Lindsay's Still Innocent in my Book

I posed my theoretical time travel question to Kim over the weekend thinking that it would score me big points. I mean, not only would I be talking about time travel but my response would be urbane and educated as I would want to travel to Elizabethan England to see Shakespeare’s plays as opposed to, say, St. Louis in 1993 where I could catch a ton of Uncle Tupelo shows. Her response however just knocked me off my feet.

“You know that question is pretty much meaningless to me because outside of the last fifty years or so I couldn’t travel anywhere in time as a single woman without losing all of my rights.”

I swear I did not see that answer coming. I took this question from The Onion’s AV Club and in the two pages of answers that people responded only one vaguely referenced the idea that as a man I could pretty much go back to any time in history and be perfectly fine while a woman on her own would be discriminated against at pretty much every twist and turn. The fact that Kim immediately thought this, and the fact that it was a complete blind spot for me, is one of the reasons I love being with her.

(Well that and the fact that she allows me to discuss time travel in her presence.)

In a news story that is obviously a fabrication of the liberal media Lindsay Lohan had her probation revoked after testing positive for cocaine. Gasp! Not Lindsay! But she seemed so pure and elegant! I mean, it’s not like she was photographed with white powder coming from her shoes or anything…

On the other hand, Paris Hilton will not have to go to jail for having cocaine fall out of a purse that was in her hand, that she had twittered about buying, and that had her driver’s license in it but was obviously not her purse. You know, with all the money that we spend on the war on drugs don’t you think that we could use a little of it to take Paris off the streets? I think that we would all appreciate it.

Best of 120 Minutes (9/19/1993): I honestly don’t remember this one. Evan Dando and the Lemonheads covering Suzanne Vega’s “Luka”. Gives a completely different take on the song as I don’t recall the original one ending with a wail of feedback.

A quantum leap if you will

I saw this theoretical question posed recently and it is one of the more interesting ones that I have read. Here it goes: “You are given a time machine and can go to any point in human history. However, wherever you choose to go you must stay within a five mile radius of that location for the next five years. You will be given food, shelter, medical care and everything that you need to be comfortable and not have to work. Where and when will you travel to?”

What an awesome question. It takes away some of the easy time machine answers like wanting to be on the grassy knoll in Dallas when JFK is assassinated to see if there was a second gunman because you would be stuck in Dallas for five years. Not being able to travel (or even guarantee you will be in the exact spot where history occurs) will make things interesting. Here are some of my thoughts…

1) Elizabethan London centering around 1600: Being in the center of London would put me near both the Tower of London and the Globe Theater. I can be a part of the glory of the Elizabethan era, which is probably my favorite part of British history, while getting to see all of Shakespeare’s plays in their original form. Hell, I’d be able to seek him out and have a few beers with him. The food might not be the best at times but it would be a wonderful view of history.


2) London (Picaddilly Circus) from 1968 to 1972: I would like to know what the sixties were actually like having only experienced them through the nostalgic lens of baby boomers. A few reasons why I choose London again for this experience. 1) I never really liked the San Francisco hippy scene and London seemed cooler. 2) London is such a dense city that a five mile radius would give me an immense amount of experiences. 3) Austin Powers era bachelor pad. And most importantly 4) this is when Monty Python was first broadcast and I could conceivably hang out with the guys and feed them all of the lines for when they make Holy Grail. Food would still suck though.


3) Rome at the end of the Republic and the start of the Empire: One of the things I’ve always wondered about the ancient world is how did everything actually look. All we see are these ancient statues where weathering has taken away all of the coloring. I’d like a sense of how day to day life actually progressed. Capturing the end of Julius Cesar’s reign, the start of Augustus’, and if I time it right, a glimpse of Cleopatra would make for a fun five years. Plus, what would be better than bread and circuses.


4) Prague (anytime in the 1700s): We all wonder about our family history but no one really knows what it was truly like back then. Part of me thinks it would be amazing for me to go back in time and meet my relatives and see how they lived and if any of their traits survived in what I see as myself. I’m not sure of the exact date offhand but I know that I can trace my family’s history to when we purchased a plot of land around Prague that is still in the family. That is what I want to see. Not sure what that would mean for five years but it is a piece of family history that you would otherwise never get to find.

Thoughts from the blogosphere?

Wednesday Night Music Club: You have to love Garfunkel and Oates. Not only do they have the best name ever but they consist of a) the girl from Scrubs who played the ukulele and b) the girl from the McGriddles commercial who almost inspired me to start eating McGriddles because of a mistaken belief that by eating McGriddles that would somehow make her magically start dating me. The male mind is a wonderful thing.