Just in case I wasn’t feeling inadequate enough, I read today that a fifteen year old in India performed a caesarean section in order to become the youngest surgeon ever. Yep, I’m more than twice this kids age and the highlight of my day was looking up biographies of pro wrestling referees on Wikipedia. We’re nearing the point where I feel ashamed to share a room with a plant. At least the plant provides oxygen.
(On the other hand, what do you think the woman thought about this surgery? Would you want to have a fifteen year old as your OB/GYN? Though in some way that might be every fifteen year old boys dream. Well, that dream world where every woman is a supermodel at least. Still, would you trust your pregnancy to Doogie Howser?)
It’s been strange that in the past few months it has really begun to dawn on me that I am no longer the child prodigy that I once was. I know I’ve written about this before but for some reason I always view myself as a sixteen year old kid, someone with a lot of potential and a seemingly endless amount of time in front of him. Even with my gray hair I still thought that I’m just this punk kid making a name for himself in the world. Except that now I look around and realize that I’ve been working for a decade and have consistently slouched my way towards middle management. Even I can’t view myself as the young hotshot anymore.
That’s a real challenge. I know part of this is just growing up and admitting that I am now an adult, which is something that someone in his mid-30’s should probably not have an issue with, but it is a real change in my world view. I’ve always taken a me against the world view of life. I liked being the underdog, the guy with something to prove. It fed into my belief that while I might not ever be able to outsmart anyone I could always outwork everyone. But now it just feels different. You can’t stay intense all the time when you are my age. People look at you funny and say things like “He’s really bitter.”
So instead I’ve somehow come to the conclusion that it is best to view the world in a manner of befuddled amusement. I’m now the grizzled old-timer who knows that this isn’t his first rodeo and can just sit back and point to other’s mistakes. I’m not really happy with this change as it seems that I’ve given up on life before it has ever really started. It’s just that I still haven’t come to grips with being an adult. Part of me still wants to go back to a simpler time and just live life without a concern about how this is going to impact my career or my investment portfolio.
When I was in high school I remember telling someone who told me that this was the best time of your life, “Dear God, I hope not.” Partly that is just my usual bitterness at high school and not being one of the cool kids (I was the guy who gave the cool kids answers on the test.) But really it was because I didn’t want my life to peak when I was 16. I also don’t want my life to have peaked when I was 29 either but right now that seems to be the case. It isn’t going to be, I just need to find that next huge challenge and adventure. There’s still a place for me out there where I’ll be the new kid on the block who changes everything. I still have that hope.
Have a great weekend everyone. Two features for next week: CDs you don’t own but should and The Top 10 CDs of the Aughts. Or whatever the hell we are calling this decade.
No comments:
Post a Comment