. Actually, this weekend is the one I like as it a) gives me an extra hour of sleep and b) for a short period of time actually puts my body on the right schedule. See, my natural tendency is to sleep later than I should and stay up later than I should for my work schedule. Switching the clocks back an hour makes my body match up with the time for once. The fact that it was pitch black at 5:30 is not what one would call a nice thing but this time change doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the one in the spring. Still, just another sign that we are nearing the time of year where you wake up in the dark, go home in the dark and spend the rest of the time in a windowless box looking at a computer screen. Isn’t modern life wonderful?
In the “You know how lazy you are” story of the day, one of the Chilean miners completed the New York City marathon today in five hours and forty minutes. I, on the other hand, couldn’t be bothered to get up off the couch in order to run on the treadmill. The miner in question was the one who not only sang Elvis songs to keep everyone’s spirits up but also would run several miles every day inside the mine in order to keep himself together. All of which makes me wonder if they had that much space and free time why didn’t they do any actual mining? They were down there for two months so you would think that they could have dug up some gold while they were at it.
Last thought of the night as I know that this has been a completely random post. I’ve been watching Holmes on Homes on HGTV recently and I have realized that once I actually purchase a house that I am completely screwed. While Holmes is awesome as the only contractor on the planet who legitimately cares about his work the show basically puts the fear of God in the hearts of anyone who even thinks about owning a place. It is just one piece of bad construction after another that no homeowner would ever catch. Plus, you realize just how little you actually know about construction. If I was forced to maintain my own place alone I’d be living in a tent by the end of the week.
Best of 120 Minutes: Ever notice how certain bars have certain songs? As in that for some reason it is tradition that one song must be played on the jukebox every night even though it hasn’t been a hit in well over a decade. Well at Kelly’s in Kansas City it was James “Laid”. Of all the songs that one could choose this is actually a really good one. No one ever explained to me why this spoke to the people of Kansas City but hey, it was Kansas City. It will never make any sense.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) White Rabbits “Fort Nightly”
2) Mike Doughty “Sad Man Happy Man”
3) Keb’ Mo’ “Just Like You”
4) The Minus 5 “Down with Wilco”
5) The V-Roys “Are You Through Yet?”
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Some real quick notes...
Your big news story for the day is that David Cassidy was arrested for a DUI this morning, thus answering the question “Is David Cassidy still alive?” Actually, at this point does his getting pulled over for a DUI even qualify as news? How far removed must you be from stardom to no longer qualify under “celebrity gossip?” No one has cared about David Cassidy for decades so this really is no different than some regular guy getting pulled over for a DUI. I mean, when you reach the point in fame where people say that you couldn’t even get arrested in this town the fact that you actually did get arrested should not qualify as a news story.
Bret Michaels sleeping with Miley Cyrus’ mom, on the other hand, is totally a news story if just to show how freaking awesome Bret Michaels is. I actually saw someone online argue that this would ruin Bret’s image. Ruin his image? The guy had a show for several seasons on VH-1 that consisted entirely of him hooking up with strippers and people just loved him more for it. Stealing a woman from Billy Ray Cyrus is just a victory lap at this point.
Oh, and the one last election story that I had somehow forgotten to talk about the past two nights. I can’t believe that the legalize marijuana initiative did not pass in California. I mean, how difficult is it to organize a bunch of potheads to stuff the ballot box? It’s not like they are lazy or anything. However, it came as no surprise to me that shares in Taco Bell plummeted once the election results were in. (The funniest thing I read online recently was in regards to a football player being arrested on drug possession at a Taco Bell at 2 in the morning. Someone wrote “Is there anyone in line at Taco Bell at 2 in the morning who doesn’t have pot on them?”)
Bret Michaels sleeping with Miley Cyrus’ mom, on the other hand, is totally a news story if just to show how freaking awesome Bret Michaels is. I actually saw someone online argue that this would ruin Bret’s image. Ruin his image? The guy had a show for several seasons on VH-1 that consisted entirely of him hooking up with strippers and people just loved him more for it. Stealing a woman from Billy Ray Cyrus is just a victory lap at this point.
Oh, and the one last election story that I had somehow forgotten to talk about the past two nights. I can’t believe that the legalize marijuana initiative did not pass in California. I mean, how difficult is it to organize a bunch of potheads to stuff the ballot box? It’s not like they are lazy or anything. However, it came as no surprise to me that shares in Taco Bell plummeted once the election results were in. (The funniest thing I read online recently was in regards to a football player being arrested on drug possession at a Taco Bell at 2 in the morning. Someone wrote “Is there anyone in line at Taco Bell at 2 in the morning who doesn’t have pot on them?”)
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
About last night...
I have a few thoughts on the election from last night that I didn’t bother sharing because everyone on the planet was sharing their thoughts on the election and to be honest no one cared. I doubt that anyone will care now but at least my voice will have a little less competition. Also, I like to say that I completely avoided watching any election coverage because it is quite possibly the most boring coverage in the world. It is just a bunch of numbers on a screen and that is incredibly uninteresting and this is coming from a guy who looks at spreadsheets all day.
I think the big story of the election is not the Republican victory but which Republican candidates lost. Particularly the triumvirate of Christine O’Donnell, Sharon Angle and to a lesser extent Linda McMahon. I’m not targeting them because they are women though there is an interesting argument that they are anti-feminist candidates to be made. My main point is that they ran as outsider, rather radical candidates in elections that they could easily have won but all lost, often at great expense. Their losses will probably be the biggest strike against a Sarah Palin presidency run.
There is only so much one can do as an outsider candidate running on a platform that contains outrageous statements. You can tap into a vein of popular sentiment against the incumbent but unless you have some bona fide credentials behind you the tactic tends to not work. Sharon Angle is a clear example of this. Despite the fact that everyone, including members of his family, hates Harry Reid she still couldn’t beat him because voters could not rally behind her image and her message. We want change, we want new voices, but there is a point where we get really nervous. I did not want to vote for Chris Coons in Delaware but Christine O’Donnell gave me no reason to vote for her other than she was mildly attractive.
Sarah Palin is going to fall right into this trap. She can’t run as the experienced candidate when she quit the governorship to star in a reality TV show with Kate Gosselin and whatever number of kids were available for filming that day. Candidates running as free speaking outsiders without credentials don’t win on the level necessary to be president. The fact that the Republicans didn’t take the senate shows that the party is going to need a candidate more towards the middle and more traditional in order to win the presidency in 2012.
(Yes, I know that Rand Paul winning in Kentucky despite saying quite amazing things such as that he wouldn’t vote for the Civil Rights Act kind of shoots a hole in my theory. However, it is Kentucky where it is a state law that the senators be technically insane. It is in the same section of the constitution that states that all elected officials must down a fifth of Jim Beam every morning.)
Basically what I am saying is that we are going to be returning to politics as usual. Washington will be gridlock, which is usually the best we can hope for. The best government is one that doesn’t actually accomplish anything and that keeps the politicians off the streets where they could do real damage. We’ll see both parties merge towards the middle, the rhetoric will die down some and we can all get a little bit of peace and quiet. Hopefully.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m in a Soul Coughing mood at the moment plus this video features cartoon angst. All you really need to ask for.
I think the big story of the election is not the Republican victory but which Republican candidates lost. Particularly the triumvirate of Christine O’Donnell, Sharon Angle and to a lesser extent Linda McMahon. I’m not targeting them because they are women though there is an interesting argument that they are anti-feminist candidates to be made. My main point is that they ran as outsider, rather radical candidates in elections that they could easily have won but all lost, often at great expense. Their losses will probably be the biggest strike against a Sarah Palin presidency run.
There is only so much one can do as an outsider candidate running on a platform that contains outrageous statements. You can tap into a vein of popular sentiment against the incumbent but unless you have some bona fide credentials behind you the tactic tends to not work. Sharon Angle is a clear example of this. Despite the fact that everyone, including members of his family, hates Harry Reid she still couldn’t beat him because voters could not rally behind her image and her message. We want change, we want new voices, but there is a point where we get really nervous. I did not want to vote for Chris Coons in Delaware but Christine O’Donnell gave me no reason to vote for her other than she was mildly attractive.
Sarah Palin is going to fall right into this trap. She can’t run as the experienced candidate when she quit the governorship to star in a reality TV show with Kate Gosselin and whatever number of kids were available for filming that day. Candidates running as free speaking outsiders without credentials don’t win on the level necessary to be president. The fact that the Republicans didn’t take the senate shows that the party is going to need a candidate more towards the middle and more traditional in order to win the presidency in 2012.
(Yes, I know that Rand Paul winning in Kentucky despite saying quite amazing things such as that he wouldn’t vote for the Civil Rights Act kind of shoots a hole in my theory. However, it is Kentucky where it is a state law that the senators be technically insane. It is in the same section of the constitution that states that all elected officials must down a fifth of Jim Beam every morning.)
Basically what I am saying is that we are going to be returning to politics as usual. Washington will be gridlock, which is usually the best we can hope for. The best government is one that doesn’t actually accomplish anything and that keeps the politicians off the streets where they could do real damage. We’ll see both parties merge towards the middle, the rhetoric will die down some and we can all get a little bit of peace and quiet. Hopefully.
Wednesday Night Music Club: I’m in a Soul Coughing mood at the moment plus this video features cartoon angst. All you really need to ask for.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
The 2012 presidential campaign starts.....now!
A whole bunch of random notes for the evening…
1) A huge shout to How I Met Your Mother for having Barney wear a Cobra Kai costume for Halloween. As a proud owner of a Cobra Kai t-shirt I am glad to see that Barney is a member of the “Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy” fraternity. Also this episode showed precisely why Barney gets the girls while Ted doesn’t. Barney is suavely dressed in Cobra Kai kit, an understated costume that shows off his guns and can be quickly removed in a romantic situation. Ted, on the other hand, is wearing a full hot dog costume that is way too obvious, has inconveniently located zippers and would lead to the use of lines like “boy, I would certainly relish you.” That is why I am totally Team Barney.
2) While driving home from work I saw a handwritten sign on a church that read “God Sez Vote for O’Donnell.” My first thought was, “I would really expect God to be a better speller.” Well, sad to say Delaware’s favorite witch lost tonight in a result that we all saw coming months ago. I will say that she did get more negative press than she deserved. She did not have the qualifications to be senator but the fact that Gawker printed a story about a “one night stand” from a few years back was unnecessary. First off, they didn’t have sex so I don’t feel it qualifies as a one night stand. Second, you need sex for it to actually be a sex scandal. Finally, the story was about how a thirtysomething single woman hooked up with a guy at a Halloween party. That is not a scandal. Hell, it’s made me like her more as a result.
3) Other sign I have seen around town is “Jesus returns May 21, 2011.” As it says in the Bible “We do not know the day nor the hour…ok, we know the day but not the hour. Though it will most probably be in the afternoon.” Apparently there is a guy who has done the math and has pinpointed this as the exact date of the second coming and a complete screw you to those who are following the Mayan calendar. Still, every time I see a sign like that I can’t help but think “Jesus is coming! Quick, everyone hide the porn!”
4) It is sad that the reason I am happy the Linda McMahon has lost her bid for the senate is not that it means that the Democrats will hold on to the Senate but rather that it means that the WWE will improve over the next few months. Every few years the McMahons decide to waste money on efforts to expand their business (the World Bodybuilding Federation, the XFL, the movie studio, politics) and fail miserably while taking money and energy away from the wrestling product. The wrestling suffers and this year has been no exception as it has now become PG entertainment. Well, with a loss we can finally get back to the sex and violence that makes pro wrestling great.
5) One of the candidates in Delaware was running as part of the Blue Enigma party. That has to be the coolest political party name ever. That is what politics needs more of: a sense of mystery and danger.
1) A huge shout to How I Met Your Mother for having Barney wear a Cobra Kai costume for Halloween. As a proud owner of a Cobra Kai t-shirt I am glad to see that Barney is a member of the “Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy” fraternity. Also this episode showed precisely why Barney gets the girls while Ted doesn’t. Barney is suavely dressed in Cobra Kai kit, an understated costume that shows off his guns and can be quickly removed in a romantic situation. Ted, on the other hand, is wearing a full hot dog costume that is way too obvious, has inconveniently located zippers and would lead to the use of lines like “boy, I would certainly relish you.” That is why I am totally Team Barney.
2) While driving home from work I saw a handwritten sign on a church that read “God Sez Vote for O’Donnell.” My first thought was, “I would really expect God to be a better speller.” Well, sad to say Delaware’s favorite witch lost tonight in a result that we all saw coming months ago. I will say that she did get more negative press than she deserved. She did not have the qualifications to be senator but the fact that Gawker printed a story about a “one night stand” from a few years back was unnecessary. First off, they didn’t have sex so I don’t feel it qualifies as a one night stand. Second, you need sex for it to actually be a sex scandal. Finally, the story was about how a thirtysomething single woman hooked up with a guy at a Halloween party. That is not a scandal. Hell, it’s made me like her more as a result.
3) Other sign I have seen around town is “Jesus returns May 21, 2011.” As it says in the Bible “We do not know the day nor the hour…ok, we know the day but not the hour. Though it will most probably be in the afternoon.” Apparently there is a guy who has done the math and has pinpointed this as the exact date of the second coming and a complete screw you to those who are following the Mayan calendar. Still, every time I see a sign like that I can’t help but think “Jesus is coming! Quick, everyone hide the porn!”
4) It is sad that the reason I am happy the Linda McMahon has lost her bid for the senate is not that it means that the Democrats will hold on to the Senate but rather that it means that the WWE will improve over the next few months. Every few years the McMahons decide to waste money on efforts to expand their business (the World Bodybuilding Federation, the XFL, the movie studio, politics) and fail miserably while taking money and energy away from the wrestling product. The wrestling suffers and this year has been no exception as it has now become PG entertainment. Well, with a loss we can finally get back to the sex and violence that makes pro wrestling great.
5) One of the candidates in Delaware was running as part of the Blue Enigma party. That has to be the coolest political party name ever. That is what politics needs more of: a sense of mystery and danger.
Monday, November 01, 2010
A Big Thing Badly
This has been a rather strange week to be a Notre Dame alumni. It is not because our football team sucks to the point that we boo the coach off the field. As an Illini I am rather used to that. In fact “Booing the team after another heartbreaking defeat due to pure ineptness” is actually listed as one of the traditions of Illini football in Wikipedia. No, this is more of one of shame and outrage and cursing stupidity in the name of sports.
As most people know a Notre Dame student was killed at practice last week when the scissor lift that he was using to film practice was toppled by high winds. The weather in the Midwest was insane last week with the barometric pressure being the equivalent of a category 3 hurricane and numerous tornadoes being spawned across several states. My Facebook page was filled with status updates of people who couldn’t believe the storm. While Notre Dame has a perfectly find indoor practice facility that they used on Tuesday on Wednesday the coach decided to send the team outside to practice with the wind gusting to up to 50 mph. And one of those gusts is what killed a student.
People have called it a tragedy and while that is true it is really a poor use of the word tragic. Whenever any young person dies it is a tragic circumstance but we typically use that in reference to an unknown, unpreventable situation. This was completely preventable. They shouldn’t have been outside, they shouldn’t have used the lifts in that type of wind and the entire situation would have been avoided. Instead a 20 year old was buried today. It is the perfect definition of an avoidable tragedy.
It also bothers me how sportswriters use events like this to talk about how campus communities come together in times like this as a crutch to preview the game. More than a few people wrote about how Notre Dame rallies and bonds together at times of tragedy. That is entirely true and I have witnessed it myself on several occasions. However, none of that has to do with any game being played on Saturday. We comfort each other because that is in our nature. It is not meant to be a show of support so that our inside linebacker can better read a blocking scheme. Some of the articles read as though this would be a benefit to the team in terms of unity going into the game. I can’t even wrap my head around this one.
I’m not sure who should get the blame for this but someone certainly needs to. Whether it is the coach or the AD who has the ultimate responsibility I am not sure but this is certainly not emblematic of the school and the program that I have supported. They practiced outside due to some macho bullshit code of toughing it out under adverse conditions even though nothing useful could be accomplished. How do you practice pass plays with a 50 mph crosswind? No one bothered to look at the kid in the air on the sideline and go, “You know, I really don’t think we need footage of the pass rush today.” That bothers me greatly. Something so simple and so obvious was overlooked at a place where those are the things that should matter most.
I know that the students will cope with this and come out stronger. That is the Notre Dame way. I just hope that somewhere in this a lesson is learned by the people who are placed in the position of leadership to understand what is truly important. This is the darkest moment that I have seen since I’ve been associated with the school. I can only hope that they address this in the most straightforward and honest manner possible because it will be a long time before I can cheer the team on the field in quite the same way again.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Iguanas “If You Should Ever Fall On Hard Times”
2) Jack Ingram “Live at Billy Bob’s Texas”
3) Leonard Cohen “The Essential Leonard Cohen”
4) Cowboy Mouth “Easy”
5) Anders Osborne “Live at Tipitina’s”
As most people know a Notre Dame student was killed at practice last week when the scissor lift that he was using to film practice was toppled by high winds. The weather in the Midwest was insane last week with the barometric pressure being the equivalent of a category 3 hurricane and numerous tornadoes being spawned across several states. My Facebook page was filled with status updates of people who couldn’t believe the storm. While Notre Dame has a perfectly find indoor practice facility that they used on Tuesday on Wednesday the coach decided to send the team outside to practice with the wind gusting to up to 50 mph. And one of those gusts is what killed a student.
People have called it a tragedy and while that is true it is really a poor use of the word tragic. Whenever any young person dies it is a tragic circumstance but we typically use that in reference to an unknown, unpreventable situation. This was completely preventable. They shouldn’t have been outside, they shouldn’t have used the lifts in that type of wind and the entire situation would have been avoided. Instead a 20 year old was buried today. It is the perfect definition of an avoidable tragedy.
It also bothers me how sportswriters use events like this to talk about how campus communities come together in times like this as a crutch to preview the game. More than a few people wrote about how Notre Dame rallies and bonds together at times of tragedy. That is entirely true and I have witnessed it myself on several occasions. However, none of that has to do with any game being played on Saturday. We comfort each other because that is in our nature. It is not meant to be a show of support so that our inside linebacker can better read a blocking scheme. Some of the articles read as though this would be a benefit to the team in terms of unity going into the game. I can’t even wrap my head around this one.
I’m not sure who should get the blame for this but someone certainly needs to. Whether it is the coach or the AD who has the ultimate responsibility I am not sure but this is certainly not emblematic of the school and the program that I have supported. They practiced outside due to some macho bullshit code of toughing it out under adverse conditions even though nothing useful could be accomplished. How do you practice pass plays with a 50 mph crosswind? No one bothered to look at the kid in the air on the sideline and go, “You know, I really don’t think we need footage of the pass rush today.” That bothers me greatly. Something so simple and so obvious was overlooked at a place where those are the things that should matter most.
I know that the students will cope with this and come out stronger. That is the Notre Dame way. I just hope that somewhere in this a lesson is learned by the people who are placed in the position of leadership to understand what is truly important. This is the darkest moment that I have seen since I’ve been associated with the school. I can only hope that they address this in the most straightforward and honest manner possible because it will be a long time before I can cheer the team on the field in quite the same way again.
The five random CDs for the week:
1) The Iguanas “If You Should Ever Fall On Hard Times”
2) Jack Ingram “Live at Billy Bob’s Texas”
3) Leonard Cohen “The Essential Leonard Cohen”
4) Cowboy Mouth “Easy”
5) Anders Osborne “Live at Tipitina’s”
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