DDP Yoga: The best workout you are not doing

(Sorry, keyboard got a little dusty there. It always seems to whenever I watch that video.)

Let's set the stage here a little. Over the past few years (not coincidentally since Kim and I have been together) I have tried to get in better shape. I tried fitness through video games (EA Active for the Wii got me in shape for my wedding), worked out with trainers but nothing really seemed to stick. The video games were weird and finding time for the trainers was a huge challenge especially given my constant travel. I never tried any workout DVDs mainly because nothing I saw seemed focused towards my needs. P90X and Insanity both seemed to be directed towards people who were already in shape. I have a bad shoulder and a bad hip and was never an athlete in my life. I looked at those workouts and knew that there was no way that I could start at that level.

I knew of Diamond Dallas Page from my years of watching wrestling and heard that he had become a motivational speaker and was doing yoga. The fact that I can tell you the post wrestling careers of many wrestlers (Paul Orndorff owned a bowling alley for a while) as well as their real names gives a sense of my intensity from the wrestling side. When the above video went viral though I realized that I had to give DDP yoga a try. There is no way you can watch that video without being inspired to get off your ass and work out. If Arthur can do that using DDP yoga it has to have something to it. So for our anniversary Kim got me the DVD set.

I am on week eight of the program and I am just thrilled so far. First off, any exercise program that you stick with for eight weeks is a good one. It is so easy to get tired of a routine, expecially when you are doing the same workout for the fifth or sixth time, and just quit. Somehow, DDP makes the workouts interesting with a good level of energy. Plus, all you need is a yoga mat and the will to complete the workout.

The workout themselves are a mix of traditional yoga and more traditional exercises. Yesterday I mentioned how yoga has a learning curve but DDP makes it easy by starting out with clear examples of each move and changing some of the names to either a) make them clearer (raising your hands over your head is Touchdown) or b) make a bad pro wrestling pun (Warrior poses are now Road Warrior poses but without the face paint). You start out with relatively easy routines with plenty of options to make them easier or harder. That is a great thing as I really feel that anyone could get started with this program. Today I did the introductory workout again and I was impressed by the challenge still but happy that it had become much easier. Typically you do a lot of lunge related moves, some dynamic resistance, and then a lot of core work.

Over time you get into harder workouts. Right now I've maxed out at the Diamond Cutter workout, which is 50 minutes of hell. One of the hallmarks of the rountine are slow count push ups. You hold yourself in a plank for a three count, then lower down on a three count, hold low for a three count and when your arms are burning like mad you push back up on a three count. In this workout you do more of those than you can imagine. While the entire workout is no impact you never stop working so it is great for cardio. You'll sweat, you'll be tired but you never feel as though you are about to hurt yourself. After eight weeks I have definitely become more flexible and I feel stronger. I don't have six pack abs but at least I feel like I have abs, which is an accomplishment in and of itself.

I don't expect that this workout will turn me into a star athlete but I don't expect it to do so. But it gets me off my ass and I can do the workout wherever I find myself that day. As I said before, the best workout is the one that you actually do. I really recommend giving DDP Yoga a try. It is a great gateway into yoga and workouts in general and if you stick with it you will see results.

Yoga: Threat or menace?

(Before I start I want to give a shout out to Davey's Uptown Ramblers Club for getting a shout out in Esquire's Best Bars in America list for being the best dive bar in the Kansas City area. I spent many a night there thanks to the owner's great taste in booking bands and the ambience provided by a bar that dates to Prohibition that also just happened to be across the street from an adult bookstore. It was like music, alcohol and porn all on one corner. They also named Harry's Country Club as one of the best bars and though I drank there several times I am so loyal to Harry's Bar and Tables that I am using this only to bring up the fact that Kansas City is the type of town that has two different bars named Harry's. Creativity was never a strong suit in the heartland.)

Anyway, so a few years ago back when I was posting regularly I listed my New Year's resolutions and crowdsourced one of the resolutions. The winner was that I would try yoga that year. And I did, if Wii yoga technically counts as yoga. I did a tree pose on several occasions so that should count as yoga. But while that is a start to yoga it really isn't a full experience.

After Kim and I got married we started to go to yoga classes together. This was a really good experience as working out for an hour together was a good way to work out the stress at the end of a week. It also helped to show how poor my flexibility is and the fact that I can't balance on one leg to save my life. But I have to admit that I had three significant problems with my yoga classes.

1) I was the only guy in the room. For years I would not consider that to be a problem. Hell, it isn't even the first time I was in that situation. I've been in writers' groups where I am the only guy (and the only person not writing cat mysteries) and while it is a weird experience it can be rewarding. Plus, I was with Kim so at least I wasn't truly on my own. However, there is no way to be the only guy in a room of women working out without coming off like a bit of a creep. Especially when you are the out of shape guy in the back who keeps on falling down. Plus, when the teacher said "This move will really help you look good in a bikini" my response of "Hey!" was not really appreciated.

2) Yoga classes start with the expectation that you know what you are doing: Everything in yoga has a name and for the life of me I have no idea what any of them are. I had a great teacher for the class but they are always referring to their left when they are using their right and would then say things like "now walk the dog" and "go into crocodile and then push up into down dog" and I am trying to simultaneously look up at the teacher to see what am I supposed to be doing, look down because by looking at the teacher it looks like I am staring at the women in the room, and falling over because apparently I am supposed to be able to lift my leg over my head backwards. The learning curve for me was something fierce.

3) There was always a spiritual element that I was never comfortable with: The class that Kim and I took was a really cardio focused yoga so it was much more a workout than anything else. That said, at the end you still found yourself lying on a mat with your eyes closed being told to find your center and let yourself melt into your mat. This at a moment when I would really appreciate toweling off, having some water and getting on with the rest of my day. I appreciate the idea of meditation and I have done it in the past. I just like my workouts to be my workouts.

But for the past eight weeks I have been trying a different type of yoga and I have been loving every minute of it. This is the best exercise program that I have come across in years. So tomorrow I will provide my review of DDP Yoga. Because if you are going to do yoga why not do one promoted by an aging, slightly well known retired professional wrestler?

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so

In order to get started on the weight loss resolution I did get back into the exercise mode today by doing my twenty minutes of yoga. Two things of note. It is really sad when twenty minutes of yoga, which includes two minutes of just standing still and breathing deeply, leaves me completely out of breath. Also, I am extremely upset that the Warrior pose does not involve my grabbing the ring ropes and shaking them up and down repeatedly. Complete false advertising there by the yoga establishment if you ask me.

Strangest thing that I read all day: The Johnson and Johnson heiress who died at 30 yesterday was the fiancée of Tila Tequila. Now it is difficult enough to logically comprehend a sentence that includes heiress, fiancée and Tila Tequila. Then add in the fact that even though 90 percent of my life is pop culture even I didn’t know about this engagement, relationship or the fact that there was a Johnson and Johnson heir out there. Want to hear something even worse? Tila was twittering about this as she was dying. Because remember kids, heartfelt grief is best expressed in 140 characters or less.

A few more reality show notes to pass along. I did watch part of the premiere episode of this season of The Biggest Loser. The first episode is always kind of a mixed bag as I can feel happy that all the contestants are heavier than me while knowing that at least one hour of the show is going to be devoted to contestants crying about their weight. By the end of the show I have to watch contestants in better shape than I am while I cry about being a fat slob. Have to admit the show does have a very noticeable progression throughout the season. What still bothers me about the show is that every single person on the show needs to lose weight and within the first hour four people had been booted off the ranch. That is rather cruel. You go through this entire tryout period where you admit that you are obese and need help and once you finally get there you are sent home and given a pint of Ben and Jerry’s as a parting gift. No show is that cruel.

Well, except for the Bachelor though I did not watch that season premiere. Ooh, the bachelor is a pilot, which is great because that means he will never be home. Never got into this show though I am so hoping for a second season of More to Love. It is the perfect merger of the Bachelor and The Biggest Loser. (Oh, and Luke and Tali from More to Love are no longer together. What a surprise. I told him he should have chosen Mandy.)

12th Best Album of the Decade: The Frames “Burn the Maps” (2005): I don’t think I have to say anything more about my fandom of Glen Hansard and The Frames. It’s bombastic Irish rock in the best possible way. Even a song like Keepsake, which is about leaving your house, breaking the key in the lock, and setting the whole place on fire. The raw energy in these songs is just amazing. Probably my favorite band of the decade.