Bizarro world

Ever have one of those times when it seems like you’ve mistakenly stepped into a parallel universe? As in everything seems normal on the outside but there are just enough events going on that make you feel like you’ve stepped into Bizarro world? That’s kind of been the way the past few days have gone for me. Have had a couple of, well, interesting experiences this weekend that I just need to share.

The first is going to be of great importance to those who live in the Kansas City area. Most people have heard me gripe about the fact that a biker bar had opened up a couple blocks from my apartment last year. It was the brainchild of the local shock jock DJ and certainly seemed to have a very loyal clientele, who would nightly rev up their Harleys and annoy the hell out of everyone for an eight block radius. Made it a challenge for me to drink at my favorite bar across the street in peace. Plus, you had to admire the white trash motif. (Ok, that’s not entirely a rip. I’ll have to admit that the waitresses in catholic school girl uniforms were a nice touch.) Anyway, sometime in the past few weeks the DJ sold the place and it was renamed American Chrome, which I first noticed when I walked by it earlier this week. Well, heard on the news Friday morning that when the employees showed up on Thursday they found the doors locked and a foreclosure notice on the door. I’m not sure exactly what happened but you have to be a brilliant businessman to lose money in a bar in the bar district of a mid-major city.

The weird thing is that wasn’t even the weirdest bar moment from this weekend. See, since it is summer they close the streets in Westport so you can walk down the street without being afraid of getting run over by people leaving the bars. They also set up music and stuff in the street so you have something to do when you’re walking from bar to bar. So, I’m sitting at my favorite stool Saturday night and look out the window to see a crowd of people in the street with hula hoops. Yes, because when it’s midnight on a Saturday the first thing that comes to my mind is “Let’s hold an impromptu hula hoop competition!” It was quite possibly the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen as all of these people in various degrees of dress and intoxication struggled to keep a hula hoop up (except for this one woman who was doing it in style). I also was impressed by the dance offs where it looked like someone might possibly had been served. So for the record we’ve lost the motorcycles but regained the fifties fads. Wow, maybe I should cut back…

Even going shopping has been like going into a different world. Hit Barnes and Noble today and the background music was something I am just going to try to describe. Ok, you remember all of those old Frank Sinatra recordings? Those kind of spoken jazz riffs where you can just envision him pointing to the crowd at various points. Well, that was the musical style but the song was Smells Like Teen Spirit. So imagine shopping to “Here we are now, hey, entertain us, baby. I feel stupid, yeah, and contagious.” Even checking out was an adventure. Here I am with a copy of “The Smartest Guys in the Room” (a book on Enron) and yet another Nick Hornby book and get to overhear someone asking the cashier for help. Here is the conversation.

Person (struggling): “Ok, we’re looking for this book ‘A Day in the life of Ivan…Ivan…Denis..”
EC: “Denisovich”
Barnes and Noble Employee: “Do you know who wrote it?”
EC: “Soltzhenesin”
Woman in line behind me: “Actually it’s Tolstoy. I’m reading it right now.”
EC: “Well, I read it before and it was Soltzhenesin then.”

I’m correct by the way. I knew that reading Russian authors would come in handy one day. Still, I was hoping to get some props from the crowd. Come on, how many people who read books on Enron can also discuss stories about the Russian gulag? Shouldn’t that count for something in life?

Oh well, time for another week in the office. And looking at my CD list for the week, I have a feeling that the weirdness will continue.

The five random CDs for the week:
1) Golden Smog “Weird Tales”
2) Cowboy Junkies “Open”
3) Jump, Little Children “Early Years, Volume 1”
4) Sting “Nothing Like the Sun”
5) Tori Amos “To Venus and Back”