Serving Time

So, today I had the chance to perform my civic duty and try as hard as possible to avoid serving on a jury. Yes, for the first time in my life I was called for jury duty. See, this is what happens when you register to vote. Since none of my candidates won I should be excused for that reason alone. But hey, they’re paying me six bucks a day and it means I won’t be sitting in a cubicle so I figured it’s worth a shot.

Had to think about what the best outfit would be to avoid serving. The NORML shirt with the pot leaf would probably be a little too obvious. My Free James Brown t-shirt might actually be too subtle for a Missouri courtroom. So, I decided to try the “Dress like you’re going to work and hope that a lawyer decides he doesn’t want someone with a job on the jury.”

Went downtown to the courthouse, which is one of those cool early twenties art deco buildings. When I become Trump rich, I’m going to build my headquarters in that old art deco style. Screw sleek and modern, I want a huge mass of concrete with a lot of intricate carvings 50 feet in the air where no one can see them. A building that will last for hundred of years, yeah that would be cool. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I sat down in the jury room and finally got a chance to see what a room of my peers looked like.

Wow, so this is the cross section of society. I think I just received even more encouragement not to commit any crimes while I live in the Kansas City area. Just think of the waiting room at the DMV, except knowing that these people will not only be on the road but having to decide legal matters.

Anyway, sit down and lo and behold a really good looking woman sits down next to me. As in, best looking woman in the room. Cool. The day is looking better already. Listen to the videotaped speech, get my instructions to wait here, and start to get to know the girl next to me. The usual, cracking jokes about the room, figuring out that getting six bucks will actually be a raise for me, that sort of thing. Find out that she’s in her mid twenties (woo hoo), single (woo hoo), a red head (hear that clone?), and has a boyfriend (damnit, damnit, son of a bitch). Yes, that is what my life has become, trying to turn the jury room into a singles bar. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Still, she was a really cool person to sit down and talk to for a while as we waited and waited and waited.

I was actually called on a panel of 50 to go and sit on a criminal case. As I waited for them to bring us up they apparently plea bargained so I never even got to set foot in a courtroom. And that actually bummed me out. I mean, I waited all that time, I actually wanted to have a chance to talk to a lawyer and see what the courtrooms looked like and go through the process. I might (what do I mean might, I do) complain about the administration but I’m still a firm believer in democracy and justice and I wanted to play my part. Instead, it was a day sitting in a room, reading a book on best business practices that my boss wants me to read, and wondering about life some more.

Which I have to say, does beat looking at numbers on a computer screen once again.

“The train from Kansas City is coming into town and there’s nothing that I can do to make it turn around.” Neko Case