Don't know what to say...

I’m not sure if I know how to write this entry.

That wasn’t the plan tonight. This was going to be a pretty simple night for me. Get home, have some dinner, maybe head out and see Once again. Come back and tell some stories from the weekend. All I wanted was a quiet, simple night. While I was getting ready to go out I decided to flip on the TV and since Raw was going to be three hours tonight I thought that I’d catch some wrestling before I go. I was confused when I saw that they were at a commercial a few minutes in to the show. And then I was confused when I saw an empty arena and the announcers speaking in hushed voices. And then I saw the tribute message at the bottom of the screen reading “Remembering Chris Benoit”.

And I just sat there stunned.

(For those who haven’t heard, Chris Benoit, his wife and his young son were all found dead in their home this afternoon. There are a lot of theories and rumors floating around and I don’t want to think about any of them right now.)

See, I haven’t hidden the fact that I still watch pro wrestling. I even realized a few weeks ago that I’ve been a fan for over 25 years now. Usually I explain my interest as that it is an escape from the real world. For an hour or two a week I can sit back and watch controlled mayhem, intense interviews and at the end of the day see good defeat evil. It’s safe, enjoyable and you know how the story ends. But really I watch because there are a few performers who I feel are the best around and who can make me forget that what I am watching is choreographed. And Chris Benoit was at the top of that list.

He may have been the best technical wrestler of the past decade. The second he stepped inside that ring he told a story that emphasized that what you were seeing was completely real. It was intense and athletic and exhilarating. Add to that the fact that his story was one that had always inspired me. Here he was, a small guy in a business of giants, who through pure hard work and dedication made his way to the top of his profession without stepping on anyone along the way. He didn’t play politics, he was just the best at his job and in the end that couldn’t be ignored. I know it sounds strange but I truly admired the guy. There was a reason that in every wrestling video game I own I always wrestled as Chris Benoit.

That’s why I can’t believe that I’ve just watched a tribute show to him. I don’t think it’s even sunk in what has happened. I’ve watched this guy wrestle for fifteen years. I can still describe a move he did in his first match that was unlike anything I had ever seen before. And now he’s gone. And joins Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, Brian Pillman, Road Warrior Hawk, Curt Henning, Rick Rude, and sadly a host of others who all died before they even reached middle age.

I’m not sure if I want to be a wrestling fan anymore. It’s tough to watch your heroes die. My thoughts go out to his family. I fear that this story is only going to get worse.