Here's another one of my concert reviews (as I try to clear out some of my archived material). Enjoy.
Musical Connections
(Pieta Brown with Bo Ramsey, Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, Kansas City, MO, 11.15.2003)
Along with growing old, one of the major themes of my life right now is one of change. Changing jobs, changing towns and changing myself. Physically, I am 500 miles away from where I was a year ago. Personally, I am light years away from who I used to be as I struggle to become the man I always imagined myself to be. But throughout all of this, the one constant in my life is music.
Because no matter where I am I know that I can put on an Uncle Tupelo cd and be mesmerized. Or listen to Cowboy Mouth and get inspired to change the world. It’s always there for me, it’s my touchstone, my connection to an ever evolving world. Whenever I need to have my life reaffirmed I turn to music.
I have yet to have a bad experience watching Pieta Brown. First heard of her a year ago as she opened for Neko Case. Standing in front of the stage I felt that this was going to be a tough sell, as Pieta was only going to fill the time until Neko came on stage and I could try to figure out how to propose to her. Instead, within a song I was drawn to Pieta’s music. Slow, sultry, laid back but filled with emotion. Within a set I was a fan.
Next time I saw her was in mid-August of this year. My life was in complete turmoil. New job that I wasn’t completely enjoying, friends scattered to the ends of the earth, and a realization that the vision of the world I keep inside my head does not always match reality. As I entered the bar hoping that music and alcohol would take away the worries of my life I found something else entirely. I found myself talking to Iris Dement, Pieta’s step mother and one of the best singers I have ever listened to. And I wasn’t just saying “Hi, love your album”, we were talking about music and my company and sharing a drink. She even introduced me to Pieta, which was an absolute thrill. The show itself was lackluster, as she played new material and fought a soundsystem that was geared to the Irish rock band that would take the stage later that night. But still, her show allowed me to regain my focus on life.
So, it was with great anticipation that I went to see her again. My life had stabilized in a manner that wasn’t entirely to my liking. But, went to the show and took my usual spot at the bar prior to the set. A couple of drinks down and I found myself drawn into a conversation regarding the Johnny Cash tribute concert on television. Start talking music and life with the guy next to me, who is with two girls who are chatting away. Nothing in the conversation that stays with you, just the usual discussions that you have with a stranger at a bar.
We end up moving as a group towards the stage set up. Get formally introduced to everyone and start talking about music in even more detail. A couple of us had been to the Liz Phair show and shared our views on that show. Melissa described a set of paintings that she was working on that were conceptual pieces on the guitars of singers (Johnny Cash had a guitar of barbed wire, Emmylou Harris had songbirds floating in the background). Just a great time, meeting people that I was immediately connecting to.
Pieta took the stage with Bo Ramsey at her side. The amount of confidence that she has gained in the year and a half that I have seen her play is phenomenal. She is no longer content to just fade away while singing. Her songs have become more and more strident, they remain slow and sultry but there is significant life to them. For two guitars and voice, it is a rather startling combination of sounds. It’s the type of music that leaves you swaying, that takes you to another place. But the best explanation came from the girl standing next to me.
“If I wasn’t sweating right now, I’d have chills.”
Remember that sentence. We will be returning to it.
One could make a lot of comments about how Pieta got to where she is on stage and most of those would be derogatory. She is the daughter of legendary folk singer Greg Brown. Bo Ramsey, who for years has played for and toured with Lucinda Williams, is her collaborator. All of which opens numerous doors for her and places unbelievable pressure on her. Already people are comparing her to Lucinda, which is an unfair comparison. It’s equivalent to calling someone who just picked up a guitar the next Dylan.
Are there singers struggling out there with just as much talent as Pieta? Certainly. There are also a thousand bands that are better than Matchbox 20 but they languish in obscurity as well. What is important is that there is something in Pieta’s glimmering voice that connects with you. That leaves you humming songs. That causes you to buy her cd and leave it in your car for months. To turn to the person next to you and just wonder.
After the show I went back to the bar and started to talk to Kristen (originator of the chills quote). She wanted to know how in the world I had ever found out about Pieta. Then we started running through our mental checklist of favorite artists. Neko Case, Kathleen Edwards, Kelly Willis, the Be Good Tanyas. Her two friends had left the bar and we were still sitting there, discussing music and what it means to be out there playing and trying to make a difference in the world. And life began to look rather interesting again.
Music is a constant. Music is a touchstone. Music can bring people into your life that you would never imagine. Pieta Brown is a conduit for those types of connections. And it makes you look forward to the day that you open the paper and see that she is playing in town again.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
Dancing about architecture
There is an old saying that writing about music is like dancing about architecture. It's impossible to actually grasp all of the intricacies of a musical piece by typing into a laptop. Which is probably true but let's face it, it's not like I haven't tried the impossible before. And a million to one shot happens 6,000 times a day on this planet so I feel pretty confident in working towards being a critic.
Here are two pieces I've written about Maggie Walters, someone you haven't heard of but should know about. The best time to listen to an artist is right when they are starting out, when you can watch them take their first steps. The first review is a review of her 5 song demo and the second is a review of her debut cd (available at www.cdbaby.com). Trust me, when you step away from the mainstream sometimes you find gold.
(5 song demo review)
Every once in a while you stumble upon an artist who is just beginning to understand her gift. It is like finding a pearl when it is simply a grain of sand. Maggie Lee Walters is one of those artists.
Her voice carries with it a weight that goes far beyond her years. One moment it is dark and mysterious, lingering with the insight of someone who has peered into the shadows of life. Other times she sings with a wry smile and enticing voice, drawing you closer with every line. And her voice is always clear and free, like the Kansas skies that she once called home.
She sings of stepping out into the world, leaving the familiar behind only to be faced with shades of gray. She sings of those intoxicating first few moments of a relationship, when desire mixes with fear and you can only ask yourself if you are ready for the unknown. She sings of finding the right person and waiting for the answer that may never come. But more than anything she sings of life and of the pitfalls one encounters along the way.
Whether you wish to define her style as Folk or Americana or No Depression she has the lyrical and vocal skills to warrant your attention. She deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Tift Merritt and Laura Minor, Beth Orton and Caitlin Cary, and one day soon, when she truly finds her voice, Emmylou Harris. In just a few songs Maggie has earned the right to be included amongst the group of young singer-songwriters who hold up a mirror to the world and find joy amidst the shadows.
More than anything, Maggie’s songs find a place in your soul that can’t be removed. They stay with you and reappear when you least expect it. As she sings on Be Careful Love, “I probably won’t remember you but baby you’ll remember me.”
Remember Maggie Lee Walters. You’ll hear her voice again.
A Breath of Fresh Air
Independence is a virtue in music today. With people like Ashlee Simpson polluting the airwaves it’s tougher to find voices that are not pre-packaged into bite sized morsels of blandness. Maggie Walters is a breath of fresh air in this environment, a unique voice who sings of love and confusion and of the moments when you truly realize who you are. With the help of musicians who have supported everyone from Alejandro Escovedo to Eric Johnson to the Dixie Chicks she’s created a strong first disc formed from an amalgam of styles, alternating between the blues of Spin to the funk beat of Ann Marie to a singer-songwriter classic in Shades of Gray. I’ve listened to a number of artists who have emerged from the Austin scene and other parts of the Americana universe and Maggie’s disc stands up to any of them. Definitely worth checking out.
Here are two pieces I've written about Maggie Walters, someone you haven't heard of but should know about. The best time to listen to an artist is right when they are starting out, when you can watch them take their first steps. The first review is a review of her 5 song demo and the second is a review of her debut cd (available at www.cdbaby.com). Trust me, when you step away from the mainstream sometimes you find gold.
(5 song demo review)
Every once in a while you stumble upon an artist who is just beginning to understand her gift. It is like finding a pearl when it is simply a grain of sand. Maggie Lee Walters is one of those artists.
Her voice carries with it a weight that goes far beyond her years. One moment it is dark and mysterious, lingering with the insight of someone who has peered into the shadows of life. Other times she sings with a wry smile and enticing voice, drawing you closer with every line. And her voice is always clear and free, like the Kansas skies that she once called home.
She sings of stepping out into the world, leaving the familiar behind only to be faced with shades of gray. She sings of those intoxicating first few moments of a relationship, when desire mixes with fear and you can only ask yourself if you are ready for the unknown. She sings of finding the right person and waiting for the answer that may never come. But more than anything she sings of life and of the pitfalls one encounters along the way.
Whether you wish to define her style as Folk or Americana or No Depression she has the lyrical and vocal skills to warrant your attention. She deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Tift Merritt and Laura Minor, Beth Orton and Caitlin Cary, and one day soon, when she truly finds her voice, Emmylou Harris. In just a few songs Maggie has earned the right to be included amongst the group of young singer-songwriters who hold up a mirror to the world and find joy amidst the shadows.
More than anything, Maggie’s songs find a place in your soul that can’t be removed. They stay with you and reappear when you least expect it. As she sings on Be Careful Love, “I probably won’t remember you but baby you’ll remember me.”
Remember Maggie Lee Walters. You’ll hear her voice again.
A Breath of Fresh Air
Independence is a virtue in music today. With people like Ashlee Simpson polluting the airwaves it’s tougher to find voices that are not pre-packaged into bite sized morsels of blandness. Maggie Walters is a breath of fresh air in this environment, a unique voice who sings of love and confusion and of the moments when you truly realize who you are. With the help of musicians who have supported everyone from Alejandro Escovedo to Eric Johnson to the Dixie Chicks she’s created a strong first disc formed from an amalgam of styles, alternating between the blues of Spin to the funk beat of Ann Marie to a singer-songwriter classic in Shades of Gray. I’ve listened to a number of artists who have emerged from the Austin scene and other parts of the Americana universe and Maggie’s disc stands up to any of them. Definitely worth checking out.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Rational numbers
So, El Ultimo Gringo came to town last weekend. That means a lot of things, including the fact that I had to go to the police station ahead of time to prepay our bail (it just saves a step). After a long afternoon, evening, and possibly early morning of drinking we started talking about just how my brain actually works. Or more accurately, how I was able to pull off this trick back when we were at school.
Here’s the story. It was six in the morning. We had been drinking the entire time (and this was following another day where we went to at least four in the morning). Obviously, none of us were in our right mind at this point in time. At some point, the question came up as to how fast could I add up the numbers on a randomly selected group of dominoes. This led to a number of times of guys just throwing dominoes down on a table and my adding them up in about three seconds. Which might not be that impressive but it definitely is when you haven’t slept in like two days. But, the Gringo asked the question, “How in the world do you do that?”
And the answer is I really don’t have any idea. My mind is kind of wired that way. Numbers make sense to me. They work in very predictable ways. One plus one is always two (well, unless you are working in a binary system but only geeks will even get that reference). And once you see the patterns you can make assumptions and everything flows together. I view numbers and problems like a big jigsaw puzzle, I’ve got the picture in my mind and I’m just matching up shapes until all the pieces fall into place. It’s no surprise that I list my career as a number cruncher, I just gravitate to work where all I’m going to do is look at numbers on a screen and make sense of them. That just comes naturally to me.
Of course, the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve discovered that the world is not rational and can’t be broken down into an equation. And trust me, I’ve tried. It’s easiest to explain through a writing habit that I had in college. Every male character I wrote in a story was always drinking based on the fact that a guy who has been drinking doesn’t need a reason to do anything, he just does it. It was a crutch to explain away irrational behavior (though it happens to be true. Just think about any late night at the Backer. Rationality doesn’t exist in those situations). And my female characters? They were all these mysterious figures, operating in their own little world. Because lord knows, I’ve never been able to figure out what is going on in a girl’s mind so why even bother with the pretense while writing.
I’ve gotten better since then, though I bet that there are literary critics out there who would disagree. I’ve started to embrace the absurdity of life, the fact that at the end of the day nothing will make sense. That maybe there is no grand unified theory of everything, that a lot of things happen for no apparent reason. Or at least from my perspective that is the case but if I could see everything from the infinite perspectives that exist it would make sense. Basically, I’ve just taught myself to relax and go with the flow a little more. Understand that life can’t be placed in nice tidy boxes and added and subtracted in consistent quantities. But just take some time out to see the wonder of the world and enjoy the moments that come my way. It’s all part of the journey and I’m slowly beginning to understand that the key is what you see and do along the way and not the inner workings of the car engine.
(By the way, the dominoes trick is actually pretty easy. Learn to look at the dominoes as consisting of one number and no two on one domino. So, it isn’t a two and a five, it’s a seven. Cuts the number of calculations in half. After that it’s just knowing how to add quickly. I’ve never said that I’m smart, Clever, maybe, but not smart.)
Here’s the story. It was six in the morning. We had been drinking the entire time (and this was following another day where we went to at least four in the morning). Obviously, none of us were in our right mind at this point in time. At some point, the question came up as to how fast could I add up the numbers on a randomly selected group of dominoes. This led to a number of times of guys just throwing dominoes down on a table and my adding them up in about three seconds. Which might not be that impressive but it definitely is when you haven’t slept in like two days. But, the Gringo asked the question, “How in the world do you do that?”
And the answer is I really don’t have any idea. My mind is kind of wired that way. Numbers make sense to me. They work in very predictable ways. One plus one is always two (well, unless you are working in a binary system but only geeks will even get that reference). And once you see the patterns you can make assumptions and everything flows together. I view numbers and problems like a big jigsaw puzzle, I’ve got the picture in my mind and I’m just matching up shapes until all the pieces fall into place. It’s no surprise that I list my career as a number cruncher, I just gravitate to work where all I’m going to do is look at numbers on a screen and make sense of them. That just comes naturally to me.
Of course, the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve discovered that the world is not rational and can’t be broken down into an equation. And trust me, I’ve tried. It’s easiest to explain through a writing habit that I had in college. Every male character I wrote in a story was always drinking based on the fact that a guy who has been drinking doesn’t need a reason to do anything, he just does it. It was a crutch to explain away irrational behavior (though it happens to be true. Just think about any late night at the Backer. Rationality doesn’t exist in those situations). And my female characters? They were all these mysterious figures, operating in their own little world. Because lord knows, I’ve never been able to figure out what is going on in a girl’s mind so why even bother with the pretense while writing.
I’ve gotten better since then, though I bet that there are literary critics out there who would disagree. I’ve started to embrace the absurdity of life, the fact that at the end of the day nothing will make sense. That maybe there is no grand unified theory of everything, that a lot of things happen for no apparent reason. Or at least from my perspective that is the case but if I could see everything from the infinite perspectives that exist it would make sense. Basically, I’ve just taught myself to relax and go with the flow a little more. Understand that life can’t be placed in nice tidy boxes and added and subtracted in consistent quantities. But just take some time out to see the wonder of the world and enjoy the moments that come my way. It’s all part of the journey and I’m slowly beginning to understand that the key is what you see and do along the way and not the inner workings of the car engine.
(By the way, the dominoes trick is actually pretty easy. Learn to look at the dominoes as consisting of one number and no two on one domino. So, it isn’t a two and a five, it’s a seven. Cuts the number of calculations in half. After that it’s just knowing how to add quickly. I’ve never said that I’m smart, Clever, maybe, but not smart.)
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Summer music festivals
Real content tomorrow (sorry, fighting off a cold and a lack of free time). Until then, some humor courtesy of the Onion
Summer's here and that means it's time for music festivals. What are some of this year's big tours?
Summer's here and that means it's time for music festivals. What are some of this year's big tours?
- Smuckers 2003 "Kick out the Jams Mothersmuckers" music fest
- "Monsters of Abstinence" Christian Rock Fest
- 2003 Citibank Counterculture Jamboree
- Sauk County Brat Fest featuring surviving members of the BoDeans
- Autoharpalooza
- The Colossus of Prog festival, featuring Yes, Jethro Tull, and Jon Andersen of Yes
- Electrocash-in
- Radiohead Goes Outside festival
- The "Someone Forgot to Gas Up the H.O.R.D.E. Festival" festival - Somewhere on I-70 between St. Louis and Kansas City
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Defining the situation
Thought that since I now have a sizable amount of postings to the blog (of varying qualities but at least there are a number of them), I might as well explain the title of the darn thing. This really does fall into the category of frequently asked questions that no one has asked about but it gives me a topic to write about other than just simply writing a review of tonight’s episode of The Amazing Race (watch as the girls from New York try to figure out how to drive stick!)
Battling the Current is easily the best title for this effort of mine. I can point to three separate meanings. One points to the ending of The Great Gatsby, “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne ceaselessly into the past.” Gatsby is my favorite book and I still would like to live the life of F. Scott Fitzgerald, tragic as it may be. To pay homage to the book with my own literary effort is just a small tip of the hat to pure genius.
The second one is an awfully bad pun. Think electric current and my former life where that is all I thought about every day. As I try to put that career and that part of my life behind me I find that I am constantly at war with those old parts of my personality. Those parts of yourself that you know are wrong and want to change but seem to be so ingrained in your psyche that changing them seem to be as challenging as changing the color of the sky. Hence, a battle against the current. Yeah, it’s a bad pun but there is some meaning to it.
The last one is the most important. If there is one key to my life right now it is that I really consider the current state of the world to be completely wrong. As I wrote yesterday, I look around and see a country and even a planet that does not match my expectations at all and I intend to find a way to make things right. And that starts with making the changes I need to make to myself. I will never complain that I have a tough life, I’ve been blessed beyond all belief, but my current life is not what I want at the end of the day. There are a number of pieces missing and some items that need to be put right. So that is what this blog will really be about, how does one person out in the world change the present. Can one person change the future (for the world or even for himself)? That’s what I want to find out and record here.
Along the way I’ll rant about television and movies and books and music and all of the other items that affect my life because that is all part of the journey. I ended my first post with the phrase Quo Vadimus, which means roughly “Where do we go from here?” I know that my dream is my destination and this little piece of cyberspace is going to be my road journal. To everyone who wants to come along for the ride, even for a little while, welcome.
Battling the Current is easily the best title for this effort of mine. I can point to three separate meanings. One points to the ending of The Great Gatsby, “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne ceaselessly into the past.” Gatsby is my favorite book and I still would like to live the life of F. Scott Fitzgerald, tragic as it may be. To pay homage to the book with my own literary effort is just a small tip of the hat to pure genius.
The second one is an awfully bad pun. Think electric current and my former life where that is all I thought about every day. As I try to put that career and that part of my life behind me I find that I am constantly at war with those old parts of my personality. Those parts of yourself that you know are wrong and want to change but seem to be so ingrained in your psyche that changing them seem to be as challenging as changing the color of the sky. Hence, a battle against the current. Yeah, it’s a bad pun but there is some meaning to it.
The last one is the most important. If there is one key to my life right now it is that I really consider the current state of the world to be completely wrong. As I wrote yesterday, I look around and see a country and even a planet that does not match my expectations at all and I intend to find a way to make things right. And that starts with making the changes I need to make to myself. I will never complain that I have a tough life, I’ve been blessed beyond all belief, but my current life is not what I want at the end of the day. There are a number of pieces missing and some items that need to be put right. So that is what this blog will really be about, how does one person out in the world change the present. Can one person change the future (for the world or even for himself)? That’s what I want to find out and record here.
Along the way I’ll rant about television and movies and books and music and all of the other items that affect my life because that is all part of the journey. I ended my first post with the phrase Quo Vadimus, which means roughly “Where do we go from here?” I know that my dream is my destination and this little piece of cyberspace is going to be my road journal. To everyone who wants to come along for the ride, even for a little while, welcome.
Monday, November 22, 2004
Resignation Superman
So, here is what has happened in the world over the past few days: basketball players have jumped into the stands to throw punches at fans, football players have had a brawl to the point that state troopers needed to break it up, a deer hunter kills five and wounds three (humans, not deer), there was a greater national outcry over a two minute skit involving an actress and a football player than there was over Abu Grahib, groups of people now consider Saving Private Ryan to be obscene, I’ve actually read a protestor blaming Kinsey for causing the U.S. to change from the world of Leave it to Beaver and it appears that the presidential results are going to stand. And I am forced to ask the following question: when the fuck did I end up in bizarro world?
Seriously, what the hell is going on here? I know that I’ve spent a lot of nights in bars and even more standing in front of speakers but I still have a few functioning brain cells left. Am I the only one who looks at the events of the past few weeks and wonder what is going on out there? You all might as well settle in because I’m going to deconstruct the events of the past few weeks.
I’ll start with the Saving Private Ryan nonsense. First of all, you can pretty much fear any group with the name “Family” in it, whatever agenda they are pushing is not going to be in your best interest and that is even if you have a wife and kids. Here, a group of people was able to get network television to pull a showing of Saving Private Ryan on Veteran’s Day because there was bad language and violence. Because, God forbid that we let people see what war is actually like now that we’re in one. And let’s make sure people don’t view the one picture that I’ve seen in recent years that shows the true courage of soldiers, of men who walk into danger and do their jobs knowing that death is imminent but they continue to move forward because they are convinced that this is for the greater good. The men who hit the beach at Normandy are some of our greatest heroes ever, they sacrificed more than I even want to imagine so that I can write this now. But we can’t show that because there are bad words in it. Idiots. That’s all I can say about it. If you don’t want to watch it, don’t. If you don’t want your kids to watch it, grab the remote. Let the rest of us have our dramatized reality.
I’m not going to even talk about the Terrell Owens flap, talk about sound and fury signifying nothing. When did this country turn so insanely prudish? I’m not calling for porn on CBS on Monday nights (but hey, it would show that everybody does love Raymond) but can we please reach the point that semi-nudity is not the end of the world? The thing that really gets me is something I read last week. People are protesting the movie Kinsey. Now, 95% of the population has no idea who Kinsey is. 99% of the population would never have heard about this indie flick. The 1% who would are guys like me who don’t care but go, “Laura Linney is in the film. That’s probably worth seeing.” But the protestors are out in arms because there is a movie about a sex researcher who in the words of one protestor, “Ended the world of Leave it to Beaver and led the way to the depravity of the modern world.”
I hate to break it to the world but Leave it to Beaver was fiction. Didn’t exist, never did exist, never will exist. Life is not like a sitcom, that was always an idealized view of the world. Research didn’t change reality, culture just stopped turning a blind eye to the world. Do you want to know what it was really like in the time of Leave it to Beaver? Separate drinking fountains. Women’s career choices consisting of housewife, teacher, nurse, or stewardess. And there was crime. Look up Leopold and Loeb. Or Charles Starkweather. There are a thousand things wrong with this country right now but I do not want to go back to the fifties.
It does seem like the world is just breaking down around us. I can’t fathom why a guy would go into a shooting rampage over a tree stand. That’s something out of a bad television drama, it can’t be real. But that is all I read about this morning, a guy freaking out and shooting other unarmed hunters. Have we gotten that depraved? Does life mean that little right now?
Maybe the Pacers-Pistons fight does show everything in a nutshell. A hard foul turns into a push. A fan gets upset and throws a beer. Player goes after the fan. All hell breaks loose. Pretty much everyone is at fault. I’ve been upset at games, I’ve heckled, but I’ve never thrown anything and I sure as hell wouldn’t go out on the court to get after a player. What I watched Friday night wasn’t sport, it wasn’t entertainment and it wasn’t escapism. It was a mirror to the world and it’s frightening.
I wonder if I’ve already contradicted myself in this rant. I talk about the hypocrisy of censoring media but then worry about the nature of society right now. I don’t think that they are opposing points. We can’t turn away from what we are today. We can’t sanitize television and hope everything goes away. We need to see the world for what it is, warts and all. And then we need to find the solution. Because I don’t think that we can all move to Australia.
Seriously, what the hell is going on here? I know that I’ve spent a lot of nights in bars and even more standing in front of speakers but I still have a few functioning brain cells left. Am I the only one who looks at the events of the past few weeks and wonder what is going on out there? You all might as well settle in because I’m going to deconstruct the events of the past few weeks.
I’ll start with the Saving Private Ryan nonsense. First of all, you can pretty much fear any group with the name “Family” in it, whatever agenda they are pushing is not going to be in your best interest and that is even if you have a wife and kids. Here, a group of people was able to get network television to pull a showing of Saving Private Ryan on Veteran’s Day because there was bad language and violence. Because, God forbid that we let people see what war is actually like now that we’re in one. And let’s make sure people don’t view the one picture that I’ve seen in recent years that shows the true courage of soldiers, of men who walk into danger and do their jobs knowing that death is imminent but they continue to move forward because they are convinced that this is for the greater good. The men who hit the beach at Normandy are some of our greatest heroes ever, they sacrificed more than I even want to imagine so that I can write this now. But we can’t show that because there are bad words in it. Idiots. That’s all I can say about it. If you don’t want to watch it, don’t. If you don’t want your kids to watch it, grab the remote. Let the rest of us have our dramatized reality.
I’m not going to even talk about the Terrell Owens flap, talk about sound and fury signifying nothing. When did this country turn so insanely prudish? I’m not calling for porn on CBS on Monday nights (but hey, it would show that everybody does love Raymond) but can we please reach the point that semi-nudity is not the end of the world? The thing that really gets me is something I read last week. People are protesting the movie Kinsey. Now, 95% of the population has no idea who Kinsey is. 99% of the population would never have heard about this indie flick. The 1% who would are guys like me who don’t care but go, “Laura Linney is in the film. That’s probably worth seeing.” But the protestors are out in arms because there is a movie about a sex researcher who in the words of one protestor, “Ended the world of Leave it to Beaver and led the way to the depravity of the modern world.”
I hate to break it to the world but Leave it to Beaver was fiction. Didn’t exist, never did exist, never will exist. Life is not like a sitcom, that was always an idealized view of the world. Research didn’t change reality, culture just stopped turning a blind eye to the world. Do you want to know what it was really like in the time of Leave it to Beaver? Separate drinking fountains. Women’s career choices consisting of housewife, teacher, nurse, or stewardess. And there was crime. Look up Leopold and Loeb. Or Charles Starkweather. There are a thousand things wrong with this country right now but I do not want to go back to the fifties.
It does seem like the world is just breaking down around us. I can’t fathom why a guy would go into a shooting rampage over a tree stand. That’s something out of a bad television drama, it can’t be real. But that is all I read about this morning, a guy freaking out and shooting other unarmed hunters. Have we gotten that depraved? Does life mean that little right now?
Maybe the Pacers-Pistons fight does show everything in a nutshell. A hard foul turns into a push. A fan gets upset and throws a beer. Player goes after the fan. All hell breaks loose. Pretty much everyone is at fault. I’ve been upset at games, I’ve heckled, but I’ve never thrown anything and I sure as hell wouldn’t go out on the court to get after a player. What I watched Friday night wasn’t sport, it wasn’t entertainment and it wasn’t escapism. It was a mirror to the world and it’s frightening.
I wonder if I’ve already contradicted myself in this rant. I talk about the hypocrisy of censoring media but then worry about the nature of society right now. I don’t think that they are opposing points. We can’t turn away from what we are today. We can’t sanitize television and hope everything goes away. We need to see the world for what it is, warts and all. And then we need to find the solution. Because I don’t think that we can all move to Australia.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Dream Road Rules Cast
Ok, Super Dave upped the ante again and has now pushed for my dream Road Rules cast. Amazingly, this is a lot tougher than the Real World cast because there are a lot of strong people that I’d like to get in the cast and there are simply not enough parts to go around. Plus, it’s been a little more difficult to do research on this one. Everyone has websites detailing each individual Real World cast but no one does that for Road Rules. Here’s the breakdown.
Challenge: Travel around the U.S./Canada/Mexico doing adventures/challenges and if you succeed at all of them you will win the handsome reward. None of this silly voting people off after you fail a challenge, which turns the show into a bad version of Survivor. I want it to be more of what it was in the first few seasons, which had a lot of cast members bonding as if it truly was one wild road trip, with just a dash of The Amazing Race tossed in.
The cast. First, the guys.
EC: I’m going to be 21 or 22 again in this one. This at least has me at an age before my career ending injuries would disqualify me from rappelling from buildings and the rest of the more extreme stunts. I’ll also need to have gone through a six to nine month session with a personal trainer to bulk up ahead of time. I mean, I didn’t have the gut back then that I do now but I still would need to chisel the body some.
Timmy (RR: USA): The ultimate road trip guy. One of those guys who has that great combination of being laid back and funny but when the competition is on he is as intense as anyone. A guy who lives his life to experience anything to the fullest. Basically, this is the type of guy that I would like to be when I grow up. Two other reasons: 1) He’s had a great post RR career. Was hosting a college sports show on Fox for a while, which essentially consisted of him going to different campuses and joking around with people and now he does a show for the History Channel that has him just going around and doing things like competing in demolition derbies. 2) He pulled off what I consider to be the greatest reality tv moment of all time. He led the Road Rules cast into the Real World Miami house, convinced the Real World cast that they were a cleaning crew, distracted the group long enough to have someone steal the 8 ball from the pool table and got out before getting caught. That was just inspired.
Theo (RR: Maximum Velocity): I have to include the ultimate swamp rat. Every once in a while MTV will include the non-MTV type and Theo fit that bill. From rural Louisiana, here was this tough, brash, naïve guy who had the best side comments to the camera. I also have to give him credit for his humor in every Road Rules/Real World Challenge, especially in the Gauntlet where he ended every sentence with “Holla”. To the point that I started trying to do it without any of the needed coolness.
Special Honorable Mention: Christian (RR: USA): If I wasn’t including me in the cast Christian makes it without a second thought. The kick ass Norwegian who could do any challenge thrown his way, drank all the time, and seemed to enjoy every minute of the event. He’s that type of guy you’d want with you for any project you’d undertake in life, you knew that he could do it and if not at least you would have fun in the process.
And on the female side of the equation…
Emily (RR: USA): Get the sense that I enjoyed the USA cast? Here was a girl from central Illinois, not far away from where I went to school, who was truly doing the “first time I ever went somewhere that I wasn’t on a farm” experience. Sweet, smart, cute as hell, someone you’d want to date on sight. Of course, in the RW/RR challenges it has since been shown that she is tough as nails and completely ruthless, which I think makes me want to date her even more.
Holly (RR: Latin America): I might be one of the few people on the planet who likes Holly, most of the websites I’ve checked out always bad talk her. I thought she was cute and probably the best athlete and toughest competitor that they’ve ever had on the female side of the ledger. There really wasn’t anything that she couldn’t do and she always seemed to be enjoying life. Works for me.
Tara (RR: Northern Trail): This was another of those ultimate RR casts, where everyone seemed to be super cool. I’m a huge fan of anyone who goes into these shows and doesn’t go to start drama or try to make themselves famous. I like the people who are honest and go, “Wow, I get to travel around and not have a real job. This is going to be brilliant.” That was the entire Northern Trail cast and Tara was the best of the bunch.
Honorable mentions: Anne (Northern Trail) for looking exactly like Nancy Kerrigan and Sarah for her role in the RW/RR Gauntlet challenge, which is probably the number two best reality tv moment. Her team sends her to the Gauntlet 4 times hoping that she would lose so that she would be thrown off the team and each time she just keeps on fighting harder and harder and winning. And in her last contest her team suddenly gets behind her and cheering for her as if she is the ultimate MVP. You really couldn’t touch that drama of watching her win one last time and knowing that she proved everyone wrong. Just awesome.
Challenge: Travel around the U.S./Canada/Mexico doing adventures/challenges and if you succeed at all of them you will win the handsome reward. None of this silly voting people off after you fail a challenge, which turns the show into a bad version of Survivor. I want it to be more of what it was in the first few seasons, which had a lot of cast members bonding as if it truly was one wild road trip, with just a dash of The Amazing Race tossed in.
The cast. First, the guys.
EC: I’m going to be 21 or 22 again in this one. This at least has me at an age before my career ending injuries would disqualify me from rappelling from buildings and the rest of the more extreme stunts. I’ll also need to have gone through a six to nine month session with a personal trainer to bulk up ahead of time. I mean, I didn’t have the gut back then that I do now but I still would need to chisel the body some.
Timmy (RR: USA): The ultimate road trip guy. One of those guys who has that great combination of being laid back and funny but when the competition is on he is as intense as anyone. A guy who lives his life to experience anything to the fullest. Basically, this is the type of guy that I would like to be when I grow up. Two other reasons: 1) He’s had a great post RR career. Was hosting a college sports show on Fox for a while, which essentially consisted of him going to different campuses and joking around with people and now he does a show for the History Channel that has him just going around and doing things like competing in demolition derbies. 2) He pulled off what I consider to be the greatest reality tv moment of all time. He led the Road Rules cast into the Real World Miami house, convinced the Real World cast that they were a cleaning crew, distracted the group long enough to have someone steal the 8 ball from the pool table and got out before getting caught. That was just inspired.
Theo (RR: Maximum Velocity): I have to include the ultimate swamp rat. Every once in a while MTV will include the non-MTV type and Theo fit that bill. From rural Louisiana, here was this tough, brash, naïve guy who had the best side comments to the camera. I also have to give him credit for his humor in every Road Rules/Real World Challenge, especially in the Gauntlet where he ended every sentence with “Holla”. To the point that I started trying to do it without any of the needed coolness.
Special Honorable Mention: Christian (RR: USA): If I wasn’t including me in the cast Christian makes it without a second thought. The kick ass Norwegian who could do any challenge thrown his way, drank all the time, and seemed to enjoy every minute of the event. He’s that type of guy you’d want with you for any project you’d undertake in life, you knew that he could do it and if not at least you would have fun in the process.
And on the female side of the equation…
Emily (RR: USA): Get the sense that I enjoyed the USA cast? Here was a girl from central Illinois, not far away from where I went to school, who was truly doing the “first time I ever went somewhere that I wasn’t on a farm” experience. Sweet, smart, cute as hell, someone you’d want to date on sight. Of course, in the RW/RR challenges it has since been shown that she is tough as nails and completely ruthless, which I think makes me want to date her even more.
Holly (RR: Latin America): I might be one of the few people on the planet who likes Holly, most of the websites I’ve checked out always bad talk her. I thought she was cute and probably the best athlete and toughest competitor that they’ve ever had on the female side of the ledger. There really wasn’t anything that she couldn’t do and she always seemed to be enjoying life. Works for me.
Tara (RR: Northern Trail): This was another of those ultimate RR casts, where everyone seemed to be super cool. I’m a huge fan of anyone who goes into these shows and doesn’t go to start drama or try to make themselves famous. I like the people who are honest and go, “Wow, I get to travel around and not have a real job. This is going to be brilliant.” That was the entire Northern Trail cast and Tara was the best of the bunch.
Honorable mentions: Anne (Northern Trail) for looking exactly like Nancy Kerrigan and Sarah for her role in the RW/RR Gauntlet challenge, which is probably the number two best reality tv moment. Her team sends her to the Gauntlet 4 times hoping that she would lose so that she would be thrown off the team and each time she just keeps on fighting harder and harder and winning. And in her last contest her team suddenly gets behind her and cheering for her as if she is the ultimate MVP. You really couldn’t touch that drama of watching her win one last time and knowing that she proved everyone wrong. Just awesome.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Dream Real World Cast
Ok, Super just posed the best question that I’ve been asked in months. Who would be the six people from The Real World that you would most like to live with and have your life taped for the world’s entertainment? Thought about this the entire drive home from work. So, here is my dream season. All cast members are in their prime here at the age they were when the show aired.
Location: New Orleans. (Ok, that won’t be a surprise to anyone.)
Job for the cast: Marketing/working at the House of Blues in the French Quarter. This will be a combination of the Las Vegas work in a casino job with the Seattle work for a radio station job. I’d definitely enjoy it and it will be great dual promotion for MTV.
The Cast. I will follow the official Real World casting rules and have 4 guys, 3 girls, 1 minority and 1 alternative lifestyle.
First the guys.
EC: I’m going to be around 21 or 22, just finishing college and getting ready to become my own man. My role is going to be the naïve Midwestern guy who hasn’t experienced much of the world yet. Yeah, keep your snide comments to yourself.
Dominic (Los Angeles cast): Have to include the chain-smoking, Guinness drinking, always joking Irishman. He just seems like he’d be a blast to hang out and drink with night after night.
Norman (Original New York cast): My alternative lifestyle choice and probably one of the coolest guys who has ever been on the show. He’s in charge of the snide comments, making fun of everyone in the confessionals and keeping the rest of the cast from killing each other.
Teck (Hawaii cast): I have no idea why this guy is not a huge star right now. If there was one person who had breakout stardom written on him it’s this guy. And man, would I want to be wingman for this guy when you go out on a Friday night. He’d bring the attention of the entire place to your table just by his sheer presence. Even I would start to meet people by hanging out with him.
Odds of this group actually being cast together: Pretty strong, maybe around 80%. We cover a lot of the typical characters: naïve Midwestern guy, funny foreign guy, alternative lifestyle guy, and wild party guy. The only thing that we are missing is that classic model/actor type but we can probably survive without it.
Overall view of the group: I think we would set Real World records for the following: most time spent in a bar, most jokes cracked in the confessional, and least number of fights started. Not sure if it would make good television but it would be a blast.
Guys who just missed the cut: Neil from London (a guy I would really want to drink with), Syrus from Boston (overall cool guy), Kevin from the original New York (another smart guy) and Judd from SF (two reasons. 1) He now writes the Green Lantern comic book and 2) he pulled off the ultimate move by getting his castmate Pam to fall for him by having her then boyfriend help him out. It might be the smoothest/cruelest move in the history of television. I mean, just to have it shown on national television how you stole your wife from another guy. That’s priceless.)
And now the girls.
Kat (London cast): No doubt about it at all, she’d be my first pick overall. Smart girl from Washington state, funny as all get out, beautiful, always smiling and laughing, and she was a fencer. There really is nothing that’s not to like about her. Having her on the cast would allow me to also play the smitten Midwestern guy.
Rebecca (Seattle cast): I don’t know if many people remember her. She was the blonde singer in Seattle who actually recorded an album at Sir Mix a Lot’s studio. I always really liked her, was one of the few sane people on that cast. She’d be blast in New Orleans especially.
Julie (Original New York cast): Come on, those of us who are old enough to remember watching the first season kind of have to include her (even though I thought Becky was actually cuter). The young girl from Alabama who goes to New York because she wants to be a dancer? The comedy potential here is off the charts given who else I’ve assembled.
Odds of this group actually being cast together: Very low. I’m missing the insane drunk girl and the bitch. If I have to make a change to suit MTV’s needs then I’d like to replace Julie with Ruthie from the Hawaii cast because we’re going to need at least one more person buying rounds at the bar.
Just missing the cut: Becky from New York (I’m a sucker for a girl with a guitar, I’ll admit it), Jacinda from London (an Australian model, can’t beat that), Sarah from Miami (the skater chick. Probably the least MTV like person ever on the Real World. Thought that she was the only person on that cast that I could stand), and Genesis from Boston (I have no idea why. I just always thought that she was pretty cool).
Everyone, send in your ideas. Am I completely off base here? Did I miss someone? Should I have included the insane chick from the Seattle cast? Have I missed some great talent from recent years? Send in your ideas.
Location: New Orleans. (Ok, that won’t be a surprise to anyone.)
Job for the cast: Marketing/working at the House of Blues in the French Quarter. This will be a combination of the Las Vegas work in a casino job with the Seattle work for a radio station job. I’d definitely enjoy it and it will be great dual promotion for MTV.
The Cast. I will follow the official Real World casting rules and have 4 guys, 3 girls, 1 minority and 1 alternative lifestyle.
First the guys.
EC: I’m going to be around 21 or 22, just finishing college and getting ready to become my own man. My role is going to be the naïve Midwestern guy who hasn’t experienced much of the world yet. Yeah, keep your snide comments to yourself.
Dominic (Los Angeles cast): Have to include the chain-smoking, Guinness drinking, always joking Irishman. He just seems like he’d be a blast to hang out and drink with night after night.
Norman (Original New York cast): My alternative lifestyle choice and probably one of the coolest guys who has ever been on the show. He’s in charge of the snide comments, making fun of everyone in the confessionals and keeping the rest of the cast from killing each other.
Teck (Hawaii cast): I have no idea why this guy is not a huge star right now. If there was one person who had breakout stardom written on him it’s this guy. And man, would I want to be wingman for this guy when you go out on a Friday night. He’d bring the attention of the entire place to your table just by his sheer presence. Even I would start to meet people by hanging out with him.
Odds of this group actually being cast together: Pretty strong, maybe around 80%. We cover a lot of the typical characters: naïve Midwestern guy, funny foreign guy, alternative lifestyle guy, and wild party guy. The only thing that we are missing is that classic model/actor type but we can probably survive without it.
Overall view of the group: I think we would set Real World records for the following: most time spent in a bar, most jokes cracked in the confessional, and least number of fights started. Not sure if it would make good television but it would be a blast.
Guys who just missed the cut: Neil from London (a guy I would really want to drink with), Syrus from Boston (overall cool guy), Kevin from the original New York (another smart guy) and Judd from SF (two reasons. 1) He now writes the Green Lantern comic book and 2) he pulled off the ultimate move by getting his castmate Pam to fall for him by having her then boyfriend help him out. It might be the smoothest/cruelest move in the history of television. I mean, just to have it shown on national television how you stole your wife from another guy. That’s priceless.)
And now the girls.
Kat (London cast): No doubt about it at all, she’d be my first pick overall. Smart girl from Washington state, funny as all get out, beautiful, always smiling and laughing, and she was a fencer. There really is nothing that’s not to like about her. Having her on the cast would allow me to also play the smitten Midwestern guy.
Rebecca (Seattle cast): I don’t know if many people remember her. She was the blonde singer in Seattle who actually recorded an album at Sir Mix a Lot’s studio. I always really liked her, was one of the few sane people on that cast. She’d be blast in New Orleans especially.
Julie (Original New York cast): Come on, those of us who are old enough to remember watching the first season kind of have to include her (even though I thought Becky was actually cuter). The young girl from Alabama who goes to New York because she wants to be a dancer? The comedy potential here is off the charts given who else I’ve assembled.
Odds of this group actually being cast together: Very low. I’m missing the insane drunk girl and the bitch. If I have to make a change to suit MTV’s needs then I’d like to replace Julie with Ruthie from the Hawaii cast because we’re going to need at least one more person buying rounds at the bar.
Just missing the cut: Becky from New York (I’m a sucker for a girl with a guitar, I’ll admit it), Jacinda from London (an Australian model, can’t beat that), Sarah from Miami (the skater chick. Probably the least MTV like person ever on the Real World. Thought that she was the only person on that cast that I could stand), and Genesis from Boston (I have no idea why. I just always thought that she was pretty cool).
Everyone, send in your ideas. Am I completely off base here? Did I miss someone? Should I have included the insane chick from the Seattle cast? Have I missed some great talent from recent years? Send in your ideas.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Unreal realities
Have to take care of some business to start. First, congratulations to Gabriel and Ale on the birth of their son, the newest member of the ND class of 2026. Wow, we really are all becoming adults now. Well, at least all of you are, the only dependent that I could list on my taxes is my Playstation 2.
Second, I kind of neglected to mention that the story I posted yesterday had an ending that even I once said was “sappy enough that it could be used as a pancake topping.” I want to say that I wrote that in 98 or 99, when I was less cynical but a lot more resigned to the unfairness of life. Now I’m pretty sure that I can overcome any obstacle but I’m cynical about the world. I think that means that I am in the exact same place. Anyway, I’ll be posting stuff like that every once in awhile. I have about half a lifetime worth of short stories either on my laptop or lying in folders in my apartment and I’d like to at least see them published in some form in my lifetime and this might be it.
Ok, that’s it for house cleaning. Time for some real observations.
As many of you know I am a reality television addict. Let’s face it, any guy who would have a business school project revolve around correctly predicting the winner of Survivor has definitely lost touch with normality. That said, at the same time I spent 13 of 14 nights at the Backer so I didn’t have much of a baseline of normality to go start with.
I used to be a huge Real World fan but that’s ended in recent years. Once it became a show of endless self promotion, drunkenness, lewd behavior and adult situations I kind of tuned out. Yeah, I’m as confused as you are on that one. I just liked the early shows a lot better. These were people like me, living rent free but having real jobs and a seemingly real life. I’m the only person in the world who liked the London cast, which had both Jacinda (now an actress who never mentions that she was on the show) and Kat (who made my original top 10 perfect mate list, a topic for a blog entry if there ever was one).
But let’s face it, the real reason I stopped identifying with the show is the cast all stayed 19 and I got a lot older. And now watching the show is like hanging out at Kelly’s on a Saturday night, watching the people who are going to a bar for the first time. It’s funny for a while, then it turns kind of sad and you wonder why you are there in the first place.
The thing that kills me now is that being on The Real World is apparently a full time job for years afterwards. You then get to go to the Real World/Road Rules Challenges, where you get to compete against the same people you competed against the year before. Come on, does the Miz actually have a job? Or does he just bank on the twenty grand that he’ll win by being on the show every year? It just kills me because this is the ultimate example of being famous simply because your famous. There’s no actual purpose or even interest, you just know who these people are so you continue to watch the show.
I’ll talk about some of the other shows in the next few weeks. Including my request to be a part of one of the shows. Any of the shows really. Especially Pimp my Ride. I really need 20 inch spinning rims on my Grand Am. That would be awesome.
Second, I kind of neglected to mention that the story I posted yesterday had an ending that even I once said was “sappy enough that it could be used as a pancake topping.” I want to say that I wrote that in 98 or 99, when I was less cynical but a lot more resigned to the unfairness of life. Now I’m pretty sure that I can overcome any obstacle but I’m cynical about the world. I think that means that I am in the exact same place. Anyway, I’ll be posting stuff like that every once in awhile. I have about half a lifetime worth of short stories either on my laptop or lying in folders in my apartment and I’d like to at least see them published in some form in my lifetime and this might be it.
Ok, that’s it for house cleaning. Time for some real observations.
As many of you know I am a reality television addict. Let’s face it, any guy who would have a business school project revolve around correctly predicting the winner of Survivor has definitely lost touch with normality. That said, at the same time I spent 13 of 14 nights at the Backer so I didn’t have much of a baseline of normality to go start with.
I used to be a huge Real World fan but that’s ended in recent years. Once it became a show of endless self promotion, drunkenness, lewd behavior and adult situations I kind of tuned out. Yeah, I’m as confused as you are on that one. I just liked the early shows a lot better. These were people like me, living rent free but having real jobs and a seemingly real life. I’m the only person in the world who liked the London cast, which had both Jacinda (now an actress who never mentions that she was on the show) and Kat (who made my original top 10 perfect mate list, a topic for a blog entry if there ever was one).
But let’s face it, the real reason I stopped identifying with the show is the cast all stayed 19 and I got a lot older. And now watching the show is like hanging out at Kelly’s on a Saturday night, watching the people who are going to a bar for the first time. It’s funny for a while, then it turns kind of sad and you wonder why you are there in the first place.
The thing that kills me now is that being on The Real World is apparently a full time job for years afterwards. You then get to go to the Real World/Road Rules Challenges, where you get to compete against the same people you competed against the year before. Come on, does the Miz actually have a job? Or does he just bank on the twenty grand that he’ll win by being on the show every year? It just kills me because this is the ultimate example of being famous simply because your famous. There’s no actual purpose or even interest, you just know who these people are so you continue to watch the show.
I’ll talk about some of the other shows in the next few weeks. Including my request to be a part of one of the shows. Any of the shows really. Especially Pimp my Ride. I really need 20 inch spinning rims on my Grand Am. That would be awesome.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Famous graves
One of my favorite authors is Pam Houston. If you ever get a chance, search out her book “Cowboys are my Weakness”, it’s probably the best collection of short stories that you are ever going to find. I had the chance once to meet her and listen to her talk about writing. She gave me one of my favorite quotes of all time, “Someone once asked me how much truth is in my fiction and I said, ‘It’s about 75 percent true.’ Now I’ve finished my non-fiction book and people ask me how much truth is in it and I thought for a second and went, ‘About 75 percent.’”
So, this is fiction but there is a hell of a lot of truth in it. And it will be for most (or maybe all) of you, your first introduction to Brian, my literary alter ego. And I’m almost certain this is the first time I’ve ever shown this story to anyone. Think of it what you will.
“What would you like your gravestone to read?”
It was an interesting question, coming from a girl I had only met a week ago. We were walking through Westminster Abbey, just another pair of backpack wearing tourists mulling about the famous graves. We were here, not on a lark, but with the knowledge that this was our last day in London, and our last day together.
“Well, Brian, what would it be?”
She was just someone I ran into on a tour I had convinced myself to join. Just an effort to avoid all of the headaches of travel and force myself to be social. One of those things where you spend a lot of money to be thrown in a bus with a bunch of people you do not know and are forced to spend a lot of time with for your own pleasure. It is like a miniature version of hell, with all of the appropriate claustrophobia and terror of dying far from home.
“This place is just amazing, can you even imagine that we are walking pass the graves of royalty?”
Tina had been one of the few truly interesting people I had even met in my travels. Most had been a little flighty, or down right annoying, but she was down to earth and honest. Or at least had an interest in finding out what happens in other corners of the world. See what the other side has in their medicine cabinets I guess.
“Look, there is the chair where they crown the king. You can even see where people have carved their initials in it, just trying to get their own little piece of immortality.”
We just kept on running into each other, every time we were given time to be on our own we would gravitate to the same places. After a while we just started to go off together, if only to save the embarrassment of meeting each other farther down the line. So, we ended up here, walking the most hallowed ground of England, beaten and battered, wondering what the world would have in store for our future.
“You know,” I said searching the walls for a familiar name, “places like these are all about the past. There is no future here. It’s a time capsule, a place to hold your memories. You see the name and the statue and you remember the person as they were in their prime.”
“It’s neat that way. Look, there is Sir Laurence Olivier...”
“See, now when you look at that what do you imagine. I see this great actor, striding across the stage, bellowing Shakespeare’s greatest lines. Who has a monument over there even though he isn’t buried here. Still, you see Olivier as a young man, and not as an old, over acting guy in a dress in Clash of the Titans.”
“That is a very strange sentiment, Brian. I don’t know if that is what I want to remember you by, raving about actors.”
“I know, it’s just, it’s just.... In a couple of hours you’ll be off to the airport and I’ll walk back to my hotel wondering what would have happened. Wondering if there was some way if we were in the same place at the same time if things might work out and we’d, you know, date, get married, have 2.5 children.”
“Which would never work because, because...”
“Because the stars have aligned against us and we are only going to have a few moments together, not enough to fall in love, not enough to despise each other, just enough to have a sense of wonder about what it might have been. And I just look around here and I see what has been and I just wish that for once I would know what has happened instead of wondering about the possibilities that didn’t.”
“Maybe there is a way, not that we could date or anything. I have a problem with long distance relationships.”
“Same here, they never seem to end correctly do they?”
“More like they never end. But, this place is going to last forever isn’t it?”
“As long as western civilization survives, which may or not be forever, depending on how cynical I feel at the time.”
“Then come over here to this corner and let’s memorizing all the things we can see.” It was just some little edge of poets corner, next to the small stone for old Ben Johnson, with Shakespeare’s gaze looking down upon us, wondering where his body is, and the markers for numerous long lost writers of the greatest stories ever told. “On this spot, on this day, the two of us held each other in our arms and for one moment were together.”
“Without a worry in the world. With no attachments or cares to our previous lives.”
“With no worries about the future, which will take care of itself. Mindful of the past, as we stand in its presence.”
“Knowing, that for as long as this building stands, this memory will be held within its walls, as another secret of the past. And whenever we return, in another life, we will look at this spot and remember with a smile what once was.”
“And all of this is sealed with a kiss.”
We walked for a little while longer when she asked about my gravestone again. I thought, wondering what future generations should know about my noble life. I am still wondering today.
So, this is fiction but there is a hell of a lot of truth in it. And it will be for most (or maybe all) of you, your first introduction to Brian, my literary alter ego. And I’m almost certain this is the first time I’ve ever shown this story to anyone. Think of it what you will.
“What would you like your gravestone to read?”
It was an interesting question, coming from a girl I had only met a week ago. We were walking through Westminster Abbey, just another pair of backpack wearing tourists mulling about the famous graves. We were here, not on a lark, but with the knowledge that this was our last day in London, and our last day together.
“Well, Brian, what would it be?”
She was just someone I ran into on a tour I had convinced myself to join. Just an effort to avoid all of the headaches of travel and force myself to be social. One of those things where you spend a lot of money to be thrown in a bus with a bunch of people you do not know and are forced to spend a lot of time with for your own pleasure. It is like a miniature version of hell, with all of the appropriate claustrophobia and terror of dying far from home.
“This place is just amazing, can you even imagine that we are walking pass the graves of royalty?”
Tina had been one of the few truly interesting people I had even met in my travels. Most had been a little flighty, or down right annoying, but she was down to earth and honest. Or at least had an interest in finding out what happens in other corners of the world. See what the other side has in their medicine cabinets I guess.
“Look, there is the chair where they crown the king. You can even see where people have carved their initials in it, just trying to get their own little piece of immortality.”
We just kept on running into each other, every time we were given time to be on our own we would gravitate to the same places. After a while we just started to go off together, if only to save the embarrassment of meeting each other farther down the line. So, we ended up here, walking the most hallowed ground of England, beaten and battered, wondering what the world would have in store for our future.
“You know,” I said searching the walls for a familiar name, “places like these are all about the past. There is no future here. It’s a time capsule, a place to hold your memories. You see the name and the statue and you remember the person as they were in their prime.”
“It’s neat that way. Look, there is Sir Laurence Olivier...”
“See, now when you look at that what do you imagine. I see this great actor, striding across the stage, bellowing Shakespeare’s greatest lines. Who has a monument over there even though he isn’t buried here. Still, you see Olivier as a young man, and not as an old, over acting guy in a dress in Clash of the Titans.”
“That is a very strange sentiment, Brian. I don’t know if that is what I want to remember you by, raving about actors.”
“I know, it’s just, it’s just.... In a couple of hours you’ll be off to the airport and I’ll walk back to my hotel wondering what would have happened. Wondering if there was some way if we were in the same place at the same time if things might work out and we’d, you know, date, get married, have 2.5 children.”
“Which would never work because, because...”
“Because the stars have aligned against us and we are only going to have a few moments together, not enough to fall in love, not enough to despise each other, just enough to have a sense of wonder about what it might have been. And I just look around here and I see what has been and I just wish that for once I would know what has happened instead of wondering about the possibilities that didn’t.”
“Maybe there is a way, not that we could date or anything. I have a problem with long distance relationships.”
“Same here, they never seem to end correctly do they?”
“More like they never end. But, this place is going to last forever isn’t it?”
“As long as western civilization survives, which may or not be forever, depending on how cynical I feel at the time.”
“Then come over here to this corner and let’s memorizing all the things we can see.” It was just some little edge of poets corner, next to the small stone for old Ben Johnson, with Shakespeare’s gaze looking down upon us, wondering where his body is, and the markers for numerous long lost writers of the greatest stories ever told. “On this spot, on this day, the two of us held each other in our arms and for one moment were together.”
“Without a worry in the world. With no attachments or cares to our previous lives.”
“With no worries about the future, which will take care of itself. Mindful of the past, as we stand in its presence.”
“Knowing, that for as long as this building stands, this memory will be held within its walls, as another secret of the past. And whenever we return, in another life, we will look at this spot and remember with a smile what once was.”
“And all of this is sealed with a kiss.”
We walked for a little while longer when she asked about my gravestone again. I thought, wondering what future generations should know about my noble life. I am still wondering today.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Serving Time
So, today I had the chance to perform my civic duty and try as hard as possible to avoid serving on a jury. Yes, for the first time in my life I was called for jury duty. See, this is what happens when you register to vote. Since none of my candidates won I should be excused for that reason alone. But hey, they’re paying me six bucks a day and it means I won’t be sitting in a cubicle so I figured it’s worth a shot.
Had to think about what the best outfit would be to avoid serving. The NORML shirt with the pot leaf would probably be a little too obvious. My Free James Brown t-shirt might actually be too subtle for a Missouri courtroom. So, I decided to try the “Dress like you’re going to work and hope that a lawyer decides he doesn’t want someone with a job on the jury.”
Went downtown to the courthouse, which is one of those cool early twenties art deco buildings. When I become Trump rich, I’m going to build my headquarters in that old art deco style. Screw sleek and modern, I want a huge mass of concrete with a lot of intricate carvings 50 feet in the air where no one can see them. A building that will last for hundred of years, yeah that would be cool. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I sat down in the jury room and finally got a chance to see what a room of my peers looked like.
Wow, so this is the cross section of society. I think I just received even more encouragement not to commit any crimes while I live in the Kansas City area. Just think of the waiting room at the DMV, except knowing that these people will not only be on the road but having to decide legal matters.
Anyway, sit down and lo and behold a really good looking woman sits down next to me. As in, best looking woman in the room. Cool. The day is looking better already. Listen to the videotaped speech, get my instructions to wait here, and start to get to know the girl next to me. The usual, cracking jokes about the room, figuring out that getting six bucks will actually be a raise for me, that sort of thing. Find out that she’s in her mid twenties (woo hoo), single (woo hoo), a red head (hear that clone?), and has a boyfriend (damnit, damnit, son of a bitch). Yes, that is what my life has become, trying to turn the jury room into a singles bar. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Still, she was a really cool person to sit down and talk to for a while as we waited and waited and waited.
I was actually called on a panel of 50 to go and sit on a criminal case. As I waited for them to bring us up they apparently plea bargained so I never even got to set foot in a courtroom. And that actually bummed me out. I mean, I waited all that time, I actually wanted to have a chance to talk to a lawyer and see what the courtrooms looked like and go through the process. I might (what do I mean might, I do) complain about the administration but I’m still a firm believer in democracy and justice and I wanted to play my part. Instead, it was a day sitting in a room, reading a book on best business practices that my boss wants me to read, and wondering about life some more.
Which I have to say, does beat looking at numbers on a computer screen once again.
“The train from Kansas City is coming into town and there’s nothing that I can do to make it turn around.” Neko Case
Had to think about what the best outfit would be to avoid serving. The NORML shirt with the pot leaf would probably be a little too obvious. My Free James Brown t-shirt might actually be too subtle for a Missouri courtroom. So, I decided to try the “Dress like you’re going to work and hope that a lawyer decides he doesn’t want someone with a job on the jury.”
Went downtown to the courthouse, which is one of those cool early twenties art deco buildings. When I become Trump rich, I’m going to build my headquarters in that old art deco style. Screw sleek and modern, I want a huge mass of concrete with a lot of intricate carvings 50 feet in the air where no one can see them. A building that will last for hundred of years, yeah that would be cool. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I sat down in the jury room and finally got a chance to see what a room of my peers looked like.
Wow, so this is the cross section of society. I think I just received even more encouragement not to commit any crimes while I live in the Kansas City area. Just think of the waiting room at the DMV, except knowing that these people will not only be on the road but having to decide legal matters.
Anyway, sit down and lo and behold a really good looking woman sits down next to me. As in, best looking woman in the room. Cool. The day is looking better already. Listen to the videotaped speech, get my instructions to wait here, and start to get to know the girl next to me. The usual, cracking jokes about the room, figuring out that getting six bucks will actually be a raise for me, that sort of thing. Find out that she’s in her mid twenties (woo hoo), single (woo hoo), a red head (hear that clone?), and has a boyfriend (damnit, damnit, son of a bitch). Yes, that is what my life has become, trying to turn the jury room into a singles bar. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Still, she was a really cool person to sit down and talk to for a while as we waited and waited and waited.
I was actually called on a panel of 50 to go and sit on a criminal case. As I waited for them to bring us up they apparently plea bargained so I never even got to set foot in a courtroom. And that actually bummed me out. I mean, I waited all that time, I actually wanted to have a chance to talk to a lawyer and see what the courtrooms looked like and go through the process. I might (what do I mean might, I do) complain about the administration but I’m still a firm believer in democracy and justice and I wanted to play my part. Instead, it was a day sitting in a room, reading a book on best business practices that my boss wants me to read, and wondering about life some more.
Which I have to say, does beat looking at numbers on a computer screen once again.
“The train from Kansas City is coming into town and there’s nothing that I can do to make it turn around.” Neko Case
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Instructions for my Clone
I've borrowed this idea from Douglas Coupland's book, "Hey Nostradamus!" It's always sounded like a really neat idea to write about so I finally sat down tonight and knocked out a couple of ideas. Expect to see additions over the next few months.
Instructions for my Clone
Hello me. I figure that it is my duty to give you a little advice about what to expect on this planet, given that we share the same DNA and all. As you’ll learn soon enough, trusting yourself is not going to be one of your strong suits but in this case, listen to me. I’m speaking from experience. Anyway, here’s an owner’s manual for yourself.
You’ll start having acne when you start puberty at 12. Don’t worry; your face will clear up when you finish puberty, which will most likely be in your mid-30’s.
Being a writer will become extremely useful once you have a girlfriend. Being a musician will help you get the girls. As a result, learn how to play the guitar. It’s a much more useful skill than having an unfinished novel.
You know, a little exercise every once in a while probably isn’t that bad of an idea.
You’re going to have a weakness for redheads. Pretty much the only solution is going to be moving to Ireland. That’s probably not a bad idea whatsoever.
I have no idea why there will be an affinity towards French actresses. Use it to sound cultured as opposed to being a potential stalker.
When you start playing basketball, start working on your outside shot. Those dreams of being a power forward are never going to materialize. Just stand at the three point line and start firing away, it’s pretty much going to be your only shot.
About the world that you are inheriting. You’re living in a time of religious fanaticism, danger lurking around every corner, high unemployment, crappy economic prospects, no college football playoffs, and an environment that’s on the verge of imminent collapse. Sorry about that.
Oh, and MTV sucks big time for you. It’s not even close to being cool anymore.
But on the bright side, you’ll get to have a Playstation 7. See all the sacrifices that we’ve made for your generation?
On the whole, it is better to experience life in person rather than in digital simulations. And it’s a lot better to have real friends versus digital ones.
People are going to push you towards a career in engineering. You’re going to have a gift for it. Major in something else. Preferably a field that doesn’t consist entirely of white guys with glasses.
Yeah, sorry about the nearsightedness. Go for contacts or laser surgery. You’ll look a lot better without the glasses.
Know right away that the first girl you fall in love with is going to affect the way you look at women for the rest of your life. Choose very wisely.
That said, there will also be a second and a third. So don’t sit there and mope for a year or five when things don’t go your way.
Ok, on the alcohol consumption. You’ll be fine with beer (but then you’ll really need to remember the exercise part). Shots are ok in moderation. Drinking a dozen rum and cokes in a night in 6 different bars? Bad idea.
Actually, just try to avoid drinking with Mexicans. You’ll just end up on the floor at the end of the night.
Places you will need to live in for at least a portion of your life: New Orleans, Austin (Texas or Minnesota), and Dublin.
You know that voice in the back of your head that tells you “Don’t do this because there is a really small chance that it might not work or that someone might view you differently”? Tell it to go to hell. Early and often. Until you never hear it again.
On that point. Screw regret.
Instructions for my Clone
Hello me. I figure that it is my duty to give you a little advice about what to expect on this planet, given that we share the same DNA and all. As you’ll learn soon enough, trusting yourself is not going to be one of your strong suits but in this case, listen to me. I’m speaking from experience. Anyway, here’s an owner’s manual for yourself.
You’ll start having acne when you start puberty at 12. Don’t worry; your face will clear up when you finish puberty, which will most likely be in your mid-30’s.
Being a writer will become extremely useful once you have a girlfriend. Being a musician will help you get the girls. As a result, learn how to play the guitar. It’s a much more useful skill than having an unfinished novel.
You know, a little exercise every once in a while probably isn’t that bad of an idea.
You’re going to have a weakness for redheads. Pretty much the only solution is going to be moving to Ireland. That’s probably not a bad idea whatsoever.
I have no idea why there will be an affinity towards French actresses. Use it to sound cultured as opposed to being a potential stalker.
When you start playing basketball, start working on your outside shot. Those dreams of being a power forward are never going to materialize. Just stand at the three point line and start firing away, it’s pretty much going to be your only shot.
About the world that you are inheriting. You’re living in a time of religious fanaticism, danger lurking around every corner, high unemployment, crappy economic prospects, no college football playoffs, and an environment that’s on the verge of imminent collapse. Sorry about that.
Oh, and MTV sucks big time for you. It’s not even close to being cool anymore.
But on the bright side, you’ll get to have a Playstation 7. See all the sacrifices that we’ve made for your generation?
On the whole, it is better to experience life in person rather than in digital simulations. And it’s a lot better to have real friends versus digital ones.
People are going to push you towards a career in engineering. You’re going to have a gift for it. Major in something else. Preferably a field that doesn’t consist entirely of white guys with glasses.
Yeah, sorry about the nearsightedness. Go for contacts or laser surgery. You’ll look a lot better without the glasses.
Know right away that the first girl you fall in love with is going to affect the way you look at women for the rest of your life. Choose very wisely.
That said, there will also be a second and a third. So don’t sit there and mope for a year or five when things don’t go your way.
Ok, on the alcohol consumption. You’ll be fine with beer (but then you’ll really need to remember the exercise part). Shots are ok in moderation. Drinking a dozen rum and cokes in a night in 6 different bars? Bad idea.
Actually, just try to avoid drinking with Mexicans. You’ll just end up on the floor at the end of the night.
Places you will need to live in for at least a portion of your life: New Orleans, Austin (Texas or Minnesota), and Dublin.
You know that voice in the back of your head that tells you “Don’t do this because there is a really small chance that it might not work or that someone might view you differently”? Tell it to go to hell. Early and often. Until you never hear it again.
On that point. Screw regret.
Friday, November 12, 2004
The Aging of Alternative Nation
Dipping into the archives for this entry. Look, it's a Friday night, even I'm getting ready to go out. Thought this is a good one to post anyway, since this is the best concert review that I've written so far. Expect to see a lot more in this style in the future. Enjoy.
The Aging of Alternative Nation
(Liz Phair, Beaumont Club, Kansas City, MO 11.5.2003)
I turned 30 two months ago. I had convinced myself that it was a meaningless milestone, just another number. I mean, I don’t look any different than I did a few years ago and I’m having more fun now than I’ve had at any other point in my life. Life’s good and I’m still cool and in style. Sure, they’ve stopped carding me at bars and I’ve finished education and moved on towards employment. And there is that unnerving tendency for cashiers to ask if my video game purchase is for my son but I’m still young, right?
Seeing Liz Phair last night answered that question for me. And the answer is one that myself and the rest of the alternative nation have been dreading for years. We’ve gotten old.
(I have some confessions to make before I continue. I am a huge Liz Phair fan and have been from the moment Exile in Guyville broke when I was a sophomore in college. Had her Rolling Stone cover on my dorm room wall, bought everything she ever recorded, and when I made my list of perfect mates (women I would gladly spend the rest of my life with, no questions asked) she made the top five. Plus, she’s from Chicago and there was always that chance I could accidentally meet her. In a sense, Liz has always been like my best friend’s really cool older sister, everpresent but unattainable.)
The separation of fan and music critic and social critic started as soon as I walked into the Beaumont Club. There was a good crowd, especially for a Wednesday night, and everyone seemed really excited. But there was something in the crowd that made everything seem out of place. All the pieces were there, women wearing “Guys make nice pets” shirts, guys wearing retro t-shirts, but they were all on people who just left their offices a few hours ago. Thirty year old former slackers, now content to make a living, returning to the music of their youth. Dressing retro because that’s how they used to dress but having moved on from irony to ennui.
I was as guilty as anyone, wearing a “Murray Grade School Dodgeball Champions” t-shirt that I purchased at Urban Outfitters. A fake memento for a fake school for a fake experience in an attempt for a real emotion.
There has never been a show that has produced such a disconnect within me between the fan and the critic. The fan in me thought it was an excellent show. Starting off with 6’1”, the opening track from her debut album, to show she remembers what started her career. Sampling from all of her albums and playing everyone’s favorites. Sprinkling in songs from her new album, not overloading the show with them but bringing out the best of the bunch. Her voice was not perfect but then again, it never has been. It’s never been about her voice, it’s been about her lyrics and her passion and her emotion. It’s about Liz standing onstage brandishing a guitar and belting, “I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me.” It’s about her requesting the spotlight be taken off of her face and focused somewhere else, like on the bass player or her breasts. It’s about the fact that deep down, every woman in the crowd envisioned herself being her and every guy envisioned himself being with her and that makes for a great show.
The music critic disagrees for one reason and one reason only, the songs don’t fit anymore. It’s why Liz’s new album has done poorly, the songs no longer fit the singer. You can’t sing about the angst of turning 20 when you’re 30. You can’t sing about the horrors of those early relationships, when no one has a clue what they’re doing, after you’ve been married and had a child. And you can’t write new songs trying to harken back to that time. I’ve gotten older, Liz has gotten older, and the material must change as well.
For an encore Liz played Flower, the one song on Exile in Guyville that is most responsible for her fame. Ten years ago it was a brazen sexual expression that stunned even the most jaded Gen X’ers. A cute young girl from Chicago, recording in her bedroom, singing “I want to be your blow job queen.” And when you looked at the cd cover, with Liz’s mouth open and a hint of nipple showing, you believed her. And you wanted every word she said to be true and refer specifically to you. And she knew it and could laugh and say, “Ha, ha, never in a million years, sucker.”
Now, a thirtysomething Liz, her face showing its age beneath the glare of the stagelights, singing the same lines evokes an entirely different reaction. There’s no more shock, no more sniggling laughter in the background, just a line sung by someone who has been a part of your life for the past decade. And it makes you remember when you first heard it and who you were with and it reminds you that those days have long since past.
Give Liz credit, she is the last surviving member of the fabled Chicago scene. Veruca Salt imploded years ago, Urge Overkill went MIA and will only be remembered for a Neil Diamond cover, and Billy Corgan has been reduced to singing “Take me out to the ballgame” at Cubs games. Liz is still out there, still searching for glory. The last one standing for Alternative Nation.
Exile in Guyville is one of the best albums of the 90’s, probably one of the best of all time. Those songs are going to last forever. They are songs written by a woman taking control of her life at the moment when life becomes an ocean of possibilities. They are songs of relationships and heartache and sex and longing and every single emotion that runs through your head when you are twenty years old. As long as people are young, as long as guys screw up relationships and women try to find themselves these songs will survive. Liz Phair’s songs will have meaning for years to come.
Sadly, they won’t have meaning when Liz sings them anymore.
The Aging of Alternative Nation
(Liz Phair, Beaumont Club, Kansas City, MO 11.5.2003)
I turned 30 two months ago. I had convinced myself that it was a meaningless milestone, just another number. I mean, I don’t look any different than I did a few years ago and I’m having more fun now than I’ve had at any other point in my life. Life’s good and I’m still cool and in style. Sure, they’ve stopped carding me at bars and I’ve finished education and moved on towards employment. And there is that unnerving tendency for cashiers to ask if my video game purchase is for my son but I’m still young, right?
Seeing Liz Phair last night answered that question for me. And the answer is one that myself and the rest of the alternative nation have been dreading for years. We’ve gotten old.
(I have some confessions to make before I continue. I am a huge Liz Phair fan and have been from the moment Exile in Guyville broke when I was a sophomore in college. Had her Rolling Stone cover on my dorm room wall, bought everything she ever recorded, and when I made my list of perfect mates (women I would gladly spend the rest of my life with, no questions asked) she made the top five. Plus, she’s from Chicago and there was always that chance I could accidentally meet her. In a sense, Liz has always been like my best friend’s really cool older sister, everpresent but unattainable.)
The separation of fan and music critic and social critic started as soon as I walked into the Beaumont Club. There was a good crowd, especially for a Wednesday night, and everyone seemed really excited. But there was something in the crowd that made everything seem out of place. All the pieces were there, women wearing “Guys make nice pets” shirts, guys wearing retro t-shirts, but they were all on people who just left their offices a few hours ago. Thirty year old former slackers, now content to make a living, returning to the music of their youth. Dressing retro because that’s how they used to dress but having moved on from irony to ennui.
I was as guilty as anyone, wearing a “Murray Grade School Dodgeball Champions” t-shirt that I purchased at Urban Outfitters. A fake memento for a fake school for a fake experience in an attempt for a real emotion.
There has never been a show that has produced such a disconnect within me between the fan and the critic. The fan in me thought it was an excellent show. Starting off with 6’1”, the opening track from her debut album, to show she remembers what started her career. Sampling from all of her albums and playing everyone’s favorites. Sprinkling in songs from her new album, not overloading the show with them but bringing out the best of the bunch. Her voice was not perfect but then again, it never has been. It’s never been about her voice, it’s been about her lyrics and her passion and her emotion. It’s about Liz standing onstage brandishing a guitar and belting, “I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me.” It’s about her requesting the spotlight be taken off of her face and focused somewhere else, like on the bass player or her breasts. It’s about the fact that deep down, every woman in the crowd envisioned herself being her and every guy envisioned himself being with her and that makes for a great show.
The music critic disagrees for one reason and one reason only, the songs don’t fit anymore. It’s why Liz’s new album has done poorly, the songs no longer fit the singer. You can’t sing about the angst of turning 20 when you’re 30. You can’t sing about the horrors of those early relationships, when no one has a clue what they’re doing, after you’ve been married and had a child. And you can’t write new songs trying to harken back to that time. I’ve gotten older, Liz has gotten older, and the material must change as well.
For an encore Liz played Flower, the one song on Exile in Guyville that is most responsible for her fame. Ten years ago it was a brazen sexual expression that stunned even the most jaded Gen X’ers. A cute young girl from Chicago, recording in her bedroom, singing “I want to be your blow job queen.” And when you looked at the cd cover, with Liz’s mouth open and a hint of nipple showing, you believed her. And you wanted every word she said to be true and refer specifically to you. And she knew it and could laugh and say, “Ha, ha, never in a million years, sucker.”
Now, a thirtysomething Liz, her face showing its age beneath the glare of the stagelights, singing the same lines evokes an entirely different reaction. There’s no more shock, no more sniggling laughter in the background, just a line sung by someone who has been a part of your life for the past decade. And it makes you remember when you first heard it and who you were with and it reminds you that those days have long since past.
Give Liz credit, she is the last surviving member of the fabled Chicago scene. Veruca Salt imploded years ago, Urge Overkill went MIA and will only be remembered for a Neil Diamond cover, and Billy Corgan has been reduced to singing “Take me out to the ballgame” at Cubs games. Liz is still out there, still searching for glory. The last one standing for Alternative Nation.
Exile in Guyville is one of the best albums of the 90’s, probably one of the best of all time. Those songs are going to last forever. They are songs written by a woman taking control of her life at the moment when life becomes an ocean of possibilities. They are songs of relationships and heartache and sex and longing and every single emotion that runs through your head when you are twenty years old. As long as people are young, as long as guys screw up relationships and women try to find themselves these songs will survive. Liz Phair’s songs will have meaning for years to come.
Sadly, they won’t have meaning when Liz sings them anymore.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Crowd Control
As a lot of people know, my life tends to revolve around concerts. It didn't always use to be this way but since moving out here to the great city on the plains I find myself going out more and more often to see a band. Sometimes I've listened to every note they've ever recorded. Other times all I know about them is based on one paragraph that I've read in the paper. But I always tend to be either the oldest person in the audience or the youngest person in the audience.
Case in point, watching Howie Day last week I was the oldest guy in front of the stage by a good five years. It's easy to tell that's the case when you're the only one drinking and everyone else looks like they should be studying for their trigonometry exam. But even though everyone around me is going, "Wow, my first rock concert", it's not a bad experience. They tend to be enthusiastic and loud but they're having fun. They might do something stupid but at least they don't know any better.
The Neville Brothers show was a different beast all together. A much older crowd with everyone drinking. And maybe I'm just a music snob, but I have a hell of a time enjoying a show when I'm surrounded by drunk 50 year olds. It would be like being out getting drunk with your parents and watching them dance on the bar. Sure, it's funny but you can't help thinking in the back of your mind, "My god, don't you know how stupid you look out there."
(This is admittedly a music snob point. As Jack Ingram said in concert once, "You've paid your money to see me do something that I'd do for free. You can do whatever the hell you want." But he also said, "But remember, you've paid your money to have a good time so if someone is ruining it for you, feel free to let them know.")
So, I'm going to start listing concert behaviors that drive me nuts. First one is the guy who brings a camera to a show. And I'm not talking one of those small digital ones or even better a camera phone, which I recommend that everyone have and use on a daily basis. I'm talking about cameras that have massive flashes and should be set up on a tripod. When these guys take pictures it's like watching a show with a constant strobe light. The bands hate it, the crowd hates it, and I can never understand just why it is so important to have a picture of the band on stage. So, please to all of those people out there, just stop. Buy the cd, there are probably a lot of pictures in there.
"Yellow moon, yellow moon, why you keep peeking in my window" Neville Brothers
Case in point, watching Howie Day last week I was the oldest guy in front of the stage by a good five years. It's easy to tell that's the case when you're the only one drinking and everyone else looks like they should be studying for their trigonometry exam. But even though everyone around me is going, "Wow, my first rock concert", it's not a bad experience. They tend to be enthusiastic and loud but they're having fun. They might do something stupid but at least they don't know any better.
The Neville Brothers show was a different beast all together. A much older crowd with everyone drinking. And maybe I'm just a music snob, but I have a hell of a time enjoying a show when I'm surrounded by drunk 50 year olds. It would be like being out getting drunk with your parents and watching them dance on the bar. Sure, it's funny but you can't help thinking in the back of your mind, "My god, don't you know how stupid you look out there."
(This is admittedly a music snob point. As Jack Ingram said in concert once, "You've paid your money to see me do something that I'd do for free. You can do whatever the hell you want." But he also said, "But remember, you've paid your money to have a good time so if someone is ruining it for you, feel free to let them know.")
So, I'm going to start listing concert behaviors that drive me nuts. First one is the guy who brings a camera to a show. And I'm not talking one of those small digital ones or even better a camera phone, which I recommend that everyone have and use on a daily basis. I'm talking about cameras that have massive flashes and should be set up on a tripod. When these guys take pictures it's like watching a show with a constant strobe light. The bands hate it, the crowd hates it, and I can never understand just why it is so important to have a picture of the band on stage. So, please to all of those people out there, just stop. Buy the cd, there are probably a lot of pictures in there.
"Yellow moon, yellow moon, why you keep peeking in my window" Neville Brothers
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Possible follow-up songs for one hit wonders
I didn't write these (unless they're funny and then they're originals). Enjoy
"How Are We Going to Get These Dogs Back In?"
"Bust an Additional Move"
"Seriously, Eileen, Come On"
"(Won't You Give Me a Ride Home From) Funkytown"
"Remember When You Lit Up My Life? That Was Great"
"I Will Now Pass The Dutchie Back to You and Thank You for Passing It to Me Originally Becuase I Really Enjoyed the Dutchie"
"The Morning That the Lights Came Back On in Georgia"
"Everybody was Kung Fu Making Up"
"Whoomp! There It Continues to Be"
"867-5309, Extension 2"
"We Never Took It and Persist in Our Refusal to Take It"
(Taken from the book "Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans")
"How Are We Going to Get These Dogs Back In?"
"Bust an Additional Move"
"Seriously, Eileen, Come On"
"(Won't You Give Me a Ride Home From) Funkytown"
"Remember When You Lit Up My Life? That Was Great"
"I Will Now Pass The Dutchie Back to You and Thank You for Passing It to Me Originally Becuase I Really Enjoyed the Dutchie"
"The Morning That the Lights Came Back On in Georgia"
"Everybody was Kung Fu Making Up"
"Whoomp! There It Continues to Be"
"867-5309, Extension 2"
"We Never Took It and Persist in Our Refusal to Take It"
(Taken from the book "Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans")
Here we go
Finally, after much deliberation, delay and just plain procrastination I have finally started my blog. Now, there are a number of you out there wondering just why in the world am I doing this. Or more accurately asking, “What is up with this guy to think that anyone on this planet cares about what he has to say about anything?” For the people who are thinking that, you are free to hit back on your browser and ignore everything that I write from this moment out. But for those of you who would like to spend a few minutes a day reading about my skewed perspective of the world and hopefully having a few laughs in the process, welcome.
As any good MBA student knows, you need to have concrete and measurable goals and this project is no exception. So, here is what I am going to try to do with this little corner of cyberspace.
(1) Daily updates composed of whatever interests me at the moment. Sometimes it’s going to be a discussion of something I saw while driving to work. Or musing on a phrase overheard at a bar. There will be reviews of bands you’ve never heard of and of television shows that you would never admit to watching. And occasionally I’ll break out a story from my archives or from another source. Some of this will be funny, some might be thought provoking, and who knows, every leap year I might even write something that could be considered insightful.
(2) Have people actually read this. That’s kind of important, otherwise I’m just singing to an empty room. So, for those of you who will actually bookmark this site I thank you in advance.
(3) Have people I don’t know actually read this. Humor me for a moment, but I would like to think that I might one day write something cool enough that you go, “Hey, I’ve got to email this link to my buddy.” Which leads into…
(4) Finally do something significant so that I’m not lying when I say that I’m a writer. That’s been my dream for as long as I remember. To actually write something that people read, that means something to them, and that might in a small way make a difference on this world. Sure, my career path has always taken me away from this dream but maybe writing in here everyday will help me to recharge my creative batteries and inspire me to finally write my novel (which actually has to be written by 9/2008 but that’s another story).
It’s going to take me a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things so bear with me while I work the kinks out of the system. All I ask is that you give me a chance to see if this is a good idea. Worst case, it’s like sitting next to me at the bar late at night when I won’t stop talking. Best case, it’s like sitting next to me at the bar late at night and I’m buying. Either way, it’ll be like being at the Backer and lets face it, that is where we would all rather be right now. Ready? Let’s go. Quo Vadimus.
“All of this is but a dream. Still let us examine it with a few experiments.” Michael Faraday
As any good MBA student knows, you need to have concrete and measurable goals and this project is no exception. So, here is what I am going to try to do with this little corner of cyberspace.
(1) Daily updates composed of whatever interests me at the moment. Sometimes it’s going to be a discussion of something I saw while driving to work. Or musing on a phrase overheard at a bar. There will be reviews of bands you’ve never heard of and of television shows that you would never admit to watching. And occasionally I’ll break out a story from my archives or from another source. Some of this will be funny, some might be thought provoking, and who knows, every leap year I might even write something that could be considered insightful.
(2) Have people actually read this. That’s kind of important, otherwise I’m just singing to an empty room. So, for those of you who will actually bookmark this site I thank you in advance.
(3) Have people I don’t know actually read this. Humor me for a moment, but I would like to think that I might one day write something cool enough that you go, “Hey, I’ve got to email this link to my buddy.” Which leads into…
(4) Finally do something significant so that I’m not lying when I say that I’m a writer. That’s been my dream for as long as I remember. To actually write something that people read, that means something to them, and that might in a small way make a difference on this world. Sure, my career path has always taken me away from this dream but maybe writing in here everyday will help me to recharge my creative batteries and inspire me to finally write my novel (which actually has to be written by 9/2008 but that’s another story).
It’s going to take me a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things so bear with me while I work the kinks out of the system. All I ask is that you give me a chance to see if this is a good idea. Worst case, it’s like sitting next to me at the bar late at night when I won’t stop talking. Best case, it’s like sitting next to me at the bar late at night and I’m buying. Either way, it’ll be like being at the Backer and lets face it, that is where we would all rather be right now. Ready? Let’s go. Quo Vadimus.
“All of this is but a dream. Still let us examine it with a few experiments.” Michael Faraday
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