Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Songs to make a grown man cry

Your Biggest Loser Update: Lindsay Lohan has checked back into rehab. Oh wait, I meant the show The Biggest Loser update. In that case, two of the contestants who were eliminated last week (in the classic “Let’s make the chronically obese run a mile in order to win the right to be on a reality show” event) were chosen by the trainers to compete on the show. Bob chose Aaron because he was the heaviest contestant and wanted to lose weight for his son. Jillian chose Eliza because she passed out in her competition, which showed grit and determination in the fact that she didn’t die. I’m sorry, but I really hate Jillian’s “work out until you pass out” philosophy because that is a wonderful way to injure yourself. I really wish they wouldn’t promote it.

Anyway, this week’s episode was your typical first week show where everyone struggles with the workouts but loses immense amounts of weight because a) they kind of fudge the number of weeks they’ve been working out and b) when you go from doing nothing to four hours plus of heavy exercise your body goes into crisis mode. Again, I still don’t consider it the healthiest way to lose weight but it is impressive to see someone drop ten percent of their body weight.

Switching gears, some music mag (PRS for Music, whatever the hell that is) put together a list of “The Top 10 Songs Most Likely to Make a Guy Cry.” Let’s break down the list, shall we?

10: Robbie Williams “Angels”: No clue what this song is. Robbie Williams is one of those British dance pop people whose career started when they were a teenager and has never ended. Think Kylie Minogue without the talent or charisma. On second thought, just think Kylie Minogue.

9: Todd Duncan “Unchained Melody”: This is the original version of the song from “Ghost”. It might make me vaguely bleary eyed but it won’t start me crying. Thinking about Demi Moore hooking up with Ashton Kutcher is a different story.

8: Bruce Springsteen “Streets of Philadelphia”: I always felt that this song was dark but not one that would lend itself to tears. I always felt that the beat gave it a bit of defiance to it. Not sure why this is on the list.

7: Elton John “Candle in the Wind”: Ok, this one I can get behind. References Marilyn Monroe and has over time been connected with alternately victims of AIDS and Princess Diana. The song has become more depressing due to these connections and the fact that you’ve probably heard it during a funeral at some point in your life.

6: The Verve “The Drugs Don’t Work”: Don’t know this one either. Sorry. I’m still not sure if The Verve and The Verve Pipe are the same band or not.

5: U2 “With or Without You”: Ok, I’m lost on this one. I have listened to this song probably a thousand times in my life and I have never been tempted to cry. In fact, as a kid I always assumed that it was a rather romantic song. I can guarantee you that people have used it as a wedding song. If anyone can explain to me why this would make a guy cry please let me know.

4: Sinead O’Connor “Nothing Compares 2 U”: Interesting choice if nothing else. I’m not sure if I would say that it would make me cry. More like it causes me to sit there in stunned silence. The song is absolutely brilliant and raw and strikes at your soul. Ok, watching Sinead shed that one single tear in the video will make you cry. That is a given.

3: Leonard Cohen “Hallelujah”: Sigh. I have listened to at least a dozen different versions of this song. I don’t even want to guess how many times I have listened to Jeff Buckley’s version (or the fact that I have maybe ten different recordings of Jeff singing it in my collection.) But amongst all that, despite the fact that it is about love gone wrong, it’s never made me cry or think about crying. Hell, k.d. lang sang it after they lit the torch in the Opening Ceremonies. Doesn’t belong on the list at all.

2: Eric Clapton “Tears in Heaven”: Ok, this one belongs on the list. I’m not even going to try writing about it because I will mist up and this is given the fact that I hate Eric Clapton with every fiber of my being.

1: R.E.M. “Everybody Hurts”: If you had me try to choose the most depressing song of all time this might make the cut. The video is as dark as dark can be but again, the song itself really doesn’t drive one to tears. That is really the problem with this list. While music has been an emotional touchstone in my life I really can’t say that it causes crying. Even when you listen to sad songs it is more of a comfort than anything else. At least you know that someone else has walked the same path as you have.

Wednesday Night Music Club: I got this list from The Onion’s AV Club and in the comments someone made the point that some songs bring you to tears not because they are sad but because they are transcendent. The example everyone used was Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up”. I really can’t disagree with the reasoning.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Angels was actually a decently written song. So much so that Jessica Simpson decided to butcher, I mean cover it. The Verve song is a good song, but the Ben Harper cover of that song is way better than the original. I wouldn't exactly call either of them tear-inducing, for men or women. Everybody Hurts seems like kind of an obvious choice. 'Tears in Heaven' is a good choice if you remember the tragedy that inspired Clapton to write that song.

There are a ton of post-breakup songs out there that could pull some tears, but that could be a top ten list on its own.

In my opinion #1 song most likely to make a guy cry would have to be The Final Game from the Rudy Soundtrack. I don't know anyone who doesn't get a little misty when Rudy runs out onto the field. The film was scored superbly and you don't realize the power of it until you listen to it apart from watching the movie.